And What Have We Here?

A freshly active Team Free Speech Blog!  Right here at sonoranconservative.com!

Seven new posts just in the last three days, all dedicated to pointage, laughery and mockification of Moobflop McBeetusflesh!

I wonder what could have happened so recently to motivate the rapid creation of YET ANOTHER website dedicated to pointing out the MASSIVE LIFE FAILURES of Homo Simpson?

Surely it couldn’t have been in response to the DUMBFUCKERY of a DUMBFUCK!

Remember, people!  Don’t fuck with Moobflop McBeetusflesh or anyone he pre 10 ds to love while telling them he’s like to bend another man over a chair and rape them!  You’ll only wind up in his crosshairs, just like me – laughing at him every single day for the rest of his life.

 

 

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Yes, Marvin…

…take this shit seriously.

This is not a game, and if you aren’t careful, perhaps three and a half years from now you will suffer the wrath of Preston-Schmalfeldt (*snerk*) just as deeply as I have.

And let me tell you, having this much fun laughing at idiots every single day can be exhausting.

But someone has to.

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Denials Require Proof, You Say?

Well, it’s a well known fact that Bill Schmalfeldt once alleged in a federal lawsuit that his cousin Roy Schmalfeldt defamed him by accusing him of rape.  Bill Schmalfeldt also dismissed that lawsuit with prejudice, which leaves him legally unable to deny that he is, in fact, a rapist.

If what Bill Schmalfeldt says today – “DENIALS REQUIRE PROOF!” – what other things has he done that he cannot provide proof that he never did?

  • Did he in fact get kicked to the curb by St. Gail after befouling his marriage bed with Hell’s Kitchen Kate?
  • Did he in fact live the remainder of his marriage with St. Gail in separate beds because her condition for allowing him into the tincasa was the permanent withholding of spousal privileges?
  • Did he in fact scam the National Institutes of Health into a pensioned disability retirement?
  • Did he in fact ever have a job in journalism or radio from which he was not fired?
  • Was he in fact evicted from the enclave of the NINJANUNS?
  • Did he in fact violate his lease in Iowa to escape to his new Inflatababe?
  • Did he in fact fail to inform the states of Wisconsin, Iowa and possibly South Carolina of his disability, thus fraudulently acquiring driver’s licenses in one or more of those states?
  • Did he in fact administer multiple pairs of Irish Sunglasses to his soulmate throughout their marriage?
  • Was she in fact too quick for him to catch?
  • Did he in fact abandon four pets in two states to the streets?
  • Were those pets in fact served as entrees in various Asian restaurants?
  • Did he in fact leave the urn behind in Iowa?
  • Did he in fact murder his first wife and chop her body into stew meat?
  • Does he in fact no longer take any medications for Parkinson’s?’

As the GREASE-SWEATING BEETUSBUCKET DUMBFUCK says, 

DENIALS REQUIRE PROOF!

Based on the Rules of Schmalfeldt, simply because I say so, all these things are true. The only way to disprove them is for DUMBFUCK – in true Alinsky style – to live up to his own rule book and provide sufficient proof to the negative.

And naturally I am the judge of sufficiency.

I’ll wait.

But only until 9 PM Eastern.

And you know, if anyone thinks of anything else he needs to provide denials for, leave a comment.

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Poor, Poor, Pitiful DUMBFUCK

No matter how many new blogs…

No matter how many new Twitter handles…

No matter how many new podcasts…

No matter how many new wives…

He can’t change who he is…

He will always be Bill Schmalfeldt, Demented Cyberstalker.

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Let’s Play “Spot the Lies”

Here, I’ll help!

I suppose it might be overstating things to call these lies, if you subscribe to Costanza logic:

They could be “alternative truths,” to use a popular phrase.  And DUMBFUCK, in spite of all the evidence of the last five years, may even believe he is speaking truth.  If, for the eighth time in three years, he loses a LOLSUIT on a “technicality,” (DON’T LAUGH) he may actually believe he won’t simply forget it all happened and try again.

I’ve heard these Fatkinson’s sufferers have profound memory issues when it suits them.

Well, it is a lie, if the liar changing his mind proceeds as I have foreseen.

Of course there’s always the possibility of a NEW & IMPROVED strategy that no one could have ever foreseen.

Though it would be an awful waste of the great monikers we have already banked for LOLSUITS IX – XIII if the Inflatable Boifriend starts taking the lead.  Will we have to go back to LOLSUIT I in that case?

LOLSUIT I – Under Pressure?
LOLSUIT I – She’s Gonna Blow!
LOLSUIT I – Pressure Drop
LOLSUIT I – Inflated Ego

Who knows?

 

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

Self Awareness Fail #INFINITY:

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. It says so in the book for the Friends of (a Different) Bill. I feel I need to make that distinction because everyone knows this Bill has no friends. I wouldn’t want anyone to be confused.

