And, As Usual

…your opinion isn’t worth the toilet paper it’s smeared on.


Protest On Your Own Time

I saw an article on the Bing homepage about a player on the Washington Capitals speaking out and calling President Trump a racist.  It got me to thinking about the nature of protests by well-paid professional athletes, and what they put at risk in today’s culture by bravely standing up to protest issues on the field.

This sort of thing has been going on for years, of course. Particularly and lately in the NFL.

President Trump has made quite a lot of political hay on the issue.  I think he tapped a populist vein prior to the election that helped him win, but I also think he has continued to flog the issue long past its usefulness. On the other hand, for various reasons – chief among them TV ratings and the money that comes with them – the issue refuses to go away.

The NFL recently implemented a rule requiring players on the field to stand for the national anthem. Any players who do not wish to stand for the anthem can stay in the locker room without penalty or risk.

The one thing I’m sure of is that the beginning of the football season will NOT go smoothly.

This morning on the way to work, I remembered a movie from the 80s that seems relevant to the macro issue of professional athletes and protest.

The movie was called Amazing Grace and Chuck, and it came out in 1987.

I fear I may give away a lot of the plot here, so be warned; conversely, the movie is over thirty years old, so the statute of limitations has clearly expired on spoilers, shut up.

The main character is a Little League pitcher from Montana named Chuck. In the first act he and his class tour a missile silo and learn that nuclear annihilation is just as far away as the press of a button. A couple bad dreams later and he decides he cannot abide the global peril in silence.

As a form of protest, Chuck walks off his Little League diamond. He vows not to play baseball again until there are no nukes left on Earth.  This becomes a scandal of sorts and attracts the interest of the local TV news outlet.  In the pre-internet era, Chuck’s story goes viral, and reaches a professional basketball player named “Amazing” Grace Smith.

Grace follows suit, walking away from his team in protest of nuclear proliferation. He moves from Boston to Montana to support Chuck.  The news of a professional athlete at the top of his game leaving his team to protest sends shockwaves through the professional sports world.  Several athletes from other sports follow Chuck and Grace’s example.

Grace buys a barn and the athletes start renovating it as residence.

Things don’t go so well for Chuck and his family at home. Many of their neighbors turn on them, and Chuck’s father blames him.

Grace, through his agent, gets the bulk of the media attention as the voice of the protest, but the story is really about a resolute little boy and his wish for a better world.

There are mustache-twirling villains, of course, secretive war profiteers who like things just the way they are.  And as more athletes and more importantly, MORE CHILDREN begin to make visible sacrifices for this cause, these villains decide that SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.

When that tragedy strikes, Chuck and the rest of America are devastated. Chuck decides it is time to go one step further, and by doing so he sends a shockwave across the civilized world and changes the stakes completely.

I’ll leave the resolution to you, the audience, to find for yourselves. Even I draw the line at spoiling the ending.

But the point I wish to make about this admittedly fantastical movie is important:

Look at what the athletes in this story were willing to give up for their cause.

They sacrificed their fame, their talent, and their LIVELIHOODS to speak their protest.

Colin Kaepernick appears to be suing the NFL for collusion to GET BACK ON THE FIELD, TO CONTINUE GETTING PAID.

Now, he may be doing so because he simply failed to predict the real consequences of what he chose to do.  But he has said that he will continue to protest if he is signed by another team. This tactic seems calculated to advance the man and not the cause. It makes me want to question which is more important to him.

On the other hand, perhaps it is possible that in real life, unlike the movies, anyone really can be replaced.

And maybe today’s professional athletes aren’t emotionally prepared to accept that.


Ladies & Gents, the Comedy Genius of Bill Schmalfeldt

It’s Comedy 101, DUMBFUCK:


Especially when it’s someone else’s joke.



Delayed Self-Immolation is the Best Self-Immolation!


But then…just around the time the evening news broadcasts kicked off…

EDITOR’S NOTE: Earlier today, NBC News reported that there was a wiretap on the phones of Michael Cohen, President Trump’s longtime personal attorney, citing two separate sources with knowledge of the legal proceedings involving Cohen.

But three senior U.S. officials now dispute that, saying that the monitoring of Cohen’s phones was limited to a log of calls, known as a pen register, not a wiretap where investigators can actually listen to calls.

NBC News has changed the headline and revised parts of the original article.

Oopsie Poopsie!

Oh, Bill Schmalfeldt…once more, and not for the last time…

If only you had as much integrity as Fake News NBC (which, let’s face it, is so close to zero as to be indistinguishable) that you would issue a humiliating correction.

Not holding my breath, though.  It interferes with the ‘L’ in PLM.


It’s Not A Gun Problem

So I guess it’s time to talk about guns.

I have remained silent over the last several years on this topic. That’s not because I don’t have opinions; I do. I’m on the uncool side of the debate. You know…the one with all the guns.

