You Don’t Suppose…

So my site tracker notes a visitor from Havre, Montana at 17:49 Eastern Time on January 14th…

…specifically, a visit to a post wishing Bob Barker, the former host of The Price Is Right a happy birthday.

A post which contained the following embedded video:

And then, just minutes later…the same video appears on Bill Schmalfeldt’s Facebook page!

Thank God he’s given up on all of us Zombie Lickspittles, and that he’s just out there in the deathly, STAGE ELEVENTY PARKINSONS-EXACERBATING frigid temperatures of the Northern Great Plains, broadcasting to four people and one balloon animal.

Otherwise, I might think DUMBFUCK had returned to his stalkerish behavior, rather than this being the coincidence it so obviously is.


Looks Like Someone Is Grounded!

I notice that certified whackadoodle Guymon Radio Guy Bill Schmalfeldt, oops! – I mean, Mathews hasn’t tweeted since October 15th.

I wonder if this gentle swipe at a syndicated host on his station:

pissed off the boss?

Makes you think maybe – just maybe – ol’ DUMBFUCK no longer has the personal freedom to tell his bosses to piss off when they tell him to shut the fuck up about politics.

Maybe – just maybe – he never did.

Maybe – just maybe – he didn’t actually quit with zero notice back in Iowa last year.

Maybe – just maybe – he’s a fucking liar.

Oh, and one more thing. This line from his tweet:

Leave me out of this “we” because he doesn’t talk like I do, or like most thinking people.

I’ll bet I’m not the only one who thinks “people who talk like Bill Schmalfeldt” and “most thinking people” are circles that don’t touch on a Venn diagram.


And, As Usual

…your opinion isn’t worth the toilet paper it’s smeared on.


Poor Bill Schmalfeldt

Poor Bill Schmalfeldt.

Poor Bill Schmalfeldt, who retired from the National Institutes of Health in 2010 due to “Parkinson’s Disease” aka “Any excuse to get rid of a worthless oxygen thief disease.

Poor Bill Schmalfeldt, photographed wearing military honors he cannot prove he earned.

Poor Bill Schmalfeldt, telling stories of military exploits he cannot prove he

Poor Bill Schmalfeldt, who spent a decade slandering people who disagreed with him on dozens of internet forums.

Poor Bill Schmalfeldt, who eight times sued those who gave back better than he could dish out.

Poor Bill Schmalfeldt, whose soulmate died in the other room while he checked his email.

Poor Bill Schmalfeldt, who couldn’t live on a pauper’s retirement, forced back into the workforce at the mighty five state Big Talker in Guymon, Oklahoma.

Poor Guymon, Oklahoma.

Can you feel the sadness? The heavy weight of darkness in poor Bill Schmalfeldt’s heart as he was forced by financial irresponsibility to leave his cozy beachside retirement in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina? The mourning as he was forced once more for the fifth time, to leave behind a beloved pet? Yes, it’s true – Monty, the Collusion Cat was left behind to weather Hurricane Florence after being promised the producer gig on Bill’s new radio show in the Oklahoma panhandle, just as Onyx was abandoned before him, and Boris and Jake and St. Gail in Iowa before her, just like Raven and Shiloh in Maryland before them.

He’s ready now to let bygones be bygones, big-hearted, forgiving guy that he is. Sorry, I’ve heard this tune before, and the Boy Who Cried Defamation has no credibility.

One might think someone had taken poor Bill Schmalfeldt’s office telephone number (580-338-1210) or his office address (2300 N. Leila, Guymon, OK 73942) and suggested that they be used to improperly harass him. Nobody I know would ever CONSIDER doing such a thing, however deserved it may be. It would be wrong. And two wrongs do not make a right. But three lefts do!

But let your hearts not be heavy, gentle reader. I, for one, do not believe there is any actual harassment going on here.  Bill Schmalfeldt might SAY he is being harassed, but he doesn’t even work at KGYN. Bill Mathews does, but Bill Schmalfeldt’s name is never heard there.

