Good Morning, DUMBFUCK! Part II

Do you know what I like about DUMBFUCK? It’s that it can’t stop talking about itself – EVER. This means its stories are never straight, its lies compound and catching it out becomes a simple matter of following up with the official paperwork on file with the Federal Government. You know, fed-to-fed.

Ol’ DUMBFUCK loves talking about its career as a journalist, broadcaster, writer-editor and a whole bunch of other crap. It loves talking about its time at XM radio. It loves talking about its time at the National Institute of Health and USDA. It loves talking about its time serving the US Navy – not once, but twice! It loves talking about how it was a GS-13 making $97,000 a year doing podcasts or how it “ran” the TV and radio stations on major warships. DUMBFUCK loves telling those stories because those stories make it look good.

But did you know DUMBFUCK’s federal civil service started WAAAAAAAAY before it was employed by the NIH or the USDA? That it involved DUMBFUCK in a writer-editor position? Did you know it was a GS-5 when it was hired on at this job? That it was for a very important federal entity at a very important location?

YOU DIDN’T KNOW THIS!?

We know EVERYTHING ELSE about DUMBFUCK because DUMBFUCK can’t shut up about itself. But we don’t know about this mystery job? Why, DUMBFUCK…why??

Maybe because DUMBFUCK didn’t put it on its LinkedIn resumé and instead made up some bullshit employment to cover the gap filled by the mystery job. (Who is ever gonna follow up, right?)

Maybe because DUMBFUCK refuses to publicly acknowledge it was employed at this particular agency and location. (Yet DUMBFUCK will tell you how it peed himself on its front steps. What does that tell us?)

Maybe because DUMBFUCK was forced to resign for reasons that are quite…embarrassing. (Oh, snap!)

Let’s look at DUMBFUCK’s LinkedIn account and see what it was doing…oh…right after it got out of the Navy:

Bills LinkedIn Profile

Hmm…that’s funny. Why would something who was discharged from the US Navy in San Francisco, CA (Naval Station Treasure Island) in 1985 go all the way to Watertown, Wisconsin to work as a news director for five short months only to come straight back to California to work the next 2 years in rinky-dink media organizations up and down the coast? That’s certainly strange.

But there is a method to DUMBFUCK’s madness…why else would it list being employed as

  • News Director for WTTN/WMLW,
  • Managing Editor of the Coalinga Courier, and
  • City Hall Reporter/Columnist for The Manteca Record

when it was ACTUALLY employed as a GS-5 Writer-Editor for the Public Affairs Office of Naval Air Rework Facility Alameda?

Oh look…here’s the last SF-50 for its time at NARF Alameda:

SF-50

One must wonder why DUMBFUCK is not so PROUD of this civil service period of its life? Everything it loves is here! The Navy! Journalism! Federal Civil Service! Fed-to-fed! Pretty good work, snagging a GS-05 position right after being discharged from active duty! Why isn’t it proud enough to share THAT with us when it shares every other detail of its miserable dumbfuck life with us?

I’m sure it had NOTHING to do with its being forced to resign from that position for…well…heh…which is why it NEVER, EVER, EVER talks about working for NARF Alameda.

Thankfully other people were willing to talk about it and point us in the right directions to find official fed-to-fed documents.

Just remember folks:

Bills Tweet

Like(0)Dislike(0)

Can't Speak For Everyone, But…

…clearly someone has dickstomped himself with the Hasty Generalization fallacy.

There is no general case to describe this.  Sometimes it’s a morbidly obese, mentally inferior, abusive needledick who prefers Japanese transsexuals that drove his wife into a bottle, then into the arms of a real man…

…twice…

…and sometimes it’s not.

Like(0)Dislike(0)

Going on the Record

Predictions:

  • April 16 will come and go, and Bill Schmalfeldt will not go to jail.
  • Bill Schmalfeldt will spin this fact as a complete victory and vindication.  He will be wrong.
  • Bill Schmalfeldt will leave the courtroom on April 16 with a criminal conviction on his record.
  • I offer no prediction on whether a sentence for his conviction will be handed down on that date.
  • When his sentence is handed down, he will be fined $300 or less.  He may be sentenced to 10 days in jail, but this sentence will be suspended.
  • Bill will also spin this as a complete victory and vindication.  Again, he will be wrong.
  • The most important part of the sentence will be probation.  It will likely be for 90 days, but could be as high as 6 months.
  • Terms of the probation will not take away his internet privileges, but will forbid him from posting anything online that has anything to do with WJJ Hoge III or any member of his family.
  • He will violate probation within 30 days.
  • The violation will be documented and reported, but nothing will happen.
Like(0)Dislike(0)

How Is It Different?

