Less Than Twelve Hours This Time!

9:20 PM PST…

…to 9:01 AM PST.

Apparently “withdraw[ing] from public view” suits him about as well as does “self awareness,” “telling the truth,” “being a real journalist,” “not stalking and harassing people” and “having Parkinson’s disease.”

He just can’t make it stick.

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Turns Out, It’s An Actual Thing

I encountered this very interesting exchange on Twitter last night.  It started with a real, working, stand-up  comedienne named Jen Kirkland:

I don’t particularly agree with that statement.  I have said before that I think all humor is subjective.  Not everyone loves the Three Stooges. Not everyone loves to be preached at.  Everyone’s wheelhouse is different. It’s a matter of individual taste.

What really interested me was THIS reply:

What DUMBFUCK is saying is “You’re making a hasty generalization in response to a hasty generalization.”

And that’s actually a fair criticism. It’s not a criticism that feminists want to hear in this case, but it’s fair.

But then he goes on to set up and fight a strawman of his own: the “racist patriarchy.”

Big with the buzzwords, no so much with logic, our DUMBFUCK.  Also, REALLY BAD MEMORY.

Perhaps he’s forgotten how he got kicked off that virulent rightwing website, DailyKos.  He was responsible for the now-famous ANAL RAPE SATIRE that was so poorly received that it took a day of calling his readers idiots plus ANOTHER DIARY specifically to call those readers idiots some more and to invite everyone too stupid to appreciate his satirical brilliance just to stop reading his diaries, kthxbai – to get him permabanned by Markos himself, that rightwing fuckhead.

So to recap the action so far: we have Jen Kirkland calling out men – #YesAllMen – for not understanding her jokes, followed by Bill Schmalfeldt – he of the “you’re all too stupid to understand my brilliant satire about ASS RAPE” – responding with

Already I can see this is going to go swimmingly for DUMBFUCK.

Cat West calls him out for his tone deaf response:

And then the fun really starts. Bill responds to this dim girl:

Here’s my written impression of Bill Schmalfeldt:

“People say I’m condescending…that means I talk down to people.”

(rimshot)

If you get the joke, terrific! Glad I made you laugh.  If you don’t, I don’t care. No one is paying me for this, so I only have to amuse myself.  Anyhoo…

Taking zero shit from Mr. Butt Stuff, Cat bangs back:

What are the odds that Cat West checked out Bill Schmalfeldt on the Google Machine (the first hit is the first hit) before responding to his attempt to impart his perceived wisdom into that conversation?

“Smash teh pay-tree-ark-ee!!”


Pro-tip: it’s not

“I’m just a dumb old man with a pesky “y” chromosome and all”

that causes no one to take you seriously…

It’s simply:

“I’m just a dumb old man with a pesky “y” chromosome and all

…and everyone knows it.

And when you drop into a serious (or even an unserious) conversation and your contribution amounts to “I put on my shoes today without falling off the bed,” well…the pool of everyone just gets that much larger.

And we point.
And we laugh.
And we mock.

Because it’s FUN.

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“Final Warning,” You Say?

Oh, no. Not again…

Are we up to a hundred “final” warnings yet from the Mendacious Manatee of Myrtle Beach?

Tiresome little twat.

On a related note…for as vociferously as he contests the notion that he does not have PD, in spite of all his self-contradictory statements, I don’t think I’m the only one who has noticed that he hasn’t posted a single mention of the Shrine of the Holy Resting Place of the Ashtray Soulmate, the Blessed Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn. In point of fact, I don’t think he has ever denied the allegations that he left her behind in the Midwest (and the capricious currents of the Mississippi River) when he went chasing strange down in Dixieland.

How queer.

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The Leading Cause of Loveless Marriages in the U.S.?

OBAMACARE.

It looks like there’s a balloon animal in South Carolina that can’t afford health insurance under Obamacare anymore.

Actually, it reads very much like xhe couldn’t afford it in the first place. “Thank you for making it impossible for me to afford to get insurance by cutting off the subsidies.”

Guess what?

If you can’t afford something without someone else’s help to pay for it, YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT!

I guess xhe will have to find some other way to afford the insurance to fix that vandalized cemetery of a pecker wrecker xhe calls a mouth, and whatever other maladies might plague xer.

I know!  Maybe xhe could find some sap and convince him to marry xer to get on xis health insurance. It would take a real idiot to fall for such an obvious scam, though.

But even if xe did marry xer, the scam would only work if xe wasn’t a pauper and a cheapskate who would rather burn xis money on cheapjack scootypuffs than take care of xis plasticene playmate.

