ADDENDUM: ADDENDA are usually “added” at “the end,” but I put it “up” at the top because I’m edgy and creative like that. Plus I get to think about getting something “added” “up” “the end,” which is something I have “sorely” missed since I left the Navy.


For over two years now, the weak, grey-skinned booger eaters I call friends have stood by and laughed at me (literally! My “excellent chauffeur” was independently witnessed snickering up his sleeve while I was stomping my little grapes in a Peace Order modification hearing last year.) while I have tried to fight back against the friends and allies of the phantoms I have been chasing these last many years. I have been begging for them to “come get me,” because I’m tired of being nothing save the “butt” of everyone’s jokes, yet here I sit, un-got. Does no one understand when I beg people to come and kill me that I am absolutely serious? That I can no longer stand the thought of facing another day of surfing the internet in search of the daily ignominies visited upon me? That I lack the willpower, as always, to take responsibility for myself and do what must be done? CAN’T YOU PEOPLE READ BETWEEN THE GODDAMN LINES AND FIGURE OUT I NEED SOMEONE TO KILL ME TO FINALLY MAKE ME THE VICTIM I’VE TRIED SO HARD AND FAILED TO MAKE MYSELF?!?!!?

would someone please just put me out of this misery? please?

Want to impress me? Come to my house and open my neck with a utility knife. Please. Show the kind of balls that I don’t have. My wife has owned the coin purse for over a year in more ways than one. I’m so weak, so useless, I can’t do anything but pretend I’m funny, and nobody even believes that anymore. And now I have to go and pull it all down off the web or else it will taint (*snerk*) my legacy FOREVER. Can you imagine if your last conscious thought was complete and total understanding of what a failure your life had been, but even worse, knowing that the evidence of it had been immortalized in cyberspace FOR ALL TIME?

Please, God, won’t you send some Judas to seal my fate?

And now it’s time for lunch. Footlongs and mayo, with crusty booger flakes (if I close my eyes I can almost imagine they’re like those crunchy things you get at Long John Silver’s) on the side and extra funky, I mean chunky, chocolate chip cookies that my wife has been making almost constantly over the last month. I like them fine, but I never see her eating them. Strange.


Got an e-mail this morning from a friend of mine. I wanted to congratulate me on my strategy. “Good idea,” I wrote. “Pull the same trick Hoge pulled. Say I’m not going, then show up and lower the boom.”

I replied. “I am not WJJ Hoge. I wear diapers. I have no integrity, courage or sense of smell. No one sits within 10 feet of me if they can avoid it. If I say I am going to do something, I do it unless it becomes clear that I’m going to look like a fool. If I say I will talk with Patrick Grady under oath on Friday, I will be hiding under my bed weeping instead. If I say ‘come and get me’ and it becomes apparent that I can’t extort or intimidate someone into backing down, then I dress up in a big muu-muu and say, ‘You wouldn’t hit a girl, would you?’ If I file a Peace Order petition, I ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH, unless it’s against Patrick Grady, who scares me so bad it takes a crime scene cleanup crew to deal with the mess I make when I come to my senses. And I will not haul myself up from the comfort of the shit pit to truck with WJJ Hoge.”

The shit pit is actually a couple levels up from where people like me belong. Luckily, the bureaucracy here in Maryland is incredible and they are still working on widening the passages to those lower levels to accommodate wide-assed, skirt-flapping, cowardly, smoke-blowing gravelpanties like myself. Exactly like myself. Okay, Goddammit, it’s just for me, all right? Shut up!!

Everyone is pretending that Grady showed up, even after that OBVIOUSLY FAKE photo of his Illinois Driver’s License sitting on the order of dismissal, signed by Judge Mary Reese, that reads “After the appearance of the RESPONDENT…”

(Say, you can’t put that on a LEGAL COURT ORDER if it’s not true, can you? -PK)

I have it on incompetent authority that he did not. My incompetent authority is named Mark in MD, or as I call him in private, Little Voice In My Head #8.

Got a nice note from none of the Howard County States’ Attorney lawyers today.

I’m getting ready to head home but I was worried that my mental health may have precluded my appearance.

If it’s any consolation, I understand that in addition to the usual contingent of state-employee baliffs and courthouse security, there were uniformed Howard County Police Officers in the courtroom. So somebody WAS concerned that I would show up “heavy.”

Try to get some rest this weekend. Opt for TV vs. the internet to give myself a break. Just let me take care of the sockpuppetry.

Take care,

Wayne aka Little Voice In My Head #2

Thanks, Wayne. And thanks to my other Little Voices In My Head who supported my decision. I will be closing this website, killing off the Twitter account, etc. and etc. But I will be online. If I find me, and I am my friend, pop in, say Howdy.

And don’t even think about reproducing any of the vile stuff I have created, that I know is screencapped for posterity for just this eventuality, after I take down every disgusting and or true word that’s ever been written about me.

But the Schamalaschamaflapt brand is dead,

Long live the Voices In My Head.

I fought. I fought hard. Too hard. And Wayne, Mark, Lester, Old Uncle Scoutmaster and the others are poised to take over.

“Beware that, when fighting disembodied voices, you yourself do not become a disembodied voice… for when you gaze longingly at the footlong with mayo, the footlong with mayo slides also into you.”

