Why Steal Tweets? Why Not?

Sometimes, with some people…extra precautions are necessary when documenting very dangerous levels of stupidity.

And by dangerous I mean “handling nitroglycerin” dangerous.  The kind of dangerous that fear pee-soaked, sandy vagina, nutshuffling penises will delete without warning in a sudden explosion of rank cowardice.

Take this guy, for instance: he might be a world record holder in Twitter cowardice, with the most lost, abandoned or suspended Twitter handles in history. But since he’s a SJW-pussy, Twitter just lets him keep on keepin’ on, as long as his impotent attacks are directed at acceptable targets, even if they are so far out of his intellectual class they might as well be orbiting a different star (and I think that’s everybody who isn’t made of latex and living in a hotel).

This particular DUMBFUCK recently peed himself in an effort to show how the lawsuit in which he is currently sinking fast as a defendant will hinge on HOW TWITTER WORKS rather than on HOW A CONTRACT WORKS.

The reason he wants to argue about Twitter and not about contracts is painfully obvious to anyone with a double digit IQ.

But that’s not the purpose of this post.

The purpose of this post is to explore the reasons why Zombies like myself take screen caps of people’s tweets.

In three simple words: “Because they’re cowards.”

The image you see above is a screencap of a tweet. It’s STOLEN.  (shhh! our little secret…)

I made an image file of it, and uploaded it to an image hosting site.

Why would I do that?

So I could EMBED the URL of the tweet underneath it when I included the image in this post.  You’ll notice that the cursor changes because the image is a link.  Click it, if you want to go to a DUMFUCK Twitter account.

So there must be some advantage to doing this, right?

Indeed there is!

If you were an enterprising zombie, and you chose to delve into the archives on this site, you would find no small number of posts that make somewhat less sense now than they did when they were first published. The reason for this is that I followed the Twitter terms of service and embedded a tweet in the post.

And then the owner of the tweet (GUESS WHO?!?) deleted the tweet, and often the entire account, because he figured out that he might get in trouble for it, and that if he deleted the whole thing the trouble would vanish. Kind of like the old “Family Circus” cartoons:

Y’all remember the name of the oldest kid, don’tcha? Of course you do!

What I have done – what is necessary to do with someone who refuses to produce documents in discovery – is retain an image of the original tweet, so that certain nutshuffling footlong lovers who enjoy watching men fellate other men

It’s true!

can’t delete the evidence of their perfidy and later deny it ever happened.

So you can call it theft if you like, but wouldn’t it just be easier to use the term that a certain DUMBFUCK himself favors:

EVIDENCE GATHERING.

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Poor, Poor, Pitiful DUMBFUCK

No matter how many new blogs…

No matter how many new Twitter handles…

No matter how many new podcasts…

No matter how many new wives…

He can’t change who he is…

He will always be Bill Schmalfeldt, Demented Cyberstalker.

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He Made A Fecal Case Out Of It

It was either “eat shit and do nothing about it,” or make a poopie in federal court that he would eventually be forced to eat anyway. He chose the latter.

I will be the second to admit. Bill Schmalelddt has never filed a successful lawsuit. (Not for lack of trying, mind you – just for lack of having a case. Or intelligence.) Every suit he has filed has been dismissed before reaching a point of being considered on the merits. This is because Bill Schmalelddt is too stupid to fashion a complaint that can survive a motion to dismiss for any of a dozen or so reasons. The same could be said about the defendants in his attempts to get some justice for the years of undue harassment that has been returned to him in his prescribed three-for-one ratio to what he has dished out.

It COULD be said, if the dozens of defendants he has tried to sue over the past three years had ever tried to sue him…but only one has. That case goes to trial in August. The outlook for Schmalelddt is similar to his general opinion of women – DIM.

No one – yet – has ever beaten him on the merits, for two reasons:

  1. None of his lawsuits ever reaches a point where the merits are judged. This is fortunate for Schmalelddt because when he files a LOLSUIT, there are no merits to consider;
  2. No one pays him enough mind to sue him for defamation, because his character and reputation are such that nothing he says on any subject can be taken seriously by a reasonable person.

Oh, sometimes people thump their chests without ever crediting the “disgraced” attorney who beat him like a redheaded stepchild in Wisconsin and was well paid for it. Poor Schmalelddt – he just knows so much that isn’t so.

He doesn’t have an attorney. He had one once, a charity attorney in Illinois who told him to run along home and quit bothering people with more important things to do than wipe his tears and rub ointment on his aching butt. No, he does this all by his lonesome, with the moral support of his imaginary friends and inflatable ladyboi. Besides, he’s smarter than any old dumb, disgraced lawyer anyway! There are no guarantees of success, but I do believe that he’s learned some things along the way.

OK, just kidding!! He hasn’t learned ANYTHING.

