Less Than Twelve Hours This Time!

9:20 PM PST…

…to 9:01 AM PST.

Apparently “withdraw[ing] from public view” suits him about as well as does “self awareness,” “telling the truth,” “being a real journalist,” “not stalking and harassing people” and “having Parkinson’s disease.”

He just can’t make it stick.

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Yes, DUMBFUCK, There Is Ample Proof

  1. You have not denied that you moved, only demanded proof that is not required.
  2. Perhaps you missed the posted clock running on your deadline to disprove t what our anonymous sources told us before we simply assumed it was true, but that has never made a difference to you when you were the one demanding answers and making unfounded assumptions.

There was a clock, and you missed your deadline.  Our assumptions are therefore proved correct and accurate.

#YourGame
#YourRules
#KickingYourAss

#FuckYou

P.S. When you do file your change of address notification with the court, your lie of omission will be laid bare for the world.  Just like all the rest.

 

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How on Earth Did I Miss This?

John Hoge didn’t forget. But to be fair, he’s been deep in the archives of late.

Morgana, The Dread Pirate Zombie remembered too!

Even new(ish) TFS blogger MJ at Sonoran Conservative got in on the act.

I forgot all about it.

How could I – PatrickPaulGradyKrendler (heh. A-ha-ha. BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Seriously…we’re not the same person.) – have forgotten that today is the three year anniversary of the day Patrick Grady appeared in Maryland to contest a Peace Order Petition filed by a pussy who ran like the mangy cur he is for the hills rather than face the confrontation he begged for before and after that date, hoping we would all somehow forget the snail-trail his sniveling vagina left as he waddled up into the hills above Elkridge?

It boggles the mind that I might have a rich and rewarding life that would distract me from such a milestone event, doesn’t it?

I noted with much hilarity the lies that DUMBFUCK told early this morning on Twitter in response to the posts that appeared just after midnight.

Funny…that’s not what I found on your blog at the time.

I recall you got served a Cook County summons by the Howard County Sheriff’s Department on or about November 4th in a manner prescribed by law (and therefore most assuredly NOT sneaky, you lying motherfucker) and immediately panicking.  It started with this post (safe archived link from yet another fear-pee-soaked and deleted blog). The blog name?

Schmalfeldt.org

In case anyone forgot who was in charge of it…

PERJURY: A Class 3 Felony in Illinois

Here is one of those pesky little facts that people sometimes don’t think about until it’s too late. For instance, did you know that in the state of Illinois perjury is defined as a class III felony? It’s true!

So, let’s use this case as a hypothetical. Suppose someone sent me a summons which I received today, in which he states material falsehoods. And let’s say that the person who received the summons, for the purpose of illustration, me, can prove that the falsehoods are, in fact, falsehoods.

For instance, in the complaint, in this hypothetical stalking/no contact petition, the petitioner states, under oath, that the respondent, hypothetically me, called his employer on September 2 to ask for personal information. Let’s continue the supposition, with the fact that the respondent can produce his telephone records and has already reviewed those telephone records as a customer of consumer cellular. These records, show not only did the respondant not call any number that is related to the petitioners place of employment, the respondent made no telephone calls at all on September 2.

To continue with our hypothetical, what sort of trouble would the petitioner be in by signing a document under penalty of perjury me that contains a provable falsehood?

And suppose this same petitioner swore under oath, under penalty of perjury me, that the respondent, hypothetically me, contacted the petitioner ‘s employer by email and “accused” him of misuse of office equipment. The petitioner would have to prove that, would he not? And if the respondent can show his email records for that day, and there is no such email listed, might that now not be grounds for a perjury charge?

So, hypothetically, we have a two provably false charges. One of the respondents proofs could be dismissed as it would be possible for the respondent to have altered his email list. But as the only telephones in use at the respondents hypothetical home are under the service of Consumer, and the respondent is not able to alter the phone call records on the consumer cellular website, and the hypothetical respondent has printed out those records for the month of September and October, and has offered them to, oh, let’s say, the Cook County clerk of  courts, might not the petitioner find his ass in a particularly hot frying pan should he press these false allegations?

Just a little food for thought.