“HOW IS MOCKING MY WIFE AND HER TERMINAL HEALTH CONDITION ANY DIFFERENT OR BETTER THAN MY FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH AGGRESSIVE REPORTING ON LEE STRANAHAN’S TRAGIC LOSS?”

Well, here’s one difference…what you did was ostensibly to make you feel like you had a job and were doing WORK.

I’m only doing it for FUN.  

All I have is FUN. 

 But, for the sake of discussion, let me stipulate to the idea that it is no different. Not in the slightest bit is it any different. 

 Does that make you feel better? 

 How about if I promise, cross my rotting black heart and hope to un-die, that in two years, after you and She Who Shall Not Be Named are long gone and forgotten (the Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise), I write a dozen or so squishy and meaningless here’s-my-excuse-isn’t-it-a-good-one non-apology apologies just like you? 

 Will THAT make you feel better? 

 Okay? Okay. 

 That’s what I’ll do. 

 Deal? Deal. 

 Be well.

  

P.S.  If you have a problem with my blog, I have a simple solution for you. Stop reading it. If you’re addicted to it, you can always gouge your eyes out. That’ll fix it.

P.P.S. Of course all promises here at Thinking Man’s Zombie come guaranteed to be no more sincere or enforceable than the promise of a demented cyberstalking freak to leave Twitter.  So I got that going for me.  Which is nice.

UPDATE – for you Zombies, that P.S. is a near word-for-word reproduction of a comment that the Emperor of Overshares left a few days ago in reply to someone’s reaction to one of his blog posts. So, you know…fuck him if he can’t live up to his own rules.

On a related note, after I stipulate that what I do for FUN! is just the same as what he did to the Stranahan’s, he wants to say what I do is evil?

I’m fine with that.  If the ramifications of that admission escape him, THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.

You see, the REAL difference between what he does and what I do is this: I DELETE NOTHING.  I CAME INTO THIS WITH EYES WIDE OPEN, AND I AM IN IT TO THE END.  I DON’T PISS AND MOAN, I DON’T WHINE LIKE A LITTLE GIRL, AND I SURE AS HELL DON’T PRETEND TO FEEEEEL BAD WHEN I HAVE TO DELETE ENTIRE BLOGS TO COVER MY ASS BECAUSE OOPSIE POOPSIE.  NO, I DECIDED TO COVER MY ASS ON DAY ONE, SO I COULD SAY WHAT I’M GOING TO SAY.  YOU’LL CALL THAT COWARDICE, BUT I CALL IT BATTLEFIELD PREPARATION.

And if you don’t like it, well fuck you some more. Go cry in your fucking FroYo, you goddamn weakling.

Like(0)Dislike(0)

For teh EPIC Monkeydancing Dick Stomp You Perpetrated Today

Like(0)Dislike(0)

Prodo Ignominus (yes, my Latin sucks.)

A DISCLAIMER FOR THE DULL-NORMAL:

WHAT FOLLOWS BELOW THE JUMP IS A

PARODY

IT IS ALSO A WORK OF

FICTION

IF YOU ARE OF A MIND TO GET ALL WHINY AND BUTTHURT ABOUT SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE YOUR NAME IN IT,

TOUGH SHIT

THANK YOU.

THE REST OF YOU ZOMBIES…PLEASE ENJOY.

Continue reading “Prodo Ignominus (yes, my Latin sucks.)”

Like(0)Dislike(0)

Welcome to Butthurt'R'Us

Bildo Baggins has said in the past that photos depicting family members are not acceptable.

That does not mean he has the power to control himself, because he posts pictures of family members all the time. Babies with skulls photoshopped over their heads, wives standing atop giant penises, minor children holding hamsters. Just because he SAYS something is so certainly doesn’t make it so. We are bound by his edicts about family members only so far as he is. That means if he can’t prevent himself from photoshopping a woman onto a penis, there’s no reason we must avoid photoshopping someone else’s face onto a photo of a monkey pleasuring himself. That means when Bildo puts Mexican Day of the Dead faces on a Lickspittle, then he must be okay with someone photoshopping pictures of people he cares about. That means when anonymous commenters submit comments of someone’s wife in some other compromising position, then it must be okay for anyone to do the same thing as he or she sees fit.

