How Can You Tell When The Cabin Boy™ Is Lying?

Luckily, you don’t have to. At any given time, the Deranged Cyberstalker is either asleep or not.

If he is asleep, then he is lying on his bed.

If he is not asleep, then he is lying on the Internet.

How many times has he told us that he’s done with Lee Stranahan, that he’s apologized and moved on?


This is what a psycho stalker does when he has moved on.

This is what a serial doxing psycho stalker means when he says he just wants to be left alone:


Don’t worry. There’s no one here stupid enough to do that.

But you just keep right on hoping, okay?  In the meantime, the pointing and laughing will continue unabated.


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

126 thoughts on “How Can You Tell When The Cabin Boy™ Is Lying?”

  1. Bill Schmalfeldt ‏@ParkinsonPundit 9m9 minutes ago
    That sounds like a threat, David.

    I understand why sometimes you cry out and beg and taunt someone, anyone, to come hurt you.

    Each of us is given challenges and tests in life by the God that you deny. Your test has been to endure life as you and come to the end with the best result you can manage. You know how that test is working out. We can see how that test is proceeding.

    The stress of enduring being you combined with the fact that you know its not going very well at all and doesn't look like its going to get any better makes you want it over sooner rather than later.

    You lack the strength, physically and mentally, to do what you wish for so you appeal to someone, anyone, to come to your aid. But you have alienated everyone, each of them in unique and disgusting ways, and so they will have nothing to do with you.

    There is no release, You still have the chance to change. You should take it or rue the day of your final irrevocable failure.

    1. Bill Schmalfeldt doesn't backpedal. He just deletes his twitter account of the day and moves on to the next faildoxing. It's all he has in life. Nothing productive, just faildoxing.

  2. Once again, the lack of self-awareness is stunning:

    Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit
    Anything to escape the dreary reality of a filthy home, no future, just poverty and squalor. If the profile fits, wear it "Howard."

    Go change your shirt Bill, it's a new month.

  3. Soon will be the "I have spoken with xxx and he seems a decent enough fellow. I informed him that someone is trying to assume his identity. We have even become fast friends and will exchange Kwanzaa gifts this year."

    Wait for it....

  4. Good news everyone! BS finally had self-awareness!

    "The typical keyboard kommando, a failure at life, pretending to be somebody (actually, several people) on the interwebs."

    I never thought he'd admit to it, with all his failed pursuits, limited talent, sockpuppets, and so on. Admitting it is the first step. Good for you!

    [receives note]

    Oh, he is apparently referring to someone else and NOT himself. Oh well, seemed too good to be true.

  5. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 4m 4 minutes ago
    If anyone is in touch with "nottherealbill" please contact him, tell him to check his gmail account. The story goes live at 1pm ET.

    I realize your pathological narcissism won't allow you to understand this, but there's nobody around, except me (and I'm on IR). We aren't like you, forever hitting F5 waiting for something to happen. For God's sake get over yourself.

  6. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 5m 5 minutes ago
    Howard Earl is officially irrelevant.

    Oh, I don't believe that he is, William. He'll be living in your head when you're on your deathbed. I think we all know that.

  7. Bill Schmalfeldt
    Howard Earl is an irrelevant pig. Being filthy for the sake of being filthy is neither shocking nor amusing.

    Excuse me once again,


    Yes, the man who loving wrote about sodomizing boy scouts and spent what must have been days looking through the right gay pornography to put Ali Akbar's head on has the most delicate of sensibilities.

    1. And Howard went from being irrelevant to getting new tweets directed at him in less than 30 minutes.

      Rent free.

  8. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 6m 6 minutes ago
    I'll try to keep you boys and girls in the loop. But this time, I caught one of you red handed.

    Yes, just like all the other times that went nowhere.

    And what "substantial emotional distress" have you endured, William? You keep saying that none of this matters to you.

    Are you going to lie to the police?

      1. Dear Mommy Judge Hollander,


        Your friend with his name on his clothes,

        William M. Schmalfeldt

  9. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 3m 3 minutes ago
    Someone sends a comment to my blog, using his own e-mail address, it checks out, he threatens "another gift"? Yeah. I got this one.

    Because nobody has ever punked Bill before.

    1. Someon needs to send him a t-shirt from John's store. Team Lickspittle or Res Judicata in size "Omar the Tentmaker" would be appropriate, d'ya think?

      1. But, but ... that won't have his own name on it. When William wears clothes that aren't imprinted with his name, he misspells it in court papers.

        Worse, he might start thinking his name is "Res Judicata."

      2. Neal -

        So you're saying he might start blowing off court appearances for Bill Schmalfeldt?

