…to consider that if you measure the cosmic probability of Bill Schmalfeldt prevailing at trial next week against the likelihood of a TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE SUN OCCURRING WHILE THE TRIAL IS IN PROGRESS, Schmalfeldt still comes out on the losing end.
A humpbacked Italian walks into a bar and orders a glass of wine. He notices Jesus sitting at the other end of the bar, and has the bartender send him a glass of wine as well.
An Irishman with a bad leg limps into the bar, and orders a glass of whiskey. He see Jesus at the other end of the bar, and sends him a round as well.
Then Bill Schmalfeldt walks into the bar, and orders Johnnie Walker Red. He sees Jesus sitting at the other end of the bar, and sends him a glass as well.
After a while, Jesus decides it’s time to head home. As He gets up to leave, He touches the Italian’s back, and it is healed. The Italian does back flips out the door. He touches the Irishman’s leg, and it’s healed. The Irishman dances a jig out the door. As Jesus approaches Schmalfeldt, he leaps off the barstool in horror and says…
I suppose it might be overstating things to call these lies, if you subscribe to Costanza logic:
They could be “alternative truths,” to use a popular phrase. And DUMBFUCK, in spite of all the evidence of the last five years, may even believe he is speaking truth. If, for the eighth time in three years, he loses a LOLSUIT on a “technicality,” (DON’T LAUGH) he may actually believe he won’t simply forget it all happened and try again.
I’ve heard these Fatkinson’s sufferers have profound memory issues when it suits them.
Well, it is a lie, if the liar changing his mind proceeds as I have foreseen.
Of course there’s always the possibility of a NEW & IMPROVED strategy that no one could have ever foreseen.
Though it would be an awful waste of the great monikers we have already banked for LOLSUITS IX – XIII if the Inflatable Boifriend starts taking the lead. Will we have to go back to LOLSUIT I in that case?
LOLSUIT I – Under Pressure?
LOLSUIT I – She’s Gonna Blow!
LOLSUIT I – Pressure Drop
LOLSUIT I – Inflated Ego