Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

And no one forgets that better than you.

But you dance purty.

Dance, monkey! DAAAAAAAAANCE!!!

I Made a Wrong Turn Near Inyokern

Those naughty wrong turns. I would like to take a moment to apologize to anyone named Sarah Goodman who I thought might be our Dread Zombie Princess, Ashterah, or Sarah Rose.

I missed one turn and wound up at an incorrect address, and for that I am sorry.

Faildox-2The thing that I missed is that the SCA member who, on Facebook, calls herself Sarah Rose, who in the SCA refers to herself as Syele von Dampach, also took part in SCA when she lived in California, in the Kingdom of Caid. Inyokern is smack dab in the middle of the Kingdom of Caid, where young Sarah ******* was born on a warm day in September, 19xx.

And there she lived and grew (and HOW!) according to her old blog,


Let me quote.

“Thursday, September 07, 2006
Happy birthday to me!
Tomorrow is my birthday. And my body has decided to give me a present – 41 pounds lost since surgery! Whoo-hoo! I am so not going to complain about this. This means that I’m down to 274. I haven’t been this size since Thing Two was about a year old. I just need to keep it up. And when the hell are the clothes sizes going to start going down? Aaagh! I’ll take the poundage lost, though.”

Well. Sarah lived in California until early this year, according to Then she was off to Reidsville, NC where, to this day, SARAH R. ******, using the same avatar as she uses as Ashterah, her middle name being “Rose,” which gives her a much classier name when she Facebooks as Syele von Dampach, And her birthdate even matches!

Sarah P. ******

xxx **** St

**********, NC xxxxx

DOB: September 8, 19xx (xx years old)

So, again my apologies to anyone named Sarah Goodman. I was wrong, and for that I am contrite as can be.

Nobody should be wrongfully compared to Sarah Rose ******.


Now, if you will recall, Sarah and I had a lovely conversation back in June when she thought I was George Howell. She revealed the real name of “Paul Krendler.”

So, Dread Pirate Zombie Princess Morgana, Ashterah, Sheeple Rage, or whoever the hell else you are…


Don’t you think it’s time to drop the curtain on this little matinee?

I do.



Oh, Dear!

What will DUMBFUCK do if it gets TWO TWEETS?

More to the point, how will that enhance the STERLING REPUTATION?

And are “Famiies” what you regret alienating when you’ve had to much Johnnie Waker Red?



Of course it meant to do that. Five days of non-stop monkey dancing all because I took my blog private?

That was its plan all along, don’t you see?  DUMBFUCK was so thoroughly convinced that I am Lynn Thomas that it convinced ME that I am Lynn Thomas, and that’s why I ducked for cover so fast! It makes perfect sense…if you’re a DUMBFUCK.

Those of you with memories unclouded by mayonnaise and Johnnie Walker may recall that back on September 28th, the DUMBFUCK saw fit to post a little Top 10 list of things he done but never got caught doing.  #1, a needless cheap shot at Lynn Thomas, is particularly noteworthy for my purposes.

Prior to impending deletion by Mr. I NEVER DELETE TWEETS, YOU LIAR, it could be found at

Now, this tweet is saved for posterity at

10-12-2015 1-54-47 PM10-12-2015 1-53-43 PM

The following day, September 29th, our friend BusPassOffice made note of this same series of Tweets in this comment at Hogewash!

A few days pass.  DUMBFUCK continues his toothless insults of yours truly.  If he ever found a button to push that worked, he’d be awfully impressive to behold.  Until that day…


The monkey must dance.

Then on October 9th, probably after polishing off another liter of Johnnie (I suppose if a DUMBFUCK can’t remember what it tweeted out 11 short days prior, it probably also doesn’t remember all the times that it has called Stacy McCain an alcoholic either), it re-read the first part of the comment by BPO.  Two lonely brain cells in its noggin canyon must have accidentally bounced off one another and BOOM! a realization.

“I’ve only been harassing Krendler.  I never said anything about Lynn Thomas.  EPWJ (BPO is too many letters to remember) says I harassed Lynn Thomas.  Therefore, Lynn Thomas is Krendler!  Internet Investigator Journalist Does It Again!!! Take that, Johnny Atsign!”

So what to do?  What to do?

Podcast, of course.

The October 9 podcast makes much hay out of BPOEPWJ’s “mistake.” (Which, as we all know, is actually DUMBFUCK’S mistake)  Suddenly, DJ DUMBFUCK thinks it knows who Krendler is, for about the sixth time. And it is wrong, for the sixth time (Actually the fifth time, but we’ll get to that later).

So the podcast covers two main topics.  First is EPWJ’s epic error which put the intrepid newshound back on the trail of Paul Krendler.  Which led it to speculate in its implausibly deniable fashion that perhaps Paul Krendler and Lynn Thomas are somehow linked!

Nope.  Sorry.  Wrong again. (Which is actually poor phrasing – to say “wrong again” implies that there was a moment, however miniscule and insignificant, during which DUMBFUCK was correct about something.  So I should say STILL WRONG AND NEVER YET CLOSE.)

The second topic is a rehash of the Team Kimberlin muckraking of Lynn Thomas, courtesy of Bunny Boy Unread.  Being a Matt Osborne fantasy, there’s really nothing interesting in it, except to hear DUMBFUCK reading aloud in its halting, hesitant cadence, rich with an eight-year-old’s confidence.

The one notable admission that it made came at 1:20:40 in the podcast, when he said, “Wait a minute – Eric Johnson said that I had been harassing Lynn Thomas, and I haven’t mentioned the woman’s name in over a year. The only person I know of, that could claim harassment…would be…the Zombie.  Is Paul Krendler…actually Lynn Martin?”

