AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!

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He doesn’t really want that, you know. Of course we all know that.

He had it. He had the “LEAVE ME ALONE!!” It was the most important “get” that he took away from the settlement. All he had to do to stay left alone was to do the same.

But he couldn’t. The poor, bitter, hateful, lonely old mandouchebag. He had to go hunting again. He had to come hunting for me.

So, for the THIRD GODDAMN TIME (because YES, HE IS THAT DENSE), I trotted out something Grady had given me. And finally, finally! the tiny four-watt bulb that hangs outside on the terrazzo of the ever-so-spacious mansion where I live rent-free popped on, the “trapsie-wapsie” snapped shut, and we have liftoff on what looks to be a three day monkey-dancing Feldtdown of epic, nay GARGANTUAN proportions.

He wants to be left alone, but only on his terms. He wants to be left alone from the consequences of his actions. He wants to be left alone to tell his lies without anyone standing up to call him out. He wants to be left alone to hunt down Grady and try to scalp his job again.

Because that worked out so well the last time.

He’s not afraid of Grady. Just ask him.

“No, I’m not afraid of that mentally unbalanced, self-professed sociopath. (You notice he can never let that menacing phrase go? Just like he can never remember the evil thing Grady did that required the doxing in the first place?) Never mind that I falsified evidence in order to swear out a peace order at the mere whiff of a suggestion that he might be looking in the general direction of the state where I live. Which I then completely pussied out on at the prospect of him showing up to face me in court. He doesn’t scare me. I’m not even a little bit scared.”

(Grady wrote that bit. Good, right?)

It’s worth remembering. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, forever. He lies. Especially when he says he wants to be left alone.

Or when he says –

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What he’s really saying is: “someone PLEASE tell me who Krendler is! PLEASE, PLEASE, mock me! hate me! loathe me! Give my pathetic existence the gravity of your hatred as a substitute for the lost love and companionship of the family that I’ve driven away and the failures I have endured!”

And what I have learned is that the best (and most FUN!) way to deal with him is to DENY him what he really wants by GIVING HIM what he says he wants.

He doesn’t “fucking CARE” who I am. Hence the frivolities of the weekend thus far, to show how much he DOESN’T care.

He says “LEAVE ME ALONE!!” after nearly a week of being left alone, during which he tried to bait me, followed by four days of hammering at Hoge and every Lickspittle in reach.

So I’m with Grace. And Dalton.

I’ll leave him alone.

Until it’s time to NOT leave him alone.

Which surely won’t be long.

Tomorrow – the Major Bleg.

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"Oh, I'll Take 'PLAGIARISTS' For All the Money in the World, Alex!"

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Thank God I have no friends online. Friends who know how to return a favor. Friends who trust me to help them PUNK a brother, and who will help do it again a couple months later.

Strike two. Loser. Only 6.85 Billion less 2 to go.

Your number…I HAZ IT!

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This Is How It Works Around Here

For the residents of Moderation Purgatory…

You just write about whatever your little heart desires. Everyone already knows it will be about someone who’s living rent free in your cavernous brain pan:

HOOOOOOOOOGE!
Cousin Roy
Ali
Stacy
Aaron
Me

Because you’re a CREATOR. You CREATE! You create the same thing, over and over again, just like a cat in a litter box, and twice as stinky. Thank God for your CREATIVE tool kit, the Ctrl-C and the Ctrl-V. Where would you be without them?

You remember your tool kit, don’tcha?

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You just go on CREATIN’ WIF YO BAD SELF!

Do the best you can do. I’ll make it better. Because it’s FUN. And it pisses you off. Even more FUN.

Do the worst you can do. (A Gatorade bottle full of urine? This is the most debasing thing you could come up with? SAD). I’ll make it So. Much. Worse. And dump it right back on you. Because it’s FUN. And it pisses you off. Even more FUN. And how you DANCE! WHAT A FUNNY LITTLE MONKEY YOU ARE! Waaaaay more FUN.

I can hit you any time I want. You are easy to find, and you have big red button that says “DANCE” right on the top of your big, round, leaky head.

Tell me – doesn’t all that riverdancing hurt your little testiclefeet? Seems like it would hurt really bad!

