Self-Awareness Fail in Three Parts

Part One:

If Bill Schmalfeldt possesses even a single mote of self-awareness, then he must know that he has no soul.

Part Two:

If Bill Schmalfeldt possesses even one atom of self awareness, then his black tongue would have rotted and dropped out of his skull decades ago. We already know this lying piece of shit doesn’t believe in a Supreme Being (except maybe Diana Ross), and like the Devil (maybe “like” isn’t quite nearly on the nose as another word, but let’s go with it) he only quotes Scripture for his own purposes, and very poorly at that.

Part Three:

As Bill Schmalfeldt has often asked his untouchable adversaries while trying his many LOLSUITS in Twitter Court: “Who do you think a judge is going to believe?”

In order of credibility, it goes:

  • Sarah Huckabee Sanders
  • O.J. Simpson
  • James Comey
  • The Mainstream Media
  • Baron von Munchausen
  • Donald Trump
  • Maxine Waters
  • Pinocchio
  • Hillary Clinton
  • John Brennan
  • James Clapper
  • Ben Rhodes
  • Susan Rice
  • Joe Isuzu
  • Donna Brazile
  • The Boy Who Cried Wolf
  • Dan Rather
  • (reader’s choice)
  • (reader’s choice)
  • (reader’s choice)
  • (reader’s choice)
  • (reader’s choice)
  • all three-year-old children on Earth
  • Bill Schmalfeldt

Schmalfeldt has failed.
Schmalfeldt has failed.
Schmalfeldt has failed.

What can he do? Sue me?

Yes, please.

 

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A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt, disease faker, multiply adjudicated harasser and stalker, vexatious litigant, serial doxxer of complete strangers, Great White Butthurt Hunter and lying, sexist, racist, bigoted, anti-Semitic motherfucker, pontificates on the instinct for self-preservation…

I suppose if we consider “FLEEING ACROSS THE COUNTRY LIKE A COWARD MULTIPLE TIMES TO ESCAPE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS BAD ACTS” an instinct for self-preservation, he might be considered an expert.

Unfortunately, he lacks the good sense to STAY UNDER THE FUCKING PORCH.

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Daddy Hoge Wants Me To Ask…

What is your mailing address, DUMBFUCK?

In order to be certain that what he has to say reaches its intended destination without any ability to claim that it was unintentionally or intentionally “lost” in cyberspace or meatspace, he would prefer to communicate with you via Certified Mail, Restricted Delivery, Return Receipt Requested only.

To avoid confusion.

Be a man and answer me directly.

Where can Your Daddy Hoge find you?

Quit sucking your thumb, be a man and answer me directly.

And before you deflect, and ask me what MY address is, just keep in mind that I am merely a neutral go-between in this little conflict…an interested observer, shall we say?

And besides, you seem to believe with all your heart that you already know my address. Actions speak louder than words, so step right up and prove it, O Talker of Big Game From Under The Porch.

Stop idly fondling your empty nutsack, be a man and answer me directly.

I’ll even give you a DOOM CLOCK like you gave Sonoran Conservative. Since we all know already that you’re a racist, sexist, bigoted, anti-Semitic, terrorist-sympathizing, hateful, lying weeping pussy faker, I’ll give you until Close of Business YESTERDAY to prove otherwise.

Oops.

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You Know What’s Funny?

From last night’s Feldtdown:

The fact that he’s looking at a post that’s five months old? Sorta funny.

The fact that he still thinks I’m Patrick Grady? Definitely funny.

But the truly, gut-bustingly hilarious thing?

In his own Tweet, he curbstomps himself.

This could only be true, because if it was fake no one would believe it.

Thanks, DUMBFUCK!

 

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

How is it that a DUMBFUCK like yourself, who just ten short days ago was on his way to North Dakota…

…suddenly swerved into Iowa and instantly became an overbearing, pretentious, crude, anti-Semitic, woman-hating, poop-loving, Cub Scout obsessed, lying, racist expert on Iowa politics without even having established residency?

Of course, you’re an expert in EVERYTHING, judging by the way you were already spouting on #returntonodak politics before you even left the Inflat-a-skank behind forever in South Carolina, having failed to separate her from family the way you did Captive Nurse 1.0.

Say, how bad did you screw over that North Dakota newspaper anyway, you fickle, worthless sack of pig vomit?

Dunning-Kruger is a helluva drug!

Looking forward to the day in May when KDSN wishes you into the radio cornfield…though I’m sure the papers will be served before that happens.

KDSN Radio
1530 Ridge Road
Denison, Iowa 51442
Phone: 712.263.3141
Fax: 712.263.2088
Office Hours:
Monday – Friday 8:00 AM – 5:00 PM
Saturday 8:00 AM – 12:00 Noon

 

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“I’m Just Not As Into Him As He Is With Me-Me-MEEEEEEEEE!!”

Also, check out my Twitter Feldtdown whinging about this person who doesn’t matter to me SO MUCH that I read his blog every fucking day.

 

 

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Back In the Game, Using His Own Name?

Before all else, I want to tip my hat to Sonoran Conservative for his excellent commentary on the Bill Schmalfeldt rant below.  If you haven’t already checked it out, I recommend you do so.

I have a somewhat different take, which I was unable to address yesterday thanks to real world commitments.

