FAILDOX – A How-To Guide

When you commence to faildox someone, it’s always best to start with an assumption that can’t be proved.  A couple examples:

  • A commenter identifying himself by two letters must be using HIS OWN INITIALS, and not someone else’s.
  • A commenter identifying himself by two letters must be using his FIRST and LAST initials, and ONLY IN THAT ORDER. He cannot use a FIRST and MIDDLE initial, or a MIDDLE and LAST initial, and certainly not in reverse order.  That’s just simply against the rules.
  • Sonoran Conservative can only mean he’s from Sonora, California, and not
    • Sonora, Ohio
    • Sonora, North Dakota
    • Sonora, New York
    • Sonora, Missouri
    • Sonora Mississippi
    • Sonora, Kentucky
    • Sonora, Arkansas,
    • Sonora, Arizona
    • Sonora Texas
    • Sonora, Canada
    • Or any of the 5 Sonoras scattered across Mexico.
  • “I started high school at the end of the Carter administration” can only mean 1980. It surely can’t be 1979.
  • Even if 1980 is correct, it absolutely MUST follow that a student starting in 1980 CAN ONLY graduate in 1984. No high school student has ever been held back a year. Nor has any high school student ever been sick or injured and failed to graduate with his class. And even though I know several people from my college who whizzed through high school in just three years, that couldn’t possibly be the case here. Oh, and if I remember correctly, there were still three-year high schools that started with 10th grade in various parts of the country back in 1980. But none of these things could have happened.  That would require due diligence that hotshot investigative reporters just don’t have time for.
  • Here’s another fun thought…was Sonora Union High School the ONLY high school serving that community in 1980? What were the residency boundaries?  If an “MJ” did live in the Sonoma, CA area (again, a very large and unproven assumption), how does one prove that he or she was the only such “MJ” who did, much less prove that – even if there was only one – this person didn’t attend another nearby high school?

By the way, YOU LARDASS, BEETUSJUICE-DRIPPING DUMBFUCK – when you redact information from a document…REDACT IT EVERYWHERE.  Coulter. You are responsible for me knowing that.

Now, I have no doubt that there is a Michael David Jackson who pled guilty in Pierce County, Washington, to raping his stepdaughters.  The evidence is clear and compelling.  Nearly as compelling as the evidence that Brett Kimberlin is the Speedway Bomber, and that he slept with his wife when she was underage.

I also have no doubt that the commenter MJ is Sonoran Conservative.  Not only have I proven it for myself, Sonoran Conservative has admitted that he comments under both handles.

Here’s what’s missing:

Even one scintilla of proof that Michael David Jackson has ever commented on Hogewash!, Thinking Man’s Zombie or BillySez. 

To make that connection, you ASSUMED, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative was from Sonora California, rather than Arizona, Arkansas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, New York, North Dakota, Ohio, Canada or any of five towns in Mexico.

Then you doubled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative attended Sonora Union High School.

Then, you trebled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative started at this school in 1980.

Then, you quadrupled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative graduated from high school in 1984.

Then, you quintupled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative aka MJ actually has a first name that starts with M and a last name that starts with J.

To summarize…

You can say that Sonoran Conservative = MJ
And you can say that David Michael Jackson = Child Rapist

But your conclusion that MJ = David Michael Jackson springs not from facts but from at least five separate proof-deficient assumptions.

  1. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative was ever from Sonora, California…you can only shout it.
  2. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative ever attended Sonora Union High School…you can only shout it.
  3. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative started high school ANYWHERE in 1980…you can only shout it.
  4. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative graduated high school ANYWHERE in 1984…you can only shout it.
  5. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative has a first name that starts with M and a last name that starts with J…you can only shout it.

Every fact that follows from those assumptions pertains to Michael David Jackson.  Not a single fact connects him to Sonoran Conservative. In legal parlance, the connections you have drawn from these false assumptions – and they are false – are “Fruit of the poisoned tree.”

Also – and you’re gonna love this – it’s defamation per se! You know…”Falsely accusing someone of a crime?” Yeah, you did that.

And the consequences of that failure will be GLORIOUS to see.

  • Blogs will vanish
  • Tweets will vanish
  • Accounts will go private, then be deleted and REBRANDED!!!
  • Tears will fall from sad cheeks
  • Butts will hurt



P.S. Con Man 101 – when your mark wants to be told a particular lie (“my fax machine just rang!”), TELL HIM THAT LIE.


And in case you wondered, EVERYTHING is already archived, so it’s a waste of time to memory-hole your defamation.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

27 thoughts on “FAILDOX – A How-To Guide”

    1. And a truly awesome fisking of epic proportions.

      Even if my ASCII is fouled.

  1. This is all brilliant. You can add another thought: Sonoran may have nothing to do with a physical location. Just looking at the Wikipedia page for Sonora points out that while the name is connected with several locations (such as a reef off Washington state and a river in Mexico) it is also associated with music, at least one car and a genus of snakes and another of beetles. There are a trio of US Navy ships that have born the name as well as a college. There's even a diet called the Sonora diet.

    It's not like this is a particularly unique name.

  2. Damnit! You probably spoiled the lulz for me! I was so looking forward to the 10th restraining order special followed by someone who had no clue who Mr Fakinsons was beating the shit out of him (in court of course).

    Now he will just rebrand and deny 3 times.

  3. HZIC –

    What a true and brutal depiction of events.

    The Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt: New and (not) Improved with a Slimy Sow Sidekick helping feed his delusions. *smfh*

  4. Shakey will continue f*cking that dead horse FailDox for at least a few more days.

    It has exactly what he wants, someone with a horrible crime in their past.

    That there is no real connection between SonCon and this other person is immaterial to Shakey.

    That he can't prove without wild leaps to conclusions any connection is immaterial to Shakey

    All he cares about is smearing someone who said things about him he didnt like, and if he gets his TENTH restraining order in the process, oh well.

    Failure is all that Fat Bastard has and knows.

    1. At this stage, that might be a step up from where they are at. Just sayin'.

  5. I case anybody's missed it, MJ is running rings around Bill on twitter. OH THE BREADCRUMBS!!!!

  6. Lordy. Accusations without proof - even with contrary information - and your intended victim is supposed to refute them? That's how you get your mac sold at a sheriff sale, or restraining orders, or handcuffs, or the triple crown.

  7. And all because he was sore about his new hotel room being posted. He sure didn't care about being viewed in, uh, dishabille.

  8. Bad logic and worse investigation is not gaslighting.

    Phone, train

    God, but Bill Schmalfeldt is the world's stupidest man.

  9. Hey Bill, has the excess fat taken over what little brain capacity have?

    Did you ever consider that MJ could simply be a short form for M(whatever) Junior. RPTFLMAO . (and he isn't from Canada because I know all the MJ's in Canada)

    Rather than fail doxxing, spend the time doing exercises to try and tighten up that excess moob skin that your inflate-a-mates' picture shows making a run for it down your sides. It looks like you have 2 shar peis stuck under your arms.


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