Can You Guess Where This Bit of Genius Came From?

Logic Self Awareness Fail. If you serve your time and continue committing crime, such as trying to bilk peope out of their money for a false churchforging service documents in the course of a civil action, you’re still a bad person. And no, I can’t pound anymore sand because every orifice is already full to bursting.

No, really – guess!

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Nothing. We Have Learned Nothing. That's What We Have Learned Here.

Actually, that’s not quite true.  I did learn that brevity is the soul of wit.

Silly me, I thought the soul of wit was to be, you know, FUNNY.

So, for the benefit of the slow, lazy F5 reader out there… FUCK YOU, YOU PATHETIC DROOLING IDIOT.

Brief enough for ya?

For the rest of you, the truly good stuff that flies over his head is after the jump.

Continue reading “Nothing. We Have Learned Nothing. That's What We Have Learned Here.”

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140 Characters…

140 PAGES of #FAIL packed inside. I hardly know where to begin.

IMG_4782

Embrace the power of “and” – FAIL

Multitasking – FAIL

Spending remaining days enjoying retirement with his “beloved” who is also terminally ill instead of spending 20 hours a day hunting, stalking, harassing and flaildoxing anyone on the Internet who says a word against him, especially HOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!! – FAIL

Keeping his most intimate and personal family details to himself – teh EPIC FAIL!!1!ELEVENTY1!!ONE!!1!11!! ZOMG!

😀

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Question For The Deranged Cyberstalker

F5 Jackhammer

I was just wondering…other than having your eyes glued to this site, Hogewash!, EDBSD & Twitter, and replacing your broken F5 key six times, do you and your “beloved” have anything especially romantic planned for Valentine’s Day?

Or is it just gonna be microwaved tubed meat at the computer again?

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Weaponized Self Awareness FAIL

2-13-2015 10-29-58 AM

Gee, I don’t know, “HOOOOOOOGE!!!!!”

…with the altered picture of the person you are so obsessed with that you spend every waking moment hating him…

…why don’t YOU enlighten us?

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In Re: A LOL Suit

While I know that we really and truly shouldn’t help the poor dear (or his handlers) I thought it might be awfully Zombie of me to take a stroll through the Introduction to his LOL suit and help him out in letting him know where he went wrong with things. It’s amazing what a little bit of reading comprehension and having a firmer grasp on reality can accomplish. And they say I’m the one with the rotting brains? Sheesh!

 


 

INTRODUCTION

  1. Plaintiff William M SCHMALFELDT, Sr. (“MEEEEEEE”) hereby brings this complaint to recover damages inflicted by Defendants, defined below, for engaging in inflicting god-awful butthurt upon me, including but not limited to (1) repeating things that I’ve said about myself in the past, (2) making fun of things I’ve said in the past, (3) bringing me to task when I’ve done something wrong, (4) hauling me to court when I’ve broken a restraining order, (5) not letting me have my way, (6) given me bad reviews for my crappy books, (7) talked together and (8) totally not taken my butthurttedness and special snowflake status into account.
  2. Defendants did, individually and severally, engage in conduct to libel MEEEEEEE by making totally factual and true allegations about him in their various blog posts and Twitter accounts. As a result, MEEEEEEE is permanently damaged since a Google search of his name will come back with the plain and utter truth told online by Defendants. This qualifies as repeating things that I’ve said about myself on the internet and in published books in the past that I’ve deleted in my head and should have gone away permanently but they kept them and keep publishing them over and over again so that they could permanently cast a person in a negative light. These truths were spread willfully, with malice, knowing the effect such truth would have on MEEEEEEE’s reputation as a writer, as an active member in the Parkinson’s Disease Fundraising Community, and as a shitstain on the underpants of humanity.
  3. Defendants did, individually and severally, encourage their blog readerships to spread these truthful facts about MEEEEEEE in order to increase their readership in the right wing blogging community and increase the revenue they receive in donations.
  4. Defendants did, individually and severally, contact agencies and freelance employers of MEEEEEEE and flooded their inboxes with defamatory truths about MEEEEEEE to the extent that one organization, the National Parkinson Foundation, which MEEEEEEE has raised hundreds of pennies for through book and merchandise sales, asked him to remove their name from MEEEEEEE’s promotional material because they realized what a tub of shit I am. Defendants contacted editors of online publications to smear and defame MEEEEEE as a “deranged cyberstalker” because I am one who would bring disrepute to their publications. At least one publication, “The Examiner,” discharged MEEEEEEE long before some of these Defendants heard of MEEEEE. MEEEEEEE left “Digital Journal” after their editor asked why he was receiving all these truth-filled emails about what a “bad person” Plaintiff was in my own words. Plaintiff resigned to spare him having to further deal with these online truth spreaders. There is no telling how many freelance opportunities Plaintiff applied for that never responded to MEEEEEEE’s application due to the online truthfulness of MEEEEEEE’s reputation because the Defendants wouldn’t let things that I said go away like I wanted them to, or in the case of one job because I kept applying for it over and over and over and over again like the deranged cyberstalker that I am. Defendants also, individually and severally, wrote truthful negative reviews of books available for sale on Amazon, books that Amazon doesn’t care if they purchase or read before making a review, for the purpose of making sure MEEEEEEE’s rating was at the appropriate “1-star” level because they are awful pieces of turgid crap that would be used in place of toilet paper if only they weren’t printed on awfully scratchy paper instead. Just ask me how I know.
  5. Defendants did, individually and severally, place MEEEEEEE under a truthful light by claiming online in their logs and Twitter posts that he was engaged in creating and selling pornography and “making audio tapes of child rape”, a charge that is completely true because the Maryland statute for child pornography specifically uses the words “using a computer to depict or describe a minor engaging in an obscene act, sadomasochistic abuse, or sexual conduct” which is precisely what I did with those “comedy sketches.” They also cast a false light on MEEEEEEE by portraying him to the public as a “deranged cyberstalker,” a moniker that I liked so much I even made it into the title of one of my eleventy billion websites that I then used to promote my child pornography, and as a villain under any number of other appellations as will be disclosed in the course of trial.
  6. Defendants did, individually and severally, engage in a course of conduct designed to cause intentional and extreme emotional distress and butthurt to MEEEEEEE, as will be demonstrated at trial.
  7. Defendants did, individually and severally, conspire to obstruct justice in Defendant HOGE’s two-year long effort to stop MEEEEEEE from contacting him because I am totally obsessed with him, through the introduction of stuff that I actually sent HOGE but am now saying that I didn’t because it was really, really stupid of me to do so in court, and by truths told under penalty of perjury on peace order petitions that I think are lies because I don’t want them to be true, so there.
  8. Defendant HOGE did, with the assistance of other Defendants, engage in conduct designed to prosecute MEEEEEEE for crimes and civil torts MEEEEEEE did totally commit.

