Thank God It Was Only “Semi” Hysterical

“Now, what Mrs. Palmer didn’t tell you is that on July 5th she posted what I consider a semi-hysterical post on her blog entitled ‘Schmalfeldt will not get my home address.’ And then she basically runs down ah, her list of fears of me.”

Possibly it was only “semi-hysterical” because when she parodied that March 20, 2017 post at Cabin Boy Unread, she cut out half the original hysteria.

Original…

Parody…

Original…

Parody…

Original…

Parody…

Original…

Parody…

Original…

Parody…

When one takes a thorough and objective look at why DUMBFUCK might not have noticed that he was being parodied, well…it’s always a good idea to keep a general version of McCain’s Law in mind:

“The best way to discredit a DUMBFUCK, is to quote a DUMBFUCK.”

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Regrets, He’s Had a Few

Regrets? You mean he’s not showing up Friday?

Gee, I wonder what’s happened since Saturday?

Is Badass Bill once more hiking up his skirts? Sure seems like it!

Will the hills of South Carolina come alive with the sickly tang of Brave Sir William’s river of fear pee? I think they will!

All is proceeding as I have foreseen, and even if he is only pretending and actually does the smart thing and shows up in Greensboro. I PREDICT:

  1. He will shoot himself in the foot merely by showing up; and
  2. He will forget (or ignore, depending on perspective) an opportunity to do something reasonably smart for himself.

In any case, no matter what he does Friday, he loses. Because of course, DUMBFUCK.

Dance, Monkey! DAAAAAAAAANCE!!

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ALL 4 QUARTERS??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That’s fucking rich, coming from the guy who’s never made it past the first possession, to continue the stupid metaphor. Meanwhile…

 

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MUH RIGHTS!!! AS AN INTERLLIGENCE-DERFICIENT MUHRCAN!

I am too stupid to think for a very long time. But I will exercise muh rights to avoid thinking and for the LULZ of other Muhrcans.

The Muhrcans with Intellectual Disabilities Act of 2017 makes one thing clear. Stupid people are stupid, and stupidity is an excuse and in fact a reason to violate published court rules as well as explicit court orders from a judge. One might think government entities must provide special accommodations for people with disabilities, but this is not even a little bit accurate. Government entities must provide reasonable (not SPECIAL) accommodations, so that actual disabled persons (not fear pee soaked Fakinson’s cowards) can PARTICIPATE in life rather than hide in the closet of the Myrtle Beach Roach Motel.

And the government tried that.  They let me attend hearings via Skype after I lied and told them I was unable to drive (except from Wisconsin to Chicago and back, and from Wisconsin to Iowa, and multiple round trips from Iowa to South Carolina (about 2000 miles of painful, EXHAUSTING DEBILITATING, EXACERBATING HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS OF SITTING ON MY LARDY BEETUSBUTT IN A RENTED CAR on America’s crumbling infrastructure). But I violated their stupid rules and recorded the proceedings as they came out of my computer.  You couldn’t even hear any voices but mine on the video I posted to YouTube unless you turn up the volume.

WJJ Hoge III chooses to deny my rights under the ADA by pointing out that I have violated the court rules, and it seems as if he might have the assistance of a Carroll County, MD, Circuit Court Judge in doing so. The judge ordered me to appear and show cause why I should not be held in contempt.

What does that mean? I’m glad you asked.

It means that the judge has found that there is cause to find me, an interlexulluy dersabled Muhrcan, in contempt of court. And I must be given a chance to show that I have not violated rules nor an order of the court.  Because I have allegedly (HA!) violated the rules WHILE USING SKYPE, the judge seems to think it might not be a grand idea to give me the opportunity to do it again. What an idiotic jackass that judge is.

In his feckless lawsuit against your host, Brett and Tetyana Kimberlin and several others – a suit which has been allowed at every juncture to move ever forward to a scheduled trial date in August- Hoge has chosen to create law where none exists point out how I violated the court’s rules. The judge in the case allows him to do so without sanction, because that is within the rules. For instance, on June 28 I am called to appear in person, 450 miles from here, to answer a ridiculous contempt of court charge for a crime that does not exist violation of the black-letter court rules and procedures. I no longer drive, because it’s not convenient for me to continue to drive, or else I would be expected to drive all the way to Maryland to get smacked in the mouth by a judge.

