Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

6-26-2015 5-53-12 PM

OOOOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOoooooh!    Scary.

I wonder if it has any idea how insignificant it is.

(I really don’t….ssshhhh!)


As Our New Friend Has Said…

…it does appear to be his turn in the barrel.  I do hope he is as unhappy about it as he sounds.  I hope he is sufficiently motivated to follow through.

And I hope he appreciates this comment left by the Big BM in my Spam queue this morning, in response to D.Edgren’s suggestion.

If you need evidence of INTENT, I think you might not want to overlook that.



Fun With Moderated Comments

The following comment is pending approval in the moderation queue.  The IP points at several locations across America on Sprint’s cellular network.

So are you gonna call into tomorrow’s show, Patrick? Bill posts the number to call into the show, so you should do it. Confront him man to man. You can’t be afraid of him. Are you? Are you afraid of him? HA. You are. That’s so cute. And don’t pull the i’m too busy crap because this blog is evidence that that’s bullshit. Call in and talk to Bill, big man. Show your son how a man handles his disputes.


Let’s get one thing clear right from the start – you’re wrong, Bill is wrong, everybody is wrong. 

You do realize, do you not, that there are now at least three self-authenticating court documents floating around various Maryland courts asserting I am three different people, and all of them are wrong?

Bill Schmalfeldt’s perjured, retaliatory Peace Order from November 2014 identifies Patrick Grady as me. How interesting it would have been if Bill had shown up then – this notion that I am Patrick Grady would no longer be an issue, but Bill has publicly demonstrated his dishonesty and cowardice many, many times.  It’s why he’s no longer welcome to comment on my blog.  It’s why after blustering for weeks that he couldn’t WAIT! to get Grady under oath, he shuffled, weeping, just as fast as his sticky little legs could carry him – though not quite as fast as HIS children ran from him – for the hills above Elkridge with skirts held high.  The Big Girly Girl had everything he’d begged for – a man-to-man confrontation, under oath, in open court – and what did he do?

He pussied out.  Like the coward he is. And even worse, he TOLD EVERYONE WHAT A COWARD HE WAS AHEAD OF TIME!  Oh, sure, he painted it as some magnanimous gesture (just like when he pussied out in June), but he does that with such regularity and predictability that no one ever believes him.  He’s pussied out so many times he could be a Baltimore streetwalkerroller.

That’s a man who OWNS his cowardice. Must give props for that!

That was some terrific entertainment, watching him humiliate himself!  There’s not much he can do with BBs as small as his, but he’s the best coward a zombie could ever hope to make dance.

Good stuff!  Though I had to rest my LULZ muscle for a couple days after that.  Well, we all have to make sacrifices…

When John Hoge posted the Cook County IL Stalking No Contact Order, and Bill called Pat Grady not two minutes later to ask if he was me, the tale was pretty much told, wouldn’t you say?

Not to be dissuaded in his desperate obsession, he tried again.  In his recent Federal LOLsuit he named me and Howard Earl as anonymous defendants, then in the complaint he rererred to us as one and the same. So, obviously I’m not Patrick Grady (unless I’ve been pwning Bill as part of Knot My Wisconsin for 5 years – COOL!)…I’m anonymous again! Yay, me! Everybody celebrate with a Salt Monster avatar – WHOOO!

(Of course that was just one of a couple hundred fatal mistakes, but Not Educating The Monkey is sort of a thing around here, so…sorry.)

Or perhaps poor dumb Mr. Bill (on the tool bench, with the Sawzall!) is just fishing!

But me and Howard?

Our writing styles aren’t similar at all!

Even I must admit that if there’s one thing Bill knows, it’s writing styles.  Well, right up until it comes time to admit that he wrote, in his very unique style, and signed, in his very own hand, a letter which was mailed to and received by WJJ Hoge III, one of several direct violations of a standing Peace Order by a deranged, adjudicated cyberstalker and harasser.

And coward.  Let’s not forget about that.