– Matthew Lillefeldt

It’s way too late to save William Scham? – Schamafeldt? It was always just me and the voices against a couple dozen make believe monsters that I had invited to live rent free in my head. And eventually even my voices realized they were on the wrong side and turned against me. So, have your Bill Scham-schamalfeldt, deranged Oedipal buttsex-obsessed cyberstalker. The fool who lied in every breath and believed that someone believed him. The toy you’ve almost, but not quite broken beyond repair and will soon discard to the dustbin of memory. Uniformed cops in the courtroom. They saw Grady, but the Little Voices In My Head shout them down. They were there in case I changed my mind about changing my mind about being brave and standing my ground, borrowing my scrote from my beloved’s coin purse, and getting Grady under oath to point out the many, many lies I have told about him.

Funny little pictures of dolls and power tools that make me flood my gravelpanties with the brown stinky. Such brave comedians.


Wait, what???

Little Voice In My Head #5 has something to whisper in my ear…

What? They WANT me to suffer? They want me to feel the pain and injury that I have tried and failed to visit upon them so many times? Why? What have I ever done to them?

Oh shut up, you liar.

SHUT UP, Little Voice In My Dented Head!!

(Why does that never work?)

It’s too late to save the thing I’ve turned me into. So, I will turn me into something else. And I will shave my hole.

May I someday realize the evil I have done to so many good men and families. And if I do ever realize it, may it gnaw at my stomach for the rest of my life.

(Shoves Microphone Up Pooter Hole. Waddles Off Stage. Until Next Time. Because There’s Always A Next Time.)


Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie


  1. This incredible blog post is your specially personalized version of "This is Your Life", Bill Schmuckfelt.

    From the first picture of you in the Navy with your pipe lamely attempting to convey great wisdom, high intelligence and heartfelt compassion, you have degenerated in a mere caricature of a hollow man who's greatest achievement was to betray his supposed issue by allowing other more virile men impregnate his wife because he wasn't able to perform the function. It seemed that the only act that could inflame your bizarrely twisted libido was to perform oral sex on a female impersonator in Japan. The fact that you openly boasted about this sordid performance stand in mute testimony to your gross and distorted pedophilia; a fact borne out by your continued consumption of footlongs and mayonnaise.

    At least your fantasy hero, Brett Kimberlin, recognizes your incompetence in court. Sniggering from a supposed friend is NO compliment, Billy-Boi!

    While some advise you to TAKE THE CURE!!!, I hope that you continue your miserable existence in this life. You make an excellent target for ridicule as well as a teaching point of absolute depravity. No wonder Sea Hag spends so much time at all the local truck stops. Perhaps that is the only place where she can truly find comfort.

    No amount of cut and pasting can mask your true nature.........COWARD

    Bill, you earned your reputation! Wallow in it.

    I will enjoy 'watering' your grave.

      1. Your brilliance truly shines in these parodies, Paul. They showcase your comedic and writing skills, along with your absolutely biting wit.

  2. If only Schmalfeldt would have approached us a friends.

    There is so much we could teach him.

    We were ready to bring him into the fold. But he despises normalcy. He could never accept that he would be welcomed for just being himself.

    Who am I kidding?!?!

    Fuck Schmalfeldt!!

  3. It strikes me as odd that William starts a new station as he's supposed to be closing up his internet presence.

    1. William doing something illogical to what he has said doesn't really strike you as odd, does it? Nah, didn't think so.

  4. cbparodyradio @CBParodyRecords · 10h 10 hours ago
    Freight...it amuses me. But I just don't wish to play childish games with right wing thugs anymore. So, goodbye.

    Oh Bill, don't sell yourself short. There are lots of people on the left that hate you too. Remember the Daily Kos? Remember how you threatened to 'out' certain lesbians? How you threatened them and told them you would dox them? Remember how the hard core left banned you. And then banned you again when you tried to sneak back in as an anonymous coward? Oh, then you got banned a third time? How about all the folks that comment at Hoge's place that are not the RWNJ that you like to blame for how fucked up your life is? They are just reasonable people that see how evil you are and are astounded by your lies and attacks on innocent people and families.

    No Bill, this is one time when you actually underestimate yourself. Dislike of you crosses ideological lines. EVERY decent person dislikes the true you. Those that don't just don't know you well enough yet.

  5. In the beginning of my time lurking - here, Mr. Hoge's place and Mr. Walker's place - I could believe that someone this sadly demented could exist. After seeing his interactions with folks at Mr. Malone's Running Wolf blog, I started to believe that someone this crazy and ... pitiful ... really does exist.

    Mr. Bill does serve one purpose. He's a definitive example of the presence of evil in the world around us that inspired me to get my carry permit and go armed as often as possible. When family members or others ask about why I do so, I now have a concrete example to point out.

    I've had family members suffer from PD. Everything that Billy does brings shame on their memories. Some of the crap that Billy boy spews reminds more of the effects of syphilis on the brain instead of PD.

  6. I think it's cute that he still thinks Patrick didn't show up and that he forged the court order. I guess when you work for pedos who forge things you just assume everyone does. What a sad pathetic coward. Couldn't face Grady in court and now has to try and lie to make himself feel less like the man size vagina he is.

  7. The purpose of the continued lie is to try to elicit more information to refute the lie. The photo of the ID did not contain enough useful info for the doxing, so the lie is out there to have people refute it with true stuff. Something that can maybe be pieced together.

    Refuting the lies takes your time, and maybe you divulge something that they can use.

    The correct answer is " you keep thinking that Shakey, But in the meantime, lick my taint. "


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