How does it feel to be a penis with a vagina? Shouldn’t you be in the Guinness Book of Records for that? Now that would be an accomplishment!!

But I’m getting off point. Sorry.

You don’t know who I am. I’m a fictional zombie. Try to make “Krendler” an epithet as bad as “Schmalfeldt?” Go for it! Krendler’s just a name, a phantom. Doesn’t bother me a bit. And taking it viral with 7 followers?

Good luck with that.

You don’t know who I am. And you won’t know who I am.

Until I decide the time is right.

At the moment I decide that it’s more fun for you to suffer the knowledge of who I am than to suffer not knowing who I am, there will be a knock at your door. And then you’ll know.

It will be FUN.

Because all I have is FUN.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s “copyrighted,” right? All registered and everything? Are you ready for your Fair Use defense to come flying back at you like a boomerang, mate?

You want it gone?

Pull up your big girl panties and SUE ME.

Oh, wait…

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You gotta do a lot better than that, Bill. Palatine Pundit owns you.

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AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, I'VE GOT A BRIDGE IN BROOKLYN FOR SALE!

I’ve been keeping my peace about this, but let’s look at the facts.

  1. William M. Schmalfeldt filed a horribly botched Answer and Counterclaim and First (and Second) Amended Counterclaim in his ill-fated, woe-begotten, doomed-from-day-one attempt to identify and maliciously prosecute me for some very vague and legally specious charges of libel and some such bullshit. Read all about it in “Cheesinus Fromundies – Intent to Sniff.”
  2. He spent all of his mayonnaise budget for the summer on postage, and was willing to dig into the penicillin and cranberry juice money to pay for subpoenas and processing fees from WordPress and Twitter to smoke me out and persecute me for authoring a genius parody that gave him Jerry Falwell levels of epic butthurt.
  3. Before he even figured out how to affect service on me, he folded like a pup tent in a hurricane. He got nothing, because he’s a cowardly, no-account, shuffling lump of weenie-meat with no guts for a fight he claimed to be spoiling for. He claims victory, yet refuses to look in my direction, when his prayer for relief of $1.500.000 (no that’s no typo – he really did try to sue for twelve bits) results two fingers raised high and proud back at him. He paid his costs, I sat back, pointing, laughing and mocking for most of a summer at no cost to myself.
  4. Continue reading “AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, I'VE GOT A BRIDGE IN BROOKLYN FOR SALE!”

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Trying Out the Poll Widget

Almost every comment sitting in Moderation Purgatory arrives with this picture attached. Three new ones just this morning. Such a Grumpy Gus!

Whenever I see it, the same question pops into my head:

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Minor Bleg

So I’ve been thinking – do I really want a copy of Animus Nocendi?

No.

I mean, if it’s only his handlers and the missus buying up copies, what do I care?

If someone sent me a free copy, I have many more valuable ways of using my time than walking to the recycle bin and dropping it in, to say nothing of actually reading it.

The toilet paper idea has merit, though, I must admit. Especially if it’s free.

But if some folks out there wanted to drop a buck or two in the tip jar over on the right, and if there came enough coin to make that purchase, then I would have an opportunity to investigate what sort of Fair Use he might be making of my content.

I still don’t know if I would want to file a claim. After all, I am merely a fictional zombie, comfy-cozy behind what has been up to now an invulnerable shield of anonymity. I like it here. Calling Krendler names means nothing to me. Maybe it would bug Thomas Harris, if he cared about such things. Maybe someone should contact his publisher to find out.

Anyway, if there’s an infringement complaint to be made, I will be measuring the relative damage caused by his “Fair Use” against my certainty of his motive for what he may or may not have done.

And his motive, as usual, is all too transparent. He intends to violate my copyright (and exercise any other weakshit tactic he can think of) until I decide that anonymity is less desirable than kicking his ass around a courtroom.

That day may never come. For now, I’m content to punch back twice, no, ten times harder. But if the day comes, I will have to consider whether I will want to pursue that case anonymously as well. To do that will require an attorney, and that’s no penny-ante game, particularly with no promise of payable damages on the other side from an indigested dyspeptic conspiree.

