Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

liberalgroouch

Remember…

When you are a private person…
Building your “private person” blog…
Building your “private person” podcast…
Building your “private person” Twitter presence to promote and publicize privatize your “private person” blog and your “private person” podcast…
To create a “brand” so that everyone knows what a “private person” you are…

Check the spelling of the link.

Don’t be a #DUMBFUCK

Of course, another FABULOUS branding technique is to Tweet out a link to your latest bit of butt-trumpetry…  

…and then take down the file.

Like a #DUMBFUCK

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He's *DONE* Playing Nice?

Given that this assumes he ever played nice in the past, the statement is necessarily FALSE, in the face of all available evidence.

Now, the fisking that follows is predicated on an opinion published here quite recently.  Based on the similarity of the writing style to other available samples, other statements that he has published which overshare about his own wife’s declining health, and the constant, undeniable projection in which he engages, my educated opinion is that the following “anonymous” comment by Westminster Winds  at Breitbart Unmasked (oh HELL NO) was written by Bill Schmalfeldt:

What I want to know is why Hoge is not attending to his cancer stricken wife instead of psychologically molesting a teenage girl? Is his escape from the ravages of cancer to fantasize about teen sex? That is a sad commentary on Mr. Hoge, a well known citizen up here in Westminster. Can you imagine the conversation last night at dinner between Hoge and his wife. “John, please, I am in my last days, I don’t think I am going to make it. Please give me some peace. Please pay attention to me. Get off that computer. Be attentive to my needs. I have given my life to you and you are tormenting me in the twilight of my life with courts, and violent criminals, and your insane theories. You have me living in fear, as you have for years because you created enemies and then brought that home to me. I don’t want enemies. I want peace. I want to get well. And if I don’t get well, at least I want to live my final days without hearing one word about Bill, Brett, Aaron, Robert or Courts. John, I am dying and to be honest, the stress you put me through the past several years is what caused my cancer. I kept my emotions inside. I wondered why you are focusing on external things that have no bearing on our lives when you have me, the woman who is your wife. I will make you a deal, I will do my best to live as long as God allows me, but you have to promise me to walk away from all the chaos you have created. Give me peace in my final days. You owe that to me, John. I am your wife.”

Working from the more-than-reasonable assumption that this comment is Bill Schmalfeldt’s work, and also from the idea that perhaps his wife actually wants to spend her remaining days in the company of a loving, attentive husband without a fucking computer between them, let us juxtapose this brief essay with the possible thoughts expressed by his own ailing spouse:

What I want to know is why Hoge is not attending to his cancer stricken wife instead of psychologically molesting a teenage girl?

Because he’s too busy photoshopping poop into your beard?  Oh, wait.. you do that.  Not John Hoge

Is his escape from the ravages of cancer to fantasize about teen sex?

No, I think it’s probably the anal rape of Boy Scouts that he fantasizes…oh.  Nope.  That’s you again.

That is a sad commentary on Mr. Hoge, a well known citizen up here in Westminster.

Probably not as well as you are known by your fruits all across cyberspace.  Some people might look upon that body of work as evidence of your “sterling reputation.”  In some courtrooms it may be known as “a continuing course of conduct,” and often leads to restraining orders being issued.

Can you imagine the conversation last night at dinner between Hoge and his wife.

I’ll bet it sounded a lot like the conversation which you noted at DaysOfDecrepitude.

“John, please, I am in my last days, I don’t think I am going to make it.

John…Bill…whatever…just leave the wives out of it, right?  Oopsie Poopsie.

Please give me some peace.

Stop blogging about me.  It’s private.  There’s no need to spread my illness, my test results, my weight, my age, my body mass index and every other bit of personal information you know across the internet.  For God’s sake, I’m your wife!  NOT ONE OF YOUR FAILDOXES!

Please pay attention to me.

Instead of incessantly pounding the F5 key on Twitter and Hogewash! and Thinking Man’s Zombie looking for things to wave under my nose and stress me out when I should be healing.

Get off that computer.

Get off the fucking computer and stop ignoring your dying wife.

Be attentive to my needs.

Like my need to bash the fucking computer into little shards of plastic and wire with your rolly walker.  That’s a need I really believe would improve our lives if it were met.

