Now This Is Interesting…

Here’s a list of several pleadings that were docketed today in Hoge v. Kimberlin et al:

Notice that the first two documents listed above are dated May 16 and May 23. I included them so that I could show that the remaining list includes all the filings that have been accepted since that date.

So we have

  • a motion from Defendant 4 (that’s Bill Schmalfeldt) regarding Friday’s Pretrial Hearing.  If I had to guess, he’s probably begging to be allowed to appear via Skype and record the proceedings on his iPhone.
  • a motion from the Kimberlins regarding Friday’s Pretrial Hearing.  Again, if I had to guess, probably a lot of pissing and moaning about not ever going to cooperate with Hoge, not going to show up at the hearing, piss on you Judge, blah-blah-blah.
  • a Rule 2.504.2 statement from the Kimberlins outlining all sorts of evidence they intend to introduce at trial.
  • another Rule 2.504.2 statement from Defendant 4 (Bill Schmalfeldt) listing all sorts of evidence he intends to introduce at trial from blogs and Twitter accounts that he told John Hoge he had no way of providing to him when he asked for them during discovery.
  • Finally, a Motion from Defendant 4 (Bill Schmalfeldt) to Amend his Response to Plaintiff Hoge’s Motion for Summary Judgment.

Wait…what?

Do you think he means THIS motion for Summary Judgment?

The one that was also entered on May 16th, at the same time as Plaintiff’s Motion for Discovery Sanctions against Defendant Schmalfeldt?

Reviewing my docket numbers…I see 151/0 just above right here, and a continuously numbered list running from 152/0 to 158/0 beneath it.

So if Bill Schmalfeldt is requesting to Amend his Response to this Motion for Summary Judgment…wouldn’t there first have to BE a Response to Plaintiff’s Motion for Summary Judgment?

(It doesn’t take a genius to foresee a motion to strike just around the corner, folks.)

But it’s not there.  Neither is the promised Response to Plaintiff’s Motion for Discovery Sanctions.

That’s damn strange.  Unless those responses were incomplete for some reason related to Rule 1-323? Just maybe?

After all, DUMBFUCK gotta DUMBFUCK.

 

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

I kno- a guy -ho built an entire house but didn’t put in any doors or -indo-s.  -as the house -o-plete?

And yes, I on-e heard of a -o-an -ho bought a ne- -ar that had no seats or headlights.  -as the -ar -o-plete?

I’ve seen books -ritten by people -ho refuse to a-kno-ledge the third, thirteenth and t-enty-third letters of the alphabet.  -ould you say those books are -o-plete?

You DU-BFU-K.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

No secret that you will never have the chance to seek discovery of any kind, much less from WordPress.

Also no secret that you are too fucking stupid to figure out why.

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The Things You Learn By Paying Attention

Bill Schmaleldt, sooperleegulljeenyus, has filed 8 LOLSUITS in the last three years.

Seven were filed or counterfiled in federal court. The other was dismissed F from a state court because Bill Schmalfeldt does not understand the rules, and by “does not understand the rules” I mean “is a drooling idiot.”

Of the seven filed in federal court, 3 times he filed an amended complaint, and one suit has an amended complaint pending, according to the DUMBFUCK himself.

Of the three cases where an amended complaint was NOT filed, obviously those cases were dismissed due either to the fatal errors that were left uncorrected or at the request of the plaintiff through his welfare attorney.

The three cases where DUMBFUCK’S amended complaints solved every problem…were wildly successful, if by wildly successful I actually mean dismissed by the most basic of motions to dismiss.

At least one of those cases (as far as the general public knows) was dismissed based on a motion to dismiss filed by the Worst Attorney in the World, whom DUMBFUCK is too great a coward to name as a defendant in LOLSUIT VIII – The Fat and the Furryious.

Another of those three suits was dismissed WITH PREJUDICE by the plaintiff himself, and oh, how the fear pee flowed that day, and when DUMBFUCK fled Maryland.

The last of the three LOLSUITS that DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt amended to solve all the fatal flaws was dismissed for no discernible reason. Thank God for that, too, because if there is one thing that our Ballonpricker has shown the world over three years of futility, it’s that he LEARNS FROM THE FEW MISTAKES HE HAS EVER MADE.

Grady, Hoge, Johnson and Palmer are obviously doomed. They should lawyer up and get their check-writing hands warmed up.

THIS TIME…he’s solved it all. For sure.

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You Know You Can’t Archive Posts From DUMBFUCK’S New Blog

So archive this instead!

There’s a teeny-tiny, hard to read paragraph in the middle there, that really doesn’t add much to the post, but if you’re dying to know what it says…

Money Damages.  This is the most common remedy sought in breach-of-contract actions.  Money damages may be awarded for losses that were proximately caused by the defendant’s breach, that were reasonably foreseeable, and that are proven with reasonable certainty. Reasonable foreseeable means that the damages are those that would arise naturally out of the breach of the contract.  Moreover, a plaintiff can recover damages that are reasonably supposed to have been in the mind of both parties at the time that the contract was formed.

