Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

 BREAKING – Expert Whiner’s First Tweet of Day Confirms Obsession, Narcissism, Hypocrisy, Stupidity And Complete Lack of Self-Awareness in Just 57 Characters

I’ll tell you what, “[thou]most notable coward, [thou] infinite and endless liar, [thou] hourly promise breaker, [thou] owner of no one good quality…”
I know exactly what the FATAL flaw is. I’ll even say that it’s four words, and that it is absolutely and without doubt cannot be corrected in one amended complaint or a thousand.

To learn what those four lawsuit dooming words are, publish a video

  1. Acknowledging that you have NO IDEA why your lawsuit is doomed;
  2. Begging on your hands and knees to be educated on the matter; and 
  3. Swearing an oath on the souls of your mother, your father and your beloved spouse that you will never file another lawsuit for the rest of your life. And finally,
  4. Leave the Internet entirely for two weeks.

Satisfy all these conditions and I will tell what is wrong with your lawsuit.  Why it can’t be fixed should be obvious, but if you can’t figure it out, we can always renegotiate…


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!







Attacks on family members…

Rude Photoshops…

Copyright infringement…

I could go on for hours…

Skirtsflap can dish it out, but it can’t take it. 
If it wasn’t for double standards…


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK! Part II

Do you know what I like about DUMBFUCK? It’s that it can’t stop talking about itself – EVER. This means its stories are never straight, its lies compound and catching it out becomes a simple matter of following up with the official paperwork on file with the Federal Government. You know, fed-to-fed.

Ol’ DUMBFUCK loves talking about its career as a journalist, broadcaster, writer-editor and a whole bunch of other crap. It loves talking about its time at XM radio. It loves talking about its time at the National Institute of Health and USDA. It loves talking about its time serving the US Navy – not once, but twice! It loves talking about how it was a GS-13 making $97,000 a year doing podcasts or how it “ran” the TV and radio stations on major warships. DUMBFUCK loves telling those stories because those stories make it look good.

But did you know DUMBFUCK’s federal civil service started WAAAAAAAAY before it was employed by the NIH or the USDA? That it involved DUMBFUCK in a writer-editor position? Did you know it was a GS-5 when it was hired on at this job? That it was for a very important federal entity at a very important location?


We know EVERYTHING ELSE about DUMBFUCK because DUMBFUCK can’t shut up about itself. But we don’t know about this mystery job? Why, DUMBFUCK…why??

Maybe because DUMBFUCK didn’t put it on its LinkedIn resumé and instead made up some bullshit employment to cover the gap filled by the mystery job. (Who is ever gonna follow up, right?)

Maybe because DUMBFUCK refuses to publicly acknowledge it was employed at this particular agency and location. (Yet DUMBFUCK will tell you how it peed himself on its front steps. What does that tell us?)

Maybe because DUMBFUCK was forced to resign for reasons that are quite…embarrassing. (Oh, snap!)

Let’s look at DUMBFUCK’s LinkedIn account and see what it was doing…oh…right after it got out of the Navy:

Bills LinkedIn Profile

Hmm…that’s funny. Why would something who was discharged from the US Navy in San Francisco, CA (Naval Station Treasure Island) in 1985 go all the way to Watertown, Wisconsin to work as a news director for five short months only to come straight back to California to work the next 2 years in rinky-dink media organizations up and down the coast? That’s certainly strange.

But there is a method to DUMBFUCK’s madness…why else would it list being employed as

  • News Director for WTTN/WMLW,
  • Managing Editor of the Coalinga Courier, and
  • City Hall Reporter/Columnist for The Manteca Record

when it was ACTUALLY employed as a GS-5 Writer-Editor for the Public Affairs Office of Naval Air Rework Facility Alameda?

Oh look…here’s the last SF-50 for its time at NARF Alameda:


One must wonder why DUMBFUCK is not so PROUD of this civil service period of its life? Everything it loves is here! The Navy! Journalism! Federal Civil Service! Fed-to-fed! Pretty good work, snagging a GS-05 position right after being discharged from active duty! Why isn’t it proud enough to share THAT with us when it shares every other detail of its miserable dumbfuck life with us?

I’m sure it had NOTHING to do with its being forced to resign from that position for…well…heh…which is why it NEVER, EVER, EVER talks about working for NARF Alameda.

Thankfully other people were willing to talk about it and point us in the right directions to find official fed-to-fed documents.

Just remember folks:

Bills Tweet


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

So when he got fired in the Golden (Shower) State in 1986, was it for touching Boy Scouts in their bathing suit area?

I guess he’s a Big Government Lib’ruhl ‘cuz he knows they don’t have the resources to do even minimal background checks between coasts.  You know, just like small town media outlets…or not.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!


…and I didn’t have to lift a finger!

Next it’s going to tell me that all I have to do to make it disappear is to leave it on the curb and it will cause a magical truck come by, with burly men who will throw it in the back and take it away forever.

Wouldn’t that be nice?  Unfortunately there’d be another pile of it to throw in the truck again next week. It just keeps piling up.


Negotiating Is Done, DUMBFUCK!

One day last week I called up a local BBQ joint and ordered some takeout for lunch.  They told me it would be about $13, and I told them I’d pick it up in 20 minutes.

When I got there, I told them I’d take the food today and if they didn’t bother me for a couple weeks I would come in and pay them $6.50, if I felt like it.

Did you know that when you have a taste for some REALLY GOOD brisket, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese tastes awful?

But that’s not my point. My point is, DUMBFUCK WANTS SOMETHING. It is buying. I am selling. I have the product. It has been told the price it must pay to get what it wants. If it doesn’t pay that price, it walks away empty-handed.


It should save its money. There are other prices to be paid.

You see, I’m not going to do what it wants. Went that route once. After Hoge and it settled the copyright suit last August, my very first response was to comment that if it “changed [its] behavior on the Internet, I’d have no reason to write ruthless parodies.” And I stepped back. Left it alone.  It lasted 5 whole days before it popped up to brag that it was writing a book and “borrowing” my content under Fair Use.

So, back in the game.

Now? Fool me once? Shame on you.  Fool me twice? Not in this lifetime.

Even if I did what it said, hold on – Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! – in the astronomically improbable event that it was telling the truth, it couldn’t possibly be more than a half-truth.  It might close its Twitter account and shut down its blog, but the only surprise would come if it doesn’t already, as I type this, have both a new Twitter handle and a new blog ready to go. Genius thinks it will put one over on me?  Don’t think so.

The terms are set and fixed, DUMBFUCK.  It wants the brisket, it pays the thirteen bucks.  Or else it gets the hose again.

And just to note for the record, you know what’s great about being a shit covered pig?

Soap and water takes it right off.

OTOH, when you see a mad dog coming down the street, cockeyed and foaming at the mouth, there’s really only one thing you can do with it then, because what that dog’s got can’t be washed off.  Isn’t that right, Mr. Finch?

Oh, before I forget – give your “beloved” my best when you finish ignoring her to do your podcast.