I have given my life to you and you are tormenting me in the twilight of my life with courts, and violent criminals, and your insane theories.

I have given my life to you and you are tormenting me in the twilight of my life with courts, and violent criminals, and your insane theories.

You have me living in fear, as you have for years because you created enemies and then brought that home to me.

You have me living in fear, as you have for years because you created enemies and then brought that home to me.

I don’t want enemies.

I don’t have enemies.  I want to stop hearing your unceasing whining about all the enemies that you would not have if you just had even the most modest portion of self-control. I mean really, what went wrong in your emotional wiring to think this was ever a good idea, and more to the point, that you would ever, from the discomfort of our little tin can, come up with a way to stop people on the internet from doing exactly to you, and by extension me, what you have spent years doing to them?

I want peace.

I want peace, and I’ve come to the realization that the only way I’m going to get it is for one of us to die.  You’re a lot bigger than I am, so it seems that giving up the will to live is simply the most efficient and painless option.

I want to get well.

But only if you are going to pay attention to me.  You have not demonstrated the slightest inclination that you are willing to change your behavior, so what’s the point?

And if I don’t get well, at least I want to live my final days without hearing one word about Bill, Brett, Aaron, Robert or Courts.

And if I don’t get well, at least I want to live my final days without hearing one word about John, Paul, Aaron, Eric, Howard, Grace, Jane, Nancy, Lee, Seth or any of the dozens of other netizens you constantly obsess over.

John, I am dying and to be honest, the stress you put me through the past several years is what caused my cancer. I kept my emotions inside.

Bill, I am dying and to be honest about it, I wish you would stop blogging about it.  I know I’m not going to be able to prevent you live-tweeting from my deathbed the way you did to your mother, but if you really think that John’s wife’s cancer is somehow his fault, you must also accept your responsibility for my condition.  I too have kept my emotions inside, to my great regret.

I wondered why you are focusing on external things that have no bearing on our lives when you have me, the woman who is your wife.

I wondered why you are focusing on attacking the wives of other men, when you should be paying attention to me, when you should be helping me, when you should be loving me, the woman who is your wife, with whom you may only have a few more short months, after which you will be left utterly alone in poverty to continue your online insanity until you finally choke and die on all the poisonous bile within you.  Your enemies will wait, Bill.  I will not.  The only way you will ever be left alone is to destroy that infernal machine and focus on me.  I don’t touch the thing and I can tell that it, and your toxic addiction to whatever happens on the other side of that screen, will be the end of you.

I will make you a deal, I will do my best to live as long as God allows me, but you have to promise me to walk away from all the chaos you have created.

I will make you a deal, I will not leave you alone for a long as God allows me to stay, but you have to promise me  – not to get rid of the computer, for I am more merciful and generous than that – but to rent a storage locker and put the damned thing into it along with your iPad and give me the key.  I will have it returned to you after the funeral.  If you cannot live up to this promise, I will take a cab to the middle of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge and throw myself off.  Deal?  Deal.  OK.

Give me peace in my final days.

One way or another.

You owe that to me, John. I am your wife.”

You may not think you owe me that, Bill, but one way or another, I will have it.

Be well.  I won’t.

UPDATE – Bill Spamfeldt says, “I didn’t write that.  So your mockery is wasted. Chump.”

Which is fine. But the fact that he felt sufficiently motivated to comment tells me two things:

  1. Not wasted; and
  2. The Rage Monkey dances
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And Another Suddenly Relevant Quote For Today

The devil (in mid-MonkeyDance) can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul producing holy witness
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart:
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!

William Shakespeare
The Merchant of Venice
Act I, Scene III

And if you ever needed the proof of it – look no further than here.

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Nothing. We Have Learned Nothing. That's What We Have Learned Here.

Actually, that’s not quite true.  I did learn that brevity is the soul of wit.

Silly me, I thought the soul of wit was to be, you know, FUNNY.

So, for the benefit of the slow, lazy F5 reader out there… FUCK YOU, YOU PATHETIC DROOLING IDIOT.

Brief enough for ya?

For the rest of you, the truly good stuff that flies over his head is after the jump.

