An Old Lesson, Repeated

There are certain facts worth remembering and certain things we do not do.  Because it is clear that someone has forgotten, let me remind the Horde in general of the Five Principles…

  1. We do not visit DUMBFUCK websites without protection.
  2. We do not leave comments at DUMBFUCK blogs. EVER. No matter how protected we think we are.
  3. We do not send email to DUMBFUCK. EVER. No matter how protected we think we are.
  4. We archive whenever possible.
  5. We never violate these principles. EVER.  Because there are unpleasant consequences for doing so.

  1. IF we violate the first Principle, we are libeled as stalkers and doxed.
  2. IF we violate the second Principle, we can be sure that DUMBFUCK will attach a pornographic picture from his own library and falsely report harassment to any employer he can find.
  3. IF we violate the third Principle, we can be sure that DUMBFUCK will falsify the headers AND the message, and claim harassment.
  4. IF we fail to heed the fourth Principle, valuable evidence may be lost to the next target of his vexatious litigation.
  5. IF we violate any of the first four Principles, we also violate the Fifth Principle.

Therefore, we do not violate the Five Principles.

If you are unable to follow any of the Principles, there are precautionary measures you should take. I say should, because I cannot say must.

  1. IF YOU MUST violate the first Principle, do it from a public Wi-Fi outlet like a coffee shop, a retail store, or a public library.  Be sure to find a quiet corner or a screen with a privacy filter, because you never know what self-created filth DUMBFUCK will publish for God and everyone looking over your shoulder to see.
  2. IF YOU MUST violate the second Principle, TAKE A SCREEN CAP AND POST IT TO IMGUR.COM.  DUMBFUCK will take any comment from any IP he does not recognize, and he will alter it to include harassing – or more likely – pornographic images or pictures of his poop. He will also work in a reference to his wife at every opportunity to increase the victimization factor.  Take a photo of your comment in moderation, because you will only get one comment before being banned, so there is a record of what you actually said.     
  3. IF YOU MUST violate the third Principle, BLIND COPY SOMEBODY! Seriously, don’t be an idiot. And save the headers.
  4. DO NOT WORRY too much about the fourth Principle.  Someone is ALWAYS running overwatch.
  5. IF YOU HAVE thus violated the fifth Principle, consider self-reporting it to your employer, if you have one that cares about such things.  The advance warning to “Google Bill Schmalfeldt” has come to represent a +20 defensive spell in the MMORPG that is the World Wide Web of Minecraft, or something.


Oh God, my inner nerd escaped! Somebody grab him!!


When the Counting Man Comes A' Callin'

I thought it might be FUN to have a look at the detritus and general foul droppings that DUMBFUCK has left in the moderated comments over the last little while.  And it might also be FUN to reminisce over the differences between what it has said publicly and what I have seen and not published until now.

On April 28 of this year, DUMBFUCK filed its Big, Stupid, Doomed LOLSuit.  For some reason that has now faded into the mists of time, it took its @GrouchyOldLib Twitter account private on May 15.  I made note of that here, suggesting that it was “50 shades of…yellow?”

The comment that appeared at 8:13 AM was a manly response that establishes something of a theme that should resonate as these posts go on:

                “Think of it more like ’50 Shades of See Your Cowardly Ass in Court.’”

Then followed the May 17 Good Morning, DUMBFUCK! Post, highlighting the existence of a couple of blogs dedicated to DUMBFUCK and its bowel movements in preparation for a colonoscopy.  Of course, those blogs have since been deleted (don’t worry, they’re archived).  The deletion was a wise decision in retrospect, because it focused almost entirely on DUMBFUCK and poop (but I repeat myself), and barely mentioned the colonoscopy and what utility the procedure serves.  Kind of sick, really, as if the subject matter was nothing but an excuse for DUMBFUCK to focus on BUTT STUFF while pretending it had a higher purpose.

On that post, a comment appeared from DUMBFUCK at 12:23 PM that repeated the theme from the previous day:

                “See you in court, Palsy Walsy!”

Three minutes later, another comment containing only a link to this very funny Dave Barry column from 2008 about his first colonoscopy.

Note that I said Dave Barry’s column (not his colon) was VERY FUNNY.  Because it was.  Dave Barry finds humor in EVERYTHING, most especially in his own life.  To do that, you really need some serious self awareness, and an ability to laugh at yourself, two things DUMBFUCK has never had.  DUMBFUCK dreams of being that funny, and wakes up in tears.

Another thing about Dave Barry’s column, besides being funny, is that it was informative.  It outlined a story of Dave’s brother, whose own colon exam resulted in a cancer diagnosis and a positive prognosis, and it also recounted his own experience with the procedure, and ended by hitting what had been the theme throughout the column:  the necessity (and relative ease) of getting a colonoscopy.

Dave Barry focused on the colonoscopy.  In a key difference, DUMBFUCK focused on its own feces to the exclusion of almost all else (hardly a surprise).

Now, I’m pushing 500 words, and it’s obvious this will require more than one post.

We’ll talk more about these comments later.