Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

What are your feelings on accusing rocket scientists and lawyers of being pedophiles (just like your creepy buddy Brett Kimberlin in Maryland is!)?

Have you seen any benefit, political or otherwise, from your very recent advocacy in that area?



Because I can only DREAM of who will replace The Notorious RBG…


TRUMP 2020

In November, 2016, the choices at the top of the ticket were bleak.

For the Republicans, I thought Donald Trump had shown himself to be a populist, a narcissist, a policy ignorant boob, entirely unqualified for the political realities of the highest office in the land.

For the Democrats, I thought Hillary Clinton was an entitled leader of an elitist party, a consummate politician in contrast to Trump, but transparently capable of any dirty trick on either side of the line separating lawful from unlawful in her pursuit of the position she had cynically pursued since 1992 or longer.

And…I was right. Boy was I right.

I couldn’t morally vote for either one of them, and I didn’t. But I did vote.  I live in a state where the outcome of the vote and the electoral votes conferred was not ever in doubt. This afforded me some freedom.

I voted for a concept more than I did for a candidate whose values aligned with mine.  Federal election rules call for a party whose candidate receives at least 5% of the popular vote to receive federal matching funds in the next cycle. So in my state, that left me the opportunity to leverage my choice for either Jill Stein of the Green Party or Libertarian Gary Johnson.  Neither had a chance of winning my state, so I chose the candidate closest to my values – Johnson.

Let me reiterate here: I knew Johnson couldn’t win my state, and I knew the candidate who eventually DID win my state would do so with or without my vote; my hope was that Johnson could reach 5% of the national popular vote.

He didn’t.  In this sense, I was not a winner in the 2016 election.

In another sense, I was.  I voted, and thus retained my right to complain about anything I damn well please, but I didn’t vote for Hillary, nor did I vote for Trump.  CAN’T BLAME ME!

Trump won.  And, as expected, he has been a boorish asshole.

He tweets too much, and is unrestrained in his rhetoric.

He is undiplomatic and angry.

He screws porn stars. The best Bill Clinton could do was an intern and, as James Carville put it, the kind of woman you’d get if you dragged a hundred dollar bill through a trailer park.

Trump marries supermodels.  Hillary married a man who gets blowjobs from White House interns attracts the kind of woman you’d attract if you dragged a hundred dollar bill through a trailer park.

Trump requires loyalty from his people, while he also gives second, third and fourth chances to staffers who clearly do not deserve it.

He lacks the politician’s ability to fake sincerity.

He is so politically inexperienced that he can’t even pretend to respect the media that would drive him out of office if they could.

He treats those who don’t like him, who disagree with him, who insult him behind his back and who constantly try to cut him down in a manner much like I treat people who don’t like me, who disagree with me, who insult me behind my back and who try to cut me down.

There’s are many reasons I have never run for public office, but one of the biggest is I lack the required temperament. I have trouble pretending that the disrespectful assholes I deal with are worthy of my respect.

Kind of like Trump does.

But funny things happen around Trump.  And they happen often enough that it’s worth noticing in Washington D.C. where such things don’t often happen.


Tax cuts.

Conservative justices to the federal courts.

Stunning economic progress.

Diplomatic successes from an administration not afraid to fail along the way.

And it’s that last one that for me is vitally important. Donald Trump doesn’t appear to give a damn what you think of him.  He’s going to do what he wants, fuck you very much.

THAT…I have a lot of respect for that. And I notice that the people who voted for him feel very much the same.

Yes, Donald Trump is an asshole, but he GETS SHIT DONE.


The stock market is roaring (while the media is telling me how horrible it is that my 401K balance is up 25% over the last 18 months). Unemployment is down to historic lows (especially among minorities, who the media tells me Trump REALLY REALLY HATES WHEN NO ONE CAN SEE HIM). Income taxes are down and incomes are up (but these thousand dollar bonuses are only CRUMBS compared to the $20 increases that San Fran Nan praised while The Lightbringer was in office). America is renegotiating trade deals that have placed American businesses at a disadvantage for years (while the media is dutifully finding the outliers who are being hurt by them). Even San Francisco is tasking work crews to clean up the piles of human waste piling up in their streets thanks to their liberal housing policies.

