Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

The projection is strong in you, young 8 time FAILSUIT LOSER. You’re gonna take wives, cars and houses! But you can’t even hold on to your own.

I’m still waiting for the cops to pick me up, you loudmouth idiot.

I saw a story recently about a guy with a 9 cm diameter air pocket where his brain is supposed to be – how did you manage to convince them not to identify you?

Maybe I’ll have to plan a little golf getaway to Myrtle Beach next month. any other Zombie duffers want to join me?

Good thing you’re in Albuquerque, amirite?


Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

You know, if I were to see a public, sincere, heartfelt, true apology from DUMBFUCK to the person whose most sacred government-issued numerical information he published, I could be persuaded to do the same.

Never going to happen.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

I was a bit worried that I would have nothing to mock this morning because DUMBFUCK was suddenly disinvited from Twitter yesterday for being a testicle-footed penis.  It seems Twitter is as incapable of learning as DUMBFUCK is. But then again, as the scorpion said to the tortoise just before they both drowned, “It’s just my nature. You knew what I was when you let me climb on your back.”


By which I mean, DUMBFUCK don’t gotta exercise a lick of common sense.

When my daughter got her cell phone, ZombieMom and I sat down and had a talk with her about sexting.  Of the several things we covered, one of the most important was this:

Sexting consequence 2

It’s embarrassing. The girl in the photo meant her picture for her boyfriend’s eyes only, but that’s not how it ended up. Once something’s on a cell phone, it can be forwarded, uploaded, downloaded, edited, and passed around the Internet and around the world. While the girl in the photo meant her picture for her boyfriend, if they break up, he’ll still have the photo and can do whatever he wants with it. Sexting consequences have included teens who have attempted suicide, and one girl recently succeeded in taking her own life because her photo was forwarded to everyone in her school. Nothing is worth that type of embarrassment. Ever.

Consider where the ultimate responsibility lies when a naughty picture escapes onto the Internet.  There was a recent scandal regarding several celebrities’ phones being hacked and nude pictures leaking into the internet. Snapchat’s business model rests on the idea that whatever a user sends is auto deleted after a few seconds from the destination device, but what is left unsaid is that all messages and images go into, and are permanently stored on, Snapchat’s  internal servers.

There are only three ways to keep potentially embarrassing photos offline:

  1. Don’t take the photo in the first place;
  2. Don’t store it on a hackable device;

Middle school girls know this. Internet investigative journomalistic DUMBFUCKS do not.

Apparently not!

In my email yesterday I found a photo.  The sending address was obviously fake, and the message was signed Mort in Maryland.

The photo wasn’t particularly graphic; certainly nothing illegal. I can tell you that I wouldn’t want to see a picture of my wife in that state circulating around the Internet like a Kim Kardashian video. Sure, she’s two weeks from dying, but it looks more like two minutes.  I think only a sadistic sociopath would want to even TAKE that picture, much less keep it. If someone over the age of 7 gave me this picture as a gift for me to cherish, I would have to question their sincerity and they would probably spend the next several weeks eating through a straw.

But anyway…now I’ve got this photo, taken in room 411B, the woman in the photo with such a frail, put-the-camera-down-you-sick-fucking-ghoul expression, the partial finger obscuring the left side of the lens…really, really sad on so many levels.  What should I do about it?

I could post it right here and now. That would be fun, watching it try to spin that “THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!” will be hilarious. Especially since I know even more about this photo than I am saying here.

Instead, let’s do this:  as far as I know, there has been no obituary published, and every obituary needs a photo.

So, if DUMBFUCK would care to continue its madness, I may visit several regional newspapers, money orders in hand, and buy big, flowery obits in its name. And oh, the charitable organizations I could name in lieu of flowers!

On the other hand, if it stops…I won’t have any FUN.

But we already know that’s not an incentive.  Neither is the notion that it wants to keep that photo private.  It sent THE SAME PHOTO in separate emails to separate destinations.  Do you think it knew that by doing that it was robbing itself of the ability to identify which of its harassment targets passed it on to me through back channels?

I’ll bet a year’s pay it didn’t think of that, because DUMBFUCK!!!

And now it’s over a barrel.  To paraphrase DUMBFUCK, I hope it doesn’t force me into doing something unpleasant, because my options are limited.



Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!


“Waaaah!  Waaaaah!  Look what a poor victim I am!  Look how meeeeeeaaan to me they are!  Waaaaaah!  Waaaaaahh!




Wait…what?  I thought he already doxed Grace, our San Fancisco hair stylist/fugitive Louisiana midwife or something.  It had to be true because he’s never faildoxed anybody. Just ask John Smith, who sent him a Tub’o’Turds:


But seriously, back to last night.

5 minutes after whining about mean people:



Sure she did.  Still waiting on a cause of death on a notarized death certificate…but we can always speculate…

But never mind that now.  We need to finish with last night’s epic hypocrisy.


What’s the matter, I wonder?  Does DUMBFUCK NOT LIKE THE TASTE OF HIS OWN CEREAL?


I hope that DUMBFUCK remembers during his regular morning F5 RAGEFEST…

…that he’s all het up over…a little ole nobody! 


Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave – Part the Second

So, last night, we fisked the shit out of Billy-boy’s non-apology apology to me. I’m sure that you all have seen what we have posted over at Billy Sez about how the corpulent one has doubled down on said non-apology. It’s just truly amazing how he keeps doing the same things over and over and over again, getting the same result, each and every time. It’s as if he thinks he’s the only one in the room with a brain. He’d actually better rethink that train of thought because if he IS the only one in the room with a brain and he’s with the zombie horde…. Well, let’s just say it wouldn’t be a pleasant dinner party for Billy, now would it? Heh!