He thinks jurisdiction (subject matter and personal) is handled differently in South Carolina; he found a case that he thinks says it’s based on where the VICTIM dwells. Sadly, no. But even though he has burned his free amendment in an effort to fix some other flaw that was explicitly pointed out to him (but which he still didn’t believe until he was once more proven to be an utter fool), it’s still too early to educate the monkey. He thinks venue is also correct for the same reasons.

One reason there is no need right now to educate the monkey, or even bother to be concerned with it, is because the suit will be dismissed by the Magistrate Judge before any defendant needs to make an argument regarding his whimsical notions of jurisdiction and venue.

This is just the first step on a long journey – about 25 feet to the edge of the cliff, and then a long 2000 foot drop. This is why he told Dave Alexander the other day that he’s lucky he and Sarah Palmer live in the same state (as far as he knows – ha ha ha). He thinks he could not file under a diversity jurisdiction if two parties live in the same state. Sarah won the obviously rigged coin toss.

Remember – he’s learned some things along the way. Not enough things to get a lawsuit past motions to dismiss, or even to the point of being served, but things. That he’s learned. Like the cure for Fakinson’s disease can be found on the shores of Lake Michigan, where you will magically regain the physical dexterity if not the mental acuity required to safely drive a car again. Yay!

I have a very good idea how this will end up.

Just like all the other VII LOLSUITS filed by Bill Schmalelddt.

WJJ Hoge II and his readers, as well as defendants Johnson, Palmer and Grady will never see a summons, never have to file a motion to dismiss, never have to craft an answer and will not have to spend a moment of serious thought on Schmalelddt’s case. (Note: this case comes with sooper sekrit subpoena powah. If Schmalelddt wants to find out who I am, he will find a whole new set of obstacles to overcome.)

But I HATE to spoil the surprise!

Hoge will say he has foreseen this.

EVERYBODY foresaw this, from the moment he moved out of Iowa, the gigantic sand-filled pussy.

Of course, foresight is always more impressive when one can predict something that hasn’t happened yet.

Like, say, that Schmalelddt’s pro se complaint will be subject to review by a magistrate judge and likely be”killed in its crib?” That was foreseen.

Or that Schmalelddt would be expertly manipulated into quickly burning his free first amendment to correct something in his complaint that he maintained at first wasn’t even wrong? That was foreseen too.

Or finally, that Schmalelddt would leave behind multiple other fatal flaws in his Amended Complaint (and even make some things WORSE THAN BEFORE)? That also was foreseen.

So it looks like he had a choice between eating a turd and laying one. Like seven times before, “CLEANUP ON AISLE LOLSUIT!” Send the DUMBFUCK and make sure he brings his big spoon.

BOY…Thank goodness he was never “emotionally invested” in this one.

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Wouldn’t It Just Be Easier

…if you stopped pretending you understand how this all works…

…and admitted to yourself and to the world once and for all…

…that you are the DUMBFUCK idiot that even Balloon Boi knows you are?

Or, just keep entertaining us:

As a wise man once whined, “There is no justice for the Schmalelddts of the world, only for HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!!S.”

Some truths are worth writing on Post-It notes and leaving in plain sight.  That’s one of them.

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

Okay, so to recap – making accusations without proof is bad again.

In that case, does anyone remember when KMCN-FM the MAC 94.7 host Broadway Bill Schmalfeldt begged and begged like the puling pussy he is for someone, anyone to take down the turdsrfood.wordpress.com website that someone started?

Does anyone remember when he started accusing me of being behind it? Does anyone recall that fat jackass providing even one bit of proof?

And of course it was him, not me, who outed Vinnie Virgintino, Thomas Puzo Sr., Miriam Lazewatsky and dog trainers various and sundry up and down the Eastern seaboard? (Guess what, DUMBFUCK? Just because you delete your fuck-ups does not mean the INTERNET IS NOT STILL FOREVER.)

It was him, not me, who determined that Howard Earl was Jerry Fletcher was Chris Heather was Jeremy Kinsey was Robin Causey was Paul Krendler was Eric Schultz was Owain Pennilyn was John Hoge IV was Grace the San Francisco hairdresser was Ashterah was the Dread Pirate Zombie was Asherahresearch was Laura Ashley was Ashley Wilkes was Wilkes Chamberlain was Richard Chamberlain was Jason Bourne was Matt Damon was Damon Runyon was Ring Lardner was James Garner was Jim Rockford was Rocky Balboa was Snake Plissken.

Seriously? 

It was him, not not me, who spread disgusting deathbed photos of his so-called soulmate, the best woman he ever met (out of maybe 6 total, not including the Japanese whatever-you-want-to-call-him), and that’s how much respect he has for her, to spew that photo all over the internet.