 


 

And that’s just for starters. I don’t know that I have another 16 pages of corrections in me, but perhaps we will get there.

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Letter To the Mayor of Eugene, Oregon

Dear Mommy Mayor Piercy,

I’ve never been to your fine city, but I’ve read awfully nice things about it. In fact, it’s one of the few places that I haven’t worked, which is why I have no pension or 401K. And I have Parkinson’s Disease, which you’ll be hearing a lot about in my letter to you.

I write to you this morning because it appears that you have a trash collection problem. For years, I’ve been viciously stalked and defamed by one of your constituents, a Facebook friend of yours by the name of Dan Foreman! Please refer to the attached charts that lay out my investigative process in detail. You’ll be as convinced as I am. I’m actually probably entirely wrong, but let’s pretend that I’m not for the moment.

I’m a war hero with Stage XLVIII Parkinsons. I can’t work, walk or even drive car. I haven’t made sweet, sweet love to my wife since the mid to late aughts. The dementia is now so bad that I forget that I’m demented and start investigating the evil stalkers who call me demented, which is how you came to my attention.

Foreman, who is your best friend in the whole world, even impersonated my COUSIN for several years. My noted legal scholarship, along with that guy on AVVO, the one who doesn’t think I’m a crazed turd, informs me that this is a felony. A felony that you abet through City Hall!

Do you know why he and a cabal of right-wing thugs are persecuting, hounding and bullying me like they did to esteemed Professor Deb Frisch, Ms. Piercy. They’re doing it because I have a most excellent friend who just happened to repeatedly bomb a small town in Indiana in the 1970s, which was a long time ago. And he’s a good Democrat now, just like you and me! Except I’m a disabled veteran with Parkinson’s who only drops bombs in my pants, and I don’t think you spend all day cursing at a computer monitor.

But I demand that the bullying stop! I’ve had enough! ENOUGH, I say! I want “Cousin Roy” to grab his ankles, and you can make Foreman do it! I found him. Now you must finish him!

You don’t want you city taken away, do you, Your Honor? I don’t want to have to do it, but I will. I will issue a press release and make a video telling everyone the truth about you, “Cousin Leroy” and all of Eugene! I may even write 12 books about it! It WILL be worse than Watergate. Your name will forever be tied with shame in history, Kitty!

You might be asking, “What does this fine, disabled veteran want?”

I want it ALL, Kitty! I want you to send Dan to me. Strip him of his citizenship and send him to my trailer. And most importantly, unfriend him on Facebook this instant! There will be dire consequences for you if I don’t have evidence that you have done these things by close of business, eastern time! Tomorrow I send everything I have to the WisconsinOregon media.

Be well,

William M. Schmalfeldt,
Elkridge, Maryland.

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