Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

You want to know why I’m up here in the “towering heights,” and you’re not?  It boils down to three very simple words:

Smarter. Than. You.

To answer your pathetic little question…

I want to stay up here in the towering heights and have FUN watching you dance.  

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

I was a bit worried that I would have nothing to mock this morning because DUMBFUCK was suddenly disinvited from Twitter yesterday for being a testicle-footed penis.  It seems Twitter is as incapable of learning as DUMBFUCK is. But then again, as the scorpion said to the tortoise just before they both drowned, “It’s just my nature. You knew what I was when you let me climb on your back.”

DUMBFUCK GOTTA DUMBFUCK.

By which I mean, DUMBFUCK don’t gotta exercise a lick of common sense.

When my daughter got her cell phone, ZombieMom and I sat down and had a talk with her about sexting.  Of the several things we covered, one of the most important was this:

Sexting consequence 2

It’s embarrassing. The girl in the photo meant her picture for her boyfriend’s eyes only, but that’s not how it ended up. Once something’s on a cell phone, it can be forwarded, uploaded, downloaded, edited, and passed around the Internet and around the world. While the girl in the photo meant her picture for her boyfriend, if they break up, he’ll still have the photo and can do whatever he wants with it. Sexting consequences have included teens who have attempted suicide, and one girl recently succeeded in taking her own life because her photo was forwarded to everyone in her school. Nothing is worth that type of embarrassment. Ever.

Consider where the ultimate responsibility lies when a naughty picture escapes onto the Internet.  There was a recent scandal regarding several celebrities’ phones being hacked and nude pictures leaking into the internet. Snapchat’s business model rests on the idea that whatever a user sends is auto deleted after a few seconds from the destination device, but what is left unsaid is that all messages and images go into, and are permanently stored on, Snapchat’s  internal servers.

There are only three ways to keep potentially embarrassing photos offline:

  1. Don’t take the photo in the first place;
  2. Don’t store it on a hackable device;
  3. DON’T EVER SEND AN EMBARRASSING PHOTO TO ANY THIRD PARTY, BECAUSE YOU LOSE ALL INFLUENCE OVER WHERE IT GOES NEXT.

Middle school girls know this. Internet investigative journomalistic DUMBFUCKS do not.


Apparently not!

In my email yesterday I found a photo.  The sending address was obviously fake, and the message was signed Mort in Maryland.

The photo wasn’t particularly graphic; certainly nothing illegal. I can tell you that I wouldn’t want to see a picture of my wife in that state circulating around the Internet like a Kim Kardashian video. Sure, she’s two weeks from dying, but it looks more like two minutes.  I think only a sadistic sociopath would want to even TAKE that picture, much less keep it. If someone over the age of 7 gave me this picture as a gift for me to cherish, I would have to question their sincerity and they would probably spend the next several weeks eating through a straw.

But anyway…now I’ve got this photo, taken in room 411B, the woman in the photo with such a frail, put-the-camera-down-you-sick-fucking-ghoul expression, the partial finger obscuring the left side of the lens…really, really sad on so many levels.  What should I do about it?

I could post it right here and now. That would be fun, watching it try to spin that “THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!” will be hilarious. Especially since I know even more about this photo than I am saying here.

Instead, let’s do this:  as far as I know, there has been no obituary published, and every obituary needs a photo.

So, if DUMBFUCK would care to continue its madness, I may visit several regional newspapers, money orders in hand, and buy big, flowery obits in its name. And oh, the charitable organizations I could name in lieu of flowers!

On the other hand, if it stops…I won’t have any FUN.

But we already know that’s not an incentive.  Neither is the notion that it wants to keep that photo private.  It sent THE SAME PHOTO in separate emails to separate destinations.  Do you think it knew that by doing that it was robbing itself of the ability to identify which of its harassment targets passed it on to me through back channels?

I’ll bet a year’s pay it didn’t think of that, because DUMBFUCK!!!

And now it’s over a barrel.  To paraphrase DUMBFUCK, I hope it doesn’t force me into doing something unpleasant, because my options are limited.

THAT’S FUN.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

 JUNE 24, 2015 – Ruling the world of podcasting on Blog Talk Radio!

 

JUNE 26, 2015 – switches to LIVE365 after excessive patches of dead air cause the BlogTalkRadio software to disconnect repeatedly.  But don’t worry – this is where ALL THE BIG PODCASTERS ARE!