It’s amazing how well things are going, how many things have turned around in just 18 months, and how terrible the media and Democrats want to make me feeeeeeel about it all. And vote for them.

Because, in case you missed it – Donald Trump is an asshole.

Well, DUH.

He’s not the first asshole to be elected President.  He may only be the first to make no effort to pretend to be otherwise.

And what was he elected to do?

HINT: He was not elected America’s Mister Nice Guy. He certainly wasn’t elected to be Jim Acosta’s Self-Esteem Validation Machine.

And if he’s on the ballot in 2020, you can bet your ass I’m going to vote for the prick.


Speaking of Tragedies

It might be tragic if you believed Trump cares what ANYONE thinks of him, considering a long and documented record simply not giving a fuck about anything but getting the deal done.

On the other hand, I think it would be a serious mistake to believe that Bill Mathews of KGYN Guymon Oklahoma (born Bill Schmalfeldt, documented disease faking, valor stealing, restraining order collecting, turd sniffing, shitrolling toddlerstalking pro se failure, gets the same level respect from his best friends that John McCain gets from his worst enemies.


So My Question Is…

When I see someone tweeting that their TV station, radio station or newsroom is getting an “update to their security processes” aka active shooter training, and the reason given is the change in “climate” over the last year or so, I have to ask what changed:

Is it the quality and tone of the product the media is selling?

Or is it more likely that the customer has a better understanding of the product they are being sold?

Is there a third option worth discussing?


There He Is!

The all-things-organic-exit-obsessed Bill Schmalfeldt we all know and love!

Be sure to tell April all about your poop-sniffing, turd-rolling blog, ColoRectoRama!

Helpfully saved right here!


Since We’re Talking About Spelling

Is is Schmalfelddt, or Schmalfeldtt? Your many legal pleadings filed in Maryland, Wisconsin, Illinois and South Carolina (easily found at PACER.ORG by any truly enterprising reporter in search of a great story)  leave no small amount of doubt as to the spelling of your legal name.

Oh, and…



Do Not Let This Man Adopt Animals

In 2015, he abandoned two dogs named Raven and Shiloh when he moved from Maryland to Wisconsin.

In 2017, after leaving his forever retirement home at the strong suggestion of NINJANUNS to relocate to Iowa, he acquired a cat named Boris and a dog named Jake. It is believed by many that they are now in a sack at the bottom of the Mississippi River along with a certain clockwork urn that didn’t make the trip to South Kackalacky and the Balloon Boy.

Speaking of Balloon Boy then there was Onyx (remember Onyx? It’s a song about Onyx…) the $1500 Show Cat.


That makes four…

Onyx was replaced by Monty the Collusion Cat, and made into one of the stupidest DOA Twitter bits that DUMBFUCK has ever conceived.

Monty was billed on the ill-fated Facebook page as the future producer-to-be for morning titan Bill Mathews of KGYN (why the name change? It’s not his town…they don’t know him there…and he’ll be very lucky if they never do).

But as has become the predictable outcome…Monty never reached his destination.

Now we have Thor and Loki.  No doubt these new animals (and why has scared, hiding-in-silence-under-the-porch puppy Bill Schmalfeldt developed such a recent affinity for pussies? Just Asking Questions™) were named by his insipid fiance Inflate-A-Boy (“Flnucnk YUBU, Kneumbner!!”) Kelly.

I’m sure we all remember the contents of her now-protected library of Deviant Art images, including some highly explicit examples of Asgardian incest pornography.  Clearly our pal Bill Mathews, the station manager and morning shock-jock at the Big Talker 1210-AM in Guymon approves of such filth…silence gives consent and all that.

But back to my point: that’s five abandoned animals in three years.  Who wants to bet Thor and Loki are gone by Christmas?

Someone clearly HATES changing the litter box.