I’m gonna fight, by running and hiding to an abandoned bar where I can be the last man standing after a bar fight where I am the only participant.

A 14-hour bus or train ride would be incredibly painful, much more painful than the multiple16+ hour road trips I made in my own car from Iowa to South Carolina and back when I was able to drive two short months ago. As much as Hoge and his followers like to pretend, I actually do have and can PROVE I suffer from Parkinson’s disease, when it’s convenient to do so. Furthermore, THERE IS NOTHING IN MARYLAND LAW OR THE MARYLAND RULES STATING THAT A PERSON PROVIDING TESTIMONY OVER SKYPE OR THE TELEPHONE CANNOT RECORD HIS OR HER OWN TESTIMONY…unless you count rule 16-208, which I don’t because I am an interlectilly derpsmacked Muhrcan and I can’t even find that rule in the copy of the rules that the judge told me to get and figger out.

I am charged with recording my own face and voice (and by COMPLETE COINCIDENCE all the other voices in the room, but it’s ALL THEIR FAULT for talking loud enough to hear me) using an iPhone that should have been turned off for everyone but me, it says so right there in the rules. Hoge is calling it “wiretapping.” And the judge is playing right along because that dimwit doesn’t know the rules.

On June 9, I filed a motion asking the stupid goddam judge to either cancel the hearing or, in the alternative, drop the requirement that I appear in person to perform for Hoge’s dog and pony show so that I can secretly record it again, which has nothing to do with why there’s a show cause hearing in the first place.

SHUT UP, MOTHER!

AND YOU TOO, GAIL!

WHY WON’T YOU PEOPLE STAY DEAD!!

That hearing is June 28, day after tomorrow. As of this evening, the judge has not responded one way or another to the motion. He has to respond before the hearing, it’s in the Pretendyland ACME Rules of Civil Procedure, which is the only set of rules an INTERSECTIONALLY DISTENDED MUHRCAN like me is required to use – they’re not written anywhere, but I have them memorized.  If he has not responded by COB tomorrow, I will be expected to appear at 8:45 am in Westminster, Maryland.

To be forced to do so is a clear violation of my rights under Title II of the Americans with Intellectual Disabilities Act.

The AIDA provides remedies in Federal Court for idiotic Americans who can’t understand the law and really should have HIRED A FUCKING LAWYER and tried to SETTLE before it was too late. Which it definitely is now.

If the judge continues to ignore my motion, I will avail myself of my uncivil rights as an uninteresting asexually fear-piss-abled American.

I will resist this usurpation of my rights from my ADA compliant jail cell.

I’ll tell you one thing though…ain’t gonna be no hunger strike!

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Uh…NOPE

Nobody is laughing at a disabled person.

We’re laughing at YOU.

Here’s Sonoran Conservative, specifically – laughing at YOU.

UPDATE – MOAR POINTAGE from MOAR-GANNA!

EVEN MOAR UPDATE – the mockification continues (SWIDT, Fifi?) at the Artisan Craft Blog.

When the rest of my Team Free Speech pals get around to joining in the pointage, laughery and mockification, I will link them too!

You see, appearing remotely via Skype is not a right. It is a privilege.

It is a privilege which you saw fit to abuse. Now that privilege has been withdrawn from you.

Too bad, so sad. Boo hoo hoo.

Now, you have been ordered to appear in person in a Maryland court to show cause why you should not be held in contempt for your abuse of the privilege of appearing via Skype and your alleged violation of court rules prohibiting the use of electronic devices in court and the recording of court proceedings.

Now you want to bitch about your rights “as a disabled person?”

Here’s what you want to do.