What about those photos of someone allegedly abusing a cadaver that he says that I sent him?  Does anyone recall the proof that it was me?

And all those times he has accused me of being the person behind the creation of, and multiple guffaw-inducing updates to his personal page at Encyclopedia Dramatica?  Does anyone remember him ever offering a shred of proof?

And the many times he has accused me of being some guy from Palatine, Illinois, without ever providing a single shred of proof?

And last year, when Agent Starling took time from her busy schedule to drive to the Palace of the Ninjanuns in St. Francis, Wisconsin to take a photo of the car he bought, after YEARS of lying about being unable to drive because EXACERBATED PARKINSON’S or some such bullshit, and DUMBFUCK Broadway Bill Schmalfeldt posted this lie:

Here’s a hint, for a turdsniffing moron: it wasn’t me, it wasn’t a car, and it didn’t have Illinois plates.

I know who Agent Starling was, I know what he was driving, and I know what state the plates were from.

I challenge lying crapnugget & sandpacked pussy Broadway Bill Schmalfeldt, minimum wage midday host at KMCN-FM in Clinton Iowa, to publish that picture.

I know he never will though. He doesn’t have any such picture because it doesn’t exist, and because he’s a lying piece of shit, and a credit to the character of the no-account radio station who hired him.

Again, that radio station is KMCN- FM the MAC 94.7 in Clinton Iowa, where they play everything, with the possible exception of THE KIDDIE PORN HOMOSEXUAL BOY SCOUT PARODIES BILL SCHMALFELDT CREATED AND TRIES TO SELL ON AMAZON.

IT’S THIS ONE:

OH, AND THIS ONE, TOO:

Those two links to Amazon, and the titles?  Those are called “proof.”

Because making accusations without proof is bad again.

Or maybe it’s only bad to make accusations about Broadass Bill Schmalfeldt, the lying pussy behind the mike from 1 – 5 afternoons at KMCN-FM in Clinton, Iowa.

Maybe it’s only okay when he does it to others.

Which he does all the time.

 

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The Good Faith of DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt, Observed

Based on years of observation, I believe the conclusion a reasonable man can draw from the fact that DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt has proffered some sort of settlement offer to John Hoge is this: DUMBFUCK has once more – temporarily – lost the will to engage in battles that he has no chance whatsoever of winning.

TEMPORARILY.

A reasonable man – no genius he – could predict that such an offer is heavily weighted toward a safe escape for the idiot making it.  A reasonable observer would surely know that Schmalfeldt the Sand-Filled Pussy finds himself backed so deeply into a corner that his only hope of freedom absent consequences is to don the disguise of courtesy and conciliation.

And a reasonable man should respond, “There ain’t no wolf, kid.  Shaddup.”

Because a reasonable man knows this about Internet Tuff Guy Bill Schmalfeldt and his delusions of reason:  every bit of it is Slovenian horse shit.

Bill Schmalfeldt is a liar.  Bill Schmalfeldt cannot be trusted.  Bill Schmalfeldt is a worthless pig.  Bill Schmalfeldt is due for a lesson in manners and consequences.

For what it’s worth, I once tried to impress upon this fat piece of shit that our CHOICES determine our ACTIONS, our ACTIONS lead to CONSEQUENCES, and the RESPONSIBILITY for the CONSEQUENCES lies squarely with the person who made the CHOICES in the first place.

Here’s a shock:  it didn’t take.

Want proof?  a little more than five weeks ago, this DUMBFUCK solicited an offer from John to settle.  This was John’s offer:

A couple of key phrases in there…

  • It is my best and final offer.
  • It is not negotiable.
  • You may take it or leave it.
  • This offer expires at 6:00 pm on 20 January, 2017.
  • Given your potential liability if the court were to award damages for Count XII equivalent to the statutory damages I could recover in a federal copyright lawsuit, you should view these terms as quite favorable.
  • IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT THEM, WE WILL GO TO TRIAL.

And three days later in a TOTALLY NOT shocking turn of events, Tuff Guy Bill Schmalfeldt shat all over that offer on his LiberalGrouch2.com blog (which, sadly, has gone the way of all Schmalfeldt related blogs…except this one!) with many refrains of “Go fuck yourself Hoggy!”

If I recall correctly (and I do, because The Internet Is FOREVER), Badass Bill’s final offer was

Forget me. Drop me from the suit.
And then, go fuck yourself some more.

But that was then.  I’ll bet the tune is a lot different now.  And I’ll bet we’ll all find out just how much at COB today.

It’s hard to be a badass while signing the “CONQUERED” line of the unconditional surrender agreement.

THAT SHIP HAS FUCKING SAILED

 

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The Schmalfeldt Method™ of Internet Badassery

First, make sure you’re well stocked on vinegar.  You’re going to need it to douche the yeasty sand out of your pussy.