I say that unless someone is dragging Bill Schmalfeldt OUT OF HIS WORKPLACE and BREAKING HIS KNEES WITH BASEBALL BATS because of this, then there is nothing for him to worry about. Words are just words, and they cannot harm you.  “Sticks and stones,” as they say.

Or, baseball bats.

And let it NOT be said that the The Thinking Man’s Zombie advocates anyone using baseball bats to break the kneecaps of Bill Schmalfeldt! Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, if you have it in your mind that if John Hoge, Eric Johnson, Sarah Palmer, Patrick Grady, Lee Stranahan, Ken White, Patrick Frey, David Edgren, Aaron Walker, Robert Stacy McCain, Ali Alexander, Cinnamon from DailyKos, or any of the dozens of other people whom Bill Schmalfeldt has stalked and harassed on a regular basis for the last decade are friends of yours, and that Mr. Bill Schmalfeldt DESERVES to have his knees broken with baseball bats, let me dissuade you of that notion here and now.

That is not what baseball bats were made for.

For one thing, a wooden bat could break if it were used in such a reckless and lawless fashion. And if you think you can get around that by using an aluminum bat, guess again. An aluminum bat (unless it is reinforced with a lead center) would likely bend under such pressure.  Now, I hear the crafty ones out there saying, “Yeah? Well, what if I drill out the center of a WOODEN baseball bat, fill IT with lead, cover the tip with Plastic Wood?  Wouldn’t THAT do the job?”

Again, I say, you are wasting your time with all that effort.  Tire irons are much more readily available.

And I am NOT saying that Bill Schmalfeldt deserves to be dragged from his workplace, wherever it is, out to the street, and thus have his knees broken by ANYTHING, be it a tire iron, or a lead pipe, or a lead-filled baseball bat. Nor should he be taken by a group of seven or eight strong men (or twelve or fifteen, he’s a lardy fellow) and thrown in front of a moving truck.  You would have to consider the emotional damage that would be done to the innocent truck driver unless the truck driver agrees to be part of your conspiracy in the first place. Plus, a truck might swerve to miss Bill Schmalfeldt, the driver could lose control, jackknife his trailer and cause a lot of unintentional damage to innocent people and property instead of to Bill Schmalfeldt.  And if it’s a truck with a hazardous payload, like sulfuric acid, I don’t think I need to tell YOU how severe the environmental damage would be.

So, NO! Do NOT hit Bill Schmalfeldt with baseball bats or lead pipes or tire irons on his knees, arms, elbows, shins, or any other parts of his body.  It would be painful and degrading, moreso to you as an outraged, but otherwise law-abiding citizen.  It would ruin your life if the authorities caught you and decided to press charges.  I understand in some localities, the authorities tend to turn a blind eye to stalkers and bullies getting a deserved comeuppance.  I could not hazard a guess as to whether Guymon is such a community, if Bill Schmalfeldt does in fact live there.

So, let’s leave things as they are. Let Bill Schmalfeldt alone to live with the dark deeds he has perpetrated in the past. Let yourself not be dragged down to his Neanderthal level and degrade yourself by using brute force to punish his many, many alleged crimes against nature and humanity.

Know that the sternest punishment one can legally employ against blackguards like Bill Schmalfeldt is the sure and certain knowledge that when he awakens each morning, he will still be…

Bill Schmalfeldt.

And God shall deal with his sins. Probably with a fugly woman to live with. One who would rather play Final Fantasy and pretend to #RESIST on Twitter, while waiting for promised repairs to her vandalized cemetery of a chomp hole.

Poor Bill Schmalfeldt.


Using the Same Timetable…

I guess you can expect me to “move on with my life” in about six more years then!

Question for you, Mister I’ve-Moved-On – have ALL the restraining orders expired yet, stalker?

Oh, DUMBFUCK – would that you had only listened to me rather than giving in to your inner demons when you ran across someone more intelligent, more focused and more dedicated than you (though I think we both know that’s not saying much).