        That would be so... precedented...

  10. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 2m 2 minutes ago
    In Massachusetts, harassment is a criminal, not a civil offense. I imaging Hoge and Krendler will have to give up his comment IP addresses.

    You imagine any number of thing, William. The mentally ill are widely noted for that.

  11. This will be William's what, fourth communication with the authorities this week?

    They're going to start thinking that he's a crazy cat lady.

  12. BTW, Inspector.

    I'm sure Chris Heather is awaiting your sincerest of apologies.

    Please proffer one, soonest.

    Man up. Do the right thing.

  13. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 3m 3 minutes ago
    As I have neither e-mailed nor commented on Hoge's blog, I am surprised to find that Hoge filed a petition for contempt against me.

    Contempt. That explains his doxfest today.

    1. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 3m 3 minutes ago
      To sum up, Hoge wants me to be found in contempt because I commented on Aaron Walker's "fat joke" and provided a link to it. Let it sink in.

      People who are subject to multiple restraining orders are usually on short leashes.

      Sucks to be you, doesn't it Willy?

    2. Now we get to witness the phases of a Bill Schmalfeldt meltdown, which ends with him deleting his twitter account of the day. Time to place bets.

  14. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 8m 8 minutes ago
    ...lawsuit settlement agreement, since that's what the link was for -- whatever. Just... good God. For posting a LINK to his BLOG???

    The nature of the violation doesn't matter, nor does the reason you had to violate the order. It just matters that you did. You just couldn't ignore Hoge, could you?

    1. Shhh Perry, I believe that he was telling us about someone being "caught red-handed."

  15. Let's recap, shall we?

    William's being prancing about all week telling us how John and Paul should be waiting for a knock on the door from law enforcement.

    But, from the sound of things, someone else just got a knock. A knock bearing a summons, even!

    Gail must be so proud of her man this afternoon.

    Look on the bright side, William. Maybe they'll sew your name on your prison jumper.

    1. It is inevitable with this guy. He has a long history of this type of stupidity. Trust me. I know.

  16. My recommendation, Shakey, is that you dump that container of shit on your living room floor (not that you could tell the difference) and step in it.

    Seems that's what you did anyway.

  17. In a trailer park somewhere on the outskirts of Elkridge, windows are being rattled by a blood-curdling scream of "HHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

    This might be the first time in my life that I wish I was in a trailer park. This might be the most hysterical thing ever.

    Good work and excellent timing, Mr. Hoge. You got him just as he was gloating about catching folks red-handed. Bravo!

    1. And these are the times that the Sea Hag is most at risk for fresh Irish Sunglasses. Please don't beat her again, Shakey.

      Decent people everywhere IMPLORE you.

  18. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 7m 7 minutes ago
    They've crossed the line from stupidity to willful evil.

    Sounds like Bill's parkinson's is going to start acting up.


  19. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 3m 3 minutes ago
    They've crossed the line from stupidity to willful evil.

    Again, William? You might be going to jail for contempt. Surely you can come up with something more original.

    But you were telling us about others facing the bar of justice in the near future. Do go on.

  20. Can any of you lawyers out there tell us if contempt of court in a civil matter is a criminal infraction?

    1. I can't speak to Maryland law, but violation of a civil peace order is criminal contempt in most jurisdictions. And given William's history in Maryland, Arizona and Illinois, including filing frivolous orders and no-showing at the hearings, I believe that the court might just take a dim view of this.

      I trust that the old boy has a toiletries bag handy.

      1. Maybe we can help him with ideas for packing his bags. Here's mine. Soap on a rope, Shakey, soap on a rope.

      2. And to think that my all-time favorite television show, "Oz", was set in Maryland.

        William's going to need a lot of cigarettes to avoid getting shanked, especially with his attitude.

        We should all chip in and buy him a tin cup that he can rattle against the bars. I was going to suggest a harmonica, but thought better of it. Kimberlin can get him an electric guitar.


    2. It at least some jurisdictions, its both. Some states have a specific criminal or penal code sections prohibiting violating court orders, and any court has an inherent authority to issue civil sanctions for violating its orders (those sanctions can include imprisonment, but that is an extreme measure.) In general, a State's or District Attorney's office is only going to file a criminal complaint for behavior that is particularly dangerous (a domestic violence or child custody order, for instance.) In most cases, requests for criminal charges will be declined by the prosecution with a suggestion that the protected party request an order to show cause from the issuing judge.

  21. Speaking of apologies, I just found this oldish (hey, it's a week old and still up, not quite a record...) tweet.

    ParkinsonPundit Dec 06, 1:19pm via Twitter Web Client
    That goes for EVERYONE who has ever said on Hoge or Krendler's blog that I'm wrong about @embryriddlealum or @alumembryriddle being Heather.