Second, keep a bag packed for your next post-eviction interstate getaway.  Maybe try north to Minnesota next; it’s a reliably blue state just like Wiscon- oops.

Grab the Johnnie Walker Red and pour yourself a glass of liquid courage.

No.  Bigger glass.

Bigger.  No matter who the target is, you’ll be punching up.

On second thought, maybe just IV the bottle.

Choose your target carefully.  Remember you’ll be punching way up in class (it’s a safe assumption if you’re following the Schmalfeldt Method), so make sure your objective is someone who, when you strike at them, you might be able to reach the sole of their shoe.

If they step off a curb…

And fall into the open sewer where you dwell.

If stalking three year olds makes you feel tough…

If photoshopping someone’s wife onto a giant penis suits your milieu

If calling women cunts, twats, loose coozes, and such makes you feel better about your late wife’s legacy…

If waging a four year battle against a man who called you “some bozo” as you defended a drug dealing, document forging, perjuring, domestic terrorist pedophile is your raison d’être…

Then lace up the golf cleats and drop trou.

Wait until Hogewash! serves up the Team Kimberlin Post of the Day at midnight-ish Eastern time.

Tweet evil things at people who likely are fast asleep because they’re not obsessed stalkers like you.

Ignore anybody who responds, but also block them, you Internet Badass, you.

Then pass out drunk wherever you are. Aunt Edna won’t mind. She loves cleaning up vomit and bowel tragedies.

Get up the next afternoon around 4:00, feed the hangover some coffee from the Red Keurig (and a little hair of the dog from fresh stock), and do it all over again.

Don’t ever surrender, because that would be humiliating.

Not any more humiliating than filing and losing lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit…

Not any more humiliating than losing blog after blog after blog after blog…

Not any more humiliating than having nearly one hundred Twitter accounts permanently suspended…

Not any more humiliating than abandoning nearly a hundred more…

Not any more humiliating than cycling through God knows how many rebranded (yet still pointless and stupid) podcasts…

Not any more humiliating than self-publishing yet another Ctrl-C/Ctrl-V masturbation fantasy destined to be yanked off (pun intended) the shelves due to yet another copyright violation…

Let’s face it – if abject humiliation on an ongoing, accelerating schedule is the mayo on your footlong…

The Schmalfeldt Method™ of Internet Badassery is for you!

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Bill Schmalfeldt, Plagiarist

For a long time now, it has been an established truth that Bill Schmalfeldt engages in plagiarism.

Is that defamatory? Not if truth is a defense, as we shall see in a moment.

If I were so inclined, I could track down half a dozen examples, and perhaps more, of Bill Schmalfeldt’s rank perfidy.  But I’m not so inclined.  Instead, I will mention one known example and leave it to the archivists to reproduce if they wish. In addition I am going to provide two more concrete examples to prove that – for the Google bomb –

BILL SCHMALFELDT IS A PLAGIARIST.

…not to mention really fucking stupid. Continue reading “Bill Schmalfeldt, Plagiarist”

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For A Moment I Almost Believed

…that the monkey could learn. But no.

DUMBFUCK had gone quiet. He focused, inasmuch (one word) as he could, on such useless pursuits as throwing Electoral College tantrums and making puddles of musical vomit that no one will ever hear.

And then:

Of course Hoge not LAW! LAW am LAW.

Acually KRENDLER am LAW. But DUMBFUCK surely doesn’t remember being told here that in Maryland, YOU ONLY GET ONE dispositive motion to dismiss, and you have to lay out all your defenses at once. The judge remembered, though, and ruled as anyone not DUMB AS FUCK knew he must.

LAW am LAW, and RULES am RULES. And now DUMBFUCK has violated a judge’s order, because of course he did. He wouldn’t be our DUMBFUCK otherwise.

By the way, do you know what an opposing party must do with properly submitted discovery?

Answer it.

Do you know what an opposing party must do with improperly submitted discovery?

Not a goddamn thing. Except possibly explain why they don’t have to do a goddamn thing.

RULES am RULES and LAW am LAW.

DUMBFUCK was on to something last spring…he really does need a lawyer. Sadly, the only ones who could actually help him win would have to WANT TO BE DISBARRED.

Also, paid.

Which is a deal breaker for our DUMBFUCK, car-driving, no-longer-too-disabled-to-travel, poopsniffing pauper.

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Seen on Facebook

Sometimes whenever I eat M&Ms, I like to hold two M&Ms in between my fingers and slowly squeeze until one M&M cracks. I eat the cracked one, and the one that didn’t crack becomes the champion. Then I grab another M&M and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of M&M gladiators. I do this until I run out of M&Ms and when there is only one M&M left standing, I send a letter to M&Ms brand with the champion M&M in it with a note attached that reads: ‘Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.’

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