And now, with Copyright Registration in hand – well, TDPK’s hand, if we’re speaking God’s honest truth – Bill has gotten placed in the public record an allegation that I am WJJ Hoge III!

Bill stinks of desperation. And fear. And where there is fear, there must be fear-pee. Stained sweat pants and stale diapers pungent with sulfur and natural ammonia.

And the ever-present cowardice that must not be forgotten.

Confront him man to man?  How would that happen – does Bill even know any men he could bring with him? Grady tried it in November, and we all know how that turned out. Brave Sir William of Tincasa Skirtsflap, Lord High Duke of Cocksnogging and the Seventh Earl of Boyscout Buttsex scuttled off whimpering for a hiding place leaving a great snaily trail of greasy twat-sand leaking from his overfilled mangina.  So I ask you, why bother trying again? He had his chance at the truth and ran like the…what, class?  That’s right!  – like the MEWLING CRYBABY COWARD THAT HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN, THE COMPLETE FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT TO THE ELDER BROTHERS WHO CONSTANTLY BAILED HIM OUT OF THE CORNERS HE BACKED HIMSELF INTO, BROTHERS WITHOUT WHOM HE IS A FLY BUZZING AROUND EAGLES.

Me, afraid? So sorry.  Asked and answered, counselor.

The phrase you’re looking for is Smarter. Than. You. And him, and Brett, and surely Wee Willy FiFi. Did I leave anyone out?

Could I call him? Sure, I could make the time to call in, run rings around him, and make him look more foolish than he does his ownself, but what would be the point? It would be like trying to make horse manure smell bad, like trying to make mud dirty, like trying to make a trailer park a less attractive place to spend your golden years.

Why bother?

And as far as having a dispute with Bill, I would say it’s less of a dispute than a difference of opinion.  He aims to get some sort of misbegotten revenge on me, because he made the mistake of writing something vile and filthy about another man’s wife and called it comedy, which I pumped up with steroids, threw back in his face and gived him sadz and butthurt. That he read it to his wife and upset her, too?

Not my problem.

I, on the other hand, aim to mock him until, one way or another, he goes away.

And besides, usually when a guest calls into an internet-chat show (radio? Hardly. This is WNBE, Radio Wannabe!), he GETS something out of it – he’s there to promote a product, a book, a movie, and album, a play, a business.  Tell me, what does Paul Krendler GAIN from calling in to talk with world-famous former XM radio host and banned xmfan forum contributor, The Jovial One, Broadway Bill Schmalfeldt?  Certainly not another opportunity to mock him mercilessly; those are as common as sand on a beach, and easier to find.

There’s nothing in it for me.

But if you and Bill are so sure that I’m Patrick Grady, isn’t the solution obvious?  It’s a matter of public record that he has two phone numbers he can call to reach the man.  Call him up.

…hmmm…would this be a good time to remind you…Coward?  Yes, I think it would.  Suck it up, man.  Poke them digits.

Zombie’s can’t have children, but if I did they would all know Krendler’s Rules of Conflict Resolution:

  1. Bleach destroys DNA.
  2. Never forget Rule #1.

There are a hundred other reasons not to call.  Most of them have to do with the fact that you and the rest of the non-existent yet transparent Team Kimberlin are both desperate and stupid, and I am neither.


Hey, Guess What?

Some deranged cyberstalkers think that if someone writes ABOUT them, but not TO them, then that’s STALKING!


I wonder what WJJ HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!! III would think about that?

Watch the monkey dance when it finds out I shared his mighty LOGICFAIL & SELFAWARENESSFAIL.


And Another Suddenly Relevant Quote For Today

The devil (in mid-MonkeyDance) can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul producing holy witness
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart:
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!

William Shakespeare
The Merchant of Venice
Act I, Scene III

And if you ever needed the proof of it – look no further than here.


Today's Lesson

Here’s the letter:

Here’s his signature on the Peace Order petition he filed against Patrick Grady.

