I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE TO LIVE MY LIFE IN PEACE (AND I’LL SUE YOU FOR BUTTHURT IF YOU DON’T)!!

“And to prove it, here’s another hit-job FAKE NEWS article reporting on a reporter whom I’ve been obsessively stalking for over five years!”

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The Phrases That Payses

Looks like the monthly check has cleared and the serious drinking is underway.

“If it gets published anywhere I will know who did it as it hasn’t been published anywhere else.”

That is an exact quote from an email that wasn’t even sent to Scott Hinckley aka agiledog.

“I have never publicized this photo, so if I see it on anyone’s blog I will know Hoge is responsible.”

That is an exact quote from an email that was copied to WJJ Hoge.

Nowhere in either statement is there a request, a demand, or an instruction that the photo the author is referencing not be published.  All the author has done is inform two separate audiences in two separate emails that if someone does publish the photo

Aw!  Yer makin’ me blush!

he will know who was responsible.  Which is why he sent it out more than once, so there would be absolute and irrefutable proof point to which of exactly twenty or so people could have done it.

And until DUMBFUCK himself publishes the complete contents of both o the (soon-to-be-forged) version of the emails he sent out, we will just have to assume (correctly, as always) that the HZIC is right, and the DUMBFUCK is a nutshuffling, testicle-footed, valor-stealing DUMBFUCK.

Let’s see if we can get that accomplished by close of business East Coast time today, shall we?

Tick-tock, said the Really Useful Urn from a landfill somewhere in Iowa.

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Very Helpful to the Defense

…when the plaintiff is a slobbering transient sack of grease who makes Forrest Gump look like Albert Einstein by comparison.

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Cyberstalking- A Handy How-to Transcript!

Clerk: [inaudible] Department.

BS: Hi there, My name is William Schmalfeldt, and I’m calling about a civil no contact order that was taken out against me in January 2016.

[crosstalk]

BS:Uh, the file number is 15CVD2054.

Clerk: Okay

BS: And what I’d like to know is, uh, the plaintiff gave her address as 501 Redd St in Re-Reidsville, uhhh…NC. Now the application for the 50C says you can give an alternative address. Uh, but, but it also says did the, uh – let me see, call it up here so I can quote it exactly…hang on her just a sec…yeah, uh, under “Note to Plaintiff<” uh, line one, which box did she check?

Clerk: Uh, which, under the complaint? Or –

BS: Uh, the application. In the 50C application.

Clerk: Okay, which form?

BS: Uh, hang on just a second. I can-

Clerk: Because you got a copy of the form.

BS: I’m looking, I’m looking, I’m looking at it right now. Hang on. It is form number AOC-CV-520.

Clerk: Okay, you got a copy of everything, um, that she filled out.

BS: Well I no longer have it, and I just really have one question.

Clerk: Okay , and you’re wanting to know which-

BS: Which box she checked under line one.

Clerk: Hold on.

[hold music]

BS: Hello?

Clerk:  Hello?

BS: Yes.

Clerk: Okay, um, you wanted to know which line she che-, on one, which line she checked?

BS: Yes.

Clerk: She checked “the plaintiff resides.”

BS: She – okay, and if the plaintiff did not reside in Rockingham County when she filled that out, is that something I should discuss with your local sheriff?

Clerk: Hmm, you can talk to a lawyer.

BS: All right, well, we’ll do that. Thank you very-

Clerk: All right, Bye-bye.

BS: But, but, but she definitely checked “the plaintiff resides” in this-

Clerk: Well, you should have a copy, if you’d like me to mail you a copy-

BS:Well, yeah, but I-I-I-I moved, uh, and uh, didn’t see any reason to keep this, because I thought she still lived in Rockingham County until yesterday. Now I find out that she moved in November ’15 to, uh, Greensboro, but still filed this suit, uh, this uh-uh-uh, restraining order in January 2016 claiming she lived in Rockingham County when she lived in Guilford County.*

Clerk: Uh, well, if you’d like a copy we can mail you a copy of it.

BS: Would you do that? Let me give you my address.

Clerk: Okay, what is the address?

BS: It’s uh, 220 [deleted]

Clerk: Okay. We’ll get it out to you.

BS: I do appreciate that, thank you very much.

Clerk: Uh-huh.

BS: Bye-bye.

Clerk: Uh-huh. Bye-bye.

*This is the part where the lies are absolutely unmistakable.  If you have the stomach for it, go listen to it eight or nine times. There’s no way he’s telling the truth here.  Also, it’s where he practically admits stalking.  “I thought she lived HERE until yesterday, and I have vowed not to eat, sleep, use the bathroom or speak to the Inflataskank until I find out her current address and get her arrested for relocating without telling me. But I’m totally not a stalker or anything.” Or words to that effect.

On an unrelated note: Did you know that the US Marshals have been finding people and serving process on them for literally decades without even the smallest bit of help from Bill Schmalfeldt?  It boggles the mind to consider how they have managed without him.

Oh, look! Anna Kendrick! How nice.
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Bill Schmalfeldt As Punchline

A humpbacked Italian walks into a bar and orders a glass of wine. He notices Jesus sitting at the other end of the bar, and has the bartender send him a glass of wine as well.

An Irishman with a bad leg limps into the bar, and orders a glass of whiskey. He see Jesus at the other end of the bar, and sends him a round as well.

Then Bill Schmalfeldt walks into the bar, and orders Johnnie Walker Red. He sees Jesus sitting at the other end of the bar, and sends him a glass as well.

After a while, Jesus decides it’s time to head home. As He gets up to leave, He touches the Italian’s back, and it is healed. The Italian does back flips out the door. He touches the Irishman’s leg, and it’s healed. The Irishman dances a jig out the door. As Jesus approaches Schmalfeldt, he leaps off the barstool in horror and says…

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