Delayed Self-Immolation is the Best Self-Immolation!

BIG NEWS THURSDAY MIDDAY!!

But then…just around the time the evening news broadcasts kicked off…

EDITOR’S NOTE: Earlier today, NBC News reported that there was a wiretap on the phones of Michael Cohen, President Trump’s longtime personal attorney, citing two separate sources with knowledge of the legal proceedings involving Cohen.

But three senior U.S. officials now dispute that, saying that the monitoring of Cohen’s phones was limited to a log of calls, known as a pen register, not a wiretap where investigators can actually listen to calls.

NBC News has changed the headline and revised parts of the original article.

Oopsie Poopsie!

Oh, Bill Schmalfeldt…once more, and not for the last time…

If only you had as much integrity as Fake News NBC (which, let’s face it, is so close to zero as to be indistinguishable) that you would issue a humiliating correction.

Not holding my breath, though.  It interferes with the ‘L’ in PLM.

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You Know What’s Funny?

From last night’s Feldtdown:

The fact that he’s looking at a post that’s five months old? Sorta funny.

The fact that he still thinks I’m Patrick Grady? Definitely funny.

But the truly, gut-bustingly hilarious thing?

In his own Tweet, he curbstomps himself.

This could only be true, because if it was fake no one would believe it.

Thanks, DUMBFUCK!

 

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

Could you please make up your fucking mind, you diseased piece of shit?

First, over on Amazon before your replies were deleted (will you ever find an excuse NOT to make it personal, DUMBFUCK? I swear to God, you’re easier to push than a Slinky on a stairway.), it was first Doug and then  @mayberryville who “sent false defamatory information about me to which caused them to rescind an offered-and-accepted job”

Now, you’re sure it’s @penllyn over on GAB who is responsible.

Tomorrow it will be someone else. And after that you can spend seven billion days accusing every man, woman and child on Earth until at last you circle back to the culprit in your mirror.

Everyone knows you’re  complete liar, even your once-and-never employer, and no one sent KDSN anything except maybe an invitation to play seek and find on the Twitterz.

I, on the other hand, am Spartacus.

Due diligence is a bitch for an adjudicated cyberstalker, ain’t it just?

Pro tip: Butthurt is not a tort in Iowa, either. When you’re done researching “detrimental reliance” case law (who am I kidding? You found something you liked at quit reading, like you always do!), try this on for size:

“Is Iowa an ’employment at will’ state, and what does ’employment at will’ mean?”

Then, by all means (Please, oh dear God, please let this happen!) go file LOLSUIT IX – Yeast Infection.

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

Hey, look at my “new” book!

The cover art was stolen from this book…

But never mind that, review my book!!

Never mind the bad reviews, just buy the book. You can’t trust those bad reviews, even if there is no other kind. They’re all liars, I’ve deleted almost all of the evidence of what they’re talking about, as far as I know.

Just buy the book, trust me. You’ll wish you hadn’t, but there’s a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red calling to me. And I’m in the mood to buy and abandon Scootypuff #3.

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Why Am I Not Surprised?

If you want to see pervert Bill Schmalfeldt participating in the sexualization of an African- American toddler, just visit his Twitter timeline to see his most recent retweet:

https://twitter.com/TrumpThumpCast/with_replies

Or, don’t. You don’t need to see that crap.  Just take my word for it.

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

How is it that a DUMBFUCK like yourself, who just ten short days ago was on his way to North Dakota…

…suddenly swerved into Iowa and instantly became an overbearing, pretentious, crude, anti-Semitic, woman-hating, poop-loving, Cub Scout obsessed, lying, racist expert on Iowa politics without even having established residency?

Of course, you’re an expert in EVERYTHING, judging by the way you were already spouting on #returntonodak politics before you even left the Inflat-a-skank behind forever in South Carolina, having failed to separate her from family the way you did Captive Nurse 1.0.

Say, how bad did you screw over that North Dakota newspaper anyway, you fickle, worthless sack of pig vomit?

Dunning-Kruger is a helluva drug!

Looking forward to the day in May when KDSN wishes you into the radio cornfield…though I’m sure the papers will be served before that happens.