So, I don’t demand that you hit the freaking tip jar. Those 5 words are very important, it’s true, but there are others moreso for a zombie in my position.

But if you are inclined, I would be most grateful.      

 

P.S. – Please note for future reference that I am planning a Major Bleg soon. But don’t worry, it has nothing to do with money.  At least not on the front end.

P.P.S – This is the 101st post on this blog.  So that’s pretty cool.  Thanks to all who keep me going by encouraging my frivolity.

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I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter

To: CreateSpace.com

I am a blogger going by the pseudonym Paul Krendler. I blog at http://thinkingmanszombie.wordpress.com. I blog under a pen name for a reason, and I am unwilling to sacrifice my anonymity at this time, on the battlefield before me.

One of your members, William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr., has published today a title “Animus Nocenti,” what he calls a true story. While some of it may be true, most of his recollections of it will surely be fantastic fictions.

In April, he published another title called “Intentional Infliction,” in which he included a majority portion of one of my blog posts, with attribution but without permission. His goal in doing so was to force me to identify myself as required by law in the DMCA. Instead I was able to join with other like-minded netizens to thwart his blatant infringement on my copyright and maintain my anonymity.

Now, again, he has decided to “write” a book detailing legal woes of his own making, in the hope that he will so offend me that I will sacrifice my anonymity in order to force him to face some form of justice. This will not happen, because what I know of Mr. Schmalfeldt is that he tries to manipulate his enemies.

He wants me to sue him. Because to do so I must give up my anonymity, which is what he REALLY wants.

Instead of doing his bidding, I would like to remind you of several terms of your Member Agreement:

1. Mr. Schmalfeldt has agreed to abide by and comply with the Content Guidelines.
2. The Content Guidelines express that Mr. Schmalfeldt is expected to conduct proper research to ensure items sold through CreateSpace are in compliance with all local, state, national and international laws.
3. According to the member agreement, CreateSpace will immediately remove items from the service on learning that the item is not the property of the seller.
4. According to the member agreement, CreateSpace may at any time and without notice, reject, remove or refuse to list content.
5. According to the member agreement, CreateSpace may request members to provide additional information relating to Content, such as information confirming that members has all rights required to permit your distribution of the Content.
6. By consenting to the member agreement, Mr. Schmalfeldt represents and warrants that any information and documentation he provides to you will be current, complete and accurate.
7. By consenting to the member agreement, Mr. Schmalfeldt agrees that he owns all right, title and interest in and to the Content, including any copyright.
8. By consenting to the member agreement, Mr. Schmalfeldt further represents and warrants that

a. He will comply with all laws, rules, regulations, and orders of any governmental authority having jurisdiction over his performance thereunder;
b. He has all requisite right, power and authority to enter into this agreement, and perform his obligations thereunder;
c. Prior to his delivery of Content to you he has or has obtained all rights, clearances and permissions to grant the licenses he grants thereunder that are necessary for you to exercise the rights he grants under the Agreement;
d. He is granting you the rights, licenses and authorizations thereunder free and clear of any encumbrances;
e. The Content is not defamatory, libelous, obscene or otherwise illegal, does not infringe upon any Intellectual Property Right; and
f. The Content complies with all aspects of the Content Guidelines.

 9. By consenting to the member agreement Mr. Schmalfeldt agrees he will not do anything to intentionally prejudice the rights granted, but in the event that he loses any rights or other licenses, consents or permissions relating to a specific Title, he will immediately remove such Title from your Services.
10. According to the member agreement, CreateSpace may terminate this Agreement at any time by sending Mr. Schmalfeldt an e-mail notice at the e-mail address associated with his account.