    So, when is Chris Heather going to get that apology? After all the crap Bill has piled on over the last year of so, it should, at a very minimum, be handwritten, and accompanied by a very large peace offering from Edible Arrangements or the like.

      1. Excellent suggestion. I do seem to recall that part of his demands in his abortive lawsuit against 8 of us this spring was that we were to publish a full page retraction in the NYTimes. Given how much worse (and longer) the crap he's been throwing at Mr. Heather is, that too should be part of any apology.

      2. Wasn't it a retraction, which he had full editorial control over? So, you know, everyone knew it was sincere honest and from the heart? OK he may not have demanded editorial control, but editorial approval works out the same...

  22. The best part is that William really didn't seem to see this coming. He's been busy thundering about for two weeks about bringing vengeance, and the last 24 hours harassing people on the telephone and gloating about it on Twitter, and he expected no pushback at all.

    I thought I previously knew the precise dimensions of William's arrogance and stupidity. I'm not ashamed to tell you all that I was wrong. He's so much dimmer than I thought.

    Who would like to wager that he's already thrown his rolly-walker against a wall and fallen down? Anyone?

  23. What a shame that Inspector Jiggles is going to be preoccupied with his latest, "entanglement."

    I was so looking forward to the Muhamed Ali ninnininja squad kicking in the door of my hovel in Mesa and taking out my junkie skank old lady.

    I'm bummed now....

  24. The Bill Schmalfeldt Philosophy:

    "Be as annoying as humanly possible, doing evil deeds and saying evil things, until the retribution stops."

    How much more simple could it be?

    1. It couldn't be working better for him thus far.

      Here's another bet. Within the next 48 hours, William gets so beside himself with fury and stupidity that he starts @mentioning John.

    1. Shouldn't he be getting a bill for his little adventure before the Illinois court soon?

      Gail is going to love cutting that check.

      1. The sign couldn't be any clearer over the last week, Shakey.

        You suck at this.
        Every aspect of this.

        It's time for you to say bye, bye to the interwebz.

  25. Is there anything better than a feldtdown where Willy tries to talk himself into believing that he isn't really in trouble?

    So much psychosis, so little time.

      1. Let's help William look forward to his future surroundings, shall we?

        But William's so good at making friends that I'm sure that none of that will befall him.

        On the other hand, this might bring back sweet, sweet memories.

  26. Would somebody draw me a frigging Schmeltchart on who is being doxed as whom and for what reason(I know - poor word choice). Someone is jumpingdancing around mighty fast to be so slow.

    1. I am now some loser scumbag with a junkie skank old lady in Mesa, Arizona.

      No apology as of yet to his victim, Chris Heather,

      Keep hope alive.

  27. But there's a bright side. William's love life might pick up some ....

  28. Let's compare and contrast, shall we?

    William from two hours ago, when the legal repercussion electronic communications applied to him;

    "If someone links to something you’ve posted on your blog, your blogging platform will typically send the owner of the linked-to blog something called a “pingback.” Usually, it’s a good thing. Unless someone files a petition for contempt over it.

    But, who actually SENDS the pingback?

    Let’s say I want you to know that there is a fine selection of CDs and MP3 downloads to be found on this website:

    Now, have I CONTACTED the owner of that website? No, I have not. I linked to the blog, as is proper and ethical.

    Now, I will post this, and I will finish this post when what happens, happens,"

    Then there was William from two hours before that, when electronic communications applied o someone else;

    What a difference two hours can make, no?

  29. Bill Schmalfeldt

    Well, you were just so smarter than everyone else that you wouldn't listen. And this isn't the first time that pingbacks have been an issue with you, have they William?

    I wonder if the record of your previous 366 order peace order violations will be admissible in this hearing? I bet they will be.

    I'd get lawyer if I were you, and I'd strive to shut the fuck up. But you know better, don't you, William?

    Having FUN yet, laddie? All we have is FUN!

  30. I wonder why Bill seems to think that an impending birthday is a reason why he shouldn't have to face any legal consequences for his actions? I'm sure that he wouldn't accept that reason from anybody else!

      1. So true. Anyone else deserves everything coming to them and more. Bill is a coward who thinks himself special, so if he can't come up with a good excuse, he'll come up with profoundly silly ones.

    1. Because he's ever so special, and the rules don't apply to him. Don't you SEE, Dim Girl? FOCUS!

      God, this is fun.

    2. Deagol, give it to me, it is my Birthday. - Smeagol

      Yeah, that one worked out well, too, didn't it?