(720 ILCS 5/32‑2) (from Ch. 38, par. 32‑2)
Sec. 32‑2. Perjury.
(a) A person commits perjury when, under oath or affirmation, in a proceeding or in any other matter where by law such oath or affirmation is required, he makes a false statement, material to the issue or point in question, which he does not believe to be true.
(b) Proof of Falsity.
An indictment or information for perjury alleging that the offender, under oath, has made contradictory statements, material to the issue or point in question, in the same or in different proceedings, where such oath or affirmation is required, need not specify which statement is false. At the trial, the prosecution need not establish which statement is false.
(c) Admission of Falsity.
Where the contradictory statements are made in the same continuous trial, an admission by the offender in that same continuous trial of the falsity of a contradictory statement shall bar prosecution therefor under any provisions of this Code.
(d) A person shall be exempt from prosecution under subsection (a) of this Section if he is a peace officer who uses a false or fictitious name in the enforcement of the criminal laws, and such use is approved in writing as provided in Section 10‑1 of “The Liquor Control Act of 1934″, as amended, Section 5 of “An Act in relation to the use of an assumed name in the conduct or transaction of business in this State”, approved July 17, 1941, as amended, or Section 2605‑200 of the Department of State Police Law (20 ILCS 2605/2605‑200). However, this exemption shall not apply to testimony in judicial proceedings where the identity of the peace officer is material to the issue, and he is ordered by the court to disclose his identity.
(e) Sentence.
Perjury is a Class 3 felony.

“OOOH!! I’m gonna send you to jail for perjury if you don’t shut up and go away!”

Of course this was three years ago, when there might still have been one person on earth who thought you might be able to back up your bullshit, DUMBFUCK, so instead of everyone ignoring your bluster and nothing happening like today,

Oh. Wait.

Next, your panic led you to cry that someone (it’s not clear who from this safely archived post from the now-defunct blog Schmalfeldt.org) was calling your extortionate actions…EXTORTION:

Well this is new. Telling someone if he lies about you under oath he’s committing perjury is extortion?

I like hypotheticals don’t you?
For instance in yesterday’s post I offered a hypothetical situation in which a person tells a lie in a document signed under penalty of perjury, suggesting that the person being lied about can prove it’s a lie. In this hypothetical, I suggested that a person who signed the document might be best served it to not proceed with the lie, told under oath, because perjury is a class III felony in the state of Illinois.

In this hypothetical situation, the hypothetical petitioner having signed this document of lies under oath, is now complaining about extortion. Hypothetically, this displays a severe lack of grasp on reality. It’s much like would-be murderer complaining that reporting his contemplated crime to the police if he decides to go through that would be extortion.

It would be extortion if the hypothetical respondant in this case told the hypothetical petitioner that he would rat out the hypothetical petitioner to the cops unless he forked over $1 million.

But that’s not the case in this hypothetical. In this case the hypothetical respondent is merely stating that if a crime is committed against him, and perjury is a class III felony in Illinois, that he will report this crime to the proper authorities. The hypothetical petitioner can do one of two things:

1. He can withdraw his complaint and thereby not commit the crime of perjury which, if convicted thereof, could land his caboose in the calaboose for 2 to 5 years.

2. He could continue in his hypothetical reckless course of action, obtain a stalking/no contact order by lying on a document signed under penalty of perjury and then hypothetically deal with the consequences of his crime.

BY THE BY, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A TEXTBOOK EXAMPLE OF EXTORTION...THAT WAS IT.  -PK 

So, the lesson learned here, is that it is silly to suggest that a potential crime victim is extorting the person contemplating committing the potential crime against him by stating, loudly and clearly, that if the criminal goes ahead with his crime, the victim will prosecute vigorously, angrily, and to the fullest extent of the law.

Remember, our hypothetical victim here has phone records that prove the hypothetical criminal is a liar. All the hypothetical criminal has to do is not commit the crime, and there will be no need for prosecution. That is not extortion. That’s just good advice.

As I recall, the outcome defaulted to option 2.  More on that later.

Next came this (again, an archived link from a deleted blog). Oh, say, that reminds me!  Does anyone know how many blogs DUMBFUCK has created and deleted (or had removed) since he first set out to have this one taken down? Because as an internet takedown superhero, he tends to dig a lot of bullets out of his own feet.

