“Final Warning,” You Say?

Oh, no. Not again…

Are we up to a hundred “final” warnings yet from the Mendacious Manatee of Myrtle Beach?

Tiresome little twat.

On a related note…for as vociferously as he contests the notion that he does not have PD, in spite of all his self-contradictory statements, I don’t think I’m the only one who has noticed that he hasn’t posted a single mention of the Shrine of the Holy Resting Place of the Ashtray Soulmate, the Blessed Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn. In point of fact, I don’t think he has ever denied the allegations that he left her behind in the Midwest (and the capricious currents of the Mississippi River) when he went chasing strange down in Dixieland.

How queer.

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But Bill Schmalfeldt Is Totally NOT A RACIST

How are YOU expecting the President to misspell “Niger,” DUMBFUCK?

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And Who Better To Recognize A Toothless Threat Than DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt?

0 for VIII, anyone?

Let me guess…some of your best friends are Jews, too!  Just like anti-Semite racist woman-hater (thank God you’re just a pecker wrecker sockpuppet!) Bill Schmalfeldt?

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Drawing A Straight Line From Bill Schmalfeldt to Pedophilia, Racism, Misogyny, Anti-Semitism, Drugs & Terrorism

THE FOLLOWING IS A PARODY OF THE POST LINKED HERE: http://www.breitbartunmasked.com/2017/10/09/drawing-a-straight-line-between-robert-mercer-and-nazis/, WRITTEN BY BILL PRESTON-SCHMALFELDT (oh, how PRECIOUS!!) ON OCTOBER 9, 2017.
DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK (IT ISN’T A REAL LINK ANYWAY). IT WILL ONLY ENCOURAGE HIM. BESIDES, THE POST WILL SOON BE DELETED IN A FLOOD OF FEAR PEE, WHICH IS THE HALLMARK OF PRIDE THAT PUNCTUATES THE PATHETIC EXISTENCE OF THE AUTHOR.
INSTEAD, READ THE POST WHERE IT HAS BEEN ARCHIVED AS ETERNAL PROTECTION AGAINST THE INEVITABLE DELETION AND SPOLIATION OF EVIDENCE THAT WILL TAKE PLACE SOMETIME SOON.

SAFE LINK: http://archive.is/jYG4S


It’s a simple matter of “unnecessary air-quote” connecting the dots “unnecessary air-unquote:” Drawing a straight line from transient left wing idiot, Stolen Valor veteran, welfare whore and cyberstalking harasser Bill Schmalfeldt to brass knuckles reputation management lawfare aficionado Brett Kimberlin, the convicted Speedway Bomber, domestic terrorist, drug dealer and forger, one-time wannabe rockstar and champion of the movement to, um… “romance” underage girls in the name of pedophilia, a philosophy that is the direct opposite of normal, though not for lack of effort on the part of the enlightened, progressive Left. (It emphasizes that romantic and sexual relationships between adults and children who are legally and emotionally incapable of consent is perfectly fine.

A recent piece in BuzzFeed (which we aren’t going to link because we’re assholes like that here at Cabin Boy Unread) had absolutely nothing to do with the relationship between welfare whore Bill Schmalfeldt and adjudicated pedophile Brett Kimberlin, but you can find plenty of information here.

Schmalfeldt is currently in his second stint as the editor of Breitbart Unmasked (no, I won’t link to it – malware warnings), a website connected to Kimberlin and given to publishing multiple fawning profiles about him while ignoring his criminal history and epic failures at shutting up his critics via lawfare. Schmalfeldt, who tries to portray himself as a glib, sarcastic satirical genius and investigative journalist on this website as well as hundreds of other failed blogs, podcast channels and Twitter accounts he has created, then abandoned or had yanked from public view over the last decade, has also authored many self-published masturbatory fantasies disguised as “exposés” of people he has continuously tried and failed to sue for defamation and other false claims. Many of these books have also been pulled from online bookshelves due to copyright violations.

There’s not much about Schmalfeldt’s public rantings to love.

  • He has written, performed and offered for sale audio skits featuring Cub Scouts discussing and engaging in homosexual acts with one another in pornographic detail;
  • He has written, performed and offered for sale audio skits referring to African American characters as “boy” and referring to them as house servants;
  • He has written, produced and performed audio skits in which he imagines himself disinterring dead babies and eating them;
  • He has published photos of himself eating live kittens;
  • He has referred to Ali Akbar, an African American, as “boy;”
  • After a confederate suggested that the wife of one of the targets of his harassment should be raped, Schmalfeldt helpfully provided the street address on Twitter, while not in any way agreeing with the whole rape thing (wink, wink);
  • He has additionally said, dozens if not hundreds of times, that this same target of his harassment pimped out his wife, while not in any way suggesting that the wife herself was a whore (nudge, nudge);
  • He has insulted the Filipino spouse of a Virginia attorney by suggesting that she was a mail order bride, and that the lawyer might “send her packing back to Asia where he purchased her;” (say no more, say no more)
  • Even though he himself barely graduated high school, and may in fact have been graduated just to get him out of the local educational system, he often refers to women who offer opinions he cannot understand as “dim twats,” “stupid cunts,” “cum-gargling fuckwits” or any of the multiple possible combinations thereof;
  • He has made anti-Semitic statements referring to slaving away like Israelites for Pharoah;
  • He and his insipid balloon animal of a girlfriend regularly insult their perceived adversaries – and believe me, do they ever have to punch up – with homosexual slurs such as gays, fags and faggots;
  • He has published gleeful Twitter rants apophatically referring to one columnist as a “closeted repressed homosexual,” a “simpering, limp-wristed glory-hole queen,” an “angry, self-hating homosexual” and a “pillow-biting studded leather collar-wearing bukkake boy,” as if such sexual orientations were off the normal scales and somehow worthy of scorn;
  • On at least one occasion, he has photoshopped his perceived enemies into homosexual pornographic photographs, as if being homosexual were something to be ashamed of.

