FAILDOX – A How-To Guide

When you commence to faildox someone, it’s always best to start with an assumption that can’t be proved.  A couple examples:

  • A commenter identifying himself by two letters must be using HIS OWN INITIALS, and not someone else’s.
  • A commenter identifying himself by two letters must be using his FIRST and LAST initials, and ONLY IN THAT ORDER. He cannot use a FIRST and MIDDLE initial, or a MIDDLE and LAST initial, and certainly not in reverse order.  That’s just simply against the rules.
  • Sonoran Conservative can only mean he’s from Sonora, California, and not
    • Sonora, Ohio
    • Sonora, North Dakota
    • Sonora, New York
    • Sonora, Missouri
    • Sonora Mississippi
    • Sonora, Kentucky
    • Sonora, Arkansas,
    • Sonora, Arizona
    • Sonora Texas
    • Sonora, Canada
    • Or any of the 5 Sonoras scattered across Mexico.
  • “I started high school at the end of the Carter administration” can only mean 1980. It surely can’t be 1979.
  • Even if 1980 is correct, it absolutely MUST follow that a student starting in 1980 CAN ONLY graduate in 1984. No high school student has ever been held back a year. Nor has any high school student ever been sick or injured and failed to graduate with his class. And even though I know several people from my college who whizzed through high school in just three years, that couldn’t possibly be the case here. Oh, and if I remember correctly, there were still three-year high schools that started with 10th grade in various parts of the country back in 1980. But none of these things could have happened.  That would require due diligence that hotshot investigative reporters just don’t have time for.
  • Here’s another fun thought…was Sonora Union High School the ONLY high school serving that community in 1980? What were the residency boundaries?  If an “MJ” did live in the Sonoma, CA area (again, a very large and unproven assumption), how does one prove that he or she was the only such “MJ” who did, much less prove that – even if there was only one – this person didn’t attend another nearby high school?

By the way, YOU LARDASS, BEETUSJUICE-DRIPPING DUMBFUCK – when you redact information from a document…REDACT IT EVERYWHERE.  Coulter. You are responsible for me knowing that.

Now, I have no doubt that there is a Michael David Jackson who pled guilty in Pierce County, Washington, to raping his stepdaughters.  The evidence is clear and compelling.  Nearly as compelling as the evidence that Brett Kimberlin is the Speedway Bomber, and that he slept with his wife when she was underage.

I also have no doubt that the commenter MJ is Sonoran Conservative.  Not only have I proven it for myself, Sonoran Conservative has admitted that he comments under both handles.

Here’s what’s missing:

Even one scintilla of proof that Michael David Jackson has ever commented on Hogewash!, Thinking Man’s Zombie or BillySez. 

To make that connection, you ASSUMED, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative was from Sonora California, rather than Arizona, Arkansas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, New York, North Dakota, Ohio, Canada or any of five towns in Mexico.

Then you doubled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative attended Sonora Union High School.

Then, you trebled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative started at this school in 1980.

Then, you quadrupled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative graduated from high school in 1984.

Then, you quintupled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative aka MJ actually has a first name that starts with M and a last name that starts with J.

To summarize…

You can say that Sonoran Conservative = MJ
And you can say that David Michael Jackson = Child Rapist

But your conclusion that MJ = David Michael Jackson springs not from facts but from at least five separate proof-deficient assumptions.

  1. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative was ever from Sonora, California…you can only shout it.
  2. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative ever attended Sonora Union High School…you can only shout it.
  3. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative started high school ANYWHERE in 1980…you can only shout it.
  4. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative graduated high school ANYWHERE in 1984…you can only shout it.
  5. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative has a first name that starts with M and a last name that starts with J…you can only shout it.

Every fact that follows from those assumptions pertains to Michael David Jackson.  Not a single fact connects him to Sonoran Conservative. In legal parlance, the connections you have drawn from these false assumptions – and they are false – are “Fruit of the poisoned tree.”

Also – and you’re gonna love this – it’s defamation per se! You know…”Falsely accusing someone of a crime?” Yeah, you did that.

And the consequences of that failure will be GLORIOUS to see.

  • Blogs will vanish
  • Tweets will vanish
  • Accounts will go private, then be deleted and REBRANDED!!!
  • Tears will fall from sad cheeks
  • Butts will hurt

DOX?

FAIL.