      1. I hadn't even thought it through that far. It was just that I could suddenly hear "What does it have in it's pocketses?" as Bill yet again demanded to know something he had no right or need to know, while showing off his incredible doxing skills. Though at least this time he didn't have the flow chart without any "no" options, nor a request for someone to validate his logic.

  31. Bill Schmalfeldt
    Never in my life have I known a person so ANXIOUS to PUNISH someone for imaginary crimes. As if a PINGBACK is HARASSMENT!!!

    I'm so sorry this keeps happening ...


    William really hasn't been paying attention to himself, has he? Oh, sweet Jesus, the irony is delicious!

    But do go ahead, William. Keep making your case in public. That should work out beautifully for you.

    1. And, in the present circumstance, they face the very real possibility of being violated themselves.

      Sometimes you fuck the tranny. Other times you are the tranny.

      It's the Circle of Life, Simba!

  32. "A pingback is not direct contact. It is not indirect contact."

    Sorry, Jiggles. You don't get to decide that. The judge that you will be standing in front of has that chore.

    And I'm sure there will be many people that will ensure His Honor knows the entirety of your body of "work."

    Poor, Admiral. He has to keep up appearances, you know. WINK, WINK.

  33. Bill Schmalfeldt @ParkinsonPundit · 21s 22 seconds ago
    It boggles the mind. A peace order he lied to me in order to obtain. Now he wants me in jail because WordPress blogs talk to each other.

    I guess the "significant emotional distress" got to him....

    And let's quit pretending that John lied to you, William. That got old months ago.

    You were told that that if you were a good dog and went off into your corner with your tail beween your legs that John wouldn't turn the hose on you. Within days, you decided to push those boundaries, both on Twitter and your numerous unread books. Subsequent events demonstrate what a bad strategy that turned out to be.

    You see, m'lad, you beg for crucifixion, only to complain about the view from your cross. Don't get me wrong, I adore you for it, but it hasn't worked out especially well for you.

      1. Something just occurred to me. William has been shouting for months about how he'd like to have John on the stand and demand answers from him. Now he has that opportunity, and he's upset by it?

        I guess a girl has a right to change her mind, after all.

  34. Bill Schmalfeldt tweeted: "Never in my life have I known a person so ANXIOUS to PUNISH someone for imaginary crimes."


    Bill Schmalfeldt, the miserable prick who time and time again has accused others of crimes and complained to authorities WITHOUT PROBABLE CAUSE?

    Bill Schmalfeldt, the smarmy holier-than-thou fuck'tard who endlessly lectures his betters on legal issues beyond his grasp, prognosticating doom and incarceration for those whose only actual crime is calling him on his endless bullshit?

    Bill Schmafeldt, the drain-bramaged seventh-stage victim of Parkinson's (Did we mention Bill Schmalfeldt has Parkinson's Disease?) who previously avoided hundreds of criminal counts because his arch-nemesis [foolishly] took pity on him and raised no objection to mediation rather than charges being filed?

    So, REALLY? He's gonna complain that after endless provocations, someone he's harassed for YEARS has finally lost their sense of humor?

    I'm not sure if it's a symptom of his mental issues, but Bill Schmalfeldt has often displayed an utter lack of comprehension or concern for the feelings and motivations of other human beings. He "asks nicely," and is shocked and dismayed that people he's called vile names suddenly aren't bending over backwards to assist him. Even to my layperson's eye, that's classic sociopathic behavior.

    BTW, some of Bill Schmafelt's actions over the last few days shocked me. Not because they were vile and despicable, though indeed they were... But because they seemed to me to cross the line into criminal behavior, knowing what I know of the orders against him and the law in general. I suspect (but shan't comment about) that what Bill Schmalfeldt shall be held accountable for is far more serious than a pingback.

    Bill Schmafeldt needs to quit whining about where his actions have taken him, and start altering his behavior to conform to the law and common decency.

  35. Bill Schmalfeldt
    @Harada_no_hime He did try to say using his name after a # was contact. This bastard wants me in jail or dead and he won't stop.

    You're Killing Me Bill hath returned! He walks among us again!

    Can I get a Hallelujah?

    1. You're Killing Me Bill is, pardon the pun, like Lazarus, arisen from the dead and walking among us again. His emergence from the crypt is all the evidence anyone needs that William knows that he's fucked.

      And why not? After weeks of his strutting about how everyone was going to jail - the last one being just three hours ago - the only one in possession of a criminal summons is .... William.

      How did I know it was going to end this way?