There are several reasons I have not discussed it:

  1. This is a large and complex issue. Surprisingly, it has almost nothing to do with guns.
  2. I have always thought it disrespectful to jump from tragedy to politics without even a breath between. Recent events inform me that this disrespect no longer concerns most people.
  3. The people who talk about solving the problem cannot even identify the problem. Hint: it isn’t handguns, Trump, the GOP, the NRA, 30 round magazines or scary black automatic weapons.
  4. The people who want to have a “gun control discussion” don’t seem to want a discussion. They want to shout “DO WHAT I WANT! WHY DO YOU HATE CHILDREN?? SHUT UP, RACIST!!”
  5. Nobody wants to be calm and rational.
  6. Nobody seeks root causes.
  7. Nobody will acknowledge that EVERY SINGLE shooting is different, EVERY SINGLE shooter is differently motivated, and in EVERY SINGLE case, the shooter broke multiple existing laws prior to executing whatever plan he created. As a result, there is no simple solution for every possible case.

The easy beginning here is to express grief and sympathy with the victims, and use that to leverage the Moral Authority Card to point at all the #UsualSuspects and shout “SHAAAAME ON YOOOUUUU!!” and then whine a bunch about doing something! ANYTHING! to get rid of the scary black guns.

Well, that’s been tried. It hasn’t worked.

And as for doing something! ANYTHING!! to get rid of guns in schools? That’s been tried, too.

The Gun Free School Zones Act of 1990 (as amended in 1997) criminalized possession of a firearm in a school zone by an unauthorized person, subject to several exceptions.  In English, it means “ya can’t bring guns ta school if’n y’ain’t got permission.”

Observation tells us that hasn’t worked, either.

Why not?

Let’s toss this huge rock into the pond and check out the ripples.


The American criminal justice system is imperfect.  It was conceived by imperfect men, codified by imperfect men and women, and administered by imperfect men and women.  As such, it will never work.  Error is built into it. Error is introduced into it.  Small errors become precedent. Precedent becomes policy. Policy compounds error, because it too is conceived, codified, implemented and administered by imperfect humans.

I don’t believe the gun control lobby wants to solve the problem.  If they wanted to solve the problem, they would first figure out what causes the problem.

Guns are not the problem.

Take a loaded, scary, black AR-15, disengage the safety, lay it on a counter in your kitchen, and you know what will happen?


It’s a law of physics. Newton’s First Law of Motion says that an object remains at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless acted upon by a force.

That gun will sit there forever until something comes along and moves it. It won’t get up, bounce on over to the local K-6 center and start popping caps at the kiddies. It won’t even accidentally fall off the counter and discharge a round.

It will never do that unless acted on by a force.

It’s not the gun that shoots people.

It’s not the car that hits pedestrians.

It’s not the fork and spoon that make people fat.

The problem is not the gun. It’s the FORCE acting on the gun.

It’s a person.

Someone is firing that gun.  Maybe that person is the problem.

Or maybe they’re just part of it.

Along with the imperfect folks who dreamed up and run the criminal justice system we have.


There’s more to it.


Of course there’s more to it.

I noticed that the two guys who did the shooting in Littleton, CO in 1999 killed themselves.  In the aftermath, it was determined that both boys had serious problems.

Not serious enough that they were able to come back to life and execute a fatal shooting at a middle school in Deming, NM seven months later. That was another boy, a 12 year old with serious emotional problems. He was sentenced to two years in prison.

He hadn’t been sentenced yet, but he was not the 6 year old boy who shot and killed a classmate at a school in Mount Morris Township, MI in February 2000.  That boy was not charged, but the 19 year old boy living in the house, who left the gun where the youngster could get at it, was sentenced to prison, as was the boy’s uncle who owned the house.

But in May of the same year, a 13 year old honor student shot and killed his favorite teacher in Lake Worth, Florida. He used a gun he had found earlier in a cookie tin at his godfather’s house and, caught in a moment of high stress and impulsive anger, ended one life and forever ruined his own.

He was not available in March 2001, when a 15 year old boy, a victim of bullying at his new high school in Santee, California, killed two students and wounded thirteen.  It was later determined that he had several stressors and emotional problems.

That troubled young man had been sentenced to life in prison by September of 2003, when another 15 year old freshman shot and killed two students at a high school in Cold Spring, Minnesota. According to the shooter, one of the victims bullied him over his severe acne. The other victim was in the wrong place at the wrong time. According to Wikipedia, many psychiatrists examined this shooter. Some diagnosed him as schizophrenic, while others declared he had “depression in remission” and “an emerging personality disorder.”  In other words, the boy had serious problems.

It was different 16 year old boy with serious emotional problems who murdered his grandfather and his grandfather’s girlfriend before going to his high school in Red Lake, Minnesota, where he opened fire, killing seven and wounding five others before turning the gun on himself.

