The Things You Learn By Paying Attention

Bill Schmaleldt, sooperleegulljeenyus, has filed 8 LOLSUITS in the last three years.

Seven were filed or counterfiled in federal court. The other was dismissed F from a state court because Bill Schmalfeldt does not understand the rules, and by “does not understand the rules” I mean “is a drooling idiot.”

Of the seven filed in federal court, 3 times he filed an amended complaint, and one suit has an amended complaint pending, according to the DUMBFUCK himself.

Of the three cases where an amended complaint was NOT filed, obviously those cases were dismissed due either to the fatal errors that were left uncorrected or at the request of the plaintiff through his welfare attorney.

The three cases where DUMBFUCK’S amended complaints solved every problem…were wildly successful, if by wildly successful I actually mean dismissed by the most basic of motions to dismiss.

At least one of those cases (as far as the general public knows) was dismissed based on a motion to dismiss filed by the Worst Attorney in the World, whom DUMBFUCK is too great a coward to name as a defendant in LOLSUIT VIII – The Fat and the Furryious.

Another of those three suits was dismissed WITH PREJUDICE by the plaintiff himself, and oh, how the fear pee flowed that day, and when DUMBFUCK fled Maryland.

The last of the three LOLSUITS that DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt amended to solve all the fatal flaws was dismissed for no discernible reason. Thank God for that, too, because if there is one thing that our Ballonpricker has shown the world over three years of futility, it’s that he LEARNS FROM THE FEW MISTAKES HE HAS EVER MADE.

Grady, Hoge, Johnson and Palmer are obviously doomed. They should lawyer up and get their check-writing hands warmed up.

THIS TIME…he’s solved it all. For sure.


Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

How about you throw us a bone?

How are you doing in that doomed lawsuit the Hoge filed against you? Everything proceeding as you had foreseen?

Excellent! Glad to hear it. Keep up the great work, looks like this year’s LULZ harvest is going to set new records!!



“proper response” means you delete your blog so the shitsniffing balloonfucker doesn’t publish the divorce and bankruptcy information of someone who hasn’t been online for almost two years because the ADJUDICATED CYBERSTALKER lacks the sack and the skills to come straight at you. #Extortion


Oh, and let’s not forget…calling someone a “cyberthug?”

Them’s fightin’ words. So sayeth DUMBFUCK his own self.


Brand New Phase of the Schmycle

Personally, I’m looking forward to the regular afternoon appearances of Day Drinking Bill!

Check him out for yourself at:
I would gladly pay for entertainment like this, especially the bits where he begs fake journimalists for links to conform his delusional dreams.

Dance, drunken monkey!



Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK & Sexdoll!

Remember when Bill Schmalfeldt said he was leaving Twitter forever?

2,643,877 times?

He lied about that, too.


Some Questions Are Answered Before They Are Even Asked

Why would DUMBFUCK move away from his hometown after just a couple of months?

Oh. Well, I guess that explains it. People know him there.

And he got fired.

Like Bob said, those many years ago…”That poor girl.”



Apparently William the Paranoid Spheroid is seeing boogeymen around every corner.

Some meter reader must have left a fat thumbprint 
on one of these.

But I doubt it. 

Lying liars gotta lie, and this liar’s lies are always embarrassingly shy on details.

We all know nothing happened until the pictures get posted.


Someone Can’t Make Up His Mind

And yet, my phone fails to ring. Weird. Who is he calling?

That’s nice.

And stubbornly my phone fails to ring!  But blocked? And then not one but TWO voicemails left…somewhere?

I wonder what the DUMBFUCK said?

I only know what he says now:

GS13 wants to talk about “mayonaisse?”

But if he thinks he knows the right number,

why can’t he dial it himself? When the rubber meets the road, he just doesn’t have the guts to pick up the phone. Because he’s a nutless coward.

I guess we’ll just get to watch him continue to beg like the pussy he proves himself to be on a daily basis.

Pointage, Laughery and Mockification.  It’s what’s for dinner.


“Clams right up,” you say?

Funny, that’s not what shows in the text messages that showed up in my email:

Whoever DUMBFUCK thought he was talking to (and leaving voicemails), clearly asked what DUMBFUCK was talking about…and has correctly identified his character in the last message.

Oh, speaking of voicemails that DUMBFUCK left, maybe he’ll leave a comment and let us know if this is accurate:

“Patrick, here’s a thought. Don’t bother me anymore, unless you’re willing to start acting like a grownup, comma, like a MAN, comma…heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. Oh, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. I’m just gonna block you and be done with you and you can do whatever you want to do. By the way, like I said, fingerprints? Footprints? They don’t lie! Buh-bye!”

Wait…does that say “I’m just gonna block you and be done with you and you can do whatever you want to do?”

Why, after telling someone, “I’m just gonna block you and be done with you and you can do whatever you want to do,” would DUMBFUCK be concerned at all with what whoever might be shining him on this weekend has to say about whatever bullshit he’s made up today? Is he just spinning his wheels?

Personally, I’m still waiting for the Palatine cops to come get me.  It’s been about six months since he promised that, based on a picture that was probably never taken by a security camera that probably doesn’t exist of a car that was probably never there.

Fingerprints and footprints don’t lie. I know something else that doesn’t lie.

Not Bill Schmalfeldt.


My Phone Is Not Ringing

This is the second of three comments today now sitting in moderation directed at Patrick Grady.

He says Grady has his phone number, but unless he got it from DUMBFUCK, I don’t think he does.  I wouldn’t give it to him unless he asked, and I think that’s not fucking likely.

Maybe DUMBFUCK is calling the wrong guy? More likely he’s a fucking coward.  I can say that because he’s never shy about calling other people he’s doxed. But he’s only ever begged Grady to call him. Not once to my knowledge has he ever called Grady himself, the pussy.

I’ll bet Phyllis Mason, Miriam Lazewatsky or Vinnie Virgintino can point DUMBFUCK in the right direction.

Or Chris Heather? Jerry Fletcher? Howard Earl? Owain Penllyn? Kyle Kiernan the Florida Felon?