In response to each of these terms, I offer in response:

1. I should hope that having done so, you will uphold your interests and see that he has and does abide and comply with the Content Guidelines.
2. Mr. Schmalfeldt may or may not have done sufficient research, but he has made no effort to ensure that his Content is in compliance with the law.
3. I have not reviewed the content in his book, but he has Tweeted that it was his intent while creating this book to freely use an unknown amount of content from my blog, whether he received permission or not. He did not receive permission. Therefore, it may be reasonably inferred as fact that significant portions of his work are neither original nor owned by him. Those portions have been stolen from me, and probably from others as well.
4. After you have performed your own investigation to confirm this, an investigation I will be happy to assist with as long as it does not compromise my anonymity, I would hope once more that you would uphold your interests and remove the Content as per the member agreement.
5. You have the option to request of Mr. Schmalfeldt additional information and documentation confirming his ownership of all rights detailed in the Agreement. Given that he has no such documentation, may I suggest you set the standard he has demanded of others in the past, and require him to produce a signed, dated and duly notarized Copyright Transfer Agreement in a timeframe sufficiently short to prove that he did not forge the same?
6. Given that he has no such documentation to confirm ownership of any material taken from my blog, you can reasonably conclude that any information and/or documentation he produces will be neither current, complete nor accurate.
7. Mr. Schmalfeldt does not own my content nor has he been assigned any rights or permission to use it. He can produce no authentic documentation stating such, and is therefore in violation of the Member Agreement.
8. Having consented to the Member Agreement, Mr. Schmalfeldt is further in violation of same in his:

a. Lack of compliance with US Copyright law;
b. Lack of right, power and authority to enter into the member agreement for the purpose of publishing material that does not belong to him;
c. Failure to obtain any rights, clearances or permissions to grant the licenses required for you to exercise the rights granted to you;
d. Granting of these rights while encumbered by the obligation to obtain permission to do so;
e. Representation that the Content is not defamatory, libelous, obscene or otherwise illegal (it may very well be obscene, depending on what content he has taken), does not infringe upon any Intellectual Property Right (having been used without permission, it most certainly DOES infringe on my right); and
f. Representation that his Content, which contains stolen property, complies with the Content Guidelines.

9. Mr. Schmalfeldt has agreed not to do anything to intentionally prejudice the rights granted, but he never held the rights to grant in the first place.
10. You have the option to terminate the Agreement at any time.

Fully realizing that because I have not given my name I may impress you only as a character as unbalanced as Mr. Schmalfeldt himself, you may choose to do nothing at this time. I understand and accept that. But I too am a CreateSpace member, and if Mr. Schmalfeldt can violate the Member Agreement with impunity and face no consequences, what am I to think? When it comes time to publish my works, will I be treated with the same permissive hand?

And if my circumstances change, and I again become more interested in protecting my copyright than in protecting my identity, then we will simply be having this conversation again, and I will constantly remind you that I suggested you undertake your own due diligence, but you chose not to do so.

Yours Truly,

Paul Krendler
The Thinking Man’s Zombie

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Keep a Happy Ass

Hygiene is more important today than ever. With so many people working in close quarters, one cannot take the risk of reaching into the back of one’s Depends to dig at the nasty, filthy, disease-ridden remnants of Schmalfeldt clinging parasitically to your ass.

That’s why it’s vital that every time you visit the bathroom to expel Schmilfaldt, you do the necessary paper work to wipe out every last stinky bit of Schamlfoldt that might want to take up residence close to your happy ass.

But not too much paperwork, because even though it is important to keep your ass clean, your ass is also delicate. If eliminating Shmolfladt is unpleasant and sticky, you may find yourself having to wipe more than twice, or even using a big corncob to scrape the last of the vile Scolmflodt away. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you insert the cob into your ass! While Schmilflodt is regularly entertained by such shenanigans, there are few quicker ways to irritate your ass than sticking foreign objects into the exit in search of more Shuchmalfaldt. Schlimlfasdt will always reappear on its own eventually. There is no need to go digging for it.

Wet wipes can be handy in clearing away all traces of Schmokfladt from his favorite hangout near all the assholes. Try to avoid the type with lotions because they too can cause a pain in your ass, but if it means getting rid of all the Schmucklfielt that sticks to you, a little ass pain is probably worth it. Your results may vary.

Sometimes, in very extreme cases, you may be stuck with extra-nasty Scumfelt all over your ass. In such cases, it’s best to jump in the shower to wash away the vile stuff that won’t depart any other way. No need for soap, because plenty of clean hot water will melt away that Shmellfludt like the Wicked Witch of the West, leaving your ass clean and fresh until the next unfortunate onslaught of Schmacklfledt.

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