Someone’s Upset

Why would Bill Schmalfeldt be upset that a vulgar, crude man speaks in vulgar crude language?

Or maybe he’s bothered that another man has expressed “great love and affection” for a category of folks in which Bill Schamlfeldt so clearly belongs?

Come out, Bill! It’s okay to be gay!

Just keep the pursuit of Cub Scouts to a minimum.

Like(6)Dislike(0)

“I’m Just Not As Into Him As He Is With Me-Me-MEEEEEEEEE!!”

Also, check out my Twitter Feldtdown whinging about this person who doesn’t matter to me SO MUCH that I read his blog every fucking day.

 

 

Like(6)Dislike(0)

Has It Been TWO YEARS Already?

Good grief.

“Vain obsession?”

Says the pot with THIRTEEN RESTRAINING ORDERS!

How quickly he forgets that I never delete ANYTHING.

He had his chances. For nearly two years all he needed to do was walk away, and I would have disappeared. But he couldn’t do it, the racist, woman-hating, disability faking coward. Even at the moment of his “soulmate”‘s passing, he was checking email and moderating comments in the next room.

So I finally accepted that he would never walk away.

Oh, the self-awareness makes me dizzy!

Two (or four, or six) can play that game, though. And by his rules, continue to kick his ass.

But never let it be said that I was unwilling to give a sporting chance!

A shade over two years ago, I made one final offer.  I told him if he could eat a Carolina Reaper* (a mere 1.89 million Scoville units) and post the full video by February 15, 2016, I would delete this blog ON THE SAME DAY. I knew he would never do it.

No video was posted, and The Thinking Man’s Zombie endures.

And now he is out of options. Even a coyote will sacrifice a limb to get out of a trap, but Bill’s just a monkey with his hand stuck in a jar.

He lacks the smarts to solve this problem, and he compounds it by thinking he’s earned the treat in the jar just by knowing it’s there.

If you want to know why Paul Krendler continues, the answer is simple:

Murum aries attigit.


*Isn’t the name of that pepper doubly ironic now that he has relocated to South Carolina for a new fiancé, I mean sweetie, whoops, that should probably read Captive Nurse 2.0 by now, after causing (in my opinion) his soulmate’s death by failing to mobilize the vaunted resources of his massive Rolodex of contacts at the National Institutes for Health?

Like(6)Dislike(0)

But He’s On YOOOOUUUUUUUR Side!

REBRANDING IS IMMINENT.

I REPEAT, REBRANDING IS IMMINENT!

Oh, and Twitter’s about to get sued for butthurt.

h/t to commenter Ipen.

Like(7)Dislike(0)

Two Words, DUMBFUCK:

Rent. Free.

Also, LANGSTON, if getting called out with pointage, laughery and mockification as the shitposting idiot you are bothers you, there’s a very simple solution:

Stop posting.

I’ve already told you I’m going to mock you for as long as you continue to appear online, you impotent narcissist. Did you think I wasn’t serious?

Don’t like it?

Sue me.

Like(11)Dislike(0)

Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Oh, I don’t know…maybe Pfizer did some extensive market research and found a high percentage of alleged Parkinson’s patients see their symptoms come and go with such regularity that it’s easy to conclude they are simply faking the disease to make themselves look like victims.

Seems reasonable to me.

Like(12)Dislike(0)

Well, You Walked Right Into That, DUMBFUCK!

I can’t figure out if he thinks this post is libelous…

…or this one from the late, unlamented BillSchmalfeldt.net.

And you’re not fooling anyone, telling people you walked away. You blew that chance years ago. Instead you dug in deeper, and ever since you’ve been caught in a trap of your own making.

There’s no escape, as long as Inflataskank continues to tell you all about the parodies of your works that magically appear.

Like(10)Dislike(0)

Lies and Consequences

A little over three years ago, cowardly pussy DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt wrote:

I am going to let this blog stand until the weekend. Then it, and everything I can find with my name on it, will come off the Internet.

You can’t have me. I don’t want to play with the stupid kids any more. I have a short time left, and I want to use it for productive purposes.

Mock me. Whatever. Make fun of me. I give a shit. All the funny “footlong and mayo” jokes that you repeat to each other like 3-year olds who got a rise out of mommy and daddy when they said “poopy!” Go right on ahead.

For you, as of this moment, Bill Schmalfeldt ceases to exist. I am not going to let you run my life. I am going to create. I will come up with a pen name and use it exclusively. You may find it entertaining to hunt me down. But you won’t find me.

He originally posted that in the context of a larger post at http://schmalfeldt.org/2014/11/time-to-end-it-all/. You can click that link all you want; you won’t find anything, because that blog is among the dozens, perhaps hundreds, that Badass Bill has started and then a) lost, b) abandoned, c) memory-holed, or d) had suspended by his hosting provider in the years since his first failed efforts to get this blog taken down because it hurts his wide ass.

Fortunately, that post has been safely archived here.

Why do I bring it up? A couple of reasons. First, I want to repeat that quote above:

I am going to let this blog stand until the weekend. Then it, and everything I can find with my name on it, will come off the Internet.

You can’t have me. I don’t want to play with the stupid kids any more. I have a short time left, and I want to use it for productive purposes.

Mock me. Whatever. Make fun of me. I give a shit. All the funny “footlong and mayo” jokes that you repeat to each other like 3-year olds who got a rise out of mommy and daddy when they said “poopy!” Go right on ahead.

For you, as of this moment, Bill Schmalfeldt ceases to exist. I am not going to let you run my life. I am going to create. I will come up with a pen name and use it exclusively. You may find it entertaining to hunt me down. But you won’t find me.

Everything in this quote is false.

And because EVERYTHING in that quote is false, it logically follows that an objective mind can draw certain conclusions about the truth of this Tweet:

And that conclusion is, “THIS TOO IS FALSE.”

Bill Schmalfeldt is a lying racist, misogynist, bigoted, anti-Semitic douchebag.

Plus, it was a mere 9 hours and 37 minutes between “NOTHING I EVER DO AGAIN IN MY LIFE will have ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!”

…to this:

Bill Schmalfeldt would gain most of his reputation back (and I know that’s not saying much) if he could just learn to shut his piehole.

That would make me sad. Not as sad as his entire existence, but still…

Like(9)Dislike(0)

Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

How queer.

DUMBFUCK regularly posits that I am yanking the levers behind the curtains of every lickspittle commenter, even as he steadfastly maintains that he actually has a real, live fiancee (and not the skanky balloon animal we all know he pretends with instead) and PLANS TO MARRY HER SOMEDAY!!!

No, really!

Then again, he’s a proven liar, so…

Like(7)Dislike(0)

“Final Warning,” You Say?

Oh, no. Not again…

Are we up to a hundred “final” warnings yet from the Mendacious Manatee of Myrtle Beach?

Tiresome little twat.

On a related note…for as vociferously as he contests the notion that he does not have PD, in spite of all his self-contradictory statements, I don’t think I’m the only one who has noticed that he hasn’t posted a single mention of the Shrine of the Holy Resting Place of the Ashtray Soulmate, the Blessed Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn. In point of fact, I don’t think he has ever denied the allegations that he left her behind in the Midwest (and the capricious currents of the Mississippi River) when he went chasing strange down in Dixieland.

How queer.

Like(9)Dislike(0)