Bill Schmalfeldt As Punchline

A humpbacked Italian walks into a bar and orders a glass of wine. He notices Jesus sitting at the other end of the bar, and has the bartender send him a glass of wine as well.

An Irishman with a bad leg limps into the bar, and orders a glass of whiskey. He see Jesus at the other end of the bar, and sends him a round as well.

Then Bill Schmalfeldt walks into the bar, and orders Johnnie Walker Red. He sees Jesus sitting at the other end of the bar, and sends him a glass as well.

After a while, Jesus decides it’s time to head home. As He gets up to leave, He touches the Italian’s back, and it is healed. The Italian does back flips out the door. He touches the Irishman’s leg, and it’s healed. The Irishman dances a jig out the door. As Jesus approaches Schmalfeldt, he leaps off the barstool in horror and says…

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Why Can’t Bill Schmalfeldt Be So Lucky?

Politically Connected NY Dem Given Six-Figure Job She’s Too Fat to Perform

  • Shows up for interview with oxygen tank in tow;
  • Rejected by city’s Judicial Review Committee, gets hired anyway;
  • Was unable to climb up three steps to the bench, even with a special railing;
  • Suffered diarrhea IN THE COURTROOM;
  • Craps her chair, orders a new one;

Tailor made, I’m tellin’ ya!

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Let’s Play “Spot the Lies”

Here, I’ll help!

I suppose it might be overstating things to call these lies, if you subscribe to Costanza logic:

They could be “alternative truths,” to use a popular phrase.  And DUMBFUCK, in spite of all the evidence of the last five years, may even believe he is speaking truth.  If, for the eighth time in three years, he loses a LOLSUIT on a “technicality,” (DON’T LAUGH) he may actually believe he won’t simply forget it all happened and try again.

I’ve heard these Fatkinson’s sufferers have profound memory issues when it suits them.

Well, it is a lie, if the liar changing his mind proceeds as I have foreseen.

Of course there’s always the possibility of a NEW & IMPROVED strategy that no one could have ever foreseen.

Though it would be an awful waste of the great monikers we have already banked for LOLSUITS IX – XIII if the Inflatable Boifriend starts taking the lead.  Will we have to go back to LOLSUIT I in that case?

LOLSUIT I – Under Pressure?
LOLSUIT I – She’s Gonna Blow!
LOLSUIT I – Pressure Drop
LOLSUIT I – Inflated Ego

Who knows?

 

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A DUMBFUCK Walks Into A Bar

…carrying an inflatable woman under his arm.

He sits down at the bar and orders a Johnnie Walker Red, straight up.

The bartender pours it out, and DUMBFUCK says, “You ever hear of an artist called Rorschach?”

The bartender says, “Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhh…”

DUMBFUCK says, “Well how come he only paints pictures of my brother and me fucking?”

(This is not an original joke.  The original joke went a little differently.)

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Unhinged Liberals’ Serenity Prayer

God,
(wait, what?)
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
(like the fact that I am smarter than anybody
and anyone who disagrees with me is an idiot
who should keep their stupid, racist
opinions to themselves or get
punched in their Nazi face)
The Courage to change the things I can,
(like the fact that Illegitimate Donald Trump lost the popular vote,
isn’t really the President,
and should be removed from office by
any means necessary,
preferably by women wearing giant vagina costumes)
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
(wait, what?  WHAT???)

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O RLY, DUMBFUCK? You Say That Like It’s A BAD Thing!

Does this ring a bell?

PLAGIARIST
LIAR

And as to vexatious litigant… 7 lawsuits in under three years, none of which survived motions to dismiss.

‘Nuff said on that.

Remember, class: All that is required to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt, is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.

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