The Things You Learn By Paying Attention

Bill Schmaleldt, sooperleegulljeenyus, has filed 8 LOLSUITS in the last three years.

Seven were filed or counterfiled in federal court. The other was dismissed F from a state court because Bill Schmalfeldt does not understand the rules, and by “does not understand the rules” I mean “is a drooling idiot.”

Of the seven filed in federal court, 3 times he filed an amended complaint, and one suit has an amended complaint pending, according to the DUMBFUCK himself.

Of the three cases where an amended complaint was NOT filed, obviously those cases were dismissed due either to the fatal errors that were left uncorrected or at the request of the plaintiff through his welfare attorney.

The three cases where DUMBFUCK’S amended complaints solved every problem…were wildly successful, if by wildly successful I actually mean dismissed by the most basic of motions to dismiss.

At least one of those cases (as far as the general public knows) was dismissed based on a motion to dismiss filed by the Worst Attorney in the World, whom DUMBFUCK is too great a coward to name as a defendant in LOLSUIT VIII – The Fat and the Furryious.

Another of those three suits was dismissed WITH PREJUDICE by the plaintiff himself, and oh, how the fear pee flowed that day, and when DUMBFUCK fled Maryland.

The last of the three LOLSUITS that DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt amended to solve all the fatal flaws was dismissed for no discernible reason. Thank God for that, too, because if there is one thing that our Ballonpricker has shown the world over three years of futility, it’s that he LEARNS FROM THE FEW MISTAKES HE HAS EVER MADE.

Grady, Hoge, Johnson and Palmer are obviously doomed. They should lawyer up and get their check-writing hands warmed up.

THIS TIME…he’s solved it all. For sure.

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

How about you throw us a bone?

How are you doing in that doomed lawsuit the Hoge filed against you? Everything proceeding as you had foreseen?

Excellent! Glad to hear it. Keep up the great work, looks like this year’s LULZ harvest is going to set new records!!

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Brand New Phase of the Schmycle

Personally, I’m looking forward to the regular afternoon appearances of Day Drinking Bill!

Check him out for yourself at:

http://twitter.com/PodcastPair/with_replies
I would gladly pay for entertainment like this, especially the bits where he begs fake journimalists for links to conform his delusional dreams.

Dance, drunken monkey!

DAAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

You know, when it comes to “turd lickers,” (did I ever tell you how much I admire your turn of a phrase? GOD, I HOPE NOT!) there’s only one person I can think of who has ever come close to doing so…

I have never seen anything like this.  I have never SMELLED anything like this.
The smell, best as I can describe it, reminds one of a mixture of rotting fish, lawn clippings and chemical cleansers.
If you’re watching the video I shot today, this is what was coming out of me that you can NOT see in the video!
Now, you’re going to think this odd. But at this point, I don’t CARE!
When I wiped, there was this little bright green glob on the paper.  I decided to examine it.
I rolled it around a little. I sniffed it. It was like a booger, only far, FAR stinkier! Never — NEVER — have I seen such a thing in my stool.
And I think we all know who that is, don’t we?
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Let’s Get This on the Record and Out of the Way Right Now

During yesterday’s wonderful monkey dance by the Great Weeping Pussy of Clinton, Iowa, this tweet appeared:

No one who has observed DUMBFUCK for more than a weekend or so is unfamiliar with his distaste for anyone who sticks their booger vault into someone else’s business.  Why who could forget the many times DUMBFUCK himself stuck his own mucus repository into Aaron Walker’s business?  If there is anything one can glean from those episodes, one thing is clear:  Bill Schmalfeldt has nothing but contempt for people who play a lot of video games.

I guess it’s a good thing he doesn’t know anybody like that.

But I digress.

This coward in Iowa will not put up with people who go and insert themselves into conversations where they haven’t been invited to reply!

Say, what’s my Twitter handle doing in those tweets?

Oops.

I should amend my prior statement.

This coward in Iowa will not put up with people who go and insert themselves into conversations where they HAVE been invited to reply, but who then proceed to thoroughly embarrass and cause to monkeydance the punkass shitsniffing cocksnogger who did the inviting. 

Because giant, sand-stuffed pussy.

But really, DUMBFUCK has a long and storied history of whining like a worthless bitch at the following times:

  1. when people stick their booger vaults where he doesn’t want them stuck;
  2. when people call him out for sticking his snotbank where he has no right to stick it;
  3. when people decide to engage the Amazon Vagina Warrior Princess du Jour behind whose skirts he is currently cowering; and
  4. any other time.