Here’s an Easy One

Will Grady/Krendler have to prove the truth behind his allegations. Yes or no?

Will a Cook County judge just take him at his word? Si o no?

If Grady/Krendler can’t provide the name of the person I spoke to, can he win his case? Ja oder nein?

If Krendler/Grady can’t produce a true copy of the email he says I sent, will the judge just take the word of a self-described manic depressive?  Hai o Ie?

Should Grader/Krendly shut down this little cluster diddle he’sCreated for himself before it’s too late

Or is it already too late?

Pro se leeguhl jeenyus journimalist can’t even count to one.

He just kept intimating that victory was assured, and all he had to do was show up. What a revelation it might have been if he actually had.

As late as Thursday November 6th, DUMBFUCK was puffing himself up, the pretend badass, in this archived post:

Zombie WANT Hearing? Zombie GET Hearing.

I look forward to chatting with Mr. Grady, under oath, on Monday.

Then he kicked the badassery up another (archived) notch:

Did I Say ‘Talk To You MONDAY?’ Sorry. I Was Mistaken. I’ll Talk To You FRIDAY!

And as soon as he’s under oath, we can get to the bottom of THIS question.

See? You wanted to fuck, Patrick. So? Let’s fuck.

It’s worth a pause here to remind DUMBFUCK that it’s perfectly acceptable to come out of the closet as a homosexual late in life (look how well it’s working out for Kevin Spacey!).  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if your PROGRESSIVE Fakinson’s impotence is gone like your inability to drive once temporarily deserted you, and you want to fuck men, DUMBFUCK, I encourage you to go right ahead and get after it.  LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY HIGH! But please wear a condom so you don’t bring anything home to the balloon fiance with the industrial paper shredder where its mouth belongs, because that’s just impolite. Please don’t worry about anyone thinking less of you.

No one could.

But I digress…

Here we see the pure enthusiasm DUMBFUCK possessed on November 7th of 2014.  He was just itching to get into the courtroom!

(Don’t worry, though…you can get a shot to clear that right up.)

He continued to reaffirm his enthusiasm for easy court victories with this (hopefully?) metaphorical post on November 8th:

It Gives Me Joy

i just love to hear the tinkling bell-like laughter of someone in the moments before I cave in his soft skull with a mallet. Like a rotten pumpkin. Splat!

Living for the fight just 6 days away!!

And then…

Then…

Something happened.

He must have run out of Johnnie Walker, because all that liquid bravery just up and vanished!

Maybe his excellent friend, bombthrower and kiddie-diddler had better things to do that day than play chauffeur. Maybe he was in Nashville playing C/W Svengali, and couldn’t make it.

Maybe it was as simple as “the Muscle don’t work for free.”

His plumage suddenly molted.
Someone stuck a pin in his Bladder of Badassery.
Maybe he ran out of tampons and couldn’t buy more before payday.

Whatever it was, he wrote this capitulation (yes, it’s an archive link to a suspended blog) on the day before the hearing, with PLENTY OF TIME FOR A RESPONDENT TO CANCEL AN AIRLINE TICKET FOR A FULL REFUND. Oopsie Poopsie!

Oh, and this one’s getting fisked, with the benefit of three years of hindsight!

Time to End It All

Posted on November 13, 2014 in True Conservative Sleaze

Don’t bother showing up in District Court tomorrow. I won’t be there. I am not going to press my case against poor, insane, Patrick G. Grady.

No, this is not a WJJ Hoge-inspired lie. I am not telling you to stay home so I can have an uncontested victory.

I’m telling you to stay home, because I will not be there.

Because you know you have no chance to win, in spite of all the shit you spewed in the prior week? Probably a good decision. But you know what's not a good decision? Taking anything you say seriously, and then tailoring behavior as if it's true. For example: "Hey, DUMBFUCK says he won't show up! Guess I don't have to be there at all." 

That's not a good decision. 80% of success is showing up.

Think about this for a moment, those of you capable of such a thing as “abstract thought.”

