Remember back in Guymon, when the first thing your new boss did was make you remove all station references from your Twitter page?
Because at this moment I am on a train, two hours away from arriving in Havre, MT, to begin my new job with New Media Broadcasters, I must respectfully ask @realDonaldTrump to remove me from consideration as his new #ChiefOfStaff. @KOJMam@KRYKfm@KPQX
You do know you’re heading right back into the lion’s den, don’t you?
You do know you’re going to get fired at the end of your probationary period, don’t you?
You do know that big sister Donna is getting sick and fucking tired of rolling out the “take us back, my conscience kicked in again and I quit just as they kicked me out” rug for you, don’t you?
You do know that nothing says true love, nothing says I’m REALLY GOING TO MARRY YOU AND GET YOUR TEETH FIXED SO THEY LOOK AT LEAST BETTER THAN STRANNY than lighting out for northern Montana 10 days before Christmas and leaving your skank bag behind alone…
Have you lost count of how many times this makes that you’ve un-re-un-re-un-re-un-retired?
(Author’s note: Please keep in mind that all great comedy springs from truth. With that in mind as you read the following parody, be assured that most of the circumstances that are described here – the set-ups, if not the actual punchlines – are grounded in true events. Or, if not precisely true events, then events that Bill (Schmalfeldt) Matthews has at one time or another described as true. But he’s a documented liar, so you never can tell…which is why we have the freedom to choose which version of his bullshit stories to believe; even HE can’t keep them straight!)
Welcome to my rest stop on the Information Superhighway.
(Dang, does anyone even still call it that?)
No, DUMBFUCK – it’s just the cybertubes now. Get with it.
This is a website where I have gathered much of the audio and verbal diarrhea Bill Schmalfeldt has pimped out into the public airwaves and online. Well, not all that much, actually. The Cub Scout Rape skits aren’t here. All the racist bits he wrote and performed – you won’t find those here either. The rambling rants against WJJ Hoge, Lee Stranahan, Aaron Walker, Knot My Wisconsin and all the other political enemies he has made, those aren’t here. If you know where to look, though you can find every second of every stupid, vile, perverted and profane podcast he’s ever recorded.
It’s an absolute testimony to stupidity, shortsightedness, and the lingering effects of same on present and future employment prospects. In other words, if you are a radio program director looking to hire Bill (Schmalfeldt) Matthews, you don’t have to dive too deep to find a very good reason to look elsewhere. He may look attractive because he’ll come cheap, but even for what you’ll pay, you’ll be disappointed. Especially in his ability to avoid the topics you tell him to avoid.
Totally cereal about this. I have no intention of uprooting my balloon animal and giving my cat away AGAIN for a minimum wage radio gig in the hustings for a company that doesn’t believe in due diligence or background checks.
Pro-tip: if you are continuously trying to “un- retire,” you are UNEMPLOYED, DUMBFUCK.
I know this is the purview of MJ at Sonoran Conservative, but I saw this at thought it deserves consideration, even though the day is barely half over at this point.
I condemn harassment and threatening conduct of any sort (shame on the protesters who showed up at Tucker Carlson’s home and made threats); however, after leaving office, she deserves none of the niceties normally accorded to others in her position. https://t.co/15giMYGngP
You see, I too condemn harassment and threatening conduct of any sort (shame on the protesters who showed up at Tucker Carlson’s home and made threats); however, after leaving the office today, I think Jennifer Rubin might change her tune if someone who thinks SHE deserves none of the niceties normally accorded to others in her position tossed her out of a restaurant.
Or pounding on her front door until it breaks.
Or tossing her food off the table.
Or threatening her outside her home.
Remember the Rule of However: everything preceding it was a lie.