Good Morning, Zombie Horde!

I reach out today with a brief announcement regarding the standing rules of our ongoing DUMBFUCK Drinking Game:

For today and today only, the word “soulmate” will not require a drink.

Repeating: For today and today only, DO NOT DRINK when you hear or see DUMBFUCK use the word “soulmate.”

A little day drinking is fine; but dear God, we don’t need any alcohol poisoning.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

The organ grinder is loose and ready.

LET THE MONKEYDANCE BEGIN.

But before we do, let’s look at the legal bits, shall we?

I have a good faith belief that use of the copyrighted materials described above as allegedly infringing is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law.

Hmm…too bad WordPress sided with me, huh?  That probably gave Mr. Bill a big old sad face, huh?  I’ll bet he even cried salty tears into his lowball glass.

I swear, under penalty of perjury, that the information in the notification is accurate and that I am the copyright owner or am authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed.

That bit there looks like it could be a source of some real FUN!

I acknowledge that a copy of this infringement notice, including any contact information I provided above (address, telephone number, and email address), will be forwarded to the user who uploaded the content at issue.

And this here sounds like ol’ William is understanding and ACKNOWLEDGING that he just doxed himself….

Digital signature: William Schmalfeldt

Signed on: 2015-10-30 17:04:38

And how could it be complete without a digital signature to make the DUMBFUCKERY all legal and everything?

So let the badass monkeydance commence. I’m sure impulse control and self-discipline will lead to a different result this time.

Einstein was right.

UPDATE – Please note that while DUMBFUCK is VERY, VERY ANGRY (RAWR! RAWR! RAWR!) while monkeydancing with Doom Clock Butthurt and doxing everyone in sight on its high road/abandon the argument/provide a service path, it cannot be bothered to deny that

  1. It filed the DMCA notice in question;
  2. It wrote the book (and stole material for which it has now falsely registered a copyright); and
  3. It is as we have always known it was – a cowardly lying motherfucker (pardon my French).

monkey_dance

Best GIF

bigger shine box

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Good Night, DUMBFUCK!

DUMBFUCK GOTTA DUMBFUCK.

ALL. THE. TIME.

I guess it wasn’t DUMBFUCK who filed DMCA Notice #2402050 on October 30th, then?

–———————————-

Hi there,

We have received a DMCA notice (https://www.eff.org/issues/bloggers/legal/liability/IP#dmca) for material published on your WordPress.com site.

Normally this would mean that we’d have to disable access to the material. However, because we believe that this instance falls under fair use protections, we will not be removing it at this time.

Section 107 of US copyright law identifies various purposes for which the reproduction of a particular work may be considered fair, such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. You can learn more about that here:

http://www.copyright.gov/title17

http://www.copyright.gov/fls/fl102.html

While we believe that your use of the material is protected (we have fought for our users in similar cases in the past – http://www.theverge.com/2015/3/9/8175491/wordpress-automattic-wins-dmca-takedown-straight-pride-uk-case ), please keep in mind that the complainant may choose to continue to pursue this matter, perhaps directly with you. If you would prefer, you are still able to delete the content from your site yourself.

The notice we received from the complainant follows.

Thanks,

— BEGIN NOTICE —

First name: William

Last name: Schmalfeldt

Company name:

Address: 3209 S Lake Dr

City: Saint Francis

State/Region/Province: Wisconsin

ZIP: 53235

Country: United States (US)

Phone number: 4142494379

Email address: bschmalfeldt@twc.com

Copyright holder: William Schmalfeldt as “Anonymous”

Location of unauthorized material:

http://thinkingmanszombie.com/2015/10/30/how-to-read-a-book/

Location of original materials:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0170AJF4Y?keywords=confessions%20of%20an%20undercover%20internet%20troll&qid=1446224476&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1

CONFESSIONS

OF AN UNDERCOVER

INTERNET TROLL

By “Anonymous”

