One of Those Days

Have you ever been driving to the office, and a song comes on the radio, full of existential angst, and there’s one line in the lyrics that hits you in a certain way.  Suddenly you feel all maudlin and philosophical, but you go with that, and you feel bubbling to the surface of your mind a beautiful, life-changing thought–

and then some asshole cuts you off in traffic and you lose the thought forever?

Well, that totally didn’t happen to me today.

Carry on.

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The Things You Learn By Paying Attention

Bill Schmaleldt, sooperleegulljeenyus, has filed 8 LOLSUITS in the last three years.

Seven were filed or counterfiled in federal court. The other was dismissed F from a state court because Bill Schmalfeldt does not understand the rules, and by “does not understand the rules” I mean “is a drooling idiot.”

Of the seven filed in federal court, 3 times he filed an amended complaint, and one suit has an amended complaint pending, according to the DUMBFUCK himself.

Of the three cases where an amended complaint was NOT filed, obviously those cases were dismissed due either to the fatal errors that were left uncorrected or at the request of the plaintiff through his welfare attorney.

The three cases where DUMBFUCK’S amended complaints solved every problem…were wildly successful, if by wildly successful I actually mean dismissed by the most basic of motions to dismiss.

At least one of those cases (as far as the general public knows) was dismissed based on a motion to dismiss filed by the Worst Attorney in the World, whom DUMBFUCK is too great a coward to name as a defendant in LOLSUIT VIII – The Fat and the Furryious.

Another of those three suits was dismissed WITH PREJUDICE by the plaintiff himself, and oh, how the fear pee flowed that day, and when DUMBFUCK fled Maryland.

The last of the three LOLSUITS that DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt amended to solve all the fatal flaws was dismissed for no discernible reason. Thank God for that, too, because if there is one thing that our Ballonpricker has shown the world over three years of futility, it’s that he LEARNS FROM THE FEW MISTAKES HE HAS EVER MADE.

Grady, Hoge, Johnson and Palmer are obviously doomed. They should lawyer up and get their check-writing hands warmed up.

THIS TIME…he’s solved it all. For sure.

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So I Guess The Great White Plagiarism Hunter Has Lost His Mojo

Used to be, not so long ago, that if John Hoge posted something on the Internet, you could count on a DUMBFUCK to stick that post into Google and call John a plagiarist for repeating a joke.

(Remind me to tell you the one about the lardass cripple who hired a flatbed truck and a forklift to haul him to court – it’s a really good one!)

Recently though, DUMBFUCK seems to have lost the knack for searching the Internet for thing other people have said.

Over at Cabin Boy Unread (no), a commenter named “Bob” took issue with the whinging that DUMBFUCK was aiming at Jason Chaffetz over his assertion that it might come down to a choice between paying a premium for the insurance or picking up that sweet iPhone.

Bob pointed out that long before Rep. Chaffetz spoke out on Sunday, President Lightbringer was saying essentially the same thing:

As you can see, DUMBFUCK’S response was as filled with grace and charm as anything else he’s ever written.  ALWAYS WITH THE BUTT STUFF…and especially so when the commenter in question shares a name with his monoplacental twin!  I wonder if there’s some deeper meaning there…

But it seems…what’s the word?…QUEER! that a DUMBFUCK so skilled at finding quotes on the Internet would go begging for help in this instance, when it’s right out in front of God and EVERYBODY to find.

Copy. Paste. Search. Result.

5 seconds, tops.

Whoo!  Somebody get me a cold drink, I am exhausted.

UPDATE:  After deleting a comment wherein “Bob” provided the linkage DUMBFUCK requested, “Bob” reposted the video. Sadly the archive does not retain the image, but I feel confident it is the same video posted above.

So now we have a record when DUMBFUCK deletes this comment too, during work hours at KMCN-FM.

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Berkeley: Peaceful Protest or Fascist Violence?

Boy, the Fabulously Jewish Nazi Ben Shapiro and the Fabulously Gay Nazi Milo Yiannopoulos sure are causing a lot of ruckus these days, huh?

The really interesting parallel that everyone seems to want to ignore lately is this:

“It’s the___(fill in the blank)__!”

There’s always got to be something in that blank.  And today, what matters is not what the people smashing windows and setting fires are doing (smashing windows and setting fires), it’s what you put in the (fill in the blank).

That’s a REALLY BIG PROBLEM.

In the 1930s, Hitler, Goebbels and the Nazi party worked really, really hard to propagandize a weary German populace who wanted a scapegoat on whom they could blame their problems.

First they put Socialists in the blank.

Then they put the Trade Unionists in the blank.

Then they put the Jews in the blank.

And the Nazis were able to justify and rationalize all sorts of atrocities, because after all, they were just Socialists. And Trade Unionists. And Jews. And Gypsies. And Homosexuals.

Today…there’s one well-spoken, fabulous British homosexual in the blank.

Today…there’s one well-spoken fabulous conservative Jew in the blank.

Today…there’s Nazis in that blank.

White supremacists getting sucker-punched.

