Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

Self Awareness Fail #INFINITY:

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. It says so in the book for the Friends of (a Different) Bill. I feel I need to make that distinction because everyone knows this Bill has no friends. I wouldn’t want anyone to be confused.

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He Made A Fecal Case Out Of It

It was either “eat shit and do nothing about it,” or make a poopie in federal court that he would eventually be forced to eat anyway. He chose the latter.

I will be the second to admit. Bill Schmalelddt has never filed a successful lawsuit. (Not for lack of trying, mind you – just for lack of having a case. Or intelligence.) Every suit he has filed has been dismissed before reaching a point of being considered on the merits. This is because Bill Schmalelddt is too stupid to fashion a complaint that can survive a motion to dismiss for any of a dozen or so reasons. The same could be said about the defendants in his attempts to get some justice for the years of undue harassment that has been returned to him in his prescribed three-for-one ratio to what he has dished out.

It COULD be said, if the dozens of defendants he has tried to sue over the past three years had ever tried to sue him…but only one has. That case goes to trial in August. The outlook for Schmalelddt is similar to his general opinion of women – DIM.

No one – yet – has ever beaten him on the merits, for two reasons:

  1. None of his lawsuits ever reaches a point where the merits are judged. This is fortunate for Schmalelddt because when he files a LOLSUIT, there are no merits to consider;
  2. No one pays him enough mind to sue him for defamation, because his character and reputation are such that nothing he says on any subject can be taken seriously by a reasonable person.

Oh, sometimes people thump their chests without ever crediting the “disgraced” attorney who beat him like a redheaded stepchild in Wisconsin and was well paid for it. Poor Schmalelddt – he just knows so much that isn’t so.

He doesn’t have an attorney. He had one once, a charity attorney in Illinois who told him to run along home and quit bothering people with more important things to do than wipe his tears and rub ointment on his aching butt. No, he does this all by his lonesome, with the moral support of his imaginary friends and inflatable ladyboi. Besides, he’s smarter than any old dumb, disgraced lawyer anyway! There are no guarantees of success, but I do believe that he’s learned some things along the way.

OK, just kidding!! He hasn’t learned ANYTHING.

He thinks jurisdiction (subject matter and personal) is handled differently in South Carolina; he found a case that he thinks says it’s based on where the VICTIM dwells. Sadly, no. But even though he has burned his free amendment in an effort to fix some other flaw that was explicitly pointed out to him (but which he still didn’t believe until he was once more proven to be an utter fool), it’s still too early to educate the monkey. He thinks venue is also correct for the same reasons.

One reason there is no need right now to educate the monkey, or even bother to be concerned with it, is because the suit will be dismissed by the Magistrate Judge before any defendant needs to make an argument regarding his whimsical notions of jurisdiction and venue.

This is just the first step on a long journey – about 25 feet to the edge of the cliff, and then a long 2000 foot drop. This is why he told Dave Alexander the other day that he’s lucky he and Sarah Palmer live in the same state (as far as he knows – ha ha ha). He thinks he could not file under a diversity jurisdiction if two parties live in the same state. Sarah won the obviously rigged coin toss.

Remember – he’s learned some things along the way. Not enough things to get a lawsuit past motions to dismiss, or even to the point of being served, but things. That he’s learned. Like the cure for Fakinson’s disease can be found on the shores of Lake Michigan, where you will magically regain the physical dexterity if not the mental acuity required to safely drive a car again. Yay!

I have a very good idea how this will end up.

Just like all the other VII LOLSUITS filed by Bill Schmalelddt.

WJJ Hoge II and his readers, as well as defendants Johnson, Palmer and Grady will never see a summons, never have to file a motion to dismiss, never have to craft an answer and will not have to spend a moment of serious thought on Schmalelddt’s case. (Note: this case comes with sooper sekrit subpoena powah. If Schmalelddt wants to find out who I am, he will find a whole new set of obstacles to overcome.)

But I HATE to spoil the surprise!

Hoge will say he has foreseen this.

EVERYBODY foresaw this, from the moment he moved out of Iowa, the gigantic sand-filled pussy.

