You Mad, Bro?

Yeah, he mad.

Come on, you DUMBFUCK, if you think mud can fly in both directions, go ahead and sling away! You haven’t ever been close to throwing in my direction, owing to tour deluded obsession with the vanished Patrick Grady.

When was he last heard from, anyway? I’m sure it’s pinned up on your conspiracy wall.

Tell us, Projection Boy, was it when he traveled to Maryland to fight a peace order while you peed your skirts in fear? Or was it when you curb-rubbed your tires to death and filed a false police report before fleeing into the waiting arms of Woody Woodchipper the Great Inflatable Soulmate?

Tell us please, you Superbad 8 Time LOLSUIT Failure, all about the fire and brimstone you will rain down upon me, whom you can’t even identify.

If you think I’m laughing at you, if you think I’m having FUN…

You’re absolutely goddamn right!

But to be perfectly serious for just a moment: I’m just one Zombie. There are THOUSANDS more people laughing at you. I really wish you were just 1% as smart as you think you are, because if you were, you might stand a chance of finding all the encrypted butthurt the internet can offer you, and then witnessing your impotent rage would be like driving a Ferrari instead of a refurbished Yugo.

As you continue building your lifelong legacy of #EPICFAIL, please at least try to entertain me.

It might not be the very least you can do, but it’s in the bottom 3.

Like(13)Dislike(0)

Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

The projection is strong in you, young 8 time FAILSUIT LOSER. You’re gonna take wives, cars and houses! But you can’t even hold on to your own.

I’m still waiting for the cops to pick me up, you loudmouth idiot.

I saw a story recently about a guy with a 9 cm diameter air pocket where his brain is supposed to be – how did you manage to convince them not to identify you?

Maybe I’ll have to plan a little golf getaway to Myrtle Beach next month. any other Zombie duffers want to join me?

Good thing you’re in Albuquerque, amirite?

Like(13)Dislike(0)

“I’ve Given All That Up,” He Says

Of course you have, DUMBFUCK.

Of course you have.

We are all you have.

Well…us, and fantasies of raping Cub Scouts around the campfire.

Why did you have to move from Iowa to North Dakota, again? I really doubt it was because The Giant made a great career leap in the field of janitorial arts.

And if you’re really wondering how you can honor Mom’s legacy in the time you have left, may I make a humble suggestion? Why not poop on a kitchen chair and then take The Cure? A nice, big exit wound out the top of your dick-dented hat rack would be a beautiful gesture.

Like(13)Dislike(0)

All Fat (I Mean, HAT) & No Cattle

But, but, but…RUSSIAN PEE PEE HOOKERS!

Like(12)Dislike(0)

The Little Birdies, They Sing to Me

Actually, this time it was a local private investigator named Cliff Swallow that someone hired after a private crowdfunding effort (thanks to all who chipped in!).

The Tramway Inn at 13139 Central Ave. SE is a two star gem, and a luxurious upgrade for DUMBFUCK and Inflataskank.

No pesky relatives around to try to stop the gaslighting of the All New & Improved Captive Nurse 2.0, you see.

Plus, there is plenty of good light for monkeyfucking the keyboard to produce LOLSUIT IX – JURISDICTION IS FOR SUCKS.

And the business center only charges 20¢ per page to print.

Woo hoo!

Like(11)Dislike(0)

Someone’s Upset

Why would Bill Schmalfeldt be upset that a vulgar, crude man speaks in vulgar crude language?

Or maybe he’s bothered that another man has expressed “great love and affection” for a category of folks in which Bill Schamlfeldt so clearly belongs?

Come out, Bill! It’s okay to be gay!

Just keep the pursuit of Cub Scouts to a minimum.

Like(6)Dislike(0)