The Things You Learn By Paying Attention

Bill Schmaleldt, sooperleegulljeenyus, has filed 8 LOLSUITS in the last three years.

Seven were filed or counterfiled in federal court. The other was dismissed F from a state court because Bill Schmalfeldt does not understand the rules, and by “does not understand the rules” I mean “is a drooling idiot.”

Of the seven filed in federal court, 3 times he filed an amended complaint, and one suit has an amended complaint pending, according to the DUMBFUCK himself.

Of the three cases where an amended complaint was NOT filed, obviously those cases were dismissed due either to the fatal errors that were left uncorrected or at the request of the plaintiff through his welfare attorney.

The three cases where DUMBFUCK’S amended complaints solved every problem…were wildly successful, if by wildly successful I actually mean dismissed by the most basic of motions to dismiss.

At least one of those cases (as far as the general public knows) was dismissed based on a motion to dismiss filed by the Worst Attorney in the World, whom DUMBFUCK is too great a coward to name as a defendant in LOLSUIT VIII – The Fat and the Furryious.

Another of those three suits was dismissed WITH PREJUDICE by the plaintiff himself, and oh, how the fear pee flowed that day, and when DUMBFUCK fled Maryland.

The last of the three LOLSUITS that DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt amended to solve all the fatal flaws was dismissed for no discernible reason. Thank God for that, too, because if there is one thing that our Ballonpricker has shown the world over three years of futility, it’s that he LEARNS FROM THE FEW MISTAKES HE HAS EVER MADE.

Grady, Hoge, Johnson and Palmer are obviously doomed. They should lawyer up and get their check-writing hands warmed up.

THIS TIME…he’s solved it all. For sure.

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

How about you throw us a bone?

How are you doing in that doomed lawsuit the Hoge filed against you? Everything proceeding as you had foreseen?

Excellent! Glad to hear it. Keep up the great work, looks like this year’s LULZ harvest is going to set new records!!

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To An ADJUDICATED CYBERSTALKER like PodcastPair…

“proper response” means you delete your blog so the shitsniffing balloonfucker doesn’t publish the divorce and bankruptcy information of someone who hasn’t been online for almost two years because the ADJUDICATED CYBERSTALKER lacks the sack and the skills to come straight at you. #Extortion

#ComeAtMeBalloonFucker

Oh, and let’s not forget…calling someone a “cyberthug?”

Them’s fightin’ words. So sayeth DUMBFUCK his own self.

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK & Sexdoll!

Remember when Bill Schmalfeldt said he was leaving Twitter forever?

2,643,877 times?

He lied about that, too.

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My Phone Is Not Ringing

This is the second of three comments today now sitting in moderation directed at Patrick Grady.

He says Grady has his phone number, but unless he got it from DUMBFUCK, I don’t think he does.  I wouldn’t give it to him unless he asked, and I think that’s not fucking likely.

Maybe DUMBFUCK is calling the wrong guy? More likely he’s a fucking coward.  I can say that because he’s never shy about calling other people he’s doxed. But he’s only ever begged Grady to call him. Not once to my knowledge has he ever called Grady himself, the pussy.

I’ll bet Phyllis Mason, Miriam Lazewatsky or Vinnie Virgintino can point DUMBFUCK in the right direction.

Or Chris Heather? Jerry Fletcher? Howard Earl? Owain Penllyn? Kyle Kiernan the Florida Felon?

STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

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So I Guess The Great White Plagiarism Hunter Has Lost His Mojo

Used to be, not so long ago, that if John Hoge posted something on the Internet, you could count on a DUMBFUCK to stick that post into Google and call John a plagiarist for repeating a joke.

(Remind me to tell you the one about the lardass cripple who hired a flatbed truck and a forklift to haul him to court – it’s a really good one!)

Recently though, DUMBFUCK seems to have lost the knack for searching the Internet for thing other people have said.

Over at Cabin Boy Unread (no), a commenter named “Bob” took issue with the whinging that DUMBFUCK was aiming at Jason Chaffetz over his assertion that it might come down to a choice between paying a premium for the insurance or picking up that sweet iPhone.

Bob pointed out that long before Rep. Chaffetz spoke out on Sunday, President Lightbringer was saying essentially the same thing:

As you can see, DUMBFUCK’S response was as filled with grace and charm as anything else he’s ever written.  ALWAYS WITH THE BUTT STUFF…and especially so when the commenter in question shares a name with his monoplacental twin!  I wonder if there’s some deeper meaning there…

But it seems…what’s the word?…QUEER! that a DUMBFUCK so skilled at finding quotes on the Internet would go begging for help in this instance, when it’s right out in front of God and EVERYBODY to find.