  • Make a reservation at an ADA compliant hotel near the ADA compliant courthouse in Carroll County, Maryland
  • Pack an ADA compliant suitcase (be sure to include an ADA compliant toothbrush);
  • Call an ADA compliant taxi (perhaps an ADA compliant forklift and an ADA compliant flatbed truck would be better)
  • Have the ADA compliant mode of transport take you to the ADA compliant train station
  • Buy a ticket for an ADA compliant train
  • Get on the ADA compliant train
  • Get off the ADA compliant train at the ADA compliant train station in Baltimore
  • Call another ADA compliant taxi
  • Have this ADA compliant taxi take you to the ADA compliant hotel in Carroll County
  • Sleep off the arduous effects of your ADA compliant journey
  • Call yet another ADA compliant conveyance to haul your greasy-moobed sack of flapping beetusflesh from the ADA compliant hotel to the ADA compliant courthouse in Carroll County
  • Don’t forget that toothbrush. And your checkbook
  • Make your way to the ADA compliant courtroom where your show cause hearing is scheduled in the ADA compliant courthouse
  • Make sure you leave your electronic devices in the ADA compliant hotel room
  • If you do bring a phone, make sure you POWER THAT MOTHERFUCKER DOWN before entering the ADA compliant courtroom where you have been ordered to appear
  • Make your best case that you are a simple unfrozen disabled caveman pro se, and all these court rules and procedures THAT YOU WERE TOLD TO FOLLOW are strange and confusing
  • Enjoy your ADA compliant holding cell.

You DUMBFUCK.

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

Self Awareness Fail #INFINITY:

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. It says so in the book for the Friends of (a Different) Bill. I feel I need to make that distinction because everyone knows this Bill has no friends. I wouldn’t want anyone to be confused.

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He Made A Fecal Case Out Of It

It was either “eat shit and do nothing about it,” or make a poopie in federal court that he would eventually be forced to eat anyway. He chose the latter.

I will be the second to admit. Bill Schmalelddt has never filed a successful lawsuit. (Not for lack of trying, mind you – just for lack of having a case. Or intelligence.) Every suit he has filed has been dismissed before reaching a point of being considered on the merits. This is because Bill Schmalelddt is too stupid to fashion a complaint that can survive a motion to dismiss for any of a dozen or so reasons. The same could be said about the defendants in his attempts to get some justice for the years of undue harassment that has been returned to him in his prescribed three-for-one ratio to what he has dished out.

It COULD be said, if the dozens of defendants he has tried to sue over the past three years had ever tried to sue him…but only one has. That case goes to trial in August. The outlook for Schmalelddt is similar to his general opinion of women – DIM.

No one – yet – has ever beaten him on the merits, for two reasons:

  1. None of his lawsuits ever reaches a point where the merits are judged. This is fortunate for Schmalelddt because when he files a LOLSUIT, there are no merits to consider;
  2. No one pays him enough mind to sue him for defamation, because his character and reputation are such that nothing he says on any subject can be taken seriously by a reasonable person.

Oh, sometimes people thump their chests without ever crediting the “disgraced” attorney who beat him like a redheaded stepchild in Wisconsin and was well paid for it. Poor Schmalelddt – he just knows so much that isn’t so.

He doesn’t have an attorney. He had one once, a charity attorney in Illinois who told him to run along home and quit bothering people with more important things to do than wipe his tears and rub ointment on his aching butt. No, he does this all by his lonesome, with the moral support of his imaginary friends and inflatable ladyboi. Besides, he’s smarter than any old dumb, disgraced lawyer anyway! There are no guarantees of success, but I do believe that he’s learned some things along the way.

OK, just kidding!! He hasn’t learned ANYTHING.

He thinks jurisdiction (subject matter and personal) is handled differently in South Carolina; he found a case that he thinks says it’s based on where the VICTIM dwells. Sadly, no. But even though he has burned his free amendment in an effort to fix some other flaw that was explicitly pointed out to him (but which he still didn’t believe until he was once more proven to be an utter fool), it’s still too early to educate the monkey. He thinks venue is also correct for the same reasons.

One reason there is no need right now to educate the monkey, or even bother to be concerned with it, is because the suit will be dismissed by the Magistrate Judge before any defendant needs to make an argument regarding his whimsical notions of jurisdiction and venue.

This is just the first step on a long journey – about 25 feet to the edge of the cliff, and then a long 2000 foot drop. This is why he told Dave Alexander the other day that he’s lucky he and Sarah Palmer live in the same state (as far as he knows – ha ha ha). He thinks he could not file under a diversity jurisdiction if two parties live in the same state. Sarah won the obviously rigged coin toss.

Remember – he’s learned some things along the way. Not enough things to get a lawsuit past motions to dismiss, or even to the point of being served, but things. That he’s learned. Like the cure for Fakinson’s disease can be found on the shores of Lake Michigan, where you will magically regain the physical dexterity if not the mental acuity required to safely drive a car again. Yay!