So remember – make good choices!

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You Want To Talk Scoreboard? Okay, Let’s Talk Scoreboard

And remember, this is an accounting which is VERY GENEROUS to the gelatinous vermin Bill Schmalfeldt.  It does not account for individual counts filed against individual defendants in his LOLSUITS.  If it did, his humiliation would be even greater.


LOLSUIT I:

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 10 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


LOLSUIT II

Schmalfeldt filed 8 counts against 3 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 8


LOLSUIT III

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 4 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


Let’s take a break and check the running total:

SCHMALFELDT, BIG FAT ZERO (in life as well as on the scoreboard) – 0

All Civil Defendants – 16

Back to the breakdown…


LOLSUIT IV

Schmalfeldt filed 3 counts against 4 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 3


LOLSUIT V

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 7 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


The running total:

SCHMALFELDT, STILL A BIG FAT ZERO (in life as well as on the scoreboard) – 0

All Civil Defendants – 23

This concludes the Maryland portion of our show, as DUMBFUCK fled to Wisconsin to escape the consequences of his perjured IFP application and the legal wizardry of David Edgren (hope the bike ride is going well, David!).

Back to the breakdown…


LOLSUIT VI

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 6 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


LOLSUIT VII

Schmalfeldt filed 6 counts against 2 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


LOLSUIT VIII

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 4 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

RESULT PENDING BUT VIRTUALLY CERTAIN


Current running total:

BIG FAT LOSER BILL SCHMALFELDT – 0

Everyone he’s ever tried to sue – 33 (with 4 counts pending)


It’s hardly a surprise that he never wants to talk about THAT scoreboard, unless it’s to whine like a pussy about never having reached a point where his bullshit claims could be judged on lost on the merits.

To ask why is to answer the question, though.

Here’s an exit question: does government health insurance cover injuries sustained from sticking one’s tiny little penis into a wood chipper or the human equivalent? Asking for a friend…

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I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE TO LIVE MY LIFE IN PEACE (AND I’LL SUE YOU FOR BUTTHURT IF YOU DON’T)!!

“And to prove it, here’s another hit-job FAKE NEWS article reporting on a reporter whom I’ve been obsessively stalking for over five years!”

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Who Exactly Was Dancing?

You made WJJ Hoge dance, did you?

You mean like this?

Mr. Hoge not only induced you to dance, DUMBFUCK, but he also got Inflataskank and the Anklebiter in on the act, too!

Everyone hit that Hogewash! Tip Jar to express thanks for the virtuoso performance!

And then it was MY turn!

So DUMBFUCK…you’re so deeply knowledgeable about the operations of the US Marshals regarding the service of defendants for poopsniffing pauper pro se prosecutors. Do you expect anyone to believe that you didn’t know all this when you LIED UNDER OATH to a North Carolina Judge about NEEDING to find out Sarah Palmer’s current address so you could share it with the U.S. Marshals, when you were actually using that as a transparent pretense to harass her?

OOPSIE POOPSIE!

Of course by this point, you were really feeling that Monkey Dance groove, because you went off on your own little tangent!

Answer: Nothing of consequence.

I’m not a party to this case, regardless of what you think you can or cannot prove, DUMBFUCK.  But I am smart enough to understand why Mr. Nettles filed a Notice of Appearance on behalf of ALL NAMED DEFENDANTS before a single summons was returned.

Not that I would tell you.  We don’t educate DUMBFUCK monkeys here, no matter how well they dance or how pitifully they beg.

WOW!! Then won’t you look like a genius when Mr. Nettles files that motion on Grady’s behalf!

But will you look like a bigger genius DUMBFUCK or a lesser genius DUMBFUCK than when you tried to add DOE, POE & ROE (YOUR BOAT) defendants to your lawsuit?

PERMISSIVE JOINDER!
PRO SE PROSECUTOR!
ADULT IN THE ROOM!
U.S. MARSHALS!
SCHMALFELDT AM LAW!
PARKINSON’S DEMENTIA!
CAN’T DRIVE ON SLASHED TIRES!
DANCE, MONKEY! DAAAAAAAANCE!!

Now…where was I?

How is that gonna look?  Perfectly legal.  Perfectly ethical.  Perfectly reasonable.  Three concepts with which you have EXACTLY ZERO FAMILIARITY.

