And Who Better To Recognize A Toothless Threat Than DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt?

0 for VIII, anyone?

Let me guess…some of your best friends are Jews, too!  Just like anti-Semite racist woman-hater (thank God you’re just a pecker wrecker sockpuppet!) Bill Schmalfeldt?


So I Guess The Great White Plagiarism Hunter Has Lost His Mojo

Used to be, not so long ago, that if John Hoge posted something on the Internet, you could count on a DUMBFUCK to stick that post into Google and call John a plagiarist for repeating a joke.

(Remind me to tell you the one about the lardass cripple who hired a flatbed truck and a forklift to haul him to court – it’s a really good one!)

Recently though, DUMBFUCK seems to have lost the knack for searching the Internet for thing other people have said.

Over at Cabin Boy Unread (no), a commenter named “Bob” took issue with the whinging that DUMBFUCK was aiming at Jason Chaffetz over his assertion that it might come down to a choice between paying a premium for the insurance or picking up that sweet iPhone.

Bob pointed out that long before Rep. Chaffetz spoke out on Sunday, President Lightbringer was saying essentially the same thing:

As you can see, DUMBFUCK’S response was as filled with grace and charm as anything else he’s ever written.  ALWAYS WITH THE BUTT STUFF…and especially so when the commenter in question shares a name with his monoplacental twin!  I wonder if there’s some deeper meaning there…

But it seems…what’s the word?…QUEER! that a DUMBFUCK so skilled at finding quotes on the Internet would go begging for help in this instance, when it’s right out in front of God and EVERYBODY to find.

Copy. Paste. Search. Result.

5 seconds, tops.

Whoo!  Somebody get me a cold drink, I am exhausted.

UPDATE:  After deleting a comment wherein “Bob” provided the linkage DUMBFUCK requested, “Bob” reposted the video. Sadly the archive does not retain the image, but I feel confident it is the same video posted above.

So now we have a record when DUMBFUCK deletes this comment too, during work hours at KMCN-FM.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

He could actually do that…he could say to Donald Trump, “I am not going to jail for you.  I am going to jail for a bomber-throwing midget in Maryland. So there. Nyah.”

But he won’t say that, because it would be the truth, and DUMBFUCK is nothing if not a liar.

He’s the guy Pinocchio looks at and says, “Damn, dude. Just…damn.”


And There It Is!

“I have NOTHING to bargain with…so I will issue a toothless ultimatum and coat myself in ridicule, pointage, laughery and mockification. And then order seconds.”

You could set your watch by a DUMBFUCK.


O RLY, DUMBFUCK? You Say That Like It’s A BAD Thing!

Does this ring a bell?


And as to vexatious litigant… 7 lawsuits in under three years, none of which survived motions to dismiss.

‘Nuff said on that.

Remember, class: All that is required to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt, is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.


For A Moment I Almost Believed

…that the monkey could learn. But no.

DUMBFUCK had gone quiet. He focused, inasmuch (one word) as he could, on such useless pursuits as throwing Electoral College tantrums and making puddles of musical vomit that no one will ever hear.

And then:

Of course Hoge not LAW! LAW am LAW.

Acually KRENDLER am LAW. But DUMBFUCK surely doesn’t remember being told here that in Maryland, YOU ONLY GET ONE dispositive motion to dismiss, and you have to lay out all your defenses at once. The judge remembered, though, and ruled as anyone not DUMB AS FUCK knew he must.

LAW am LAW, and RULES am RULES. And now DUMBFUCK has violated a judge’s order, because of course he did. He wouldn’t be our DUMBFUCK otherwise.

By the way, do you know what an opposing party must do with properly submitted discovery?

Answer it.

Do you know what an opposing party must do with improperly submitted discovery?

Not a goddamn thing. Except possibly explain why they don’t have to do a goddamn thing.


DUMBFUCK was on to something last spring…he really does need a lawyer. Sadly, the only ones who could actually help him win would have to WANT TO BE DISBARRED.

Also, paid.

Which is a deal breaker for our DUMBFUCK, car-driving, no-longer-too-disabled-to-travel, poopsniffing pauper.


Sometimes You Just KNOW…Because You KNOW

So I see that no one at Cabin Boy Unread is giving an active shit about Bill Schmalfeldt’s obsession with “me,” Patrick Grady.

He KNOWS I am Patrick Grady. Because he KNOWS so much that isn’t so.

He admitted that I’m right about everything. Like I said, a better journalist on my worst day than him on his best.

You KNOW that’s true.

He went and published an article about a little road trip he made to Palatine, Illinois, where I don’t live.

But he KNOWS I do. Because he KNOWS so much that isn’t so.

He took a selfie outside the Palatine Police Department, in the town where I don’t live.

But he KNOWS I really do. Because he KNOWS so much that isn’t so.

Whether he actually went inside and spoke to the police is an open question, because he’s a liar.

You KNOW that’s true.

Whether he actually rented a car is another open question, because he’s a liar. But I think he probably did. That low animal cunning probably told him a known rust-bucket parked outside his victim’s house would be noticed; outside his victim’s church, too.

You KNOW that’s true.

Did he stalk the house and the church? This is Mr. Self Control we’re talking about. No one to stop him caving to an irresistible urge (It’s red. Vroom, VROOM!!) like that?

Oh, you KNOW that’s true.

And all his promises about the Palatine Police coming to hunt “me” down in the town where I don’t live…is it a 100% chance that it will turn out just exactly the same as every other time Bill Schmalfeldt, noted liar and adjudicated stalker and harasser, has predicted CHARGES for CRAHMS (Federal, state and local) for everyone who has looked askance upon him and laughed at his grossly inflated self-image?  Or his self-inflated unimaginable grossness, for that matter?

Everybody KNOWS that’s true.

But that isn’t even the reason I’m here.

Now that Cabin Boy Unread has reverted to being a vehicle of personal character assassination rather than of legitimate (if crackpot-level uninformed) political commentary, readership has predictably broken through the bottom of the barrel and begun leaking through the wrecked foundation.  The article about Bill’s jolly road trip has garnered just four comments.

First, a commenter called Crime Doesn’t Pay weighed in.  This is a common tactic of loser journalists desperate for the feel of soft tongue on their bruised and filthy egos. Log a fresh comment under a fake name tied to the topic of the post to start a conversation.  He’ll never appear again under that name.

You KNOW that’s true.

Second, yank the string-on-a-ring in the back of your ankle-biting pal. And right on cue, there’s Fifi!

You can almost see the saliva and hear the bell, can’t you?

Then there’s Mark in MD, a curiosity across the Web for his uncanny ability to appear and comment only wherever Bill Schmalfeldt happens to be posting that day. And nowhere else, ever.

You KNOW what that means.  Rule #39.

And finally, there’s DUMBFUCK himself, creatively copying wholesale a post from right here, and wondering what “I” will say to the police who have already forgotten that he visited them yesterday.

How do we KNOW that’s true?

The same way he can KNOW that Patrick Grady (and only Patrick Grady) must have come to St. Francis to take a picture of a car, while at the same time he can DENY KNOWLEDGE OR INFORMATION SUFFICIENT TO FORM A BELIEF that Brett Kimberlin is a drug-dealing, perjuring domestic terrorist with a thing for little girls who blew off Carl DeLong’s leg with a bomb in a gym bag.

We just close our eyes, wish really, REALLY HARD, clap our hands, and it all becomes magically true! Plus, Tinkerbell will fly again!