Insane By His Own Admission

…but don’t you dare call him a “deranged cyberstalker,” because that’s DEFAMATION!!

Oh, wait.

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“Final Warning,” You Say?

Oh, no. Not again…

Are we up to a hundred “final” warnings yet from the Mendacious Manatee of Myrtle Beach?

Tiresome little twat.

On a related note…for as vociferously as he contests the notion that he does not have PD, in spite of all his self-contradictory statements, I don’t think I’m the only one who has noticed that he hasn’t posted a single mention of the Shrine of the Holy Resting Place of the Ashtray Soulmate, the Blessed Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn. In point of fact, I don’t think he has ever denied the allegations that he left her behind in the Midwest (and the capricious currents of the Mississippi River) when he went chasing strange down in Dixieland.

How queer.

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I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE TO LIVE MY LIFE IN PEACE (AND I’LL SUE YOU FOR BUTTHURT IF YOU DON’T)!!

“And to prove it, here’s another hit-job FAKE NEWS article reporting on a reporter whom I’ve been obsessively stalking for over five years!”

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Who Exactly Was Dancing?

You made WJJ Hoge dance, did you?

You mean like this?

Mr. Hoge not only induced you to dance, DUMBFUCK, but he also got Inflataskank and the Anklebiter in on the act, too!

Everyone hit that Hogewash! Tip Jar to express thanks for the virtuoso performance!

And then it was MY turn!

So DUMBFUCK…you’re so deeply knowledgeable about the operations of the US Marshals regarding the service of defendants for poopsniffing pauper pro se prosecutors. Do you expect anyone to believe that you didn’t know all this when you LIED UNDER OATH to a North Carolina Judge about NEEDING to find out Sarah Palmer’s current address so you could share it with the U.S. Marshals, when you were actually using that as a transparent pretense to harass her?

OOPSIE POOPSIE!

Of course by this point, you were really feeling that Monkey Dance groove, because you went off on your own little tangent!

Answer: Nothing of consequence.

I’m not a party to this case, regardless of what you think you can or cannot prove, DUMBFUCK.  But I am smart enough to understand why Mr. Nettles filed a Notice of Appearance on behalf of ALL NAMED DEFENDANTS before a single summons was returned.

Not that I would tell you.  We don’t educate DUMBFUCK monkeys here, no matter how well they dance or how pitifully they beg.

WOW!! Then won’t you look like a genius when Mr. Nettles files that motion on Grady’s behalf!

But will you look like a bigger genius DUMBFUCK or a lesser genius DUMBFUCK than when you tried to add DOE, POE & ROE (YOUR BOAT) defendants to your lawsuit?

PERMISSIVE JOINDER!
PRO SE PROSECUTOR!
ADULT IN THE ROOM!
U.S. MARSHALS!
SCHMALFELDT AM LAW!
PARKINSON’S DEMENTIA!
CAN’T DRIVE ON SLASHED TIRES!
DANCE, MONKEY! DAAAAAAAANCE!!

Now…where was I?

How is that gonna look?  Perfectly legal.  Perfectly ethical.  Perfectly reasonable.  Three concepts with which you have EXACTLY ZERO FAMILIARITY.

I could explain to you, because – as always – Smarter. Than. You. But around here, we don’t make this happen:

We make this happen:

“May” be wrong? MAY? So have you sent your friendly little email yet? Did the response from Mr. Nettles, a REGULAR READER of Hogewash! who volunteered his time and talents to defend against your vexatious lawsuit for reasons you will never fathom, PROCEED AS I HAVE FORESEEN?

I suppose we won’t know different unless you publish it…but if I’m right, you never will.  And if I’m wrong…you’ll publish because I made you do it! And you know what that means, don’t you?

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!!!!

And what a convenient segue into John Hoge’s TKPOTD!  Where he MAKES YOU DANCE SOME MORE!

Who says he can’t pay for an adult attorney to sanely kick your ass back to the Stone Age?

Sure you did.  Let’s see it, lying, racist motherfucking DUMBFUCK.