P.S. Con Man 101 – when your mark wants to be told a particular lie (“my fax machine just rang!”), TELL HIM THAT LIE.

P.P.S.

And in case you wondered, EVERYTHING is already archived, so it’s a waste of time to memory-hole your defamation.

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I’M A PRIVATE CITIZEN!

AND I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

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Why Steal Tweets? Why Not?

Sometimes, with some people…extra precautions are necessary when documenting very dangerous levels of stupidity.

And by dangerous I mean “handling nitroglycerin” dangerous.  The kind of dangerous that fear pee-soaked, sandy vagina, nutshuffling penises will delete without warning in a sudden explosion of rank cowardice.

Take this guy, for instance: he might be a world record holder in Twitter cowardice, with the most lost, abandoned or suspended Twitter handles in history. But since he’s a SJW-pussy, Twitter just lets him keep on keepin’ on, as long as his impotent attacks are directed at acceptable targets, even if they are so far out of his intellectual class they might as well be orbiting a different star (and I think that’s everybody who isn’t made of latex and living in a hotel).

This particular DUMBFUCK recently peed himself in an effort to show how the lawsuit in which he is currently sinking fast as a defendant will hinge on HOW TWITTER WORKS rather than on HOW A CONTRACT WORKS.

The reason he wants to argue about Twitter and not about contracts is painfully obvious to anyone with a double digit IQ.

But that’s not the purpose of this post.

The purpose of this post is to explore the reasons why Zombies like myself take screen caps of people’s tweets.

In three simple words: “Because they’re cowards.”

The image you see above is a screencap of a tweet. It’s STOLEN.  (shhh! our little secret…)

I made an image file of it, and uploaded it to an image hosting site.

Why would I do that?

So I could EMBED the URL of the tweet underneath it when I included the image in this post.  You’ll notice that the cursor changes because the image is a link.  Click it, if you want to go to a DUMFUCK Twitter account.

So there must be some advantage to doing this, right?

Indeed there is!

If you were an enterprising zombie, and you chose to delve into the archives on this site, you would find no small number of posts that make somewhat less sense now than they did when they were first published. The reason for this is that I followed the Twitter terms of service and embedded a tweet in the post.

And then the owner of the tweet (GUESS WHO?!?) deleted the tweet, and often the entire account, because he figured out that he might get in trouble for it, and that if he deleted the whole thing the trouble would vanish. Kind of like the old “Family Circus” cartoons:

Y’all remember the name of the oldest kid, don’tcha? Of course you do!

What I have done – what is necessary to do with someone who refuses to produce documents in discovery – is retain an image of the original tweet, so that certain nutshuffling footlong lovers who enjoy watching men fellate other men

It’s true!

can’t delete the evidence of their perfidy and later deny it ever happened.

So you can call it theft if you like, but wouldn’t it just be easier to use the term that a certain DUMBFUCK himself favors:

EVIDENCE GATHERING.

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

I foresee that this will NOT proceed as DUMBFUCK has foreseen.

In fact, I predict – nay, I ASSURE you, dear Zombies – that this is going to blow up in his face.

Off hand, I can think of eight reasons why LOLSUIT VII – The Fat and the Furryious won’t get to trial.

If it gets to trial (it won’t), there are five more reasons it will fail there.

The main reason is, of course, “Plaintiff William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr.”

As to the rest, we don’t educate the monkey when we can PLM instead.

And we will PLM.  A whole lot.

While we watch Know-It-All Barrister Bill take it up the tailpipe.

YET AGAIN.

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Definitely Fake

Really? He’s going to farm out his wrath to the balloon?

How lovely that he’s fabricated a new set of skirts to cower behind!

Is there a bigger cunt move he could make?  I’m coming up empty.

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Poor, Poor, Pitiful DUMBFUCK

No matter how many new blogs…

No matter how many new Twitter handles…

No matter how many new podcasts…

No matter how many new wives…

He can’t change who he is…

He will always be Bill Schmalfeldt, Demented Cyberstalker.

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He Made A Fecal Case Out Of It

It was either “eat shit and do nothing about it,” or make a poopie in federal court that he would eventually be forced to eat anyway. He chose the latter.

