Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

The projection is strong in you, young 8 time FAILSUIT LOSER. You’re gonna take wives, cars and houses! But you can’t even hold on to your own.

I’m still waiting for the cops to pick me up, you loudmouth idiot.

I saw a story recently about a guy with a 9 cm diameter air pocket where his brain is supposed to be – how did you manage to convince them not to identify you?

Maybe I’ll have to plan a little golf getaway to Myrtle Beach next month. any other Zombie duffers want to join me?

Good thing you’re in Albuquerque, amirite?

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The Answer to Your Burning Strawman, DUMBFUCK…

is “YES.”

And you’re too fucking stupid to know why. (Don’t forget, truth is an absolute defense against a defamation claim. So, as it turns out, is lack of personal jurisdiction.)

#virtuesignaling #DUMBFUCK #punchingup

P.S. It’s worth noting that by the same logic, Gail Schmalfeldt would be a lot LESS dead if her soulmate hadn’t spent so much time chasing white whales on the internet…

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Insane By His Own Admission

…but don’t you dare call him a “deranged cyberstalker,” because that’s DEFAMATION!!

Oh, wait.

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“Final Warning,” You Say?

Oh, no. Not again…

Are we up to a hundred “final” warnings yet from the Mendacious Manatee of Myrtle Beach?

Tiresome little twat.

On a related note…for as vociferously as he contests the notion that he does not have PD, in spite of all his self-contradictory statements, I don’t think I’m the only one who has noticed that he hasn’t posted a single mention of the Shrine of the Holy Resting Place of the Ashtray Soulmate, the Blessed Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn. In point of fact, I don’t think he has ever denied the allegations that he left her behind in the Midwest (and the capricious currents of the Mississippi River) when he went chasing strange down in Dixieland.

How queer.

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I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE TO LIVE MY LIFE IN PEACE (AND I’LL SUE YOU FOR BUTTHURT IF YOU DON’T)!!

“And to prove it, here’s another hit-job FAKE NEWS article reporting on a reporter whom I’ve been obsessively stalking for over five years!”

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Who Exactly Was Dancing?

You made WJJ Hoge dance, did you?

You mean like this?

Mr. Hoge not only induced you to dance, DUMBFUCK, but he also got Inflataskank and the Anklebiter in on the act, too!

Everyone hit that Hogewash! Tip Jar to express thanks for the virtuoso performance!

And then it was MY turn!

So DUMBFUCK…you’re so deeply knowledgeable about the operations of the US Marshals regarding the service of defendants for poopsniffing pauper pro se prosecutors. Do you expect anyone to believe that you didn’t know all this when you LIED UNDER OATH to a North Carolina Judge about NEEDING to find out Sarah Palmer’s current address so you could share it with the U.S. Marshals, when you were actually using that as a transparent pretense to harass her?

OOPSIE POOPSIE!

Of course by this point, you were really feeling that Monkey Dance groove, because you went off on your own little tangent!

Answer: Nothing of consequence.

I’m not a party to this case, regardless of what you think you can or cannot prove, DUMBFUCK.  But I am smart enough to understand why Mr. Nettles filed a Notice of Appearance on behalf of ALL NAMED DEFENDANTS before a single summons was returned.

Not that I would tell you.  We don’t educate DUMBFUCK monkeys here, no matter how well they dance or how pitifully they beg.

WOW!! Then won’t you look like a genius when Mr. Nettles files that motion on Grady’s behalf!

But will you look like a bigger genius DUMBFUCK or a lesser genius DUMBFUCK than when you tried to add DOE, POE & ROE (YOUR BOAT) defendants to your lawsuit?

PERMISSIVE JOINDER!
PRO SE PROSECUTOR!
ADULT IN THE ROOM!
U.S. MARSHALS!
SCHMALFELDT AM LAW!
PARKINSON’S DEMENTIA!
CAN’T DRIVE ON SLASHED TIRES!
DANCE, MONKEY! DAAAAAAAANCE!!

Now…where was I?

