Someone’s Upset

Why would Bill Schmalfeldt be upset that a vulgar, crude man speaks in vulgar crude language?

Or maybe he’s bothered that another man has expressed “great love and affection” for a category of folks in which Bill Schamlfeldt so clearly belongs?

Come out, Bill! It’s okay to be gay!

Just keep the pursuit of Cub Scouts to a minimum.

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“I’m Just Not As Into Him As He Is With Me-Me-MEEEEEEEEE!!”

Also, check out my Twitter Feldtdown whinging about this person who doesn’t matter to me SO MUCH that I read his blog every fucking day.

 

 

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The Answer to Your Burning Strawman, DUMBFUCK…

is “YES.”

And you’re too fucking stupid to know why. (Don’t forget, truth is an absolute defense against a defamation claim. So, as it turns out, is lack of personal jurisdiction.)

#virtuesignaling #DUMBFUCK #punchingup

P.S. It’s worth noting that by the same logic, Gail Schmalfeldt would be a lot LESS dead if her soulmate hadn’t spent so much time chasing white whales on the internet…

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Back In the Game, Using His Own Name?

Before all else, I want to tip my hat to Sonoran Conservative for his excellent commentary on the Bill Schmalfeldt rant below.  If you haven’t already checked it out, I recommend you do so.

I have a somewhat different take, which I was unable to address yesterday thanks to real world commitments.

After the complete rant, read on:

Yes, Aaron. I was “misdiagnosed” by an expert on the subject 18 years ago today. In that time I learned how to fake misfiring neurons in my brain to FOOL doctors who were doing my deep brain stimulation. But the Hogewash Neurology Council says I’m faking it. How can one argue?

A man who cleans the dogshit from his wife’s kennels is also an expert on progressive neurological disorders? Imagine my surprise. Now scoop up that shit, Doggy Style before your wife gets sore!

Seems to me that if anyone seriously believes I am faking my diagnosis, they owe it to the taxpayers to contact the Office of Personnel Management and DEMAND that they review my case. Contact Social Security, too. Be ready to identify yourself and provide proof. Cowards. #DARE!

I’m sure that the professionals at OPM and Social Security will be more than happy to take the word of anonymous cowards and a shit-encrusted kennel cleaner over the evidence obtained from actual medical professionals. Trump-sucking morons!

Now, before Hoggy’s soft-skulled amen choir goes running to the OPM and Social Security to disclose the “fraud” they say I am perpetrating on the government, a word of advice. They won’t listen to anonymous people. And providing false info to a federal agency is a felony. Ready?

I mean, if you are SURE I am “faking” my 18-year struggle with Parkinson’s, how can you call yourself a PATRIOT if you let me get away with it? You OWE it to AMERICA to turn me in. Step up, state your name, provide your proof. Unless you are afraid. You aren’t AFRAID, are you?

My God, such a rich lode of Slovenian horse crap! Where do I begin?

Continue reading “Back In the Game, Using His Own Name?”

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Well, You Walked Right Into That, DUMBFUCK!

I can’t figure out if he thinks this post is libelous…

…or this one from the late, unlamented BillSchmalfeldt.net.

And you’re not fooling anyone, telling people you walked away. You blew that chance years ago. Instead you dug in deeper, and ever since you’ve been caught in a trap of your own making.

There’s no escape, as long as Inflataskank continues to tell you all about the parodies of your works that magically appear.

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Nice Try, DUMBFUCK!

You will always make a mistake…

You will always trip yourself up…or someone else will…

You will always be Krendler’s Bitch.

Until the day you exit the skin of this world.

Merry fuckin’ Christmas, asshole.

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Less Than Twelve Hours This Time!

9:20 PM PST…

…to 9:01 AM PST.

Apparently “withdraw[ing] from public view” suits him about as well as does “self awareness,” “telling the truth,” “being a real journalist,” “not stalking and harassing people” and “having Parkinson’s disease.”

He just can’t make it stick.

