Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

Okay, so to recap – making accusations without proof is bad again.

In that case, does anyone remember when KMCN-FM the MAC 94.7 host Broadway Bill Schmalfeldt begged and begged like the puling pussy he is for someone, anyone to take down the turdsrfood.wordpress.com website that someone started?

Does anyone remember when he started accusing me of being behind it? Does anyone recall that fat jackass providing even one bit of proof?

And of course it was him, not me, who outed Vinnie Virgintino, Thomas Puzo Sr., Miriam Lazewatsky and dog trainers various and sundry up and down the Eastern seaboard? (Guess what, DUMBFUCK? Just because you delete your fuck-ups does not mean the INTERNET IS NOT STILL FOREVER.)

It was him, not me, who determined that Howard Earl was Jerry Fletcher was Chris Heather was Jeremy Kinsey was Robin Causey was Paul Krendler was Eric Schultz was Owain Pennilyn was John Hoge IV was Grace the San Francisco hairdresser was Ashterah was the Dread Pirate Zombie was Asherahresearch was Laura Ashley was Ashley Wilkes was Wilkes Chamberlain was Richard Chamberlain was Jason Bourne was Matt Damon was Damon Runyon was Ring Lardner was James Garner was Jim Rockford was Rocky Balboa was Snake Plissken.

Seriously? 

It was him, not not me, who spread disgusting deathbed photos of his so-called soulmate, the best woman he ever met (out of maybe 6 total, not including the Japanese whatever-you-want-to-call-him), and that’s how much respect he has for her, to spew that photo all over the internet.

What about those photos of someone allegedly abusing a cadaver that he says that I sent him?  Does anyone recall the proof that it was me?

And all those times he has accused me of being the person behind the creation of, and multiple guffaw-inducing updates to his personal page at Encyclopedia Dramatica?  Does anyone remember him ever offering a shred of proof?

And the many times he has accused me of being some guy from Palatine, Illinois, without ever providing a single shred of proof?

And last year, when Agent Starling took time from her busy schedule to drive to the Palace of the Ninjanuns in St. Francis, Wisconsin to take a photo of the car he bought, after YEARS of lying about being unable to drive because EXACERBATED PARKINSON’S or some such bullshit, and DUMBFUCK Broadway Bill Schmalfeldt posted this lie:

Here’s a hint, for a turdsniffing moron: it wasn’t me, it wasn’t a car, and it didn’t have Illinois plates.

I know who Agent Starling was, I know what he was driving, and I know what state the plates were from.

I challenge lying crapnugget & sandpacked pussy Broadway Bill Schmalfeldt, minimum wage midday host at KMCN-FM in Clinton Iowa, to publish that picture.

I know he never will though. He doesn’t have any such picture because it doesn’t exist, and because he’s a lying piece of shit, and a credit to the character of the no-account radio station who hired him.

Again, that radio station is KMCN- FM the MAC 94.7 in Clinton Iowa, where they play everything, with the possible exception of THE KIDDIE PORN HOMOSEXUAL BOY SCOUT PARODIES BILL SCHMALFELDT CREATED AND TRIES TO SELL ON AMAZON.

IT’S THIS ONE:

OH, AND THIS ONE, TOO:

Those two links to Amazon, and the titles?  Those are called “proof.”

Because making accusations without proof is bad again.

Or maybe it’s only bad to make accusations about Broadass Bill Schmalfeldt, the lying pussy behind the mike from 1 – 5 afternoons at KMCN-FM in Clinton, Iowa.

Maybe it’s only okay when he does it to others.

Which he does all the time.

 

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The Good Faith of DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt, Observed

Based on years of observation, I believe the conclusion a reasonable man can draw from the fact that DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt has proffered some sort of settlement offer to John Hoge is this: DUMBFUCK has once more – temporarily – lost the will to engage in battles that he has no chance whatsoever of winning.

TEMPORARILY.

A reasonable man – no genius he – could predict that such an offer is heavily weighted toward a safe escape for the idiot making it.  A reasonable observer would surely know that Schmalfeldt the Sand-Filled Pussy finds himself backed so deeply into a corner that his only hope of freedom absent consequences is to don the disguise of courtesy and conciliation.