After the complete rant, read on:

Yes, Aaron. I was “misdiagnosed” by an expert on the subject 18 years ago today. In that time I learned how to fake misfiring neurons in my brain to FOOL doctors who were doing my deep brain stimulation. But the Hogewash Neurology Council says I’m faking it. How can one argue?

A man who cleans the dogshit from his wife’s kennels is also an expert on progressive neurological disorders? Imagine my surprise. Now scoop up that shit, Doggy Style before your wife gets sore!

Seems to me that if anyone seriously believes I am faking my diagnosis, they owe it to the taxpayers to contact the Office of Personnel Management and DEMAND that they review my case. Contact Social Security, too. Be ready to identify yourself and provide proof. Cowards. #DARE!

I’m sure that the professionals at OPM and Social Security will be more than happy to take the word of anonymous cowards and a shit-encrusted kennel cleaner over the evidence obtained from actual medical professionals. Trump-sucking morons!

Now, before Hoggy’s soft-skulled amen choir goes running to the OPM and Social Security to disclose the “fraud” they say I am perpetrating on the government, a word of advice. They won’t listen to anonymous people. And providing false info to a federal agency is a felony. Ready?

I mean, if you are SURE I am “faking” my 18-year struggle with Parkinson’s, how can you call yourself a PATRIOT if you let me get away with it? You OWE it to AMERICA to turn me in. Step up, state your name, provide your proof. Unless you are afraid. You aren’t AFRAID, are you?

My God, such a rich lode of Slovenian horse crap! Where do I begin?

Continue reading “Back In the Game, Using His Own Name?”

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Well, You Walked Right Into That, DUMBFUCK!

I can’t figure out if he thinks this post is libelous…

…or this one from the late, unlamented BillSchmalfeldt.net.

And you’re not fooling anyone, telling people you walked away. You blew that chance years ago. Instead you dug in deeper, and ever since you’ve been caught in a trap of your own making.

There’s no escape, as long as Inflataskank continues to tell you all about the parodies of your works that magically appear.

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Turns Out, It’s An Actual Thing

I encountered this very interesting exchange on Twitter last night.  It started with a real, working, stand-up  comedienne named Jen Kirkland:

I don’t particularly agree with that statement.  I have said before that I think all humor is subjective.  Not everyone loves the Three Stooges. Not everyone loves to be preached at.  Everyone’s wheelhouse is different. It’s a matter of individual taste.

What really interested me was THIS reply:

What DUMBFUCK is saying is “You’re making a hasty generalization in response to a hasty generalization.”

And that’s actually a fair criticism. It’s not a criticism that feminists want to hear in this case, but it’s fair.

But then he goes on to set up and fight a strawman of his own: the “racist patriarchy.”

Big with the buzzwords, no so much with logic, our DUMBFUCK.  Also, REALLY BAD MEMORY.

Perhaps he’s forgotten how he got kicked off that virulent rightwing website, DailyKos.  He was responsible for the now-famous ANAL RAPE SATIRE that was so poorly received that it took a day of calling his readers idiots plus ANOTHER DIARY specifically to call those readers idiots some more and to invite everyone too stupid to appreciate his satirical brilliance just to stop reading his diaries, kthxbai – to get him permabanned by Markos himself, that rightwing fuckhead.

So to recap the action so far: we have Jen Kirkland calling out men – #YesAllMen – for not understanding her jokes, followed by Bill Schmalfeldt – he of the “you’re all too stupid to understand my brilliant satire about ASS RAPE” – responding with

Already I can see this is going to go swimmingly for DUMBFUCK.

Cat West calls him out for his tone deaf response:

And then the fun really starts. Bill responds to this dim girl:

Here’s my written impression of Bill Schmalfeldt:

“People say I’m condescending…that means I talk down to people.”

(rimshot)

If you get the joke, terrific! Glad I made you laugh.  If you don’t, I don’t care. No one is paying me for this, so I only have to amuse myself.  Anyhoo…

Taking zero shit from Mr. Butt Stuff, Cat bangs back:

What are the odds that Cat West checked out Bill Schmalfeldt on the Google Machine (the first hit is the first hit) before responding to his attempt to impart his perceived wisdom into that conversation?

“Smash teh pay-tree-ark-ee!!”


Pro-tip: it’s not

“I’m just a dumb old man with a pesky “y” chromosome and all”

that causes no one to take you seriously…

It’s simply:

“I’m just a dumb old man with a pesky “y” chromosome and all

…and everyone knows it.

And when you drop into a serious (or even an unserious) conversation and your contribution amounts to “I put on my shoes today without falling off the bed,” well…the pool of everyone just gets that much larger.

And we point.
And we laugh.
And we mock.

Because it’s FUN.

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“Final Warning,” You Say?

Oh, no. Not again…

Are we up to a hundred “final” warnings yet from the Mendacious Manatee of Myrtle Beach?

Tiresome little twat.

On a related note…for as vociferously as he contests the notion that he does not have PD, in spite of all his self-contradictory statements, I don’t think I’m the only one who has noticed that he hasn’t posted a single mention of the Shrine of the Holy Resting Place of the Ashtray Soulmate, the Blessed Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn. In point of fact, I don’t think he has ever denied the allegations that he left her behind in the Midwest (and the capricious currents of the Mississippi River) when he went chasing strange down in Dixieland.

How queer.

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