Oh Let Me Guess…LOLSUIT VIII?

Please don’t BEE predictable…

Forged Contact

And buy a new computer, pauper. The spyware ain’t gonna uninstall until the computer stays powered off for 60 days. I had to buy a new terabyte external drive to save all the captured webcam footage!

stalker

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An Old Lesson, Repeated

There are certain facts worth remembering and certain things we do not do.  Because it is clear that someone has forgotten, let me remind the Horde in general of the Five Principles…

  1. We do not visit DUMBFUCK websites without protection.
  2. We do not leave comments at DUMBFUCK blogs. EVER. No matter how protected we think we are.
  3. We do not send email to DUMBFUCK. EVER. No matter how protected we think we are.
  4. We archive whenever possible.
  5. We never violate these principles. EVER.  Because there are unpleasant consequences for doing so.

  1. IF we violate the first Principle, we are libeled as stalkers and doxed.
  2. IF we violate the second Principle, we can be sure that DUMBFUCK will attach a pornographic picture from his own library and falsely report harassment to any employer he can find.
  3. IF we violate the third Principle, we can be sure that DUMBFUCK will falsify the headers AND the message, and claim harassment.
  4. IF we fail to heed the fourth Principle, valuable evidence may be lost to the next target of his vexatious litigation.
  5. IF we violate any of the first four Principles, we also violate the Fifth Principle.

Therefore, we do not violate the Five Principles.


If you are unable to follow any of the Principles, there are precautionary measures you should take. I say should, because I cannot say must.

  1. IF YOU MUST violate the first Principle, do it from a public Wi-Fi outlet like a coffee shop, a retail store, or a public library.  Be sure to find a quiet corner or a screen with a privacy filter, because you never know what self-created filth DUMBFUCK will publish for God and everyone looking over your shoulder to see.
  2. IF YOU MUST violate the second Principle, TAKE A SCREEN CAP AND POST IT TO IMGUR.COM.  DUMBFUCK will take any comment from any IP he does not recognize, and he will alter it to include harassing – or more likely – pornographic images or pictures of his poop. He will also work in a reference to his wife at every opportunity to increase the victimization factor.  Take a photo of your comment in moderation, because you will only get one comment before being banned, so there is a record of what you actually said.     
  3. IF YOU MUST violate the third Principle, BLIND COPY SOMEBODY! Seriously, don’t be an idiot. And save the headers.
  4. DO NOT WORRY too much about the fourth Principle.  Someone is ALWAYS running overwatch.
  5. IF YOU HAVE thus violated the fifth Principle, consider self-reporting it to your employer, if you have one that cares about such things.  The advance warning to “Google Bill Schmalfeldt” has come to represent a +20 defensive spell in the MMORPG that is the World Wide Web of Minecraft, or something.

 

Oh God, my inner nerd escaped! Somebody grab him!!

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Memory Earworm Wednesday!

As I was driving to work Monday, I heard a song from my misspent youth.  It conjured a memory picture – the face of someone I once knew who left too soon.  I changed the station, because the memory was not a terrific one.  The idea remained, and for several minutes I thought about how many memories, good and bad, are tied to particular songs.

So this morning, I thought we could share our musical memories.  I’m going to share a bittersweet time in my high school days.

It was the one time in my life I remember being in the awkward position of dating someone I really liked and having a great time, and then meeting someone I wanted to date even more.  Sharon lived a couple towns over; we had met at a performance competition where we were on our schools’ respective teams.  We’d been dating a little over six months when I saw Denise.  She was local, a couple years behind me at my high school.  She went to the same church as my family, and I literally could not take my eyes off her.

Unfortunately she had a boyfriend. But I had a girlfriend.

As it happened, the prom at my school fell on the same day as Sharon’s.  How convenient!

Until Denise broke up with her boyfriend…

I didn’t know why they broke up, and I didn’t care. All I knew was that a tiny window had opened, and I went for it. I don’t remember if it was the same day I found out about it or the day after, but it wasn’t longer than that.  Suddenly I had dates for two proms in two towns on the same night.

I had to break up with Sharon.  Who I really liked, who was really fun and who really liked to dance, whose only drawback was that she wasn’t Denise.

I felt like an utter jerk for about a week.  Because that’s what I was.

Denise and I were steady for 18 months until she tore my heart out, stamped it into little pieces and set what was left on fire.

And she never danced like Sharon and I did, to one of these songs.

I have told many lies about myself in service to anonymity.  This is not one.  But only one of the songs below has significance to me, because Sharon and I burned the floor whenever it came on.

So, if you have a song that

  • Reminds you of your dad or your daughter,
  • Was playing when you proposed to your wife,
  • Was on the car radio when you lost your virginity in the backseat,
  • Was the favorite of your sister who died of cancer,
  • Was your wedding song,
  • Or whatever special moment you get pulled back to…

Please post it and share your memory in the comments.  And if you want to lie, make it a good one!

 

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