And a reasonable man should respond, “There ain’t no wolf, kid.  Shaddup.”

Because a reasonable man knows this about Internet Tuff Guy Bill Schmalfeldt and his delusions of reason:  every bit of it is Slovenian horse shit.

Bill Schmalfeldt is a liar.  Bill Schmalfeldt cannot be trusted.  Bill Schmalfeldt is a worthless pig.  Bill Schmalfeldt is due for a lesson in manners and consequences.

For what it’s worth, I once tried to impress upon this fat piece of shit that our CHOICES determine our ACTIONS, our ACTIONS lead to CONSEQUENCES, and the RESPONSIBILITY for the CONSEQUENCES lies squarely with the person who made the CHOICES in the first place.

Here’s a shock:  it didn’t take.

Want proof?  a little more than five weeks ago, this DUMBFUCK solicited an offer from John to settle.  This was John’s offer:

A couple of key phrases in there…

  • It is my best and final offer.
  • It is not negotiable.
  • You may take it or leave it.
  • This offer expires at 6:00 pm on 20 January, 2017.
  • Given your potential liability if the court were to award damages for Count XII equivalent to the statutory damages I could recover in a federal copyright lawsuit, you should view these terms as quite favorable.
  • IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT THEM, WE WILL GO TO TRIAL.

And three days later in a TOTALLY NOT shocking turn of events, Tuff Guy Bill Schmalfeldt shat all over that offer on his LiberalGrouch2.com blog (which, sadly, has gone the way of all Schmalfeldt related blogs…except this one!) with many refrains of “Go fuck yourself Hoggy!”

If I recall correctly (and I do, because The Internet Is FOREVER), Badass Bill’s final offer was

Forget me. Drop me from the suit.
And then, go fuck yourself some more.

But that was then.  I’ll bet the tune is a lot different now.  And I’ll bet we’ll all find out just how much at COB today.

It’s hard to be a badass while signing the “CONQUERED” line of the unconditional surrender agreement.

THAT SHIP HAS FUCKING SAILED

 

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The Schmalfeldt Method™ of Internet Badassery

First, make sure you’re well stocked on vinegar.  You’re going to need it to douche the yeasty sand out of your pussy.

Second, keep a bag packed for your next post-eviction interstate getaway.  Maybe try north to Minnesota next; it’s a reliably blue state just like Wiscon- oops.

Grab the Johnnie Walker Red and pour yourself a glass of liquid courage.

No.  Bigger glass.

Bigger.  No matter who the target is, you’ll be punching up.

On second thought, maybe just IV the bottle.

Choose your target carefully.  Remember you’ll be punching way up in class (it’s a safe assumption if you’re following the Schmalfeldt Method), so make sure your objective is someone who, when you strike at them, you might be able to reach the sole of their shoe.

If they step off a curb…

And fall into the open sewer where you dwell.

If stalking three year olds makes you feel tough…

If photoshopping someone’s wife onto a giant penis suits your milieu

If calling women cunts, twats, loose coozes, and such makes you feel better about your late wife’s legacy…

If waging a four year battle against a man who called you “some bozo” as you defended a drug dealing, document forging, perjuring, domestic terrorist pedophile is your raison d’être…

Then lace up the golf cleats and drop trou.

Wait until Hogewash! serves up the Team Kimberlin Post of the Day at midnight-ish Eastern time.

Tweet evil things at people who likely are fast asleep because they’re not obsessed stalkers like you.

Ignore anybody who responds, but also block them, you Internet Badass, you.

Then pass out drunk wherever you are. Aunt Edna won’t mind. She loves cleaning up vomit and bowel tragedies.

Get up the next afternoon around 4:00, feed the hangover some coffee from the Red Keurig (and a little hair of the dog from fresh stock), and do it all over again.

Don’t ever surrender, because that would be humiliating.