Copyright © 2015 by Anonymous

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

without the express written permission of the publisher

except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing, 2015

ISBN 978-1518730085
1

INSTRUCTIONS TO THE READER

Cyberspace is a kooky place. Everyone seems to believe they have friends and enemies on the Web. They do not. You actually have to personally know someone for that individual to be a friend or an enemy. That individual you have never met, who you know only by his or her Twitter handle, Facebook account, or Blog ID is a stranger. You have no idea who that person is. That person is no more your friend or enemy than my toaster is your friend or enemy. The Internet is a machine. We are machines communicating with other machines. We say things to other machines that we would never think of saying to a person’s face.
That is why most Internet users hide their identities. If you are a regular user of the Net, you know what I mean. This is a fictionalized version of events that may or may not have ever happened. You can’t know what’s true and what’s not. It’s a book. Words on a page – or screen, as the case may be. They are my words. I own them. Although I remain Anonymous, this book and every word in it is registered as my property at the US Copyright Office in Washington, DC. If you think you can identify me by the words herein, then you will have to identify yourself to prove it. Anyone who claims to have written these words in the same order as these words appear is a liar. Know how you can tell? Who owns the copyright. Me. That’s who.

I believe the Internet is more responsible for the overall decline in civility than any other medium in our nature’s history. Is this how we really are, or does the anonymity of the Internet make us that way… 350 million Walter Mitty’s in the United States, pretending

2

to be that which we show on our avatars. Strong, vibrant, sexy, powerful. If we could see the person behind the avatar, what would we see? The cat-like woman clad in a leather body suit that clings to every curve? Or a dumpy housewife using the web to kill some time until hubby gets home so he can pretend to be some kind of Internet tough guy for people he will never know and who will never know him.

For over a year, I pretended to be someone I wasn’t. I saw a chance to make a little bit of pocket change by pitting people against each other. I didn’t victimize anyone. The person I pitted a large group of conservative Net users was myself. I created a right wing character, used that character to vilify my real progressive identity, and got lots of cash donations in the process.

I thought I was conducting an experiment in human nature and making a little bit of money in the process. What I ended up doing was proving how deep into the pits of hell some people are willing to go to defame someone they’ve never met, never will meet, just because some ideological fellow traveler told them to do it.

If you knew someone down the street, and that person’s spouse died, would you camp out on that person’s lawn and taunt him or her on a daily basis about the death of the one they loved? Nobody would sink that low, right? Not without an anonymous Internet account, a good proxy server, and a reservoir of hate heretofore unimaginable. Some people need a little push. But once they get used to the taste of blood, they yammer for more.

3

I know. I started changing into the monster I created. I got out. And now, for the first time, I’m telling you how I did it in the hopes that you will learn to regulate your own civility and remember, there’s a very real possibility that person you are having a flame war with on Twitter is a decent human being.

Or maybe not.

You know how the Internet is
Description of original materials:

The pseudonymous troll, “Paul Krendler” has made a cottage industry for himself stealing my material, changing words here and there like a third grader with a “Mad Libs” book, and getting away with it, despite my reporting him to WordPress time and time again. As far as I am concerned, WordPress is complicit in Mr. “Krendler”‘s blatant and frequent theft of my work by allowing him to continue. I can’t get a court order against him, because he remains hidden behind a false name. I can’t sue him for copyright infringement for the same reason. His blog post today, “How to Read A Book” is nearly word for word copying the chapter “Instructions to the Reader” from the recent book by “Anonymous”, titled “Confessions of an Undercover Internet Troll.” The book I wrote under the name “Anonymous” is pending copyright assignment,registration applied for earlier this month. If I knew who this thief was, I would easily win a copyright infringement suit, not to mention various civil torts and criminal charges that could be brought against him. I am at a total loss to understand why WordPress will not stop this man from blatantly stealing my material, changing a word here or there, and getting away with it. Why does WordPress allow this? Why does WordPress allow this man to commit multiple violations of the WORDPRESS TOS with profanity, obscenity, indecent mockery of my late wife who died on June 17? This is not “Parody”. This is theft. DO SOMETHING.

Third party links:

n/a

I have a good faith belief that use of the copyrighted materials described above as allegedly infringing is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law.

I swear, under penalty of perjury, that the information in the notification is accurate and that I am the copyright owner or am authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed.

I acknowledge that a copy of this infringement notice, including any contact information I provided above (address, telephone number, and email address), will be forwarded to the user who uploaded the content at issue.