Continue reading “Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave – Part the Second”


This "Wayne" Fellow

…has an awfully familiar writing style:

I’m getting ready to head home but I was worried that your health may have precluded your appearance.

If it’s any consolation, I understand that in addition to the usual contingent of state-employee baliffs and courthouse security, there were uniformed Howard County Police Officers in the courtroom. So somebody WAS concerned.

Try to get some rest this weekend. Opt for TV vs. the internet to give yourself a break.

Take care,


Sounds like a certain plus-sized trailer dweller of acquaintance.

Just an opinion.

Hey, you know who else it sounds like? It sounds like Mark in MD.

Just another opinion.


Guest Post from Rick Buchanan

(Editor’s Note: I received the following from Rick on Tuesday evening, with a note asking if I might consider posting it on his behalf. Originally planned as a comment, we agreed that it deserves its own space. I have made a couple of minor proofreading edits, but it is Rick’s material in all substance and particulars. -PK)

An Open Letter to Bill Schmalfeldt on the True History of Doxxing


Your recent ham-handed attempt at net sleuthing has bothered me enough that I just have to tell you a few things.

Do you know anything about the history of ‘doxxing?’ It started out on Usenet in the mid ’90s. There had been earlier occasions where someone or other had their identity revealed. There was one particular flame war in alt.culture.computers where folks on both sides were outed, but this bore little resemblance to what we now know as doxxing.

Then one day I saw an article working over an anonymous net vandal. It was from SPUTUM (“Subgenius Police, Usenet Tactical Unit, Mobile” – an activist bunch of SubGs with whom I had worked). They started from one morsel of info about this troll and produced a tour de force – listing his name, school attended with GPA, hobbies, car make, model and plate #, family and relationship data, employer and home phone numbers and addresses – with Mapquest directions! And they did it before Google.

This was the progenitor of the modern dox. I was impressed and – after I cleaned the coffee of my CRT – I set about to emulate them. I’ve always been careful to note that I didn’t invent the art form, but over the 35 or so takedowns I proceeded to write, it’s a simple fact that I’m the one who popularized it and brought it to a wider audience. For a while I was getting nearly a hundred fan emails a day about them.

Simply put – I feel responsible for what it’s become. I feel like YOU are my fault!

My targets were spammers, who were raping the shared resource of Usenet for personal profit, scammers with their chain letters and Nigerian uncles, and assorted miscreants like scientologists trying to use DOS attacks to stifle conversations. These were people attacking the community, and laughing behind the anonymity that they thought was impenetrable. Well, they thought wrong.

In other words, I considered myself one of the GOOD GUYS!

Anonymity itself was never a problem. I fully support the right to protect your identity. In fact, while I know who a few SPUTUM ‘units’ (agents) are, the real life identities of most (including Unit 0) are a complete mystery to me, which is as it should be.

I took pride in my work, and achieved a perfect accuracy record – over 35 doxxes without an error. In cases where there was any doubt whatsoever, I didn’t post. In fact I had decided that if I ever DID make a mistake, I would retire in shame.

So what has become of that ‘art form,’ which I was partly responsible for bringing to public awareness?

You. That’s how far it has fallen.

Let’s set aside your competence for a moment, and discuss your choice of targets. Two in particular really piss me off.

First, there is Patrick Grady. I saw the comment he left on your blog that set you off. It was a mildly negative, gentle suggestion that you might be feeling too sorry for yourself. I’d give it a 0.02 on the 1 – 10 flame scale. Real weak tea.

You went APESHIT. You doxxed him, his wife, his disabled kid and you actually tried to get the guy fired! In the history of overreaction, this one makes the Hall of Fame!

But Monday you outdid even that. You attempted to interrogate (with your insufferable attitude of entitlement) a guy whose only ‘crime’ was reading your tripe without using a proxy! You threatened a man’s family and their jobs because you didn’t like who this guy read and followed.

I would say you should be ashamed of both these cases. But I know you lack the capacity to feel that emotion.

No letter about your ‘doxxing’ activities would be complete without at least mentioning your skill level. In this review, recall that I’m speaking as an expert on the subject.

You suck. You suck so bad that people who just suck at an average level complained about being categorized with you and requested we find a new term just for you. You have no talent for the work and lack the technical skills required to be even mediocre. You are a drone doing Google lookups and drawing unfounded conclusions from ordinary inevitable coincidences. Your misunderstanding of simple logic is exceeded only by your laughable lack of facility with flowcharts.

But instead of recognizing your staggering incompetence and going away, you persist in your empty threats, misguided bluffs and childish insults.

Stop. Just stop. Breathing would be a top-end get, but failing that, stalking is what I’m specifically asking you to stop.

Stop making me ashamed of something I used to be proud of.

— Rick

Note: it is unfortunate that when Google acquired the Usenet archive from Deja News, much was lost. This includes practically all the spammer takedowns (doxxings) I did. But in case anyone wishes to verify the claims I made, one of the later ones – a ‘Make Money Fast’ chain letter spammer workover (from ’99) survives. It can be found at this link.

It’s not really typical, since I was getting bored with it by then.

Another example of actual net detective work uncovering anonymous spammers is archived
here and has become something of a tutorial on tracking spammers.