Of course, foresight is always more impressive when one can predict something that hasn’t happened yet.

Like, say, that Schmalelddt’s pro se complaint will be subject to review by a magistrate judge and likely be”killed in its crib?” That was foreseen.

Or that Schmalelddt would be expertly manipulated into quickly burning his free first amendment to correct something in his complaint that he maintained at first wasn’t even wrong? That was foreseen too.

Or finally, that Schmalelddt would leave behind multiple other fatal flaws in his Amended Complaint (and even make some things WORSE THAN BEFORE)? That also was foreseen.

So it looks like he had a choice between eating a turd and laying one. Like seven times before, “CLEANUP ON AISLE LOLSUIT!” Send the DUMBFUCK and make sure he brings his big spoon.

BOY…Thank goodness he was never “emotionally invested” in this one.

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Now This Is Interesting…

Here’s a list of several pleadings that were docketed today in Hoge v. Kimberlin et al:

Notice that the first two documents listed above are dated May 16 and May 23. I included them so that I could show that the remaining list includes all the filings that have been accepted since that date.

So we have

  • a motion from Defendant 4 (that’s Bill Schmalfeldt) regarding Friday’s Pretrial Hearing.  If I had to guess, he’s probably begging to be allowed to appear via Skype and record the proceedings on his iPhone.
  • a motion from the Kimberlins regarding Friday’s Pretrial Hearing.  Again, if I had to guess, probably a lot of pissing and moaning about not ever going to cooperate with Hoge, not going to show up at the hearing, piss on you Judge, blah-blah-blah.
  • a Rule 2.504.2 statement from the Kimberlins outlining all sorts of evidence they intend to introduce at trial.
  • another Rule 2.504.2 statement from Defendant 4 (Bill Schmalfeldt) listing all sorts of evidence he intends to introduce at trial from blogs and Twitter accounts that he told John Hoge he had no way of providing to him when he asked for them during discovery.
  • Finally, a Motion from Defendant 4 (Bill Schmalfeldt) to Amend his Response to Plaintiff Hoge’s Motion for Summary Judgment.

Wait…what?

Do you think he means THIS motion for Summary Judgment?

The one that was also entered on May 16th, at the same time as Plaintiff’s Motion for Discovery Sanctions against Defendant Schmalfeldt?

Reviewing my docket numbers…I see 151/0 just above right here, and a continuously numbered list running from 152/0 to 158/0 beneath it.

So if Bill Schmalfeldt is requesting to Amend his Response to this Motion for Summary Judgment…wouldn’t there first have to BE a Response to Plaintiff’s Motion for Summary Judgment?

(It doesn’t take a genius to foresee a motion to strike just around the corner, folks.)

But it’s not there.  Neither is the promised Response to Plaintiff’s Motion for Discovery Sanctions.

That’s damn strange.  Unless those responses were incomplete for some reason related to Rule 1-323? Just maybe?

After all, DUMBFUCK gotta DUMBFUCK.

 

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For A Moment I Almost Believed

…that the monkey could learn. But no.

DUMBFUCK had gone quiet. He focused, inasmuch (one word) as he could, on such useless pursuits as throwing Electoral College tantrums and making puddles of musical vomit that no one will ever hear.

And then:

Of course Hoge not LAW! LAW am LAW.

Acually KRENDLER am LAW. But DUMBFUCK surely doesn’t remember being told here that in Maryland, YOU ONLY GET ONE dispositive motion to dismiss, and you have to lay out all your defenses at once. The judge remembered, though, and ruled as anyone not DUMB AS FUCK knew he must.

LAW am LAW, and RULES am RULES. And now DUMBFUCK has violated a judge’s order, because of course he did. He wouldn’t be our DUMBFUCK otherwise.

By the way, do you know what an opposing party must do with properly submitted discovery?

Answer it.

Do you know what an opposing party must do with improperly submitted discovery?

Not a goddamn thing. Except possibly explain why they don’t have to do a goddamn thing.

RULES am RULES and LAW am LAW.

DUMBFUCK was on to something last spring…he really does need a lawyer. Sadly, the only ones who could actually help him win would have to WANT TO BE DISBARRED.