"Abstract thought?" Do you mean, for example, the failure to draw a moral equivalence between calling a Senate candidate accused of hitting on teenage girls some forty years ago (when, it should be noted, he was a Democrat) a "kiddie diddler" but not saying the same of a convicted criminal whose authorized biography paints him as grooming a ten year old to marry him, some...let me see...FORTY YEARS AGO?

That kind of abstract thought? 

Peace Order? WTF? Do I really think Patrick Fucking Grady is going to come to my house, beat me up or kill me?



Apparently so! 

I can’t ask non-humans to behave like human adults. 

GS-13 fake journimalist, heal thyself.

So, I am just going to end it.  

But only metaphorically...and only temporarily.  Hold those party favors.  

I spoke to the Clerk of Courts, and she said that they couldn’t just drop the case, but if I don’t show up, then they’ll dismiss.

Of course, you’ll lie about the reasons. That’s what you do. You lie. You are inveterate liars.



Uhhh...yeah. Right.

There are two kinds of people in the world. Creators and destroyers. Decent people and people like Bill Schmalfeldt and his friends.

You are destroyers. decent people.  You Others create, you shit Bill Schmalfeldt lies and shits on the things they create and try to destroy the person who created them.

You will look at my reasons for my decision, which are lies, and you will lie about them, and I am out of shits to give.

Don't worry, your shit delivery is on its way and wow, how prescient is this three years later? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

I am going to let this blog stand until the weekend. Then it, and everything I can find with my name on it, will come off the Internet.

Riiiiight!

You can’t have me. I don’t want to play with the stupid kids any more. I have a short time left, and I want to use it for productive purposes.

If Bill Schmalfeldt doesn't want to play with the stupid kids anymore, and all he can do is play with himself...

...well the joke just writes itself. 

Mock me. 

Okay! 

Whatever. Make fun of me. 

Will do! 

I give a shit. 

I thought you said you were all out of shits to give...like two paragraphs ago. That Fakinson's dementia is the real deal, isn't it? 

All the funny “footlong and mayo” jokes that you repeat to each other like 3-year olds who got a rise out of mommy and daddy when they said “poopy!” 

Always...ALWAYS WITH THE BUTT STUFF, amirite? 

Go right on ahead.

I can pencil you in for mockery on Thursday at about 7:45 PM, does that work for you? Pointage and laughery cost extra. 

For you, as of this moment, Bill Schmalfeldt ceases to exist. I am not going to let you run my life. I am going to create. 

Before:
After:

I will come up with a pen name and use it exclusively. You may find it entertaining to hunt me down. But you won’t find me.

I know, right? For fuck’s sake, WHERE COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE??? How long before you jump up and scream “HEY!!! WHY AREN’T YOU LOOKING FOR ME??? I’M FILING ANOTHER LOLSUIT!!”

Consider this a break-up.

Oh, IF ONLY WE COULD GET SO LUCKY...

And finally?

Fuck each and every one of you.


YOU DO YOU. I'LL TAKE A PASS.

Anyway, that was fun, but way off point. Back to the issue at hand.

Patrick Grady didn’t sneak anywhere. Bill Schmalfeldt ran for the hills, away from the battle he said he wanted, and which he quickly – and erroneously – rejoined.

Patrick Grady took his restraining order and went home. Has barely been heard from since. Lord only knows what he’s doing today.

DUMBFUCK, on the other hand…still can’t find me.

And he’s got to do that to have a chance of getting what he wants.

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“Final Warning,” You Say?

Oh, no. Not again…

Are we up to a hundred “final” warnings yet from the Mendacious Manatee of Myrtle Beach?

Tiresome little twat.

On a related note…for as vociferously as he contests the notion that he does not have PD, in spite of all his self-contradictory statements, I don’t think I’m the only one who has noticed that he hasn’t posted a single mention of the Shrine of the Holy Resting Place of the Ashtray Soulmate, the Blessed Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn. In point of fact, I don’t think he has ever denied the allegations that he left her behind in the Midwest (and the capricious currents of the Mississippi River) when he went chasing strange down in Dixieland.

How queer.

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And Who Better To Recognize A Toothless Threat Than DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt?

0 for VIII, anyone?