Copy. Paste. Search. Result.

5 seconds, tops.

Whoo!  Somebody get me a cold drink, I am exhausted.

UPDATE:  After deleting a comment wherein “Bob” provided the linkage DUMBFUCK requested, “Bob” reposted the video. Sadly the archive does not retain the image, but I feel confident it is the same video posted above.

So now we have a record when DUMBFUCK deletes this comment too, during work hours at KMCN-FM.

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And There It Is!

“I have NOTHING to bargain with…so I will issue a toothless ultimatum and coat myself in ridicule, pointage, laughery and mockification. And then order seconds.”

You could set your watch by a DUMBFUCK.

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The Schmalfeldt Method™ of Internet Badassery

First, make sure you’re well stocked on vinegar.  You’re going to need it to douche the yeasty sand out of your pussy.

Second, keep a bag packed for your next post-eviction interstate getaway.  Maybe try north to Minnesota next; it’s a reliably blue state just like Wiscon- oops.

Grab the Johnnie Walker Red and pour yourself a glass of liquid courage.

No.  Bigger glass.

Bigger.  No matter who the target is, you’ll be punching up.

On second thought, maybe just IV the bottle.

Choose your target carefully.  Remember you’ll be punching way up in class (it’s a safe assumption if you’re following the Schmalfeldt Method), so make sure your objective is someone who, when you strike at them, you might be able to reach the sole of their shoe.

If they step off a curb…

And fall into the open sewer where you dwell.

If stalking three year olds makes you feel tough…

If photoshopping someone’s wife onto a giant penis suits your milieu

If calling women cunts, twats, loose coozes, and such makes you feel better about your late wife’s legacy…

If waging a four year battle against a man who called you “some bozo” as you defended a drug dealing, document forging, perjuring, domestic terrorist pedophile is your raison d’être…

Then lace up the golf cleats and drop trou.

Wait until Hogewash! serves up the Team Kimberlin Post of the Day at midnight-ish Eastern time.

Tweet evil things at people who likely are fast asleep because they’re not obsessed stalkers like you.

Ignore anybody who responds, but also block them, you Internet Badass, you.

Then pass out drunk wherever you are. Aunt Edna won’t mind. She loves cleaning up vomit and bowel tragedies.

Get up the next afternoon around 4:00, feed the hangover some coffee from the Red Keurig (and a little hair of the dog from fresh stock), and do it all over again.

Don’t ever surrender, because that would be humiliating.

Not any more humiliating than filing and losing lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit…

Not any more humiliating than losing blog after blog after blog after blog…

Not any more humiliating than having nearly one hundred Twitter accounts permanently suspended…

Not any more humiliating than abandoning nearly a hundred more…

Not any more humiliating than cycling through God knows how many rebranded (yet still pointless and stupid) podcasts…

Not any more humiliating than self-publishing yet another Ctrl-C/Ctrl-V masturbation fantasy destined to be yanked off (pun intended) the shelves due to yet another copyright violation…

Let’s face it – if abject humiliation on an ongoing, accelerating schedule is the mayo on your footlong…

The Schmalfeldt Method™ of Internet Badassery is for you!

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Speaking of DUMBFUCKS And Bad Jokes

A DUMBFUCK and a pothead walk into a Twitter timeline…

Because it there is anyone who knows offensive, misogynistic (nice spelling, ASSHOLE) humor –with a bonus scoop of RACISM! – 

It’s Bill Schmalfeldt.

“The only thing required to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.” 

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You Know You Can’t Archive Posts From DUMBFUCK’S New Blog

So archive this instead!

There’s a teeny-tiny, hard to read paragraph in the middle there, that really doesn’t add much to the post, but if you’re dying to know what it says…

Money Damages.  This is the most common remedy sought in breach-of-contract actions.  Money damages may be awarded for losses that were proximately caused by the defendant’s breach, that were reasonably foreseeable, and that are proven with reasonable certainty. Reasonable foreseeable means that the damages are those that would arise naturally out of the breach of the contract.  Moreover, a plaintiff can recover damages that are reasonably supposed to have been in the mind of both parties at the time that the contract was formed.

Let it never be said that I am incomplete or inaccurate when reproducing DUMBFUCKERY for the purpose of commentary under the Fair Use provisions of United States Copyright Law. (Sound familiar?)

But do let it be said that I have not republished the blog post. If a DUMBFUCK believes he can split a hair so finely as to argue that a contract he signed isn’t a contract, then I can say that what I published is a JPEG file image of a blog post, which by definition is a JPEG file, not a blog post.

So, DUMBFUCK, go fuck yourself.  In the kidneys. With a jackhammer.

^^^^^^^^^^That’s commentary right there.

 

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