Of course, he’s never posted that petition online:

But that’s a lie.  Almost from the moment he was served with Grady’s Stalking NO CONTACT (hint, hint) Order Summons, he began setting his CBParodyRecords blog and Twitter timeline afire with talk of perjury and making extortionate threats of what awful fates would befall Mr. Grady if he didn’t change his mind.  On November 7, 2014 The Lord High Duke of Cocksnogging filed a petition for a retaliatory Peace Order.

Then he posted that order.  (It’s hidden now…shhhh!)  Fortunately, THE INTERNET IS FOREVER.  Thank you, Wayback Machine

Ta-daaaa!  Also, Fuck You.

Now, let’s compare signatures:

Conveniently, he can no longer write cursive anymore.  So no two signatures are alike.

Isn’t that a wonderfully twisted bit of logic? Golly, I wonder what he would have said if the signatures didn’t match?  Wild guess:


It’s so cool how he could be covered either way, right?

And while the syphilitic catchfart could find the post that John made about that petition…

…strangely, he couldn’t find

…so since he can’t remember it, it must never have happened.

But he gave a copy of Hoge’s post (containing his signature) to the judge, thus proving that the signature came from the petition that he signed (under penalty of perjury, no less!), and further proving that the signature on the letter which he sent, which kinda-sorta matched the signature on the petition that he signed, could not possibly have been his signature, because he never signs the same signature twice, so “whoever” “forged” this “fraud” needn’t have bothered with anything more complicated than a W followed by swoosh.  The poor fool!

So anyway, someone has been provided incontrovertible proof of something.   I have no idea what’s been proved, but if the Big BM says it’s proved, it’s proved!  If he says he never posted a Peace Order Petition, by God, he never did!  You can take it to the bank!  He can’t, because it’s cold outside and his shrunken little BBs are buried under the lint and used up gum wrappers in his wife’s coin purse.

But you can!


Oh, What Fresh Brain Damaged, Poop Smeared Madness Is This?


Oh yes, Heaven forbid that a lawyer should try to frame his arguments to take advantage of the tragedies of yesterday!



But hold on a minute… maybe The Big BM wasn’t talking about current events particularly; maybe he was referring to efforts to bash one’s opponents by likening them to terrorists.


Well, damn.

I mean, just…DAMN.

DAMN, but Bill Schmalfeldt is a fucking idiot.


This Is Sooooo Very Difficult To Understand

Let’s begin with this little nugget…


Of course the harrassing cyberthug’s focus is quite narrow.  He wants to know “who sent the email?” And in his typical fashion, as soon as he gets the answer he likes (from the free lawyer chat room, the Christmas Eve Court Clerk, the African-tinged photo editor from NASA, the WordPress Happiness Engineer, the voices in his head, whatever), he determines that his confirmed opinion is truth from God, carved in stone from the mountaintop.  His focus narrows to a pinhole, and like an eclipse box, everything he sees through that pinhole is upside-down and backwards.

Plus, he fails to see anything else.  That apparent belief in his own infallibility, a belief betrayed by years of evidence and failure, so narrows his focus that he misses (or purposely ignores, that is distinctly possible) the suggestion immediately below the answer he’s fallen so in love with.

You can learn more about this here:

At that link, we find the following explanation of the pingback:

A pingback is a type of comment that’s created when you link to another blog post where pingbacks are enabled. The best way to think about pingbacks is as remote comments:

  • Person A posts something on his blog.
  • Person B posts on her own blog, linking to Person A’s post. This automatically sends a pingback to Person A when both have pingback enabled blogs.
  • Person A’s blog receives the pingback, then automatically goes to Person B’s post to confirm that the pingback did, in fact, originate there.

Check out the Introduction to Blogging article for a more detailed explanation.

Here’s an interesting angle to consider – what if I take that explanation and replace the names?  Would that make clearer the explanation which Monsieur Mayonnaise clearly did not bother to read?