Continue reading “Nothing. We Have Learned Nothing. That's What We Have Learned Here.”

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This Is Sooooo Very Difficult To Understand

Let’s begin with this little nugget…

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/d20/67462000/files/2014/12/img_4607.png

Of course the harrassing cyberthug’s focus is quite narrow.  He wants to know “who sent the email?” And in his typical fashion, as soon as he gets the answer he likes (from the free lawyer chat room, the Christmas Eve Court Clerk, the African-tinged photo editor from NASA, the WordPress Happiness Engineer, the voices in his head, whatever), he determines that his confirmed opinion is truth from God, carved in stone from the mountaintop.  His focus narrows to a pinhole, and like an eclipse box, everything he sees through that pinhole is upside-down and backwards.

Plus, he fails to see anything else.  That apparent belief in his own infallibility, a belief betrayed by years of evidence and failure, so narrows his focus that he misses (or purposely ignores, that is distinctly possible) the suggestion immediately below the answer he’s fallen so in love with.

You can learn more about this here:
http://en.support.wordpress.com/comments/pingbacks/

At that link, we find the following explanation of the pingback:

A pingback is a type of comment that’s created when you link to another blog post where pingbacks are enabled. The best way to think about pingbacks is as remote comments:

  • Person A posts something on his blog.
  • Person B posts on her own blog, linking to Person A’s post. This automatically sends a pingback to Person A when both have pingback enabled blogs.
  • Person A’s blog receives the pingback, then automatically goes to Person B’s post to confirm that the pingback did, in fact, originate there.

Check out the WordPress.org Introduction to Blogging article for a more detailed explanation.

Here’s an interesting angle to consider – what if I take that explanation and replace the names?  Would that make clearer the explanation which Monsieur Mayonnaise clearly did not bother to read?

A pingback is a type of comment that’s created when you link to another blog post where pingbacks are enabled. The best way to think about pingbacks is as remote comments:

  • John posts something on his blog.
  • Park, who is subject to a peace order requiring him not to contact John, posts on his own blog, linking to John’s post. This, Park’s affirmative action of posting a link to John’s blog, automatically sends a pingback to John when both John and Park have pingback enabled blogs, even if there is no way for Park to know whether John’s blog is pingback enabled or not.
  • John’s blog receives the pingback, like a mailbox receiving a letter from the postal service, then automatically goes to Park’s post to confirm that the pingback did, in fact, originate there.

Check out the WordPress.org Introduction to Blogging article for a more detailed explanation.

 

So if Señor Neckroll doesn’t link to Person A’s blog, an affirmative action taken by him, then Person A never gets a pingback.

Eh – what do I know?  I’m just an undead zombie. Your WordPress ways are strange and confusing.  Maybe if there was a way to find a “more detailed explanation…”

Hmm…

Oh, wait!

Check out the WordPress.org Introduction to Blogging article for a more detailed explanation.

I wonder if there is some clearly worded for a Luddite information at that link for someone who’s only been blogging with WordPress for several years?  Let’s find out.

The pingback is generally displayed on Person A’s blog as simply a link to Person B’s post. It is commonly believed that pingbacks do not send any content, as trackbacks do. This is not correct. If you get a pingback, you will see an excerpt from that blog in the Edit Comments section of your dashboard. The issue is that very few themes display these excerpts from pingbacks. The default WordPress themes, for example, do not display pingback excerpts.

In fact, there is only one significant difference between pingbacks and trackbacks: Pingbacks and trackbacks use drastically different communication technologies (XML-RPC and HTTP POST, respectively). But that difference is important because trackbacks have become the target of so much spam. The automatic verification process introduces a level of authenticity, making it harder to fake a pingback.

Some feel that trackbacks are superior because readers of Person A’s blog can at least see some of what Person B has to say, and then decide if they want to read more (and therefore click over to Person B’s blog). Others feel that pingbacks are superior because they create a verifiable connection (could a zombie call this a contact?) between posts.

There are even some technical specifications linked in that article, too.  Definitely not for Luddites.

5. Example

Here is a more detailed look at what could happen between Park and John during the example described in the introduction.