Digital signature: William Schmalfeldt

Signed on: 2015-10-30 17:04:38

— END NOTICE —

Daisy

Community Guardian | WordPress.com

—————————————-

Now, somebody filed this DMCA Takedown, and signed William M. Schmalfeldt’s name to it, exposing William to perjury charges in the process. If William M. Schmalfeldt isn’t the copyright holder of this material, and if someone sues him for Copyright Infringement over material he may have stolen from this blog (or any other…MAA, anyone?), someone may have just invited the dumping of a whole Slovenian shitload of trouble down on William’s dribbling, spongy pink head.

But if William DID file this notice…well…then I guess we would have to conclude that the Slovenian shit-dumping was another self-inflicted, unforced DUMBFUCK error.

bigger shine box
That would be a shame. Not for me, though. For me it would be FUN.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

11-12-2015 9-00-19 AM

Autism, huh?  Interesting.

The list of five items (one from a movie) is pretty impressive, too.

After three minutes of spitballing from memory, here’s what I came up with:

  1. LICKSPITTLES!!
  2. HOGE NOT LAW!
  3. LAW AM LAW!
  4. DEATH THREAT!
  5. HEEENGH! HEEENGH!
  6. YIBBLE BIBBLE BIBBLE!
  7. KRENDLERRRRRRRR!
  8. FOCUS!
  9. DELICATE MONKEY VULVA!
  10. DEFAMATION! LIBEL!
  11. FAMILIES ARE OFF LIMITS!
  12. EMOTIONAL DISTRESS!
  13. DISABLED!
  14. PARKINSONS!
  15. WIDOWER!
  16. ELDER ABUSE!
  17. F5 IS NOT STALKING!
  18. POOP FLAKED BEARD!
  19. VEXATIOUS!
  20. VINDICTIVE!
  21. SENILE!
  22. INTENTIONAL INFLICTION!
  23. FALSE LIGHT!
  24. INVASION OF PRIVACY!
  25. STERLING REPUTATION!
  26. DISMISSED WITH PREJUDICE!
  27. ACTIONABLE!
  28. RIDE THE RAP!
  29. DO THE WHOLE STRETCH!
  30. TAKE THE FREIGHT!
  31. DINGLEBERRIES!
  32. I CAN GET THE BLOG SHUT DOWN OVER THAT!
  33. INFRINGEMENT!
  34. FAIR USE!
  35. LYING GRIFTER PIMP!
  36. COWARDLY PSYCHOPATH!
  37. HAIRLESS ASS!
  38. POOTER HOLES!
  39. CUB SCOUTS!
  40. ANAL RAPE!
  41. NOT PORNOGRAPHY!
  42. I DON’T KNOW BRETT KIMBERLIN!
  43. I DON’T DRINK!
  44. FINGERNAILS REEKING OF POO!
  45. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I GOT PLAYED AGAIN?!?!?
  46. TWITTER SUCKS!
  47. TERMS OF SERVICE!
  48. DMCA!
  49. HARASSMENT!

…and what list of autistic repetition would be complete without

  1. REBRANDING!

I suppose I could have just listed all the blogs, or all 150+ Twitter handles, but that would be too easy.

Dumm Scheißkerl.

UPDATE – looks like we’ll have to add “AUTISM!” to the list, because you know a DUMBFUCK is gonna ride that one right into the ground like Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.

 

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Editor’s Note: Today’s entry has been authored by Bill Parvocampus.

One of the keys to moving on after the death of your wife (which really is the very definition of widowerhood) is finding someone to be perpetually pissed off at. For me, since my wife and I were not particularly religious people, I find it very convenient to spend my days being pissed at religious people.

It’s easy to see why we weren’t religious. My wife was a truck stop freelancer; she found it hard to believe in any kind of benevolent God, even though she loved her job as much as or more than #ilovepodcasting. As for me, it’s never been in my character to find anything but evil in the world. And if I can’t find some, I can always whip up a quick batch to splatter on anyone close by like I did that time the cop came by to serve papers on me.

Even though I was raised Catholic, I never have felt that the Church ever did anything for me. To me, sure; lots of times. Enough that I took a liking to it. I have long felt an attraction to things on this earth that a civil society frowns upon. Alice wasn’t the only reason we had to move to North Dakota. Another contributing factor was the twenty or so cats that floated downriver with their asses blown open by M-80s. Thinking about that still makes me giggle like I just made a big wet one in my Depends for Gayle to clean up.