Not any more humiliating than filing and losing lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit…

Not any more humiliating than losing blog after blog after blog after blog…

Not any more humiliating than having nearly one hundred Twitter accounts permanently suspended…

Not any more humiliating than abandoning nearly a hundred more…

Not any more humiliating than cycling through God knows how many rebranded (yet still pointless and stupid) podcasts…

Not any more humiliating than self-publishing yet another Ctrl-C/Ctrl-V masturbation fantasy destined to be yanked off (pun intended) the shelves due to yet another copyright violation…

Let’s face it – if abject humiliation on an ongoing, accelerating schedule is the mayo on your footlong…

The Schmalfeldt Method™ of Internet Badassery is for you!

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Bill Schmalfeldt, Plagiarist

For a long time now, it has been an established truth that Bill Schmalfeldt engages in plagiarism.

Is that defamatory? Not if truth is a defense, as we shall see in a moment.

If I were so inclined, I could track down half a dozen examples, and perhaps more, of Bill Schmalfeldt’s rank perfidy.  But I’m not so inclined.  Instead, I will mention one known example and leave it to the archivists to reproduce if they wish. In addition I am going to provide two more concrete examples to prove that – for the Google bomb –

BILL SCHMALFELDT IS A PLAGIARIST.

…not to mention really fucking stupid. Continue reading “Bill Schmalfeldt, Plagiarist”

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For A Moment I Almost Believed

…that the monkey could learn. But no.

DUMBFUCK had gone quiet. He focused, inasmuch (one word) as he could, on such useless pursuits as throwing Electoral College tantrums and making puddles of musical vomit that no one will ever hear.

And then:

Of course Hoge not LAW! LAW am LAW.

Acually KRENDLER am LAW. But DUMBFUCK surely doesn’t remember being told here that in Maryland, YOU ONLY GET ONE dispositive motion to dismiss, and you have to lay out all your defenses at once. The judge remembered, though, and ruled as anyone not DUMB AS FUCK knew he must.

LAW am LAW, and RULES am RULES. And now DUMBFUCK has violated a judge’s order, because of course he did. He wouldn’t be our DUMBFUCK otherwise.

By the way, do you know what an opposing party must do with properly submitted discovery?

Answer it.

Do you know what an opposing party must do with improperly submitted discovery?

Not a goddamn thing. Except possibly explain why they don’t have to do a goddamn thing.

RULES am RULES and LAW am LAW.

DUMBFUCK was on to something last spring…he really does need a lawyer. Sadly, the only ones who could actually help him win would have to WANT TO BE DISBARRED.

Also, paid.

Which is a deal breaker for our DUMBFUCK, car-driving, no-longer-too-disabled-to-travel, poopsniffing pauper.

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Seen on Facebook

Sometimes whenever I eat M&Ms, I like to hold two M&Ms in between my fingers and slowly squeeze until one M&M cracks. I eat the cracked one, and the one that didn’t crack becomes the champion. Then I grab another M&M and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of M&M gladiators. I do this until I run out of M&Ms and when there is only one M&M left standing, I send a letter to M&Ms brand with the champion M&M in it with a note attached that reads: ‘Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.’

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Good Evening, Defaulted Defendant DUMBFUCK!

…who continuously kick his ass sideways in any forum he chooses, and what does that say about him?

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GOLLY, DUMBFUCK!


Who FORCED this DUMBFUCK into a “Vinnie Virgintino” faildox this time? Because it’s never HIS FAULT, is it? 

Sure wasn’t me.

Finding a grain of sand at the beach is harder than punking an idiot like him.

Hmm…yeah, lemme think about that…

How about FUCK YOU, YA FAT FAILDOXING FREAK!

I think DUMBFUCK poked the wrong monster again.  I think he cracked a world of hurt open on himself at Kiwi Farms, and if there is one thing certain, I had nothing to do with it.

But the Horde and I will enjoy watching.

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Good Morning, Dying, Demented, Depends™ Dependent, DEFAULTED Defendant DUMBFUCK!

  • Playing YOUR game
  • By YOUR rules
  • And whipping YOUR tail

Don’t you hate it when the people you bully fight back?

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