The things he says in private are far worse, far more insidious and despicable.

An anonymous but trusted source has provided Thinking Man’s Zombie with communications with Schmalfeldt, in which Schmalfeldt shares his glee over bashing peoples’ skulls with rocks, glorifying over the imagery of kicking people out of their homes, taking away their children’s inheritances, getting them fired from their jobs after doxing them, and shoving lit M-80s up the rectums of their pets just like when he was a kid.

Schmalfeldt is far less glib and urbane when discussing his violent dreams out of sight of the public. He brags about an in situ plot to overthrow the government of the United States, saying that a large number of generals and admirals are on board and ready to move if Donald Trump goes a step too far.  He is either delusional or a liar, but at times like this there is nothing like the power of AND.  Schmalfeldt now has the time to work on funding his latest projects…fleecing the left-wing idiots of America to fund a 48 state “bucket list” road trip along with about $2500 of new toys to “document” the journey, grifting for a brand new mobility scooter that Medicare would pay for if only he could find a competent doctor to prescribe for him, and pro se prosecuting yet another Federal LOLSUIT that has less than a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting to trial.

Is Schmalfeldt just thumping his concave chest? Preening like a peacock, trying to impress the reader with his illusory power and might?

Well, obviously!

And if it isn’t all just talk, where is the funding coming from?

That question takes us back to the beginning.

Brett Kimberlin is a convicted bomber who was found civilly liable for the death of one of his victims but hid all his assets to avoid paying the judgment. He is a convicted forger, drug dealer and perjurer who has spent years along with thousands of dollars engaging in lawfare against many with whom he shares common hatred along with Bill Schmalfeldt. Also, he blew $9000 to buy a fake Russian dossier on Donald Trump.

No, really!

Bill Schmalfeldt is a friend of Brett Kimberlin, by his own admission:

Who’s to say that Kimberlin is not funding Schmalfeldt’s dreams of almost-beachside month-to-month rental retirement in a Myrtle Beach motel-gone-cheap-condo? How do we know Kimberlin is not laughing up his sleeve behind the scenes at Schmalfeldt’s impotent fist shaking dreams of crushing his enemies THIS TIME, AT LONG LAST!!! in a South Carolina court with a case far more flimsy than he has ever had before, even more flimsy than the case that caused a court-conscripted welfare lawyer in Chicago to fire him and run him out of town, shaking with derisive pointage, laughery and mockification?

We don’t know.

Maybe it’s time to start asking questions?

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Good Afternoon, Lying, Racist, Misogynist Motherfucker!

If AReader1 making fun of you equates to “hatred for the disabled…”

…I guess that means I get to add anti-Semite to the list of terms that describe you.

Cool!

Your Game, Your Rules.

Kicking your ass.

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Hey, While We’re Giving Out Free Advice…

I’m not telling anyone what to do. But it seems to me that if I had

  • lost a lawsuit by voluntarily dismissing it because THE STRESS IS GOING TO KILL ME!!! (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a counterclaim lawsuit because I couldn’t find or serve the counterclaim defendants prior to dismissal with prejudice (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a third lawsuit because I don’t understand personal jurisdiction (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a fourth lawsuit because I couldn’t figure out how to serve the defendants (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a fifth lawsuit because I voluntarily dismissed it – WITH PREJUDICE! – because I had to run away from my perjured IFP application and the sanctions sought by the retired lawyer I sued (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a sixth lawsuit because I STILL don’t understand personal jurisdiction as well as the “Worst Lawyer in the World”™ (after bragging about certain victory);
  • filed a seventh lawsuit that was so facially without merit that a court appointed lawyer dumped me as a client, had a nervous breakdown, quit the legal profession and now works in a car wash (after bragging about certain victory);
  • filed an eighth lawsuit that will also be dismissed because I STILL don’t understand personal jurisdiction (even as I continue bragging about certain victory)…

