A Dying Priest’s Last Wish

An old Catholic priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital, Washington, D.C.

He motioned for his nurse to come near.

“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die,” whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father,” replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Harry and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Harry commented to Nancy “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.

When they arrived at the dying man’s room, the priest took Nancy’s hand in his right hand and Harry’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity settled across the old priest’s face.

Finally Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied. “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” His voice trailed off . . .

After a brief pause, he continued . . . “The Lord died between two lying thieves, and I would like to do the same.”

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Just A Joke

I was in San Diego on business not long ago.  I stopped in to a bar near some beach for a cold one, took it out on to the outdoor deck to enjoy the view.  I was surprised to encounter three Muslim women in full burka. 

I thought I should make an effort to talk to them and try to understand their culture and welcome them to mine.

I tried talking to them for thirty minutes but they never made a single response, not even a sound.
That was when the bartender came out with a fresh refill and told me I was talking to 3 patio umbrellas.

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It's the Little Things, Y'know?

Q: What’s the difference between DUMBFUCK’S wife and any other wife?

A: Any other wife can tell time 

AND make sandwiches for her husband…

AND do the grocery shopping…

AND vacuum…

AND do laundry…

AND manage the household finances…

AND mail LOLsuits…

AND feed, water and clean up after two pets…

AND make sure no one interrupts this VERY. IMPORTANT. PODCAST.
Zombies…anything I left off (besides the obvious bedroom activities that haven’t mattered to DUMBFUCK–by his own admission–for over a decade)?

By the way folks, don’t forget to check out my new remote-controlled Twitter feed @NoRadio4OldMen.

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