Oh…no more unseemly than

  1. getting a new driver’s license and a car seven years after giving it up because MUST_BIND_THE_CAPTIVE_NURSE, I mean, PARKINSON’S!!! and then
  2. giving it up again as soon as you curb-rubbed your tires to death, acquired a new, inflatable captive nurse doll-puppet, abandoned the Really Useful Ashtray Soulmate and hauled your fat ass to South Kakalaky because you thought you found a jurisdictional loophole (Guess what? Fatal flaws are still fatal).

SUUUUUUUURE you will.  But first, build a shelter…

from pigs on the wing.

Well after all the dancing you did last night, I certainly don’t expect to see it before close of business in the east.  Say, did I congratulate you on your recent move into a shit condo a hundred yards from the ocean RIGHT AS HURRICANE SEASON STARTS?

Perfect DUMBFUCK move.  Be sure and get a Sharpie marker and write your SSN on all your extremities so the rescuers can identify your bloated carcass – it’s just the considerate thing to do.

Oh, and because I’m a good guy…for the pain in your monkeydancing, nutshuffling testiclefeet, brought on by yesterday’s copious dance party?

Try Dr. Scholl’s.

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ALL 4 QUARTERS??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That’s fucking rich, coming from the guy who’s never made it past the first possession, to continue the stupid metaphor. Meanwhile…

 

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A Solid Prediction

Several months from now, when LOLSUIT VIII goes the way of LOLSUITS I through VII (down in the flames of pro se motions to dismiss from all defendants)…

…this will be the post that I call back to when it’s time to say to Stolen Valor DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt:

  • I told you so…
  • He told you so…
  • She told you so…
  • Everyone – EVERYONE – told you so…

And when I say “Everyone” I mean “Everyone with more than a single digit IQ.”

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Let’s Play “Spot the Lies”

Here, I’ll help!

I suppose it might be overstating things to call these lies, if you subscribe to Costanza logic:

They could be “alternative truths,” to use a popular phrase.  And DUMBFUCK, in spite of all the evidence of the last five years, may even believe he is speaking truth.  If, for the eighth time in three years, he loses a LOLSUIT on a “technicality,” (DON’T LAUGH) he may actually believe he won’t simply forget it all happened and try again.

I’ve heard these Fatkinson’s sufferers have profound memory issues when it suits them.

Well, it is a lie, if the liar changing his mind proceeds as I have foreseen.

Of course there’s always the possibility of a NEW & IMPROVED strategy that no one could have ever foreseen.

Though it would be an awful waste of the great monikers we have already banked for LOLSUITS IX – XIII if the Inflatable Boifriend starts taking the lead.  Will we have to go back to LOLSUIT I in that case?

LOLSUIT I – Under Pressure?
LOLSUIT I – She’s Gonna Blow!
LOLSUIT I – Pressure Drop
LOLSUIT I – Inflated Ego

Who knows?

 

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

Self Awareness Fail #INFINITY:

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. It says so in the book for the Friends of (a Different) Bill. I feel I need to make that distinction because everyone knows this Bill has no friends. I wouldn’t want anyone to be confused.

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He Made A Fecal Case Out Of It

It was either “eat shit and do nothing about it,” or make a poopie in federal court that he would eventually be forced to eat anyway. He chose the latter.

I will be the second to admit. Bill Schmalelddt has never filed a successful lawsuit. (Not for lack of trying, mind you – just for lack of having a case. Or intelligence.) Every suit he has filed has been dismissed before reaching a point of being considered on the merits. This is because Bill Schmalelddt is too stupid to fashion a complaint that can survive a motion to dismiss for any of a dozen or so reasons. The same could be said about the defendants in his attempts to get some justice for the years of undue harassment that has been returned to him in his prescribed three-for-one ratio to what he has dished out.

It COULD be said, if the dozens of defendants he has tried to sue over the past three years had ever tried to sue him…but only one has. That case goes to trial in August. The outlook for Schmalelddt is similar to his general opinion of women – DIM.