I have a very good idea how this will end up.

Just like all the other VII LOLSUITS filed by Bill Schmalelddt.

WJJ Hoge II and his readers, as well as defendants Johnson, Palmer and Grady will never see a summons, never have to file a motion to dismiss, never have to craft an answer and will not have to spend a moment of serious thought on Schmalelddt’s case. (Note: this case comes with sooper sekrit subpoena powah. If Schmalelddt wants to find out who I am, he will find a whole new set of obstacles to overcome.)

But I HATE to spoil the surprise!

Hoge will say he has foreseen this.

EVERYBODY foresaw this, from the moment he moved out of Iowa, the gigantic sand-filled pussy.

Of course, foresight is always more impressive when one can predict something that hasn’t happened yet.

Like, say, that Schmalelddt’s pro se complaint will be subject to review by a magistrate judge and likely be”killed in its crib?” That was foreseen.

Or that Schmalelddt would be expertly manipulated into quickly burning his free first amendment to correct something in his complaint that he maintained at first wasn’t even wrong? That was foreseen too.

Or finally, that Schmalelddt would leave behind multiple other fatal flaws in his Amended Complaint (and even make some things WORSE THAN BEFORE)? That also was foreseen.

So it looks like he had a choice between eating a turd and laying one. Like seven times before, “CLEANUP ON AISLE LOLSUIT!” Send the DUMBFUCK and make sure he brings his big spoon.

BOY…Thank goodness he was never “emotionally invested” in this one.

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Now This Is Interesting…

Here’s a list of several pleadings that were docketed today in Hoge v. Kimberlin et al:

Notice that the first two documents listed above are dated May 16 and May 23. I included them so that I could show that the remaining list includes all the filings that have been accepted since that date.

So we have

  • a motion from Defendant 4 (that’s Bill Schmalfeldt) regarding Friday’s Pretrial Hearing.  If I had to guess, he’s probably begging to be allowed to appear via Skype and record the proceedings on his iPhone.
  • a motion from the Kimberlins regarding Friday’s Pretrial Hearing.  Again, if I had to guess, probably a lot of pissing and moaning about not ever going to cooperate with Hoge, not going to show up at the hearing, piss on you Judge, blah-blah-blah.
  • a Rule 2.504.2 statement from the Kimberlins outlining all sorts of evidence they intend to introduce at trial.
  • another Rule 2.504.2 statement from Defendant 4 (Bill Schmalfeldt) listing all sorts of evidence he intends to introduce at trial from blogs and Twitter accounts that he told John Hoge he had no way of providing to him when he asked for them during discovery.
  • Finally, a Motion from Defendant 4 (Bill Schmalfeldt) to Amend his Response to Plaintiff Hoge’s Motion for Summary Judgment.

Wait…what?

Do you think he means THIS motion for Summary Judgment?

The one that was also entered on May 16th, at the same time as Plaintiff’s Motion for Discovery Sanctions against Defendant Schmalfeldt?

Reviewing my docket numbers…I see 151/0 just above right here, and a continuously numbered list running from 152/0 to 158/0 beneath it.

So if Bill Schmalfeldt is requesting to Amend his Response to this Motion for Summary Judgment…wouldn’t there first have to BE a Response to Plaintiff’s Motion for Summary Judgment?

(It doesn’t take a genius to foresee a motion to strike just around the corner, folks.)

But it’s not there.  Neither is the promised Response to Plaintiff’s Motion for Discovery Sanctions.

That’s damn strange.  Unless those responses were incomplete for some reason related to Rule 1-323? Just maybe?

After all, DUMBFUCK gotta DUMBFUCK.

 

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

I kno- a guy -ho built an entire house but didn’t put in any doors or -indo-s.  -as the house -o-plete?

And yes, I on-e heard of a -o-an -ho bought a ne- -ar that had no seats or headlights.  -as the -ar -o-plete?

I’ve seen books -ritten by people -ho refuse to a-kno-ledge the third, thirteenth and t-enty-third letters of the alphabet.  -ould you say those books are -o-plete?

You DU-BFU-K.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

No secret that you will never have the chance to seek discovery of any kind, much less from WordPress.

Also no secret that you are too fucking stupid to figure out why.

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