I could explain to you, because – as always – Smarter. Than. You. But around here, we don’t make this happen:

We make this happen:

“May” be wrong? MAY? So have you sent your friendly little email yet? Did the response from Mr. Nettles, a REGULAR READER of Hogewash! who volunteered his time and talents to defend against your vexatious lawsuit for reasons you will never fathom, PROCEED AS I HAVE FORESEEN?

I suppose we won’t know different unless you publish it…but if I’m right, you never will.  And if I’m wrong…you’ll publish because I made you do it! And you know what that means, don’t you?

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!!!!

And what a convenient segue into John Hoge’s TKPOTD!  Where he MAKES YOU DANCE SOME MORE!

Who says he can’t pay for an adult attorney to sanely kick your ass back to the Stone Age?

Sure you did.  Let’s see it, lying, racist motherfucking DUMBFUCK.

Oh…no more unseemly than

  1. getting a new driver’s license and a car seven years after giving it up because MUST_BIND_THE_CAPTIVE_NURSE, I mean, PARKINSON’S!!! and then
  2. giving it up again as soon as you curb-rubbed your tires to death, acquired a new, inflatable captive nurse doll-puppet, abandoned the Really Useful Ashtray Soulmate and hauled your fat ass to South Kakalaky because you thought you found a jurisdictional loophole (Guess what? Fatal flaws are still fatal).

SUUUUUUUURE you will.  But first, build a shelter…

from pigs on the wing.

Well after all the dancing you did last night, I certainly don’t expect to see it before close of business in the east.  Say, did I congratulate you on your recent move into a shit condo a hundred yards from the ocean RIGHT AS HURRICANE SEASON STARTS?

Perfect DUMBFUCK move.  Be sure and get a Sharpie marker and write your SSN on all your extremities so the rescuers can identify your bloated carcass – it’s just the considerate thing to do.

Oh, and because I’m a good guy…for the pain in your monkeydancing, nutshuffling testiclefeet, brought on by yesterday’s copious dance party?

Try Dr. Scholl’s.

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I Can Think of Five

…specific purposes other than “engendering hate toward someone:”

  1. Pointage
  2. Laughery 
  3. Mockification 
  4. Informing the global community of landlords 
  5. LULZ
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Eleven Examples

Since the beginning of 2017, Bill Preston-Schmalfeldt, poor, poor, pitiful put-upon Porkinson’s patient who only wants to be left alone in peace, has published EIGHT stories in as many months about a reporter he commenced harassing some five years ago. The following links are broken:

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/02/16/lee-stranahan-from-porn-to-press-corps/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/02/27/meet-lee-stranahan-the-worlds-best-journalist/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/03/25/documentary-where-in-the-world-is-lee-stranahan/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/04/05/stranahan-the-traitor-joins-russian-propaganda-machine/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/04/06/exclusive-stranahans-farewell-gift-from-breitbart-poison/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/04/08/stranahan-lends-a-hand-to-help-pal-steve-bannon/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/06/01/lee-stranahan-wants-your-money-to-shoot-a-film/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/06/15/newsweek-reporter-misleads-readers-about-lee-stranahan/

Poor, poor, pitiful put-upon prevaricating Porkinson’s pants-pisser Bill Preston-Schmalfeldt has also published the following stories since the beginning of 2017 about an attorney in good standing within his legal community and before the bar who wants nothing to do with the stupid, lying motherfucker currently serving as Editor-at-Large and Chief Dimwit in Command of Breitbart Unmasked.  The following links are also broken:

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/05/09/hoge-files-yet-another-contempt-complaint-written-by-aaron-walker/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/06/11/islamophobe-lawmaker-adopts-aaron-walker-tactic/

http://www.breitbart unmasked.com/2017/07/06/is-aaron-walker-the-worst-lawyer-in-america/

How can this lying, shit-sniffing, turdrolling valor stealing DUMBFUCK make it more obvious that he only wants not to be bothered and picked on by people who respect the people he wants to be left alone to bother and pick on?

People, I’m serious as a large hematoma sustained in a massive vertical aerial impact passing from mattress to armchair (that’s “a bruise from falling out of bed like a klutzy DUMBFUCK,” for those of you who speak normal English) here!

It’s obvious to anyone with three working brain cells what ALWAYS precedes a brief period of peace and quiet for the DUMBFUCK.  (HINT – It’s not a LOLSUIT!) Why isn’t he smart enough to figure it out, other than the notion that he’s almost certainly two or more brain cells short of the minimum requirement?

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Very Helpful to the Defense

…when the plaintiff is a slobbering transient sack of grease who makes Forrest Gump look like Albert Einstein by comparison.

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