No one – yet – has ever beaten him on the merits, for two reasons:

  1. None of his lawsuits ever reaches a point where the merits are judged. This is fortunate for Schmalelddt because when he files a LOLSUIT, there are no merits to consider;
  2. No one pays him enough mind to sue him for defamation, because his character and reputation are such that nothing he says on any subject can be taken seriously by a reasonable person.

Oh, sometimes people thump their chests without ever crediting the “disgraced” attorney who beat him like a redheaded stepchild in Wisconsin and was well paid for it. Poor Schmalelddt – he just knows so much that isn’t so.

He doesn’t have an attorney. He had one once, a charity attorney in Illinois who told him to run along home and quit bothering people with more important things to do than wipe his tears and rub ointment on his aching butt. No, he does this all by his lonesome, with the moral support of his imaginary friends and inflatable ladyboi. Besides, he’s smarter than any old dumb, disgraced lawyer anyway! There are no guarantees of success, but I do believe that he’s learned some things along the way.

OK, just kidding!! He hasn’t learned ANYTHING.

He thinks jurisdiction (subject matter and personal) is handled differently in South Carolina; he found a case that he thinks says it’s based on where the VICTIM dwells. Sadly, no. But even though he has burned his free amendment in an effort to fix some other flaw that was explicitly pointed out to him (but which he still didn’t believe until he was once more proven to be an utter fool), it’s still too early to educate the monkey. He thinks venue is also correct for the same reasons.

One reason there is no need right now to educate the monkey, or even bother to be concerned with it, is because the suit will be dismissed by the Magistrate Judge before any defendant needs to make an argument regarding his whimsical notions of jurisdiction and venue.

This is just the first step on a long journey – about 25 feet to the edge of the cliff, and then a long 2000 foot drop. This is why he told Dave Alexander the other day that he’s lucky he and Sarah Palmer live in the same state (as far as he knows – ha ha ha). He thinks he could not file under a diversity jurisdiction if two parties live in the same state. Sarah won the obviously rigged coin toss.

Remember – he’s learned some things along the way. Not enough things to get a lawsuit past motions to dismiss, or even to the point of being served, but things. That he’s learned. Like the cure for Fakinson’s disease can be found on the shores of Lake Michigan, where you will magically regain the physical dexterity if not the mental acuity required to safely drive a car again. Yay!

I have a very good idea how this will end up.

Just like all the other VII LOLSUITS filed by Bill Schmalelddt.

WJJ Hoge II and his readers, as well as defendants Johnson, Palmer and Grady will never see a summons, never have to file a motion to dismiss, never have to craft an answer and will not have to spend a moment of serious thought on Schmalelddt’s case. (Note: this case comes with sooper sekrit subpoena powah. If Schmalelddt wants to find out who I am, he will find a whole new set of obstacles to overcome.)

But I HATE to spoil the surprise!

Hoge will say he has foreseen this.

EVERYBODY foresaw this, from the moment he moved out of Iowa, the gigantic sand-filled pussy.

Of course, foresight is always more impressive when one can predict something that hasn’t happened yet.

Like, say, that Schmalelddt’s pro se complaint will be subject to review by a magistrate judge and likely be”killed in its crib?” That was foreseen.

Or that Schmalelddt would be expertly manipulated into quickly burning his free first amendment to correct something in his complaint that he maintained at first wasn’t even wrong? That was foreseen too.

Or finally, that Schmalelddt would leave behind multiple other fatal flaws in his Amended Complaint (and even make some things WORSE THAN BEFORE)? That also was foreseen.

So it looks like he had a choice between eating a turd and laying one. Like seven times before, “CLEANUP ON AISLE LOLSUIT!” Send the DUMBFUCK and make sure he brings his big spoon.

BOY…Thank goodness he was never “emotionally invested” in this one.

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Wouldn’t It Just Be Easier

…if you stopped pretending you understand how this all works…

…and admitted to yourself and to the world once and for all…

…that you are the DUMBFUCK idiot that even Balloon Boi knows you are?

Or, just keep entertaining us:

As a wise man once whined, “There is no justice for the Schmalelddts of the world, only for HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!!S.”

Some truths are worth writing on Post-It notes and leaving in plain sight.  That’s one of them.

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