Let it never be said that I am incomplete or inaccurate when reproducing DUMBFUCKERY for the purpose of commentary under the Fair Use provisions of United States Copyright Law. (Sound familiar?)

But do let it be said that I have not republished the blog post. If a DUMBFUCK believes he can split a hair so finely as to argue that a contract he signed isn’t a contract, then I can say that what I published is a JPEG file image of a blog post, which by definition is a JPEG file, not a blog post.

So, DUMBFUCK, go fuck yourself.  In the kidneys. With a jackhammer.

^^^^^^^^^^That’s commentary right there.

 

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PLEASE HELP, I AM DESPERATE!!

Dear Just Anne Sir,

This may be a dumb thing to ask, but please give big large solve in small short words so I get it good. I may not be a genius but I can fake it, more or less. To be big dumb pest is crime in MD. To be one who stalks is too. And in MA. AZ too. And IL. So is in MA. A peace order (some states call it big word like “restraining” but I do not know that big long word) can be give to man who not stop call on phone or send mail when people I stalk ask me nice.  When judge give me peace orders (nine so far), I have to stop mail, stop phone, stop follow, stop scare. I hate it. But it’s not like crime, is more like a smack on my nose with a sock full of dimes. I won’t go to jail if I don’t bug them. And if I do bug them, I still might not go to pound-me-in-the-ass jail. So I’m not a jail bird (yet). Is it fair for the folks I stalk to call me this big phrase I don’t know what it means: “A Jew Dick Ate Head Stall Cur?” Or is that false to say since I was not found to be having guilt of a real crime? Can I sue this dumb bunch of poop heads and get the court to make them stop give me hurt in my butt, and give me big piles of cash for butt hurt cream and a big screen TV too?

Signed,

Harry Splitter


Dear Bill,

Did you know that here at Just Answer, there is a back room contributor’s forum where we can post the stupidest questions we receive and laugh at the people who submit them? It’s nationwide, so it doesn’t matter if you post from Maryland, Wisconsin, California or anywhere else, we always figure out it’s you.  We even have monthly awards for the stupidest question. It’s only October 3rd and I already won the $200 pot. Thanks, man!

You are the most popular topic in the forums, with the possible exception of some crazy lesbian who just relocated from Oregon to California. You guys run neck-and-neck, which is actually a poor figure of speech in this case, because I‘ve seen pictures of each of you and there’s barely one neck to split between you both.

But we still do sort of have a responsibility to give these stupid goddamn questions some actual attention and thought, so…

Do you have a case for butthurt? No, and you never will. First, it’s not a tort.  That is an insurmountable obstacle.  Second, people are always going to call you names.That’s partly because you are an idiot, but mostly because you are a grandiose narcissist with skin thinner than an Amish phone book and you ALWAYS react to it, even if it is just to come here trying to hatch another stupid and pointless plan to file a lawsuit. Until you learn not to react to people making fun of you (and as near as I can tell, EVERYONE does whether you perceive it or not), you’re going to be a miserable fuck. You can still file a lawsuit, but you’ll lose before it ever gets inside a courtroom. I notice that you always have in the past.

I know this is supposed to be a site for LEGAL ADVICE, but let me step out from under my “almost an employable lawyer” hat and give you a bit of real advice.

These people cannot bother you if you stop visiting their sites ten times a day (which is frankly very damn stalkerish). They can’t hurt your butt if you shut off your computer. You need to throw away all your electronics and get a library card.  Given the quality of your writing, I suggest you start with Dr. Seuss, work your way up to Amelia Bedelia, then on to Henry Huggins and Encyclopedia Brown.  If you work hard at it, you might be ready for the first Harry Potter book by Christmas of 2017.

I grievously apologize for inserting voluminous quantities of multisyllabic vocabulary. You probably can’t understand but every seventh word or thereabouts, but actually, the average American knows almost every word I’ve used, or they know how to use a dictionary.  And if you don’t, well…the path to inner peace begins with four words: NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM.

Good luck, DUMBFUCK.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Far be it from me to call a vile, racist DUMBFUCK “stupid,” (because I would never insult stupid people by making such a comparison) but I do have a question:

How did that forum non conveniens argument work out for you?

No comment?

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I, Happily, Am Not So Constrained

Over at Hogewash! John Hoge has detailed his opposition to DUMBFUCK’s request to phone it in from Wisconsin to the motions hearing on 29 September.  From an abundance of caution and respect for contract law, he has chosen to redact Exhibit A from his online document.

Here’s an archived copy of the spoliated original.

And a lovely screencap in addition!

Who would have thought that being a liar, and a really, really bad one, could lead to so much trouble?

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