…and if I were also a sycophant and ass-licking nut sniffer of a convicted bomber, drug dealer and forger who also happens to be an adjudicated pedophile…
…and if I were also a retired GS-13 writer editor who can neither write nor edit as well as the average 13 year old boy who has never seen a pencil…
…and if I were also a self-styled “investigative journalist of over thirty years experience” only if being a truck driver and a podunk deejay for 18 months in a market count as investigative journalism…
…and if I were also a multimedia moron who can’t seem to keep a single blog or Twitter name for more than forty days before saying something so dumb and self-incriminating it makes more sense to blow it all up and start over than to explain my idiocy…
…and if I were also a self-styled sufferer of “Parkinson’s disease” merely because I was once in the control group of a clinical study that I got kicked out of and I’ve been trying to parlay a fake disability into Progressive political street cred even though I never seems to actually get any worse…
…and if I were also a serial liar who had been caught out not dozens but HUNDREDS of times in my lies…
…and if I were also an adjudicated cyberharasser and cyberstalker with over a dozen orders of restraint to my name in half a dozen states, even though in each and every single case I BRAGGED OF CERTAIN VICTORY…
…and if I were also a man who produces, performs, broadcasts and sells audio skits depicting minors in sexual activities with adults in pornographic detail…
…and if I were also a man who produces, performs, broadcasts and sells audio skits that are purely racist in nature…
…and if I were also a man who refers to African Americans as “boy” in my podcasts…
…and if I were also a man who refers to Asian woman as mail order brides…
…and if I were also a twice-cuckolded useless excuse for a husband whose children – some of whom are even the fruit of my loins, though I’m not sure which ones – want nothing to do with me…
…and if I were also a man who sets up online dating profiles in which I lie about the fact that I have children and that I smoke like a fucking chimney, even though it’s bad for my fake Parkinson’s disease…
…and if I were also a man who enjoys an occasional top-shelf bourbon because I’m truly desperate enough to pay for it after wiping out the entire stock of the generic label at the Piggly Wiggly, even though it’s bad for my fake Parkinson’s…
…and if I were also a man so desperate to set up my enemies that I would curb rub my tires until they blow just so I could file a police report accusing a man of slashing them…
…and if I were also a man who sets up a GoFundMe to finance a 14,000 mile road trip two months before declaring myself so disabled by fake Parkinson’s that I cannot drive…
…and if I were also a man who drove 3000 miles from Iowa to South Carolina to Iowa to South Carolina just to chase the withered **** of the ugliest inflat-a-skank on the eastern seaboard two months before declaring myself so disabled by fake Parkinson’s that I cannot drive…

…common sense would dictate that I have no leg to stand on if I want to argue that anyone else is responsible for destroying my “sterling reputation” other than myself.

Boy! Thank God I’m none of those things…just the accruate reflection of someone who is ALL THOSE THINGS!


Take the balloon animal’s advice, DUMBFUCK:

Everything will proceed as I have foreseen:

Dismissal for all defendants – lack of jurisdiction.

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Pro-Tip

Nobody deserves a “nice job” for fooling Bill Schmalfeldt…fooling Bill Schmalfeldt is the human equivalent of faking the throw for your dog to watch him chase nothing.

Fooling Bill Schmalfeldt is a warm-up for fooling pre-schoolers with the “got your nose!” trick.

Fooling Bill Schmalfeldt is so easy that Three Card Monte dealers play straight with him and still win.

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You Want To Talk Scoreboard? Okay, Let’s Talk Scoreboard

And remember, this is an accounting which is VERY GENEROUS to the gelatinous vermin Bill Schmalfeldt.  It does not account for individual counts filed against individual defendants in his LOLSUITS.  If it did, his humiliation would be even greater.


LOLSUIT I:

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 10 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


LOLSUIT II

Schmalfeldt filed 8 counts against 3 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 8


LOLSUIT III

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 4 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


Let’s take a break and check the running total:

SCHMALFELDT, BIG FAT ZERO (in life as well as on the scoreboard) – 0

All Civil Defendants – 16

Back to the breakdown…


LOLSUIT IV

Schmalfeldt filed 3 counts against 4 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 3


LOLSUIT V

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 7 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


The running total:

SCHMALFELDT, STILL A BIG FAT ZERO (in life as well as on the scoreboard) – 0

All Civil Defendants – 23

This concludes the Maryland portion of our show, as DUMBFUCK fled to Wisconsin to escape the consequences of his perjured IFP application and the legal wizardry of David Edgren (hope the bike ride is going well, David!).

Back to the breakdown…


LOLSUIT VI

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 6 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


LOLSUIT VII

Schmalfeldt filed 6 counts against 2 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


LOLSUIT VIII

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 4 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

RESULT PENDING BUT VIRTUALLY CERTAIN


Current running total:

BIG FAT LOSER BILL SCHMALFELDT – 0

Everyone he’s ever tried to sue – 33 (with 4 counts pending)


It’s hardly a surprise that he never wants to talk about THAT scoreboard, unless it’s to whine like a pussy about never having reached a point where his bullshit claims could be judged on lost on the merits.

To ask why is to answer the question, though.

Here’s an exit question: does government health insurance cover injuries sustained from sticking one’s tiny little penis into a wood chipper or the human equivalent? Asking for a friend…

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I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE TO LIVE MY LIFE IN PEACE (AND I’LL SUE YOU FOR BUTTHURT IF YOU DON’T)!!

“And to prove it, here’s another hit-job FAKE NEWS article reporting on a reporter whom I’ve been obsessively stalking for over five years!”

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