Let me guess…some of your best friends are Jews, too!  Just like anti-Semite racist woman-hater (thank God you’re just a pecker wrecker sockpuppet!) Bill Schmalfeldt?

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Drawing A Straight Line From Bill Schmalfeldt to Pedophilia, Racism, Misogyny, Anti-Semitism, Drugs & Terrorism

THE FOLLOWING IS A PARODY OF THE POST LINKED HERE: http://www.breitbartunmasked.com/2017/10/09/drawing-a-straight-line-between-robert-mercer-and-nazis/, WRITTEN BY BILL PRESTON-SCHMALFELDT (oh, how PRECIOUS!!) ON OCTOBER 9, 2017.
DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK (IT ISN’T A REAL LINK ANYWAY). IT WILL ONLY ENCOURAGE HIM. BESIDES, THE POST WILL SOON BE DELETED IN A FLOOD OF FEAR PEE, WHICH IS THE HALLMARK OF PRIDE THAT PUNCTUATES THE PATHETIC EXISTENCE OF THE AUTHOR.
INSTEAD, READ THE POST WHERE IT HAS BEEN ARCHIVED AS ETERNAL PROTECTION AGAINST THE INEVITABLE DELETION AND SPOLIATION OF EVIDENCE THAT WILL TAKE PLACE SOMETIME SOON.

SAFE LINK: http://archive.is/jYG4S


It’s a simple matter of “unnecessary air-quote” connecting the dots “unnecessary air-unquote:” Drawing a straight line from transient left wing idiot, Stolen Valor veteran, welfare whore and cyberstalking harasser Bill Schmalfeldt to brass knuckles reputation management lawfare aficionado Brett Kimberlin, the convicted Speedway Bomber, domestic terrorist, drug dealer and forger, one-time wannabe rockstar and champion of the movement to, um… “romance” underage girls in the name of pedophilia, a philosophy that is the direct opposite of normal, though not for lack of effort on the part of the enlightened, progressive Left. (It emphasizes that romantic and sexual relationships between adults and children who are legally and emotionally incapable of consent is perfectly fine.

A recent piece in BuzzFeed (which we aren’t going to link because we’re assholes like that here at Cabin Boy Unread) had absolutely nothing to do with the relationship between welfare whore Bill Schmalfeldt and adjudicated pedophile Brett Kimberlin, but you can find plenty of information here.

Schmalfeldt is currently in his second stint as the editor of Breitbart Unmasked (no, I won’t link to it – malware warnings), a website connected to Kimberlin and given to publishing multiple fawning profiles about him while ignoring his criminal history and epic failures at shutting up his critics via lawfare. Schmalfeldt, who tries to portray himself as a glib, sarcastic satirical genius and investigative journalist on this website as well as hundreds of other failed blogs, podcast channels and Twitter accounts he has created, then abandoned or had yanked from public view over the last decade, has also authored many self-published masturbatory fantasies disguised as “exposés” of people he has continuously tried and failed to sue for defamation and other false claims. Many of these books have also been pulled from online bookshelves due to copyright violations.

There’s not much about Schmalfeldt’s public rantings to love.

  • He has written, performed and offered for sale audio skits featuring Cub Scouts discussing and engaging in homosexual acts with one another in pornographic detail;
  • He has written, performed and offered for sale audio skits referring to African American characters as “boy” and referring to them as house servants;
  • He has written, produced and performed audio skits in which he imagines himself disinterring dead babies and eating them;
  • He has published photos of himself eating live kittens;
  • He has referred to Ali Akbar, an African American, as “boy;”
  • After a confederate suggested that the wife of one of the targets of his harassment should be raped, Schmalfeldt helpfully provided the street address on Twitter, while not in any way agreeing with the whole rape thing (wink, wink);
  • He has additionally said, dozens if not hundreds of times, that this same target of his harassment pimped out his wife, while not in any way suggesting that the wife herself was a whore (nudge, nudge);
  • He has insulted the Filipino spouse of a Virginia attorney by suggesting that she was a mail order bride, and that the lawyer might “send her packing back to Asia where he purchased her;” (say no more, say no more)
  • Even though he himself barely graduated high school, and may in fact have been graduated just to get him out of the local educational system, he often refers to women who offer opinions he cannot understand as “dim twats,” “stupid cunts,” “cum-gargling fuckwits” or any of the multiple possible combinations thereof;
  • He has made anti-Semitic statements referring to slaving away like Israelites for Pharoah;
  • He and his insipid balloon animal of a girlfriend regularly insult their perceived adversaries – and believe me, do they ever have to punch up – with homosexual slurs such as gays, fags and faggots;
  • He has published gleeful Twitter rants apophatically referring to one columnist as a “closeted repressed homosexual,” a “simpering, limp-wristed glory-hole queen,” an “angry, self-hating homosexual” and a “pillow-biting studded leather collar-wearing bukkake boy,” as if such sexual orientations were off the normal scales and somehow worthy of scorn;
  • On at least one occasion, he has photoshopped his perceived enemies into homosexual pornographic photographs, as if being homosexual were something to be ashamed of.