Which brings me back to God and widowerhood. I believe in God. I guess if you had to drive a wooden stake through the heart of my beliefs, the best description would be Universally Utilitarian and Useless. I won’t share my beliefs with you, so don’t try to share yours with me, you right wing Taliban religiofascist! Microaggressor! Hater! Safe space violating name-calling bigoted LOUDMOUTH FUCKHOLE! GET AWAY FROM ME WITH YOUR PROSELYTIZING AND FREE SPEECH!

You people don’t know what it’s like, having someone you love die after 27 years of putting up with their relentless fuckery and oral homage with dirty truck drivers after your weenie failed due to progressive neurological diseases. All I have are memories of playing “The Father Fitzwilliam Game” in the rectory on Tuesday nights. And you wonder why I talk so fondly (“fondle-y” – heh) of “getting back in touch with my Catholic roots.” Of course, all the Catholic roots I touched in my childhood are dead now, and I suppose none of the current roster would be interested in a used-up old fart like me.

But why am I talking about my Catholic upfucking UPBRINGING? This is about how to be the most mega-terrific widower ever. And to not let right wing nut job Taliban fascists bring you down from your super-duper new life in a Wisconsin Mancave of Cub Scout Anal Rape Fabulousness!

Oh! Looks like we’re out of time for today! Maybe tomorrow I’ll figure out how to separate my low-road hatred for right wing lickspittles that I can’t stop stalking from my awesome new high-road adventures as Super Widower Magical Podcaster, A Mean Motor(ized Mobility) Scooter and A Bad Go-Getter of Johnnie Walker Red down at the Walgreens because you can buy liquor at freaking TOY STORES in this state – no one would want to live here otherwise!

Until next time…adios, amoebas!🇧🇴

UPDATE – Is there ANYTHING in the post above that would give a sane person the impression that I would waste my time listening to a DUMBFUCK podcast?  All I did was read his description that someone archived and launched from there.  If (BIG IF) I cared, I could actually listen to the stupid thing and find out I nailed it in one…but as Paul said, I’m out of liquor. – Bill

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Apparently the DUMBFUCK leopard is trying to change its spots again.  

I wonder how it will turn out this time.

For those among you who can’t process the teeny picture above…

I intend for this to be an upbeat, often humorous look at a serious subject. Over the weeks and months to come, we will talk to experts in the field of grief, surviving the death of a spouse, the unique challenges of being a man who outlived his wife, insurance issues, social security, and what NOT to say to a not-particularly-religious person on the occasion of the death of his spouse.

You know, this sounds like it could be an interesting if extraordinarily niche bit of media, except for just a few nagging bits:

  1. “Often humorous” – at first glance, I’m not convinced that horrible parody songs about widowerhood will resonate with your audience.  Also, how does Cub Scout rape fit in?
  2. Experts interested in selling books to an audience of three? Or will the experts all be a DUMBFUCK with a voice modulator?
  3. Most importantly, “weeks and months to come?” Doesn’t this imply that DUMBFUCK intends to stick with it? When has THAT ever happened before?

Because DUMBFUCK.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

  
I wonder what it thinks we’ve been trying to do here for the last 19 months?

I thought I had made the solution clear, but now another alternative has presented.

So there is the easy way, unless one is a stubborn DUMBFUCK, and there’s the way that will cost $2000 and still won’t work.

If it tries doubling down again, will it still be set for life?

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So DUMBFUCK Wants To Be Sued?

For what?

Defamation?  

FICTIONAL ZOMBIE. Yawn.

False light? 

Same.

Copyright Infringement?

This is a joke, right?  Some third party steals my posts and publishes a book of genius insults in bid for a few pennies from its pals? And this is supposed to bother me? You folks generally buy me a couple tanks of gas in a bad month.  Pretty good hobby.

And, truly, the LULZ far outweigh the money.

Intentional Infliction Of Emotional Distress?

Did I not just say the LULZ outweigh the money?  The only possible distress would be caused by strained abdominal muscles, or if I laughed so hard I fell off a barstool.  And that’s just poor planning on my part.

Try harder, DUMBFUCK.  

   

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