So when this tweet showed up in my notifications…

 

I thought it was interesting, someone sticking their booger vault into something that was none of their affair, to paraphrase an idiot. Unless of course that pussy went begging to his new Warrior Princess for aid and succor. But Big, Bad, Brave Billy would never do that just for someone he knows he could curbstomp, would he?

“NOW YOU STOP RESPONDING TO TWEETS WHERE I MENTION YOU OR I’M GOING TO CURBSTOMP YOUR ASS!!!

Right.

I’m confident you’ll figure out the technique by the sixth or seventh try. Will you be leaning on your cane or sitting in your walker?

He says he has a phone number.  He never calls.

He says he has an address.  He never writes and never drops by.

It’s not a tough riddle to solve…that puddle of urine isn’t going to mop itself up, is it, DUMBFUCK?

In any case, @redheadturkey was not part of the conversation.  Had not even been mentioned before appearing UNINVITED.  It’s the kind of thing that sand-packed weeping vaginas like the Coward of Clinton County simply will not countenance.

But what’s done is done. It’s on the record. It’s archived. When DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt makes CaptiveNurseReno his newest sword and shield, and cries “Look how they treat her…just for being fool enough to fall in love with me! (or words to that effect)” remember:

Reno/@redheadturkey CRASHED THIS PARTY of her own free will.  No one had spoken to her or about her…except DUMBFUCK. She stepped up and invited upon herself everything that may follow. I hope she’s smarter than her idiot boyfriend and knows better than to blame someone else for what she just stepped into.

And a last word of caution:  The Cowardly Lion will blame somebody, and who’s going to be handy in the Deep South?

Bless your heart, darlin’. Bless your li’l ole heart.

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Whatever

Apparently William the Paranoid Spheroid is seeing boogeymen around every corner.

Some meter reader must have left a fat thumbprint 
on one of these.

But I doubt it. 

Lying liars gotta lie, and this liar’s lies are always embarrassingly shy on details.

We all know nothing happened until the pictures get posted.

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Someone Can’t Make Up His Mind

And yet, my phone fails to ring. Weird. Who is he calling?

That’s nice.

And stubbornly my phone fails to ring!  But blocked? And then not one but TWO voicemails left…somewhere?

I wonder what the DUMBFUCK said?

I only know what he says now:

GS13 wants to talk about “mayonaisse?”

But if he thinks he knows the right number,

why can’t he dial it himself? When the rubber meets the road, he just doesn’t have the guts to pick up the phone. Because he’s a nutless coward.

I guess we’ll just get to watch him continue to beg like the pussy he proves himself to be on a daily basis.

Pointage, Laughery and Mockification.  It’s what’s for dinner.

UPDATE:

“Clams right up,” you say?

Funny, that’s not what shows in the text messages that showed up in my email:

Whoever DUMBFUCK thought he was talking to (and leaving voicemails), clearly asked what DUMBFUCK was talking about…and has correctly identified his character in the last message.

Oh, speaking of voicemails that DUMBFUCK left, maybe he’ll leave a comment and let us know if this is accurate:

“Patrick, here’s a thought. Don’t bother me anymore, unless you’re willing to start acting like a grownup, comma, like a MAN, comma…heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. Oh, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. I’m just gonna block you and be done with you and you can do whatever you want to do. By the way, like I said, fingerprints? Footprints? They don’t lie! Buh-bye!”

Wait…does that say “I’m just gonna block you and be done with you and you can do whatever you want to do?”

Why, after telling someone, “I’m just gonna block you and be done with you and you can do whatever you want to do,” would DUMBFUCK be concerned at all with what whoever might be shining him on this weekend has to say about whatever bullshit he’s made up today? Is he just spinning his wheels?

Personally, I’m still waiting for the Palatine cops to come get me.  It’s been about six months since he promised that, based on a picture that was probably never taken by a security camera that probably doesn’t exist of a car that was probably never there.

Fingerprints and footprints don’t lie. I know something else that doesn’t lie.

Not Bill Schmalfeldt.

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Reach Out And Touch Someone

Pretty goddamn boring. As usual, DUMBFUCK is incapable of providing a straight answer to a simple question. At this point, one more text was sent his way. The content was something like “until you understand that you’re the only one with the power to stop this, I can’t help you. Goodnight.”

Perhaps today he will work up the guts to reach out to me today, like he said he would. Unless he’s lying about having phone numbers he really doesn’t have.

Or maybe someone else will reach out and touch him. Burn phones are cheap.

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