Also, paid.

Which is a deal breaker for our DUMBFUCK, car-driving, no-longer-too-disabled-to-travel, poopsniffing pauper.

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Wait…What?

What just happened?

OooOOOoooOOOoooh!!

Scawwy. I so scawwed.

I will blog what I want to blog.

I will tweet what I want to tweet.

And I know that Buzz Punko-Makes-Ladies-Blow-Chunko will see it all. Because he’s certainly not looking for me.

Hey! Quit bothering me in there!  I see you not leaving me alone!
Hey! Quit bothering me in there! I see you not leaving me alone!

Oh, wait – I have a new follower on Twitter!

Even a ridiculous, sand-pantied, skirt-hiking runaway pussy DUMBFUCK knows that RIDICULE IS NOT A FUCKING TORT, any more than BUTTHURT is.  And automated emails from third parties (like WordPress pingbacks or Twitter notifications) are NOT contact, whether a weeping, sand-filled, nutshuffling cockfaced pussy comes looking for it or not.

So, Zombies, always remember – you come looking?  You get what you get.

What the hell is he gonna do? File a RICO lawsuit or something?

I’d like to see it.

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Staggering

So I found this little piece of trash today:

This is Bill Schmalfeldt’s Motion To Transfer due to forum non conveniens. I have made a copy for myself, so that it can be uploaded again when he realizes how much we are laughing at him and hides it from public view as he has in the past.

I like to be prepared.

Anyway, I thought I would take a brief look at the various case law citations he has included in the motion, and gauge their relative strength relative to his desire to have the case transferred from Maryland to Wisconsin.

For the record, he cites the following cases (which I have helpfully linked):

I reviewed each of these decisions for two pieces of information, and only two pieces of information: where the initial case was filed, and where the transferee venue was located.

In Lampros v Gelb & Gelb, a suit was filed in Montgomery County, Maryland, and the Appeals court found that the proper venue was Anne Arundel County, Maryland.

In Odenton Dev. Co v. Lamy, the venue conflict was between Baltimore City, Maryland, and Anne Arundel County, Maryland.

In Payton-Henderson v. Evans, the original complaint was filed in Baltimore City, Maryland and was then transferred on appeal to Baltimore County, Maryland.

In Cobrand v. Adventist Healthcare, the suit was filed in Prince George’s County, Maryland and transferred on motion to Montgomery County, Maryland.

In Urquhart v. Simmons, a case was transferred from Prince George’s County, Maryland to Montgomery County, Maryland.

Finally, Lennox v. Mull is a case where venue was contested between Allegany County, Maryland and Worcester County, Maryland.

Now maybe it’s just me, but I see a common thread linking all the venues listed in these cases.  Maybe it has something to do with state courts, handling STATE lawsuits, having some sort of imposed geographical limits on their power…

Could be something else, though…I suppose…

Maybe someone will enlighten us on how often a state court transfers a state case out of state.  I searched for such a precedent in Maryland and didn’t find a single one.  But I didn’t search all 57 states.

Even so, I feel confident that a state punting its judicial sovereignty across the river doesn’t happen too often ever.

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

You know how I know you’re a DUMBFUCK, you DUMB FUCKING SHITSNIFFING TURDROLLING, LYING HYPOCRITE?


That’s how.

You DUMBFUCK.

UPDATE – Who didn’t see this coming, raise your hand…
monkey_dance

Thank you, Billy Babboon. Thank you.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

You know how I know DUMBFUCK is a dumb fucking liar?

“Heeengh! Heeengh! Leave me alone! It’s over! It’s over! Heeengh! Heeengh!”

SIXTY-SEVEN HITS IN THE LAST TWO DAYS, LOOKING FOR FRESH BUTTHURT.

Because it’s over.  It doesn’t care what I say anymore.  And it doesn’t care SOOOOOO MUCH that it has to pump that refresh button 30+ times every day to show the magnitude of its apathy.

Clearly, a DUMBFUCK who thinks it knows how to hold a grudge, doesn’t understand How Wars End.

Here’s a cluebat: you don’t get to PRETEND to give up.

If it wants it to be over, it has to stay down.