The things he says in private are far worse, far more insidious and despicable.

An anonymous but trusted source has provided Thinking Man’s Zombie with communications with Schmalfeldt, in which Schmalfeldt shares his glee over bashing peoples’ skulls with rocks, glorifying over the imagery of kicking people out of their homes, taking away their children’s inheritances, getting them fired from their jobs after doxing them, and shoving lit M-80s up the rectums of their pets just like when he was a kid.

Schmalfeldt is far less glib and urbane when discussing his violent dreams out of sight of the public. He brags about an in situ plot to overthrow the government of the United States, saying that a large number of generals and admirals are on board and ready to move if Donald Trump goes a step too far.  He is either delusional or a liar, but at times like this there is nothing like the power of AND.  Schmalfeldt now has the time to work on funding his latest projects…fleecing the left-wing idiots of America to fund a 48 state “bucket list” road trip along with about $2500 of new toys to “document” the journey, grifting for a brand new mobility scooter that Medicare would pay for if only he could find a competent doctor to prescribe for him, and pro se prosecuting yet another Federal LOLSUIT that has less than a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting to trial.

Is Schmalfeldt just thumping his concave chest? Preening like a peacock, trying to impress the reader with his illusory power and might?

Well, obviously!

And if it isn’t all just talk, where is the funding coming from?

That question takes us back to the beginning.

Brett Kimberlin is a convicted bomber who was found civilly liable for the death of one of his victims but hid all his assets to avoid paying the judgment. He is a convicted forger, drug dealer and perjurer who has spent years along with thousands of dollars engaging in lawfare against many with whom he shares common hatred along with Bill Schmalfeldt. Also, he blew $9000 to buy a fake Russian dossier on Donald Trump.

No, really!

Bill Schmalfeldt is a friend of Brett Kimberlin, by his own admission:

Who’s to say that Kimberlin is not funding Schmalfeldt’s dreams of almost-beachside month-to-month rental retirement in a Myrtle Beach motel-gone-cheap-condo? How do we know Kimberlin is not laughing up his sleeve behind the scenes at Schmalfeldt’s impotent fist shaking dreams of crushing his enemies THIS TIME, AT LONG LAST!!! in a South Carolina court with a case far more flimsy than he has ever had before, even more flimsy than the case that caused a court-conscripted welfare lawyer in Chicago to fire him and run him out of town, shaking with derisive pointage, laughery and mockification?

We don’t know.

Maybe it’s time to start asking questions?

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I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE TO LIVE MY LIFE IN PEACE (AND I’LL SUE YOU FOR BUTTHURT IF YOU DON’T)!!

“And to prove it, here’s another hit-job FAKE NEWS article reporting on a reporter whom I’ve been obsessively stalking for over five years!”

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Who Exactly Was Dancing?

You made WJJ Hoge dance, did you?

You mean like this?

Mr. Hoge not only induced you to dance, DUMBFUCK, but he also got Inflataskank and the Anklebiter in on the act, too!

Everyone hit that Hogewash! Tip Jar to express thanks for the virtuoso performance!

And then it was MY turn!

So DUMBFUCK…you’re so deeply knowledgeable about the operations of the US Marshals regarding the service of defendants for poopsniffing pauper pro se prosecutors. Do you expect anyone to believe that you didn’t know all this when you LIED UNDER OATH to a North Carolina Judge about NEEDING to find out Sarah Palmer’s current address so you could share it with the U.S. Marshals, when you were actually using that as a transparent pretense to harass her?