If You Say So

Has picked up 12 restraining orders from states all over America for cyberstalking and harassment…

Gets banned from DailyKos for writing about anal rape and then insulting the “normal” progressives who tell him it’s not funny…

Writes about rolling his own poop into little balls and sniffing it…

Confesses to crapping his pants more than once…

Quits driving due to “Parkinson’s disease,” later gets a WI drivers license, buys a car, moves himself to Iowa, opens a GoFundMe seeking to take a fifty state road trip, then makes several 1000 mike trips to and from South Carolina to chase easy, desperate poontang…

Files EIGHT FEDERAL LAWSUITS for butthurt because people like me tell the truth about him, and loses every one…

Usually a lying, sexist, racist, misogynist, anti-Semitic shit sniffing, cyberstalking, cyberharassing vexatious litigant and con man DUMBFUCK with no conscience DUCK.

Real marriage material.

But you do you.

I’ll just sit back and let the pointage, laughery and mockification flow.


Self-Awareness Fail in Three Parts

Part One:

If Bill Schmalfeldt possesses even a single mote of self-awareness, then he must know that he has no soul.

Part Two:

If Bill Schmalfeldt possesses even one atom of self awareness, then his black tongue would have rotted and dropped out of his skull decades ago. We already know this lying piece of shit doesn’t believe in a Supreme Being (except maybe Diana Ross), and like the Devil (maybe “like” isn’t quite nearly on the nose as another word, but let’s go with it) he only quotes Scripture for his own purposes, and very poorly at that.

Part Three:

As Bill Schmalfeldt has often asked his untouchable adversaries while trying his many LOLSUITS in Twitter Court: “Who do you think a judge is going to believe?”

In order of credibility, it goes:

  • Sarah Huckabee Sanders
  • O.J. Simpson
  • James Comey
  • The Mainstream Media
  • Baron von Munchausen
  • Donald Trump
  • Maxine Waters
  • Pinocchio
  • Hillary Clinton
  • John Brennan
  • James Clapper
  • Ben Rhodes
  • Susan Rice
  • Joe Isuzu
  • Donna Brazile
  • The Boy Who Cried Wolf
  • Dan Rather
  • (reader’s choice)
  • (reader’s choice)
  • (reader’s choice)
  • (reader’s choice)
  • (reader’s choice)
  • all three-year-old children on Earth
  • Bill Schmalfeldt

Schmalfeldt has failed.
Schmalfeldt has failed.
Schmalfeldt has failed.

What can he do? Sue me?

Yes, please.




DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt, disease faker, multiply adjudicated harasser and stalker, vexatious litigant, serial doxxer of complete strangers, Great White Butthurt Hunter and lying, sexist, racist, bigoted, anti-Semitic motherfucker, pontificates on the instinct for self-preservation…

I suppose if we consider “FLEEING ACROSS THE COUNTRY LIKE A COWARD MULTIPLE TIMES TO ESCAPE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS BAD ACTS” an instinct for self-preservation, he might be considered an expert.

Unfortunately, he lacks the good sense to STAY UNDER THE FUCKING PORCH.


Daddy Hoge Wants Me To Ask…

What is your mailing address, DUMBFUCK?

In order to be certain that what he has to say reaches its intended destination without any ability to claim that it was unintentionally or intentionally “lost” in cyberspace or meatspace, he would prefer to communicate with you via Certified Mail, Restricted Delivery, Return Receipt Requested only.

To avoid confusion.

Be a man and answer me directly.

Where can Your Daddy Hoge find you?

Quit sucking your thumb, be a man and answer me directly.

And before you deflect, and ask me what MY address is, just keep in mind that I am merely a neutral go-between in this little conflict…an interested observer, shall we say?

And besides, you seem to believe with all your heart that you already know my address. Actions speak louder than words, so step right up and prove it, O Talker of Big Game From Under The Porch.

Stop idly fondling your empty nutsack, be a man and answer me directly.

I’ll even give you a DOOM CLOCK like you gave Sonoran Conservative. Since we all know already that you’re a racist, sexist, bigoted, anti-Semitic, terrorist-sympathizing, hateful, lying weeping pussy faker, I’ll give you until Close of Business YESTERDAY to prove otherwise.



Ladies & Gents, the Comedy Genius of Bill Schmalfeldt

It’s Comedy 101, DUMBFUCK:


Especially when it’s someone else’s joke.