Female journalists who work for the “wrong” media outlets, too.

Gun owners.

Plumbers who might possibly have voted for Trump but I’m too scared to ask them.

Girls in red hats getting pepper sprayed.

Girls getting their hair set on fire.

People who get their hands dirty for a living.

People who choose not to condemn the President, which was treason up until just two short weeks ago. I believe Matthew McConaughey is the latest to come under the long knives of the tolerant, LoveTrumpsHate crowd.

You see, when it comes to fascism, it doesn’t matter what or whom they choose to fill in the blank.

It’s the ones filling the blanks, lighting the fires and throwing the bricks who bear watching.  Because they have ALWAYS been the ones at the root of all the trouble.

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Elaine Chao Confirmed

According to Twitchy, Elaine Chao was confirmed as Secretary of Transportation today by a vote of 93-6.

Here’s a nice headshot of Ms. Chao.
For some reason, the mainstream media seems to prefer this one, though. Can’t imagine why.

Voting against Ms. Chao’s confirmation were Senators

  • Gillibrand
  • Merkley
  • Sanders
  • Schumer
  • Warren
  • Booker

Now, if we are playing the political game by the rule book favored by those who actually voted against Ms. Chao’s confirmation, there are only a very few reasons why they could have voted as they did.

  1. Racism
  2. Misogyny
  3. Both

What do you think the reasons were?

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Spot The Tell

On today’s episode, we have a statement from a certain commentator at a certain UNREAD website. See if you can spot the tell:

We felt this sense of pride that America had transcended its centuries of institutional racism and elected a black guy as our Commander-in-Chief.

It’s like a fart in an elevator, right? Even if you wanted to escape it you can’t.

But you know, some folks love to complain about CONTEXT. So here’s the whole paragraph.

Eight years ago today, January 20, 2009, my wife and I stood, holding hands, in front of our couch, watching as Barack Obama took the oath of office. We felt this sense of pride that America had transcended its centuries of institutional racism and elected a black guy as our Commander-in-Chief.

That is some kickass GS13 fed to fed writer/editoring, is what that is. “Look at my virtuous virtue signaling while simultaneously crankstomping my virtue by using a most decidedly un-PC pejorative to describe our checked-out Lightbringer and SCOAMF President!”

I’m tempted to say words fail, but there’s this post I’m writing, so…no.  

Thank God President Trump is here to lead us out away from this kind of idiocy and into a whole fresh new brand of idiocy.

‘Merica!

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

If any members of the Zombie Horde ever need a terrific visual definition of the term “one trick pony,” bookmark this image:

Waiting breathlessly for the inevitable “Let’s Meet This Week’s Paul Krendler (or Maybe Howard Earl), Mike Suttles of Northwestern, Oregon!” post…

And for fuck’s sake, you’d think even a writer-editor STALKER who highlights a 72% proficiency in English (his native language, natch) would be able to figure out that there’s NO TOWN IN OREGON CALLED “NORTHWESTERN!”

It is mistakes like this that do not bode well for his prospects to RETURM to work.

Maybe he should have called his good pal Phyllis Mason and asked her about it.

But no, of course not.

Because DUMBFUCK.

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You Know You Can’t Archive Posts From DUMBFUCK’S New Blog

So archive this instead!

There’s a teeny-tiny, hard to read paragraph in the middle there, that really doesn’t add much to the post, but if you’re dying to know what it says…

Money Damages.  This is the most common remedy sought in breach-of-contract actions.  Money damages may be awarded for losses that were proximately caused by the defendant’s breach, that were reasonably foreseeable, and that are proven with reasonable certainty. Reasonable foreseeable means that the damages are those that would arise naturally out of the breach of the contract.  Moreover, a plaintiff can recover damages that are reasonably supposed to have been in the mind of both parties at the time that the contract was formed.

Let it never be said that I am incomplete or inaccurate when reproducing DUMBFUCKERY for the purpose of commentary under the Fair Use provisions of United States Copyright Law. (Sound familiar?)

But do let it be said that I have not republished the blog post. If a DUMBFUCK believes he can split a hair so finely as to argue that a contract he signed isn’t a contract, then I can say that what I published is a JPEG file image of a blog post, which by definition is a JPEG file, not a blog post.

So, DUMBFUCK, go fuck yourself.  In the kidneys. With a jackhammer.

^^^^^^^^^^That’s commentary right there.

 

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The Triumphant Return of King Peondakiddies!

Sure it took him a couple of loooong days to think up something that met the very lowest standards of humor (his own), but he got there in the end.

Never mind that the whole story was a 4chan put up job with not even a single disgusting yellow drop of truth to it.

The King drank it down like lemonade on hot Saturday afternoon.

Who expected less?  Show of hands?

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

I sent a letter.  I have proof that I sent it – it’s in this mailbox (or at least one that looks an awful lot like it):

Sorry I forgot to take a picture of the envelope. This is the best I can do.

So I DEMAND that to be informed that it was received.

By 5:00 PM today.  Or I shall be angry.

Be well.

DUMBFUCK.

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