  
JUNE 30, 2015 – after all the cool podcasters learn of DUMBFUCK’s arrival at LIVE365, they all demand refunds and bolt for other platforms to avoid the stench of associating with it.  It’s street cred destroyed, DUMBFUCK hangs in at LIVE365 for two whole podcasts (actually just 23% of one if you exclude pre-recorded stupidity, stammering unpreparedness, umms, ahhs, mouth-breathing, bitching about sound quality an dead air), before it is unceremoniously welcomed into the streets once more.

So, it’s back to Speaker!

  
Five days, three podcasts, three platforms.  Is there a Guinness World Record for biggest failure?  Because this really needs to be checked.  (Would a trophy on the mantel for World’s Greatest Failure, right next to the last empty bottle of mouthwash from Bob Barker, count as an “accomplishment?”) But never mind that, numbskulls, I’m podcastin’.

16,863rd time’s the charm…DUMBFUCK’S got this, DUMBFUCK!  Oh, it’s gonna own that shit! LIKE A DUMBFUCK!  Einstein’s definition of insanity be damned!  Occam’s Razor, too! Just because it has failed for years running, that doesn’t make it a failure! It would still be a failure even if it had never tried at all!

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Say There, DUMBFUCK!

 
I heard she’s naming names too!

In particular, she’s naming Bill Schmalfeldt, and following that with things like “LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, YOU PSYCHOPATHIC VEGETABLE!” 

(That may be a loose paraphrase…)

Bill Schmalfeldt harassment

But it’s pretty clear that no one is playing along with DUMBFUCK’s fantasies.

He needs to…

http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-eat-a-bag-of-dicks-3.png

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

It’s rare to see a guy go 0-for-4 in a single sentence.

But if anyone could do it, DUMBFUCK is the guy twatwaffle for the job.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

 9:54 PM YESTERDAY:

“Waaaah!  Waaaaah!  Look what a poor victim I am!  Look how meeeeeeaaan to me they are!  Waaaaaah!  Waaaaaahh!

40 MINUTES EARLIER:

   

 

Wait…what?  I thought he already doxed Grace, our San Fancisco hair stylist/fugitive Louisiana midwife or something.  It had to be true because he’s never faildoxed anybody. Just ask John Smith, who sent him a Tub’o’Turds:

 

But seriously, back to last night.

5 minutes after whining about mean people:

   

 

Sure she did.  Still waiting on a cause of death on a notarized death certificate…but we can always speculate…

 
But never mind that now.  We need to finish with last night’s epic hypocrisy.

   
 

What’s the matter, I wonder?  Does DUMBFUCK NOT LIKE THE TASTE OF HIS OWN CEREAL?

  
KA-BOOM!!

I hope that DUMBFUCK remembers during his regular morning F5 RAGEFEST…

 
…that he’s all het up over…a little ole nobody! 

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Say There, DUMBFUCK!

 While John Hoge is off at Field Day 2015 pursuing his hobby, I wonder what DUMBFUCK thinks about when he takes a break from marveling at how obsessed HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!! is with him.

…wait, what?

Gail who? Oh, you mean the Dog Whisperer?  Haven’t seen her in a week or so…why do you ask?

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

  

First of all, Morgana wrote that post.

Second, it was about DUMBFUCK. (Not TO DUMBFUCK, about DUMBFUCK.  There’s a world of difference.  Even DUMBFUCKS know that.)

Now, if an average everyday DUMBFUCK wants to think a post about it is a post about nothing, neither Morgana nor I will stand in the way of a DUMBFUCK calling itself “nothing,” except perhaps to say its self-image may be elevated above reasonable expectations.

It has a tall hill to climb to get to nothing.

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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Just your friendly neighborhood zombie here, to remind you that your beloved wasn’t cold yet before you were raging yet again at HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!! in a podcast because YOU failed to include the proper forms in your request for a continuance.

FACT.

Also to remind you that it was just three days after saying

  
that you were back to the butt stuff:

  
And then…”Don’t make me angry.  You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

 
SMAWFELT SMASH PUNY HOGE!  RAWR! RAWR! RAWR!

  

Because you never were going to do it. You know it. I know it. The American people know it!

You DUMBFUCK. 

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