Drawing A Straight Line From Bill Schmalfeldt to Pedophilia, Racism, Misogyny, Anti-Semitism, Drugs & Terrorism

THE FOLLOWING IS A PARODY OF THE POST LINKED HERE: http://www.breitbartunmasked.com/2017/10/09/drawing-a-straight-line-between-robert-mercer-and-nazis/, WRITTEN BY BILL PRESTON-SCHMALFELDT (oh, how PRECIOUS!!) ON OCTOBER 9, 2017.
DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK (IT ISN’T A REAL LINK ANYWAY). IT WILL ONLY ENCOURAGE HIM. BESIDES, THE POST WILL SOON BE DELETED IN A FLOOD OF FEAR PEE, WHICH IS THE HALLMARK OF PRIDE THAT PUNCTUATES THE PATHETIC EXISTENCE OF THE AUTHOR.
INSTEAD, READ THE POST WHERE IT HAS BEEN ARCHIVED AS ETERNAL PROTECTION AGAINST THE INEVITABLE DELETION AND SPOLIATION OF EVIDENCE THAT WILL TAKE PLACE SOMETIME SOON.

SAFE LINK: http://archive.is/jYG4S


It’s a simple matter of “unnecessary air-quote” connecting the dots “unnecessary air-unquote:” Drawing a straight line from transient left wing idiot, Stolen Valor veteran, welfare whore and cyberstalking harasser Bill Schmalfeldt to brass knuckles reputation management lawfare aficionado Brett Kimberlin, the convicted Speedway Bomber, domestic terrorist, drug dealer and forger, one-time wannabe rockstar and champion of the movement to, um… “romance” underage girls in the name of pedophilia, a philosophy that is the direct opposite of normal, though not for lack of effort on the part of the enlightened, progressive Left. (It emphasizes that romantic and sexual relationships between adults and children who are legally and emotionally incapable of consent is perfectly fine.

A recent piece in BuzzFeed (which we aren’t going to link because we’re assholes like that here at Cabin Boy Unread) had absolutely nothing to do with the relationship between welfare whore Bill Schmalfeldt and adjudicated pedophile Brett Kimberlin, but you can find plenty of information here.

Schmalfeldt is currently in his second stint as the editor of Breitbart Unmasked (no, I won’t link to it – malware warnings), a website connected to Kimberlin and given to publishing multiple fawning profiles about him while ignoring his criminal history and epic failures at shutting up his critics via lawfare. Schmalfeldt, who tries to portray himself as a glib, sarcastic satirical genius and investigative journalist on this website as well as hundreds of other failed blogs, podcast channels and Twitter accounts he has created, then abandoned or had yanked from public view over the last decade, has also authored many self-published masturbatory fantasies disguised as “exposés” of people he has continuously tried and failed to sue for defamation and other false claims. Many of these books have also been pulled from online bookshelves due to copyright violations.

There’s not much about Schmalfeldt’s public rantings to love.

  • He has written, performed and offered for sale audio skits featuring Cub Scouts discussing and engaging in homosexual acts with one another in pornographic detail;
  • He has written, performed and offered for sale audio skits referring to African American characters as “boy” and referring to them as house servants;
  • He has written, produced and performed audio skits in which he imagines himself disinterring dead babies and eating them;
  • He has published photos of himself eating live kittens;
  • He has referred to Ali Akbar, an African American, as “boy;”
  • After a confederate suggested that the wife of one of the targets of his harassment should be raped, Schmalfeldt helpfully provided the street address on Twitter, while not in any way agreeing with the whole rape thing (wink, wink);
  • He has additionally said, dozens if not hundreds of times, that this same target of his harassment pimped out his wife, while not in any way suggesting that the wife herself was a whore (nudge, nudge);
  • He has insulted the Filipino spouse of a Virginia attorney by suggesting that she was a mail order bride, and that the lawyer might “send her packing back to Asia where he purchased her;” (say no more, say no more)
  • Even though he himself barely graduated high school, and may in fact have been graduated just to get him out of the local educational system, he often refers to women who offer opinions he cannot understand as “dim twats,” “stupid cunts,” “cum-gargling fuckwits” or any of the multiple possible combinations thereof;
  • He has made anti-Semitic statements referring to slaving away like Israelites for Pharoah;
  • He and his insipid balloon animal of a girlfriend regularly insult their perceived adversaries – and believe me, do they ever have to punch up – with homosexual slurs such as gays, fags and faggots;
  • He has published gleeful Twitter rants apophatically referring to one columnist as a “closeted repressed homosexual,” a “simpering, limp-wristed glory-hole queen,” an “angry, self-hating homosexual” and a “pillow-biting studded leather collar-wearing bukkake boy,” as if such sexual orientations were off the normal scales and somehow worthy of scorn;
  • On at least one occasion, he has photoshopped his perceived enemies into homosexual pornographic photographs, as if being homosexual were something to be ashamed of.