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Good Morning, Mr. “Families-are-off-limits-for-thee-but-not-for-me” DUMBFUCK!

The way I hear it, the reason you would imply that the President’s son isn’t the President’s son is “been there, done that, got cuckolded by three wives and have multiple kids with your name but not your DNA,” amirite?

THE INTERNET IS FOREVER, OVERSHARER.

You know the rumor about your dead wife and what a mattressback roundheel she was, right?

I’ll bet the next one will be too. If you ever find a real one.

NTTAWWT.

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He Made A Fecal Case Out Of It

It was either “eat shit and do nothing about it,” or make a poopie in federal court that he would eventually be forced to eat anyway. He chose the latter.

I will be the second to admit. Bill Schmalelddt has never filed a successful lawsuit. (Not for lack of trying, mind you – just for lack of having a case. Or intelligence.) Every suit he has filed has been dismissed before reaching a point of being considered on the merits. This is because Bill Schmalelddt is too stupid to fashion a complaint that can survive a motion to dismiss for any of a dozen or so reasons. The same could be said about the defendants in his attempts to get some justice for the years of undue harassment that has been returned to him in his prescribed three-for-one ratio to what he has dished out.

It COULD be said, if the dozens of defendants he has tried to sue over the past three years had ever tried to sue him…but only one has. That case goes to trial in August. The outlook for Schmalelddt is similar to his general opinion of women – DIM.

No one – yet – has ever beaten him on the merits, for two reasons:

  1. None of his lawsuits ever reaches a point where the merits are judged. This is fortunate for Schmalelddt because when he files a LOLSUIT, there are no merits to consider;
  2. No one pays him enough mind to sue him for defamation, because his character and reputation are such that nothing he says on any subject can be taken seriously by a reasonable person.

Oh, sometimes people thump their chests without ever crediting the “disgraced” attorney who beat him like a redheaded stepchild in Wisconsin and was well paid for it. Poor Schmalelddt – he just knows so much that isn’t so.

He doesn’t have an attorney. He had one once, a charity attorney in Illinois who told him to run along home and quit bothering people with more important things to do than wipe his tears and rub ointment on his aching butt. No, he does this all by his lonesome, with the moral support of his imaginary friends and inflatable ladyboi. Besides, he’s smarter than any old dumb, disgraced lawyer anyway! There are no guarantees of success, but I do believe that he’s learned some things along the way.

OK, just kidding!! He hasn’t learned ANYTHING.

He thinks jurisdiction (subject matter and personal) is handled differently in South Carolina; he found a case that he thinks says it’s based on where the VICTIM dwells. Sadly, no. But even though he has burned his free amendment in an effort to fix some other flaw that was explicitly pointed out to him (but which he still didn’t believe until he was once more proven to be an utter fool), it’s still too early to educate the monkey. He thinks venue is also correct for the same reasons.

One reason there is no need right now to educate the monkey, or even bother to be concerned with it, is because the suit will be dismissed by the Magistrate Judge before any defendant needs to make an argument regarding his whimsical notions of jurisdiction and venue.

This is just the first step on a long journey – about 25 feet to the edge of the cliff, and then a long 2000 foot drop. This is why he told Dave Alexander the other day that he’s lucky he and Sarah Palmer live in the same state (as far as he knows – ha ha ha). He thinks he could not file under a diversity jurisdiction if two parties live in the same state. Sarah won the obviously rigged coin toss.

Remember – he’s learned some things along the way. Not enough things to get a lawsuit past motions to dismiss, or even to the point of being served, but things. That he’s learned. Like the cure for Fakinson’s disease can be found on the shores of Lake Michigan, where you will magically regain the physical dexterity if not the mental acuity required to safely drive a car again. Yay!

I have a very good idea how this will end up.

Just like all the other VII LOLSUITS filed by Bill Schmalelddt.

WJJ Hoge II and his readers, as well as defendants Johnson, Palmer and Grady will never see a summons, never have to file a motion to dismiss, never have to craft an answer and will not have to spend a moment of serious thought on Schmalelddt’s case. (Note: this case comes with sooper sekrit subpoena powah. If Schmalelddt wants to find out who I am, he will find a whole new set of obstacles to overcome.)

But I HATE to spoil the surprise!

Hoge will say he has foreseen this.

EVERYBODY foresaw this, from the moment he moved out of Iowa, the gigantic sand-filled pussy.

Of course, foresight is always more impressive when one can predict something that hasn’t happened yet.

Like, say, that Schmalelddt’s pro se complaint will be subject to review by a magistrate judge and likely be”killed in its crib?” That was foreseen.

Or that Schmalelddt would be expertly manipulated into quickly burning his free first amendment to correct something in his complaint that he maintained at first wasn’t even wrong? That was foreseen too.