Lynn Martin?

Does DUMBFUCK have a stalking target that we don’t know about?  Does it have a creepy thing for the former Secretary of Labor?

I’m just asking questions…

But of course the truly interesting admission in that quote is this:  “I haven’t mentioned the woman’s name in over a year.”

We know that isn’t true.

10-14-2015 11-44-47 AM

@dirtyschnitzel has been around for…what? A month? That’s more than a year in DUMBFUCK time, isn’t it?

Wotta DUMBFUCK. And when the comments started appearing here noting the epic mistake that DUMBFUCK had made, I seized the opportunity.

I took this place private.  I set several (not all – not by a long shot) zombie Twitter accounts to private.

Can you say “gaslighting?”  I knew that you could.

Did DUMBFUCK fall down my rabbit hole?  No, he did not.

He screamed “COWABUNGA!!” and dove in headfirst.

I communicated through back channels what I had done and why:

10-14-2015 10-40-06 AMELSEWHERE, I put it like this:

10-14-2015 10-40-33 AM

And did DUMBFUCK go apeshit?  You be the judge.

Here’s a link to its Twitter TL going all the way back to October 2.

Now, why was I able to so quickly get the nutshuffler to start nutshuffling?  It’s quite simple, really.  Every reader remembers when DUMBFUCK published a post recommending that nothing it writes can be counted upon to be true, and everything should be taken with a grain of salt.

Maybe this post is what it was remembering when it said it hadn’t written a word about Lynn Thomas in over a year.

It was wrong then, it has been wrong every other time, and because demons only know a few simple tricks, it has begun to repeat itself.  I suppose Eric Schultz and Mathew C. Ryan (with one ‘t’) will be floating back to the top soon.

But for now, we must face the simple fact of the matter.

DUMBFUCK, you have been played. Again.  You’ve been played so hard that even “DUMBFUCK” falls short as a means of describing just how much you’ve been played.  I’ve seen “Playstation” tossed out there, and it’s close, but frankly you looked more like an old mutt falling for the fake throw, over and over and over and over.  You were played so hard that some of us, when we stopped laughing long enough to catch our breath and take a drink of water, even felt a little sorry for you.

Not me, of course.  But some.  A few. Well…one. I think.

You don’t really inspire much sympathy.  I mean, even a dumb mutt gets wise eventually.

People tried to warn you.  But, no.  Dave was going to give it all away. Even the team poodle Wee Willie went all in.  We tried to tell you to hit the brakes, but you’re man enough to handle Dead Man’s Curve, aren’t you?

Tell me.  How’s the view from the flaming wreck at the bottom of the ravine?

And now you have to save face.  Because none of this is your fault!  You can’t be bothered to check facts, or even remember that you fucked up with this very same faux Krendler over a year ago!  There’s lies to publish!

You know, I understand that someone calling himself Roy Schmalfeldt has accused you of rape.  If I recall correctly, you filed a lawsuit over that.  You called it, and I quote:

“42.  Co-defendant “Roy Schmalfeldt placed plaintiff in a false light and invaded his privacy with his libelous assertion that plaintiff had ‘raped a person I loved.’

And then you dismissed that lawsuit with prejudice.  You do know what it means to dismiss a lawsuit with prejudice, don’t you, Mister ACME LAW EXPERT?

DISMISSAL WITH PREJUDICE. When a case is dismissed for good reason and the plaintiff is barred from bringing an action on the same claim.

Don’t want to be called a rapist?  Should have finished that fight when you had the chance.  Too bad you had to flee the jurisdiction like the weeping vagina you are.  You may be able to rely on the indulgence of better angels than me to ask for decorum, but if you had

  • skin thicker than a Trojan;
  • the manhood to not go Bowling For Butthurt; or
  • one single ounce of self-control…

you’d be a much happier DUMBFUCK.

And I would be a much sadder Zombie.  Because the dancing that filled the last week would end.  Oh, it was so lovely to watch.  And all I had to do to get it rolling was put up a “Gone Fishing” sign.

It was beautiful.

Let’s do it again soon.

Okay?  Deal.

Be well.


Welcome to DUMBFUCK Academy!

Where you too can learn to be beaten like a dog’s balls and get your chained yanked several times a day as a bonus!

With your instructor, Foghorn Leghorn.


Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!


Children, hunker down for some good advice from you old Uncle Paul.  As you can see from the example, self-hatred can be a very ugly thing.  It can rot your soul away faster than a kidney ripening in the summer sunshine.

But you know what’s worse? Self-enforced lack of self-awareness.  In simpler terms , more understandable to children, this is also known as “Mommy! Make Sarah Stop Hitting Me Back!” Syndrome.

If you don’t want to see it out there…  

…don’t put it out there.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!


  1. How many parts of speech are there?
  2. What are the capitals of all the states bordered by the Mississippi River?
  3. How much money would you have if you invested $6500 for 4 years, 8 months and 12 days at 8 per cent interest?
  4. The United States exists in how many time zones?
  5. In the recognized canonical James Bond films, how many actors have portrayed M?
  6. What is the gravitational constant on planet Earth?  What speed is recognized as “escape velocity?”
  7. In the case of an Electoral College  tie, how many votes are required in the Senate to elect a President? 
  8. Who sang “I Fought The Law (And The Law Won)?”
  9. How many listeners makes a podcast “successful?”
  10. How many marathons must a person finish to be considered “successful?”

UPDATE – No answers having been forthcoming during the last 5 hours, I declare this test over, and I rule that DUMBFUCK has been tested, and found wanting.




So titled because morning is done in some places, and nearly so in others…

GMDF 7-13-15


Fixed that for ya.  DUMBFUCK.