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Turns Out, It’s An Actual Thing

I encountered this very interesting exchange on Twitter last night.  It started with a real, working, stand-up  comedienne named Jen Kirkland:

I don’t particularly agree with that statement.  I have said before that I think all humor is subjective.  Not everyone loves the Three Stooges. Not everyone loves to be preached at.  Everyone’s wheelhouse is different. It’s a matter of individual taste.

What really interested me was THIS reply:

What DUMBFUCK is saying is “You’re making a hasty generalization in response to a hasty generalization.”

And that’s actually a fair criticism. It’s not a criticism that feminists want to hear in this case, but it’s fair.

But then he goes on to set up and fight a strawman of his own: the “racist patriarchy.”

Big with the buzzwords, no so much with logic, our DUMBFUCK.  Also, REALLY BAD MEMORY.

Perhaps he’s forgotten how he got kicked off that virulent rightwing website, DailyKos.  He was responsible for the now-famous ANAL RAPE SATIRE that was so poorly received that it took a day of calling his readers idiots plus ANOTHER DIARY specifically to call those readers idiots some more and to invite everyone too stupid to appreciate his satirical brilliance just to stop reading his diaries, kthxbai – to get him permabanned by Markos himself, that rightwing fuckhead.

So to recap the action so far: we have Jen Kirkland calling out men – #YesAllMen – for not understanding her jokes, followed by Bill Schmalfeldt – he of the “you’re all too stupid to understand my brilliant satire about ASS RAPE” – responding with

Already I can see this is going to go swimmingly for DUMBFUCK.

Cat West calls him out for his tone deaf response:

And then the fun really starts. Bill responds to this dim girl:

Here’s my written impression of Bill Schmalfeldt:

“People say I’m condescending…that means I talk down to people.”

(rimshot)

If you get the joke, terrific! Glad I made you laugh.  If you don’t, I don’t care. No one is paying me for this, so I only have to amuse myself.  Anyhoo…

Taking zero shit from Mr. Butt Stuff, Cat bangs back:

What are the odds that Cat West checked out Bill Schmalfeldt on the Google Machine (the first hit is the first hit) before responding to his attempt to impart his perceived wisdom into that conversation?

“Smash teh pay-tree-ark-ee!!”


Pro-tip: it’s not

“I’m just a dumb old man with a pesky “y” chromosome and all”

that causes no one to take you seriously…

It’s simply:

“I’m just a dumb old man with a pesky “y” chromosome and all

…and everyone knows it.

And when you drop into a serious (or even an unserious) conversation and your contribution amounts to “I put on my shoes today without falling off the bed,” well…the pool of everyone just gets that much larger.

And we point.
And we laugh.
And we mock.

Because it’s FUN.

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“Final Warning,” You Say?

Oh, no. Not again…

Are we up to a hundred “final” warnings yet from the Mendacious Manatee of Myrtle Beach?

Tiresome little twat.

On a related note…for as vociferously as he contests the notion that he does not have PD, in spite of all his self-contradictory statements, I don’t think I’m the only one who has noticed that he hasn’t posted a single mention of the Shrine of the Holy Resting Place of the Ashtray Soulmate, the Blessed Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn. In point of fact, I don’t think he has ever denied the allegations that he left her behind in the Midwest (and the capricious currents of the Mississippi River) when he went chasing strange down in Dixieland.

How queer.

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The Leading Cause of Loveless Marriages in the U.S.?

OBAMACARE.

It looks like there’s a balloon animal in South Carolina that can’t afford health insurance under Obamacare anymore.

Actually, it reads very much like xhe couldn’t afford it in the first place. “Thank you for making it impossible for me to afford to get insurance by cutting off the subsidies.”

Guess what?

If you can’t afford something without someone else’s help to pay for it, YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT!

I guess xhe will have to find some other way to afford the insurance to fix that vandalized cemetery of a pecker wrecker xhe calls a mouth, and whatever other maladies might plague xer.

I know!  Maybe xhe could find some sap and convince him to marry xer to get on xis health insurance. It would take a real idiot to fall for such an obvious scam, though.

But even if xe did marry xer, the scam would only work if xe wasn’t a pauper and a cheapskate who would rather burn xis money on cheapjack scootypuffs than take care of xis plasticene playmate.

So remember – make good choices!

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