Forever.

If it gets up, it gets kicked in the face. Figuratively speaking.

FOREVER.

Literally.

Murum aries attigit, DUMBFUCK.

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

When I saw this: 

 
I thought of the YouTube terms of Service, sections 6.C-E.

And then I was all like this:

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

I was a bit worried that I would have nothing to mock this morning because DUMBFUCK was suddenly disinvited from Twitter yesterday for being a testicle-footed penis.  It seems Twitter is as incapable of learning as DUMBFUCK is. But then again, as the scorpion said to the tortoise just before they both drowned, “It’s just my nature. You knew what I was when you let me climb on your back.”

DUMBFUCK GOTTA DUMBFUCK.

By which I mean, DUMBFUCK don’t gotta exercise a lick of common sense.

When my daughter got her cell phone, ZombieMom and I sat down and had a talk with her about sexting.  Of the several things we covered, one of the most important was this:

Sexting consequence 2

It’s embarrassing. The girl in the photo meant her picture for her boyfriend’s eyes only, but that’s not how it ended up. Once something’s on a cell phone, it can be forwarded, uploaded, downloaded, edited, and passed around the Internet and around the world. While the girl in the photo meant her picture for her boyfriend, if they break up, he’ll still have the photo and can do whatever he wants with it. Sexting consequences have included teens who have attempted suicide, and one girl recently succeeded in taking her own life because her photo was forwarded to everyone in her school. Nothing is worth that type of embarrassment. Ever.

Consider where the ultimate responsibility lies when a naughty picture escapes onto the Internet.  There was a recent scandal regarding several celebrities’ phones being hacked and nude pictures leaking into the internet. Snapchat’s business model rests on the idea that whatever a user sends is auto deleted after a few seconds from the destination device, but what is left unsaid is that all messages and images go into, and are permanently stored on, Snapchat’s  internal servers.

There are only three ways to keep potentially embarrassing photos offline:

  1. Don’t take the photo in the first place;
  2. Don’t store it on a hackable device;
  3. DON’T EVER SEND AN EMBARRASSING PHOTO TO ANY THIRD PARTY, BECAUSE YOU LOSE ALL INFLUENCE OVER WHERE IT GOES NEXT.

Middle school girls know this. Internet investigative journomalistic DUMBFUCKS do not.


Apparently not!

In my email yesterday I found a photo.  The sending address was obviously fake, and the message was signed Mort in Maryland.

The photo wasn’t particularly graphic; certainly nothing illegal. I can tell you that I wouldn’t want to see a picture of my wife in that state circulating around the Internet like a Kim Kardashian video. Sure, she’s two weeks from dying, but it looks more like two minutes.  I think only a sadistic sociopath would want to even TAKE that picture, much less keep it. If someone over the age of 7 gave me this picture as a gift for me to cherish, I would have to question their sincerity and they would probably spend the next several weeks eating through a straw.

But anyway…now I’ve got this photo, taken in room 411B, the woman in the photo with such a frail, put-the-camera-down-you-sick-fucking-ghoul expression, the partial finger obscuring the left side of the lens…really, really sad on so many levels.  What should I do about it?

I could post it right here and now. That would be fun, watching it try to spin that “THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!” will be hilarious. Especially since I know even more about this photo than I am saying here.

Instead, let’s do this:  as far as I know, there has been no obituary published, and every obituary needs a photo.

So, if DUMBFUCK would care to continue its madness, I may visit several regional newspapers, money orders in hand, and buy big, flowery obits in its name. And oh, the charitable organizations I could name in lieu of flowers!

On the other hand, if it stops…I won’t have any FUN.

But we already know that’s not an incentive.  Neither is the notion that it wants to keep that photo private.  It sent THE SAME PHOTO in separate emails to separate destinations.  Do you think it knew that by doing that it was robbing itself of the ability to identify which of its harassment targets passed it on to me through back channels?

I’ll bet a year’s pay it didn’t think of that, because DUMBFUCK!!!

And now it’s over a barrel.  To paraphrase DUMBFUCK, I hope it doesn’t force me into doing something unpleasant, because my options are limited.

THAT’S FUN.

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