The things he says in private are far worse, far more insidious and despicable.

An anonymous but trusted source has provided Thinking Man’s Zombie with communications with Schmalfeldt, in which Schmalfeldt shares his glee over bashing peoples’ skulls with rocks, glorifying over the imagery of kicking people out of their homes, taking away their children’s inheritances, getting them fired from their jobs after doxing them, and shoving lit M-80s up the rectums of their pets just like when he was a kid.

Schmalfeldt is far less glib and urbane when discussing his violent dreams out of sight of the public. He brags about an in situ plot to overthrow the government of the United States, saying that a large number of generals and admirals are on board and ready to move if Donald Trump goes a step too far.  He is either delusional or a liar, but at times like this there is nothing like the power of AND.  Schmalfeldt now has the time to work on funding his latest projects…fleecing the left-wing idiots of America to fund a 48 state “bucket list” road trip along with about $2500 of new toys to “document” the journey, grifting for a brand new mobility scooter that Medicare would pay for if only he could find a competent doctor to prescribe for him, and pro se prosecuting yet another Federal LOLSUIT that has less than a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting to trial.

Is Schmalfeldt just thumping his concave chest? Preening like a peacock, trying to impress the reader with his illusory power and might?

Well, obviously!

And if it isn’t all just talk, where is the funding coming from?

That question takes us back to the beginning.

Brett Kimberlin is a convicted bomber who was found civilly liable for the death of one of his victims but hid all his assets to avoid paying the judgment. He is a convicted forger, drug dealer and perjurer who has spent years along with thousands of dollars engaging in lawfare against many with whom he shares common hatred along with Bill Schmalfeldt. Also, he blew $9000 to buy a fake Russian dossier on Donald Trump.

No, really!

Bill Schmalfeldt is a friend of Brett Kimberlin, by his own admission:

Who’s to say that Kimberlin is not funding Schmalfeldt’s dreams of almost-beachside month-to-month rental retirement in a Myrtle Beach motel-gone-cheap-condo? How do we know Kimberlin is not laughing up his sleeve behind the scenes at Schmalfeldt’s impotent fist shaking dreams of crushing his enemies THIS TIME, AT LONG LAST!!! in a South Carolina court with a case far more flimsy than he has ever had before, even more flimsy than the case that caused a court-conscripted welfare lawyer in Chicago to fire him and run him out of town, shaking with derisive pointage, laughery and mockification?

We don’t know.

Maybe it’s time to start asking questions?

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You Want To Talk Scoreboard? Okay, Let’s Talk Scoreboard

And remember, this is an accounting which is VERY GENEROUS to the gelatinous vermin Bill Schmalfeldt.  It does not account for individual counts filed against individual defendants in his LOLSUITS.  If it did, his humiliation would be even greater.


LOLSUIT I:

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 10 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


LOLSUIT II

Schmalfeldt filed 8 counts against 3 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 8


LOLSUIT III

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 4 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


Let’s take a break and check the running total:

SCHMALFELDT, BIG FAT ZERO (in life as well as on the scoreboard) – 0

All Civil Defendants – 16

Back to the breakdown…


LOLSUIT IV

Schmalfeldt filed 3 counts against 4 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 3


LOLSUIT V

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 7 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


The running total:

SCHMALFELDT, STILL A BIG FAT ZERO (in life as well as on the scoreboard) – 0

All Civil Defendants – 23

This concludes the Maryland portion of our show, as DUMBFUCK fled to Wisconsin to escape the consequences of his perjured IFP application and the legal wizardry of David Edgren (hope the bike ride is going well, David!).

Back to the breakdown…


LOLSUIT VI

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 6 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


LOLSUIT VII

Schmalfeldt filed 6 counts against 2 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


LOLSUIT VIII

Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 4 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

RESULT PENDING BUT VIRTUALLY CERTAIN


Current running total:

BIG FAT LOSER BILL SCHMALFELDT – 0

Everyone he’s ever tried to sue – 33 (with 4 counts pending)


It’s hardly a surprise that he never wants to talk about THAT scoreboard, unless it’s to whine like a pussy about never having reached a point where his bullshit claims could be judged on lost on the merits.