OOPSIE POOPSIE!

Of course by this point, you were really feeling that Monkey Dance groove, because you went off on your own little tangent!

Answer: Nothing of consequence.

I’m not a party to this case, regardless of what you think you can or cannot prove, DUMBFUCK.  But I am smart enough to understand why Mr. Nettles filed a Notice of Appearance on behalf of ALL NAMED DEFENDANTS before a single summons was returned.

Not that I would tell you.  We don’t educate DUMBFUCK monkeys here, no matter how well they dance or how pitifully they beg.

WOW!! Then won’t you look like a genius when Mr. Nettles files that motion on Grady’s behalf!

But will you look like a bigger genius DUMBFUCK or a lesser genius DUMBFUCK than when you tried to add DOE, POE & ROE (YOUR BOAT) defendants to your lawsuit?

PERMISSIVE JOINDER!
PRO SE PROSECUTOR!
ADULT IN THE ROOM!
U.S. MARSHALS!
SCHMALFELDT AM LAW!
PARKINSON’S DEMENTIA!
CAN’T DRIVE ON SLASHED TIRES!
DANCE, MONKEY! DAAAAAAAANCE!!

Now…where was I?

How is that gonna look?  Perfectly legal.  Perfectly ethical.  Perfectly reasonable.  Three concepts with which you have EXACTLY ZERO FAMILIARITY.

I could explain to you, because – as always – Smarter. Than. You. But around here, we don’t make this happen:

We make this happen:

“May” be wrong? MAY? So have you sent your friendly little email yet? Did the response from Mr. Nettles, a REGULAR READER of Hogewash! who volunteered his time and talents to defend against your vexatious lawsuit for reasons you will never fathom, PROCEED AS I HAVE FORESEEN?

I suppose we won’t know different unless you publish it…but if I’m right, you never will.  And if I’m wrong…you’ll publish because I made you do it! And you know what that means, don’t you?

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!!!!

And what a convenient segue into John Hoge’s TKPOTD!  Where he MAKES YOU DANCE SOME MORE!

Who says he can’t pay for an adult attorney to sanely kick your ass back to the Stone Age?

Sure you did.  Let’s see it, lying, racist motherfucking DUMBFUCK.

Oh…no more unseemly than

  1. getting a new driver’s license and a car seven years after giving it up because MUST_BIND_THE_CAPTIVE_NURSE, I mean, PARKINSON’S!!! and then
  2. giving it up again as soon as you curb-rubbed your tires to death, acquired a new, inflatable captive nurse doll-puppet, abandoned the Really Useful Ashtray Soulmate and hauled your fat ass to South Kakalaky because you thought you found a jurisdictional loophole (Guess what? Fatal flaws are still fatal).

SUUUUUUUURE you will.  But first, build a shelter…

from pigs on the wing.

Well after all the dancing you did last night, I certainly don’t expect to see it before close of business in the east.  Say, did I congratulate you on your recent move into a shit condo a hundred yards from the ocean RIGHT AS HURRICANE SEASON STARTS?

Perfect DUMBFUCK move.  Be sure and get a Sharpie marker and write your SSN on all your extremities so the rescuers can identify your bloated carcass – it’s just the considerate thing to do.

Oh, and because I’m a good guy…for the pain in your monkeydancing, nutshuffling testiclefeet, brought on by yesterday’s copious dance party?

Try Dr. Scholl’s.

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Self Awareness Fail Number Zero for Eight

‘Nuff said.

UPDATE:

On behalf of the Zombie Horde, fuck you, you toothless, cowardly, lying, racist, cocksnogging balloonfucker.

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Pack Your Bags, DUMBFUCK!

Motion for Reconsideration is DEEEEEEEEE-NIED!

No one will be showing anything to anyone over Skype!

I guess we will be seeing him in Westminster! Whether in a courtroom or a holding cell is entirely up to him.

OOPSIE POOPSIE!

UPDATE: The pro se Plaintiff has EVEN MOAR DETAIL at Hogewash!

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