  1. Park posts to his blog. The post he’s made includes a link to a post on John’s blog. The permalink to Park’s new post is http://park.example.org/#p123, and the URL of the link to John’s blog is http://john.example.net/#foo.
  2. Park’s blogging system parses all the external links out of Park’s post, and finds http://john.example.net/#foo.
  3. It then requests the first 5 kilobytes of the page referred to by the link.
  4. It looks for an X-Pingback header, but fails to find one.
  5. It scans this page fragment for thepingback link tag, which it finds:
    <link rel="pingback" href="http://john.example.net/xmlrpcserver">

    If this tag had not been contained in the page, then John’s blog would not support pingback, so Park’s software would have given up here (moving on to the next link found in step 2).

  6. Next, since the link was there, it executes the the following XML-RPC call to http://john.example.net/xmlrpcserver:
    pingback.ping('http://park.example.org/#p123', 'http://john.example.net/#foo')
  7. Park’s blogging system repeats step 3 to 6 for each external link that was found in the post.

There ends the work undertaken by Park’s system, none of which would have taken place without the first affirmative step: Park posts to his blog, including a link to a post on John’s blog. The rest of the work is performed by John’s blog.

  1. John’s blog receives a ping from Alice’s blog (the ping sent in step 6 above), naming http://alice.example.org/#p123 (the site linking to Bob) and http://john.example.net/#foo (the page Park linked to).
  2. John’s blog confirms that http://john.example.net/#foo is in fact a post on this blog.
  3. It then requests the content of http://park.example.org/#p123 and checks the Content-Type of the entity returned to make sure it is text of some sort.
  4. It verifies that this content does indeed contain a link to http://john.example.net/#foo (to prevent spamming of pingbacks).
  5. John’s blog also retrieves other data required from the content of Park’s new post, such as the page title, an extract of the page content surrounding the link to John’s post, any attributes indicating which language the page is in, and so forth.
  6. Finally, John’s post records the pingback in its database, and regenerates the static pages referring to John’s post so that they mention the pingback.

So even when you get down to the technical details, what do we learn, if we’re interested?

It all boils down to this: Idiots gonna be idiots.  If the Baron of Bloviation took 30 goddamn seconds to think about what he was doing, he wouldn’t be facing a show cause hearing and a possible contempt citation because he can’t follow a simple order from the court.

In other words, just your average day.

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This "Wayne" Fellow

…has an awfully familiar writing style:

I’m getting ready to head home but I was worried that your health may have precluded your appearance.

If it’s any consolation, I understand that in addition to the usual contingent of state-employee baliffs and courthouse security, there were uniformed Howard County Police Officers in the courtroom. So somebody WAS concerned.

Try to get some rest this weekend. Opt for TV vs. the internet to give yourself a break.

Take care,

Wayne

Sounds like a certain plus-sized trailer dweller of acquaintance.

Just an opinion.

Hey, you know who else it sounds like? It sounds like Mark in MD.

Just another opinion.

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Wait Just A Damn Minute…

…maybe I’m just not understanding this. Maybe I just need it explained to me.

You’re telling me that a senior Obama administration official told Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic the Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is “chickenshit.”

But the senior administration official remains anonymous.

It’s a good day for irony meter repairmen inside the Beltway.

Coincidentally, Bill Matthews, Matthew Lillefelt and Lester Klemper were all unavailable for comment. Perhaps they’re all cowering under a porch in a Maryland trailer park.

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Wait…They Can Do That?

IMG_4343.JPG
So I’m hearing murmurs of MoveOn getting spooked by the notion of a GOP Congress using some obscure process called “reconciliation” to pass bad laws.

Eek.

I wonder what MoveOn will do when someone whispers in their little ears an explanation of how Obamacare became law.

Pro tip: you won’t find it in a Schoolhouse Rock singalong.

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STOP CONTACTING ME, @mayberryville!

Screencaps are forever:
IMG_4234.PNG

Links disappear sometimes:
https://twitter.com/blitzparkinsons/status/516388601970847744

If you don’t want someone to contact you, don’t contact him.

Shorter: “Don’t start nuthin’, won’t be nuthin’.”

Learn to think around a corner, dumbass.

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