How is that gonna look?  Perfectly legal.  Perfectly ethical.  Perfectly reasonable.  Three concepts with which you have EXACTLY ZERO FAMILIARITY.

I could explain to you, because – as always – Smarter. Than. You. But around here, we don’t make this happen:

We make this happen:

“May” be wrong? MAY? So have you sent your friendly little email yet? Did the response from Mr. Nettles, a REGULAR READER of Hogewash! who volunteered his time and talents to defend against your vexatious lawsuit for reasons you will never fathom, PROCEED AS I HAVE FORESEEN?

I suppose we won’t know different unless you publish it…but if I’m right, you never will.  And if I’m wrong…you’ll publish because I made you do it! And you know what that means, don’t you?

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!!!!

And what a convenient segue into John Hoge’s TKPOTD!  Where he MAKES YOU DANCE SOME MORE!

Who says he can’t pay for an adult attorney to sanely kick your ass back to the Stone Age?

Sure you did.  Let’s see it, lying, racist motherfucking DUMBFUCK.

Oh…no more unseemly than

  1. getting a new driver’s license and a car seven years after giving it up because MUST_BIND_THE_CAPTIVE_NURSE, I mean, PARKINSON’S!!! and then
  2. giving it up again as soon as you curb-rubbed your tires to death, acquired a new, inflatable captive nurse doll-puppet, abandoned the Really Useful Ashtray Soulmate and hauled your fat ass to South Kakalaky because you thought you found a jurisdictional loophole (Guess what? Fatal flaws are still fatal).

SUUUUUUUURE you will.  But first, build a shelter…

from pigs on the wing.

Well after all the dancing you did last night, I certainly don’t expect to see it before close of business in the east.  Say, did I congratulate you on your recent move into a shit condo a hundred yards from the ocean RIGHT AS HURRICANE SEASON STARTS?

Perfect DUMBFUCK move.  Be sure and get a Sharpie marker and write your SSN on all your extremities so the rescuers can identify your bloated carcass – it’s just the considerate thing to do.

Oh, and because I’m a good guy…for the pain in your monkeydancing, nutshuffling testiclefeet, brought on by yesterday’s copious dance party?

Try Dr. Scholl’s.

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ALL 4 QUARTERS??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That’s fucking rich, coming from the guy who’s never made it past the first possession, to continue the stupid metaphor. Meanwhile…

 

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A Solid Prediction

Several months from now, when LOLSUIT VIII goes the way of LOLSUITS I through VII (down in the flames of pro se motions to dismiss from all defendants)…

…this will be the post that I call back to when it’s time to say to Stolen Valor DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt:

  • I told you so…
  • He told you so…
  • She told you so…
  • Everyone – EVERYONE – told you so…

And when I say “Everyone” I mean “Everyone with more than a single digit IQ.”

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Let’s Play “Spot the Lies”

Here, I’ll help!

I suppose it might be overstating things to call these lies, if you subscribe to Costanza logic:

They could be “alternative truths,” to use a popular phrase.  And DUMBFUCK, in spite of all the evidence of the last five years, may even believe he is speaking truth.  If, for the eighth time in three years, he loses a LOLSUIT on a “technicality,” (DON’T LAUGH) he may actually believe he won’t simply forget it all happened and try again.

I’ve heard these Fatkinson’s sufferers have profound memory issues when it suits them.

Well, it is a lie, if the liar changing his mind proceeds as I have foreseen.

Of course there’s always the possibility of a NEW & IMPROVED strategy that no one could have ever foreseen.

Though it would be an awful waste of the great monikers we have already banked for LOLSUITS IX – XIII if the Inflatable Boifriend starts taking the lead.  Will we have to go back to LOLSUIT I in that case?

LOLSUIT I – Under Pressure?
LOLSUIT I – She’s Gonna Blow!
LOLSUIT I – Pressure Drop
LOLSUIT I – Inflated Ego

Who knows?

 

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

Self Awareness Fail #INFINITY:

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. It says so in the book for the Friends of (a Different) Bill. I feel I need to make that distinction because everyone knows this Bill has no friends. I wouldn’t want anyone to be confused.

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