Or finally, that Schmalelddt would leave behind multiple other fatal flaws in his Amended Complaint (and even make some things WORSE THAN BEFORE)? That also was foreseen.

So it looks like he had a choice between eating a turd and laying one. Like seven times before, “CLEANUP ON AISLE LOLSUIT!” Send the DUMBFUCK and make sure he brings his big spoon.

BOY…Thank goodness he was never “emotionally invested” in this one.

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A Journey of a Thousand Miles

…begins with a single nutshuffle.

Congratulations…victory is assured.

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Hypocrite Bill Schmalelddt Wants Your Money to Shoot a Film

[Editor’s Note – this smells like fishbait to me, calculated to bring just the sort of response that follows. If I’m right, nobody can say I didn’t see it coming. If I’m wrong, it’s just another hanging slider begging to be drilled into the third deck. And what else am I here for? – PK]


Remember his epic fundraising effort to get his “good name” back from the right-wing mob at DailyKos?  And the other efforts to fund his stupid LOLSUITS that he started and never finished? BYE BYE, MONEY!!!


In yet another incoherent, hypocrisy-saturated post this morning, alleged child pornographer, wannabe soulmate-pimp, grifter, disgraced journimalist and oft-fired radio host (most recently from KMCN the MAC 94.7 in “his town” Clinton, Iowa, where he no longer resides because as he says, “they know me there”) DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalelddt wants you to give him money.

He’s gonna rent him an SUV and drive around the country without a driver’s license. All he needs is thirteen thousand nine hundred seventy-five bucks for new toys. And to pay the fines.

There are ROADS LESS TRAVELED TO BE TRAVELED, and by gum, DUMBFUCK’S gonna travel them on Kim Abbott’s dime.

I can haz munnys nao? And new curtainz?

 

This disreputable, anti-American amoeba began his morning babble with an attack on Lee Stranahan, the first of the dozens of white whales this microscopic Ahab has been stalking online for most of the last decade, even after oh-so-sincerely apologizing for saying he pimped out his wife (BUT DON’T YOU DARE SAY HE CALLED HER A WHORE BECAUSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED!! THERE’S ONLY ONE WIFE AROUND HERE GOOD ENOUGH TO BE CALLED A WHORE AND SHE’S DEAD THANKS TO YOU AND THE MIGHTY ROLODEX OF CLINICAL TRIALS AT THE NIH!!!). The nutshuffling penis says, when he is not desperately gobbling what look like several footlong hotdogs slathered in hot mayonnaise in a dark corner of the YMCA locker room, that there are American stories to tell out there in the wastes of the deep red states of Trump’s America, where intolerant Boy Scouts don’t embrace the urban ideals of inclusion, diversity and sliding pee sticks into pooter holes by the campfire.  Schmalelddt says Stranahan is a “former pornographer, would-be pimp, grifter, one-time Breitbart reporter and current propaganda agent,” which is a bit like saying “Paul Krendler started a flame war against Schmalelddt by turning one of Schmalelddt’s flame posts about John Hoge’s family back onto Schmalelddt.”

In this hypocritical DUMBFUCK’S tortured excuse for a mind, the whole thing ties into a Sheldon Adelson Koch Brothers Robert Mercer Philip Anschutz Illuminati Tri-Lateral Commission Elders of Zion Eye of Sauron-funded effort to meddle with affairs in the former United States now known as Trumpland.

Trumpland is that majority of red states that voted for Trump, disenfranchising the gigantic, aptly named and terminally depressing minority of “blue” states like California, Illinois and New York according to a long-established, perfectly legal but vestigial Constitutional tradition of the Old Republic known as the Electoral College. Although some of the poorest states in the former USA, Trumpland has always led the way in espousing small government, self-determination, dynamic economies, freedom, personal responsibility and the exercise of Constitutional rights.

Schmalelddt has so much regard for these red Trump states that he is seeking to fund a road trip to go forth and poke the citizens of these states with sharp sticks, and make a film of himself being mauled to death.

DUMBFUCK created a GoFundMe page over two months ago to fund this odyssey.  Since the inaugural donation of $25 on day one, the fundraising effort has stalled.  Even his new imaginary, inflatable boifriend saw through his transparent scam.

Schmalelddt obviously envies the success of his self-made nemesis Lee Stranahan, now an accredited member of the White House Press Corps, an achievement that the three-time winner of the Iowa State Fair Poke Me in the Corn Hole Agricultural Reporting Lucite Cob never came close to achieving.

Check the GoFundMe page. Watch the video. Point and laugh.  If you think about sending him money, buy some ice cream instead. Or set the bills on fire.  Either is a wiser choice than sending your money to Hypocrite Bill Schmalelddt.

Let him pay his own way through every McDonald’s drive thru in America.

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