KDSN Radio
1530 Ridge Road
Denison, Iowa 51442
Phone: 712.263.3141
Fax: 712.263.2088
Office Hours:
Monday – Friday 8:00 AM – 5:00 PM
Saturday 8:00 AM – 12:00 Noon

 

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Did He Tell Them He’s CRIPPLED With Sinusoidal Fakinson’s Dizeeze?

Given the tight schedule there in Denison (closer than Clinton, for some people, anyway)…

I don’t see how he’s going to get a word in edgewise, with all this pre-programmed network content.

Might be fun to hear a DUMBFUCK grapple with a Mike Huckabee commentary in real-time.  Don’t they kind of like Huckabee in the Iowa sticks?

He won’t make it a day before he’s insulting Sarah Huckabee Sanders. That should juice those ratings right up!

And GOSH! Who would have ever thought he’d ever have an actual, publicly available workplace address where he could be served legal papers and such!

And that he’d be stupid enough to say enough about it that a first grader could figure out exactly where he is?

I mean, besides everyone on Earth…

I’ll bet you can call an Uber driver, tip him $10, and he’ll be your private investigator and process server in one neat little package!

Also worth noting: if you, or anyone you know, has hard copies of various restraining orders, peace orders, criminal charging documents, trial transcripts, archived blog posts, salacious legal filings containing humorous yet damaging admissions against interest, or anything else of this general sort…

There’s a fax machine at the radio station for your convenience:

Just sayin’.

Publicly available information and whatnot…

KDSN Radio
1530 Ridge Road
Denison, Iowa 51442
Phone: 712.263.3141
Fax: 712.263.2088

 

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You Mad, Bro?

Yeah, he mad.

Come on, you DUMBFUCK, if you think mud can fly in both directions, go ahead and sling away! You haven’t ever been close to throwing in my direction, owing to tour deluded obsession with the vanished Patrick Grady.

When was he last heard from, anyway? I’m sure it’s pinned up on your conspiracy wall.

Tell us, Projection Boy, was it when he traveled to Maryland to fight a peace order while you peed your skirts in fear? Or was it when you curb-rubbed your tires to death and filed a false police report before fleeing into the waiting arms of Woody Woodchipper the Great Inflatable Soulmate?

Tell us please, you Superbad 8 Time LOLSUIT Failure, all about the fire and brimstone you will rain down upon me, whom you can’t even identify.

If you think I’m laughing at you, if you think I’m having FUN…

You’re absolutely goddamn right!

But to be perfectly serious for just a moment: I’m just one Zombie. There are THOUSANDS more people laughing at you. I really wish you were just 1% as smart as you think you are, because if you were, you might stand a chance of finding all the encrypted butthurt the internet can offer you, and then witnessing your impotent rage would be like driving a Ferrari instead of a refurbished Yugo.

As you continue building your lifelong legacy of #EPICFAIL, please at least try to entertain me.

It might not be the very least you can do, but it’s in the bottom 3.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

The projection is strong in you, young 8 time FAILSUIT LOSER. You’re gonna take wives, cars and houses! But you can’t even hold on to your own.

I’m still waiting for the cops to pick me up, you loudmouth idiot.

I saw a story recently about a guy with a 9 cm diameter air pocket where his brain is supposed to be – how did you manage to convince them not to identify you?

Maybe I’ll have to plan a little golf getaway to Myrtle Beach next month. any other Zombie duffers want to join me?

Good thing you’re in Albuquerque, amirite?

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“I’ve Given All That Up,” He Says

Of course you have, DUMBFUCK.

Of course you have.

We are all you have.

Well…us, and fantasies of raping Cub Scouts around the campfire.

Why did you have to move from Iowa to North Dakota, again? I really doubt it was because The Giant made a great career leap in the field of janitorial arts.

And if you’re really wondering how you can honor Mom’s legacy in the time you have left, may I make a humble suggestion? Why not poop on a kitchen chair and then take The Cure? A nice, big exit wound out the top of your dick-dented hat rack would be a beautiful gesture.

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