To ask why is to answer the question, though.

Here’s an exit question: does government health insurance cover injuries sustained from sticking one’s tiny little penis into a wood chipper or the human equivalent? Asking for a friend…

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Regrets, He’s Had a Few

Regrets? You mean he’s not showing up Friday?

Gee, I wonder what’s happened since Saturday?

Is Badass Bill once more hiking up his skirts? Sure seems like it!

Will the hills of South Carolina come alive with the sickly tang of Brave Sir William’s river of fear pee? I think they will!

All is proceeding as I have foreseen, and even if he is only pretending and actually does the smart thing and shows up in Greensboro. I PREDICT:

  1. He will shoot himself in the foot merely by showing up; and
  2. He will forget (or ignore, depending on perspective) an opportunity to do something reasonably smart for himself.

In any case, no matter what he does Friday, he loses. Because of course, DUMBFUCK.

Dance, Monkey! DAAAAAAAAANCE!!

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A Solid Prediction

Several months from now, when LOLSUIT VIII goes the way of LOLSUITS I through VII (down in the flames of pro se motions to dismiss from all defendants)…

…this will be the post that I call back to when it’s time to say to Stolen Valor DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt:

  • I told you so…
  • He told you so…
  • She told you so…
  • Everyone – EVERYONE – told you so…

And when I say “Everyone” I mean “Everyone with more than a single digit IQ.”

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Ask A Stupid Question…

Let us consider an almost hypothetical circumstance, with the following assumptions:

  1. I am a disabled American;
  2. I have been ordered to appear in a Maryland state court today to show cause why I should not be held in contempt of court;
  3. The precise details surrounding the need for this hearing are not relevant to this exercise;
  4. I have in the past been allowed to attend hearings in this jurisdiction via Skype;
  5. For some baffling reason that I cannot understand, the judge has not granted permission for me to appear via Skype for today’s hearing;
  6. Earlier this month, I filed a motion asking for this hearing to be canceled or for my travel and lodging costs to be reimbursed by a third party;
  7. The judge has not ruled on this motion;
  8. I am very inconvenienced by the judge’s failure to kowtow to my capricious wants…obviously he does not know how important and disabled I am;
  9. The judge’s petulance is obviously a violation of my civil rights as a disabled American;
  10. Therefore, I am going to sue this judge and the state of Maryland for a) being mean to me, b) for hurting my butt, and c) for ordering me to come to Maryland when it isn’t even freezing and I can’t slip and fall on the ice and die and blame HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!!…it’s got to work eventually.

Which brings me to my stupid question:

If I’m going to sue a Maryland judge, and the state of Maryland for violating my constitutional right not to peel myself out of this chair and go to court when ordered by a judge…

…WHERE WOULD BE THE PROPER VENUE TO FILE SUCH A LAWSUIT?

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

I foresee that this will NOT proceed as DUMBFUCK has foreseen.

In fact, I predict – nay, I ASSURE you, dear Zombies – that this is going to blow up in his face.

Off hand, I can think of eight reasons why LOLSUIT VII – The Fat and the Furryious won’t get to trial.

If it gets to trial (it won’t), there are five more reasons it will fail there.

The main reason is, of course, “Plaintiff William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr.”

As to the rest, we don’t educate the monkey when we can PLM instead.

And we will PLM.  A whole lot.

While we watch Know-It-All Barrister Bill take it up the tailpipe.

YET AGAIN.

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Let’s Play “Spot the Lies”

Here, I’ll help!

I suppose it might be overstating things to call these lies, if you subscribe to Costanza logic:

They could be “alternative truths,” to use a popular phrase.  And DUMBFUCK, in spite of all the evidence of the last five years, may even believe he is speaking truth.  If, for the eighth time in three years, he loses a LOLSUIT on a “technicality,” (DON’T LAUGH) he may actually believe he won’t simply forget it all happened and try again.

I’ve heard these Fatkinson’s sufferers have profound memory issues when it suits them.

Well, it is a lie, if the liar changing his mind proceeds as I have foreseen.

Of course there’s always the possibility of a NEW & IMPROVED strategy that no one could have ever foreseen.

Though it would be an awful waste of the great monikers we have already banked for LOLSUITS IX – XIII if the Inflatable Boifriend starts taking the lead.  Will we have to go back to LOLSUIT I in that case?

LOLSUIT I – Under Pressure?
LOLSUIT I – She’s Gonna Blow!
LOLSUIT I – Pressure Drop
LOLSUIT I – Inflated Ego

Who knows?

 

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