I will be the second to admit. Bill Schmalelddt has never filed a successful lawsuit. (Not for lack of trying, mind you – just for lack of having a case. Or intelligence.) Every suit he has filed has been dismissed before reaching a point of being considered on the merits. This is because Bill Schmalelddt is too stupid to fashion a complaint that can survive a motion to dismiss for any of a dozen or so reasons. The same could be said about the defendants in his attempts to get some justice for the years of undue harassment that has been returned to him in his prescribed three-for-one ratio to what he has dished out.

It COULD be said, if the dozens of defendants he has tried to sue over the past three years had ever tried to sue him…but only one has. That case goes to trial in August. The outlook for Schmalelddt is similar to his general opinion of women – DIM.

No one – yet – has ever beaten him on the merits, for two reasons:

  1. None of his lawsuits ever reaches a point where the merits are judged. This is fortunate for Schmalelddt because when he files a LOLSUIT, there are no merits to consider;
  2. No one pays him enough mind to sue him for defamation, because his character and reputation are such that nothing he says on any subject can be taken seriously by a reasonable person.

Oh, sometimes people thump their chests without ever crediting the “disgraced” attorney who beat him like a redheaded stepchild in Wisconsin and was well paid for it. Poor Schmalelddt – he just knows so much that isn’t so.

He doesn’t have an attorney. He had one once, a charity attorney in Illinois who told him to run along home and quit bothering people with more important things to do than wipe his tears and rub ointment on his aching butt. No, he does this all by his lonesome, with the moral support of his imaginary friends and inflatable ladyboi. Besides, he’s smarter than any old dumb, disgraced lawyer anyway! There are no guarantees of success, but I do believe that he’s learned some things along the way.

OK, just kidding!! He hasn’t learned ANYTHING.

He thinks jurisdiction (subject matter and personal) is handled differently in South Carolina; he found a case that he thinks says it’s based on where the VICTIM dwells. Sadly, no. But even though he has burned his free amendment in an effort to fix some other flaw that was explicitly pointed out to him (but which he still didn’t believe until he was once more proven to be an utter fool), it’s still too early to educate the monkey. He thinks venue is also correct for the same reasons.

One reason there is no need right now to educate the monkey, or even bother to be concerned with it, is because the suit will be dismissed by the Magistrate Judge before any defendant needs to make an argument regarding his whimsical notions of jurisdiction and venue.

This is just the first step on a long journey – about 25 feet to the edge of the cliff, and then a long 2000 foot drop. This is why he told Dave Alexander the other day that he’s lucky he and Sarah Palmer live in the same state (as far as he knows – ha ha ha). He thinks he could not file under a diversity jurisdiction if two parties live in the same state. Sarah won the obviously rigged coin toss.

Remember – he’s learned some things along the way. Not enough things to get a lawsuit past motions to dismiss, or even to the point of being served, but things. That he’s learned. Like the cure for Fakinson’s disease can be found on the shores of Lake Michigan, where you will magically regain the physical dexterity if not the mental acuity required to safely drive a car again. Yay!

I have a very good idea how this will end up.

Just like all the other VII LOLSUITS filed by Bill Schmalelddt.

WJJ Hoge II and his readers, as well as defendants Johnson, Palmer and Grady will never see a summons, never have to file a motion to dismiss, never have to craft an answer and will not have to spend a moment of serious thought on Schmalelddt’s case. (Note: this case comes with sooper sekrit subpoena powah. If Schmalelddt wants to find out who I am, he will find a whole new set of obstacles to overcome.)

But I HATE to spoil the surprise!

Hoge will say he has foreseen this.

EVERYBODY foresaw this, from the moment he moved out of Iowa, the gigantic sand-filled pussy.

Of course, foresight is always more impressive when one can predict something that hasn’t happened yet.

Like, say, that Schmalelddt’s pro se complaint will be subject to review by a magistrate judge and likely be”killed in its crib?” That was foreseen.

Or that Schmalelddt would be expertly manipulated into quickly burning his free first amendment to correct something in his complaint that he maintained at first wasn’t even wrong? That was foreseen too.

Or finally, that Schmalelddt would leave behind multiple other fatal flaws in his Amended Complaint (and even make some things WORSE THAN BEFORE)? That also was foreseen.

So it looks like he had a choice between eating a turd and laying one. Like seven times before, “CLEANUP ON AISLE LOLSUIT!” Send the DUMBFUCK and make sure he brings his big spoon.

BOY…Thank goodness he was never “emotionally invested” in this one.