A pingback is a type of comment that’s created when you link to another blog post where pingbacks are enabled. The best way to think about pingbacks is as remote comments:

  • John posts something on his blog.
  • Park, who is subject to a peace order requiring him not to contact John, posts on his own blog, linking to John’s post. This, Park’s affirmative action of posting a link to John’s blog, automatically sends a pingback to John when both John and Park have pingback enabled blogs, even if there is no way for Park to know whether John’s blog is pingback enabled or not.
  • John’s blog receives the pingback, like a mailbox receiving a letter from the postal service, then automatically goes to Park’s post to confirm that the pingback did, in fact, originate there.

Check out the Introduction to Blogging article for a more detailed explanation.


So if Señor Neckroll doesn’t link to Person A’s blog, an affirmative action taken by him, then Person A never gets a pingback.

Eh – what do I know?  I’m just an undead zombie. Your WordPress ways are strange and confusing.  Maybe if there was a way to find a “more detailed explanation…”


Oh, wait!

Check out the Introduction to Blogging article for a more detailed explanation.

I wonder if there is some clearly worded for a Luddite information at that link for someone who’s only been blogging with WordPress for several years?  Let’s find out.

The pingback is generally displayed on Person A’s blog as simply a link to Person B’s post. It is commonly believed that pingbacks do not send any content, as trackbacks do. This is not correct. If you get a pingback, you will see an excerpt from that blog in the Edit Comments section of your dashboard. The issue is that very few themes display these excerpts from pingbacks. The default WordPress themes, for example, do not display pingback excerpts.

In fact, there is only one significant difference between pingbacks and trackbacks: Pingbacks and trackbacks use drastically different communication technologies (XML-RPC and HTTP POST, respectively). But that difference is important because trackbacks have become the target of so much spam. The automatic verification process introduces a level of authenticity, making it harder to fake a pingback.

Some feel that trackbacks are superior because readers of Person A’s blog can at least see some of what Person B has to say, and then decide if they want to read more (and therefore click over to Person B’s blog). Others feel that pingbacks are superior because they create a verifiable connection (could a zombie call this a contact?) between posts.

There are even some technical specifications linked in that article, too.  Definitely not for Luddites.

5. Example

Here is a more detailed look at what could happen between Park and John during the example described in the introduction.

  1. Park posts to his blog. The post he’s made includes a link to a post on John’s blog. The permalink to Park’s new post is, and the URL of the link to John’s blog is
  2. Park’s blogging system parses all the external links out of Park’s post, and finds
  3. It then requests the first 5 kilobytes of the page referred to by the link.
  4. It looks for an X-Pingback header, but fails to find one.
  5. It scans this page fragment for thepingback link tag, which it finds:
    <link rel="pingback" href="">

    If this tag had not been contained in the page, then John’s blog would not support pingback, so Park’s software would have given up here (moving on to the next link found in step 2).

  6. Next, since the link was there, it executes the the following XML-RPC call to'', '')
  7. Park’s blogging system repeats step 3 to 6 for each external link that was found in the post.

There ends the work undertaken by Park’s system, none of which would have taken place without the first affirmative step: Park posts to his blog, including a link to a post on John’s blog. The rest of the work is performed by John’s blog.

  1. John’s blog receives a ping from Alice’s blog (the ping sent in step 6 above), naming (the site linking to Bob) and (the page Park linked to).
  2. John’s blog confirms that is in fact a post on this blog.
  3. It then requests the content of and checks the Content-Type of the entity returned to make sure it is text of some sort.
  4. It verifies that this content does indeed contain a link to (to prevent spamming of pingbacks).
  5. John’s blog also retrieves other data required from the content of Park’s new post, such as the page title, an extract of the page content surrounding the link to John’s post, any attributes indicating which language the page is in, and so forth.
  6. Finally, John’s post records the pingback in its database, and regenerates the static pages referring to John’s post so that they mention the pingback.

So even when you get down to the technical details, what do we learn, if we’re interested?

It all boils down to this: Idiots gonna be idiots.  If the Baron of Bloviation took 30 goddamn seconds to think about what he was doing, he wouldn’t be facing a show cause hearing and a possible contempt citation because he can’t follow a simple order from the court.

In other words, just your average day.