Bildo has as much control over that sort of thing as Hoge and I have over the Gravatar images people choose for their avatars. And as a Free Speech Warrior who believes that the answer to bad speech is MORE speech, there is no greater advocate for the opposition to such usages of photos, or for others to make similar comments, provided they have and continue to meet the requirements of community decorum, which in my case are quite loose and freewheeling.

And I do not say I am going to start mass-producing photoshopped pictures of Gail Schmalfeldt. I don’t do that.

But if I were to allow it, and some waggish soul decided to make a substantive comment that included an avatar or even a full photograph of the sweet Mrs. Schmalfeldt’s face on a young woman’s body, said body being on the receiving end of some special attention from a hugely well-endowed African American porn star, under the Bildo’s rules, I would be within my rights to publish such a comment, would I not?

Especially if I had a sooper sekrit site where I could be sure that Bildo would never see such a disturbing image (or any of the dozens of other such images that may or may not already exist there thanks to the collective Zombie Horde who shall remain nameless), and his perpetual butthurt would not be exacerbated by the intentional self-infliction of emotional distress.

See the logic?

Who cares if you do or not? This is the Internet, where I could be lying with total impunity.

Or not. Good luck figuring it out.

Ha. Ha. And motherfucking HA!

Like(0)Dislike(0)

Poor TJO

F5 Jackhammer

Poor TJO.

Poor, poor, TJO.

Poor, mayo-gobbing TJO.

Poor anal-rape obsessed TJO.

He’s all butthurt over a picture with his face photoshopped on a guy who he thinks is having anal sex. I wish the guy who made that had photoshopped a real forehead over the thing that actually sits up there in the picture.

Poor, TJO, who calls people “tard.”

Poor TJO, who posts a nearly naked picture of himself in S&M gear from work computers on work time. Naughty, naughty! I wonder which of his boyfriends took that picture? I hope I don’t ever have cause to re-post it under the Fair Use Doctrine of U.S. Copyright Law. I mean, yikes!

Poor TJO, who probably had a very great deal to do with getting @brainsrfood gulaged. Didn’t slow me down one bit.

Now he can’t find me. Boo hoo. Unintended consequences and all that.

Until a couple of days ago, I thought he had only been a complete online loser for a couple of years. Now I find that the EPIC LUSERHUD goes back almost a decade, and maybe even more?

What a STERLING REPUTATION you had…8 years before I ever heard of you.

Come and get me, LUSER. Ryan, theaprilfool, jtdude0 and all your pals that I found are waiting.

Oh…SO. MUCH. FUN!!!

Like(0)Dislike(0)

AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, I'VE GOT A BRIDGE IN BROOKLYN FOR SALE!

I’ve been keeping my peace about this, but let’s look at the facts.

  1. William M. Schmalfeldt filed a horribly botched Answer and Counterclaim and First (and Second) Amended Counterclaim in his ill-fated, woe-begotten, doomed-from-day-one attempt to identify and maliciously prosecute me for some very vague and legally specious charges of libel and some such bullshit. Read all about it in “Cheesinus Fromundies – Intent to Sniff.”
  2. He spent all of his mayonnaise budget for the summer on postage, and was willing to dig into the penicillin and cranberry juice money to pay for subpoenas and processing fees from WordPress and Twitter to smoke me out and persecute me for authoring a genius parody that gave him Jerry Falwell levels of epic butthurt.
  3. Before he even figured out how to affect service on me, he folded like a pup tent in a hurricane. He got nothing, because he’s a cowardly, no-account, shuffling lump of weenie-meat with no guts for a fight he claimed to be spoiling for. He claims victory, yet refuses to look in my direction, when his prayer for relief of $1.500.000 (no that’s no typo – he really did try to sue for twelve bits) results two fingers raised high and proud back at him. He paid his costs, I sat back, pointing, laughing and mocking for most of a summer at no cost to myself.
  4. Continue reading “AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, I'VE GOT A BRIDGE IN BROOKLYN FOR SALE!”

Like(0)Dislike(0)