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A Journey of a Thousand Miles

…begins with a single nutshuffle.

Congratulations…victory is assured.

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Hypocrite Bill Schmalelddt Wants Your Money to Shoot a Film

[Editor’s Note – this smells like fishbait to me, calculated to bring just the sort of response that follows. If I’m right, nobody can say I didn’t see it coming. If I’m wrong, it’s just another hanging slider begging to be drilled into the third deck. And what else am I here for? – PK]


Remember his epic fundraising effort to get his “good name” back from the right-wing mob at DailyKos?  And the other efforts to fund his stupid LOLSUITS that he started and never finished? BYE BYE, MONEY!!!


In yet another incoherent, hypocrisy-saturated post this morning, alleged child pornographer, wannabe soulmate-pimp, grifter, disgraced journimalist and oft-fired radio host (most recently from KMCN the MAC 94.7 in “his town” Clinton, Iowa, where he no longer resides because as he says, “they know me there”) DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalelddt wants you to give him money.

He’s gonna rent him an SUV and drive around the country without a driver’s license. All he needs is thirteen thousand nine hundred seventy-five bucks for new toys. And to pay the fines.

There are ROADS LESS TRAVELED TO BE TRAVELED, and by gum, DUMBFUCK’S gonna travel them on Kim Abbott’s dime.

I can haz munnys nao? And new curtainz?

 

This disreputable, anti-American amoeba began his morning babble with an attack on Lee Stranahan, the first of the dozens of white whales this microscopic Ahab has been stalking online for most of the last decade, even after oh-so-sincerely apologizing for saying he pimped out his wife (BUT DON’T YOU DARE SAY HE CALLED HER A WHORE BECAUSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED!! THERE’S ONLY ONE WIFE AROUND HERE GOOD ENOUGH TO BE CALLED A WHORE AND SHE’S DEAD THANKS TO YOU AND THE MIGHTY ROLODEX OF CLINICAL TRIALS AT THE NIH!!!). The nutshuffling penis says, when he is not desperately gobbling what look like several footlong hotdogs slathered in hot mayonnaise in a dark corner of the YMCA locker room, that there are American stories to tell out there in the wastes of the deep red states of Trump’s America, where intolerant Boy Scouts don’t embrace the urban ideals of inclusion, diversity and sliding pee sticks into pooter holes by the campfire.  Schmalelddt says Stranahan is a “former pornographer, would-be pimp, grifter, one-time Breitbart reporter and current propaganda agent,” which is a bit like saying “Paul Krendler started a flame war against Schmalelddt by turning one of Schmalelddt’s flame posts about John Hoge’s family back onto Schmalelddt.”

In this hypocritical DUMBFUCK’S tortured excuse for a mind, the whole thing ties into a Sheldon Adelson Koch Brothers Robert Mercer Philip Anschutz Illuminati Tri-Lateral Commission Elders of Zion Eye of Sauron-funded effort to meddle with affairs in the former United States now known as Trumpland.

Trumpland is that majority of red states that voted for Trump, disenfranchising the gigantic, aptly named and terminally depressing minority of “blue” states like California, Illinois and New York according to a long-established, perfectly legal but vestigial Constitutional tradition of the Old Republic known as the Electoral College. Although some of the poorest states in the former USA, Trumpland has always led the way in espousing small government, self-determination, dynamic economies, freedom, personal responsibility and the exercise of Constitutional rights.

Schmalelddt has so much regard for these red Trump states that he is seeking to fund a road trip to go forth and poke the citizens of these states with sharp sticks, and make a film of himself being mauled to death.

DUMBFUCK created a GoFundMe page over two months ago to fund this odyssey.  Since the inaugural donation of $25 on day one, the fundraising effort has stalled.  Even his new imaginary, inflatable boifriend saw through his transparent scam.

Schmalelddt obviously envies the success of his self-made nemesis Lee Stranahan, now an accredited member of the White House Press Corps, an achievement that the three-time winner of the Iowa State Fair Poke Me in the Corn Hole Agricultural Reporting Lucite Cob never came close to achieving.

Check the GoFundMe page. Watch the video. Point and laugh.  If you think about sending him money, buy some ice cream instead. Or set the bills on fire.  Either is a wiser choice than sending your money to Hypocrite Bill Schmalelddt.

Let him pay his own way through every McDonald’s drive thru in America.

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