      1. Yet I can sit in my hovel in Mesa, Arizona with my junkie skank wife at my feet and fear no recrimination from the bastion of decency, Inspector Jiggles?

        Doesn't seem fair, does it?

  36. Bill Schmalfeldt tweeted: "The linked-to blog has the opportunity to say yes or no."

    Oh. Looks like Bill understood that linking to Mr. Hoge's blog would result in a contact.

    Sucks to be him.

      1. There's no need to drag the Bible into this ugliness. A Godzilla reference will do just fine.

        Or Monty Python's "Black Knight" sketch.

    1. Just like a twitter account holder can block communications with another account. However, noting how many twitter handles Bill has had (multiples at one time, even), it's much easier to tell the person behind the account(s) to stop contacting you.

      Ensuring that BS does not contact Hoge is not Hoge's problem.

      This stuff is easy. Now who is [redacted] meant to be?

  37. Geez, "pick a name to use for your online pseudonym from your local phone book"! Why didn't I think of that? Send all the emails and comments you want from your blind cut-out email account and the IP tracks right into the same 2-3 mile radius served by the local ISP as the name you assumed. I gotta do it that way next time.

    1. Gee, why didn't someone think of this sooner? Imagine the trouble you could stir up if you found some credulous moron......

  38. "It boggles the mind."

    Schmalfeldt's entire existence can be summed up in these 5 syllables.

  39. This is only a theory of mine, and only one person here knows how it will turn out, but I suspect that things will get much more dire for Boy William.

    You see, William, in his flights of fantastic hubris, stated as a fact that Patrick Grady is Paul Krendler, yet he continued contacting @brainsrfood even after the stalking order was brought down in Cook County.

    It seems to me that, at that point, whether Krendler is Grady or not is immaterial. It only matters that William thinks he is, and violated the court order, anyway.

    How this ends up, it seems to me, depends on how charitable a soul Mr. Grady turns out to be.

    Despite the fact that B.B King recorded a pretty incredible live album there, I've read terrible, terrible things about the Cook County Jail.

    1. I have my suspicions that by this point in the proceedings, Mr. Grady is not going to be anywhere near as charitable as Mr. Hoge has been. I know I wouldn't in I was in his shoes.

  40. A public service announcement for Admiral Adjudicated Harasser...

  41. John has held back a lot of the stuff he has on BS, I think primarily out of Christian charity.

    1. I believe that he's now of a mind that the days of Christian charity are well and truly over.

      One can only try to pray a bug away for long before one reaches for the fly-swatter and can of Raid.

      I could be wrong, but I think negotiated settlements are now a thing of the past. More significantly, I think William knows that, too.

      On the other hand, William's stupidity and arrogance are literally endless. The only time he was humble enough to hire a lawyer, he lacked the humility to listen to his paid advice and just ... shut ... up.

    2. Then, with all due respect and recognition that Mr. Hoge has suffered actual damage from Bill Schmalfeldt's actions, rather than my purely psychic... Mr. Hoge needs to eschew the New Testament's charity and go with some Old Testament WRATH.

      1. Remember, even the New Testament has some wrath; Jesus wasn't exactly Mr. Nice Guy with the money changers in the temple. And I think it could be argued that holding someone to account for their breaking earthly laws could be considered merely rendering unto Caesar.

        1. There's no need to bring the Good Book into this swamp, when a good Godzilla reference will do. Or Monty Pyton's Black Knight sketch.

      2. Sowing and reaping the same as, more than, later than you reap. Mr. Hoge is merely the agent of that harvest.

  42. Wow.

    Once again Schmalfeldt steps in it...and once again he is blaming someone else.

    For the love of God Cabin Boy™, take the advice from your past lawyer and just keep quiet until it is over. You'll really stop digging the hole deeper.

    You can actually form an argument without sharing it with twitter first. Don't be as has been have the right to remain silent but not the ability to do so.

  43. In my humble opinion, Mr. Hoge should have had this conversation with William some time ago,

    Having said that, it's hard to fault a man for being too nice.

  44. Far be it from me to assume that I'm KimberlinUnmasked's art director, but I do I have an idea worth considering.

    Panel one: Shows the picture of William from two weekends ago, cross-eyed and bleeding from the noggin, with a thought bubble that says, "Soon Hoge and Krendler will hear a knock at their doors, and I will be I - Bill Schmalfeldt - bringing them justice!"

    Panel two: William being roughly sodomized behind bars, as he grunts "They didn't win. They LIED to put me here!"

    1. It would be worth it just to see him complain about being depicted in a submissive homosexualist position, after having done so to others.

      Also, I should have mentioned that his bitch-tits should be swinging in the second panel.


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