In November 2005, yet another troubled 15 year old shot three men, killing one, with a gun he had brought to his high school in Jacksboro, Tennessee, hoping to trade it for OxyContin.

I can go on.  Thanks to the Google Machine, I could list the circumstances behind every school shooting that has taken place since 1999, throwing in some non-school shootings for good measure as well, and you would find two things in common with each and every shooter: first, all of them were “troubled” in some way; and second, not a single one of them ever managed to do it again. The set of problems that led the boys at Columbine to that place, at that time, with those weapons are different from the set of problems leading up to every other shooting.

No two shootings are the same.

This will be true forever.

Every shooter wound up dead or in custody.  My point is that there are young men out there who have problems, troubles and stresses, and up to and including the moment they first pull the trigger, they believe the best possible solution is to pick up a gun.

There may be more artful ways to say this, but none more accurate:


You have to wonder why these boys think a gun will solve their problem, don’t you?

To step back up the chain a bit, you also have to wonder what piece of gun control legislation Congress can pass to fix that way of thinking.

Guns are not the problem.

The thinking of the person behind the gun?

Maybe so.


The problem is cultural. And as Andrew Breitbart pointed out, “Politics is downstream from culture.”

This is where we come to some of the really deep, barely noticeable ripples from the rock I’ve thrown in this pond.


Fifty years ago, Hollywood made movies that entertained viewers more than they preached what horrible people those viewers were.

Fifty years ago, kids who had arguments at school settled it after school by the bike rack without worry about getting suspended for a week.

Fifty years ago, boys who couldn’t behave in class got punished. My older brother had a teacher break an old-fashioned paddle over his backside when he was in fifth grade. I’m not talking about a flimsy hardware store yardstick, either, it was a pine plank with a handle and holes drilled in it for extra pleasure enhancement, nomesayin’?

Fifty years ago, people were virtuous. You could send your kids to the park to play without having to go along. You could watch them leave the house on a bike at sunrise to go knock on doors and find their friends to get a pick-up ballgame going, and know they would be home when the streetlights came on. If they brought friends home for lunch, they all got baloney sandwiches and potato chips, because their moms fed your kids yesterday.

Fifty years ago, the standard family unit was still nuclear. A father (male), a mother (female) and children.

Fifty years ago, people didn’t have personal computers and handheld devices drawing their attention out of the real world and into a virtual reality.  They had friends and neighbors, whose names they knew and with whom they had conversations.

Fifty years ago, kids achieved self-esteem by earning it through trial-and-error, by failing early and learning that “Hey, you know what? You can get over it and do better next time.” Winners got trophies and everybody else griped until tomorrow.

Now, Hollywood cannot make a movie without overseers of political correctness deciding who is and is not the correct ethnicity for a role, and unleashing an Army of Wokeness on movies with a (culturally appropriate) cast of 99.8% black actors for not celebrating LGBT culture.

Yes, that happened this week.

Now, it doesn’t matter who starts a fight at school.  If one student touches another, even if the non-aggressor doesn’t fight back, everybody gets suspended. That’s the common sense solution, because it doesn’t require any teachers or administrators to do anything as difficult as make a judgment call on a case-by-case basis.

Now, boys who can’t behave in class still get punished, but with Ritalin and Adderall. If they still misbehave, the parents, oops, I mean – PARENT is called. Often there is only one. And whose side does that parent take? Their child, over the adult.

Now, you can’t send kids to the park alone because of all the sexual predators on Law & Order: SVU and the serial killers on Criminal Minds. Your kid’s bike (if they even have one) has a GPS unit so you know where they are every minute of the day. They figure out lunch on their own because everybody’s at work, where you keep an eye on them with a webcam.

Now, the standard family unit is chaos.  It’s a panoply of choices, but the nuclear family unit is undeniably in decline. The head of a single parent family can rarely afford to alienate a child, because there’s no good cop to encourage them after a much-deserved punishment is given.

Now, our families and friends are spread across the world in this global economy, and conversations happen across the Wi-Fi on a tiny glowing screen. Neighbors? Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat! I’m binge-watching Stranger Things, leave me alone!

Now, kids are BORN with self esteem. Everyone is special. Nobody fails, they just succeed in a different way.  And they sure don’t learn to deal with it. Every game ends in a tie, everybody gets a participation trophy, and then we’re all going for ice cream! When life doesn’t go how it’s supposed to, by God, somebody’s to blame!

And when I find out who it is, I’m going to shoot them!

Or better yet, I’ll pretend to BE them, call their local 911 and tell them I just shot my family so they send a SWAT team to their house, won’t that be hilarious?

Fifty years ago, the culture encouraged self-reliance, strong families, neighborhood connection and independence.

Now, our culture tells us that those values are warped, that violence never solves anything, that you need your village to raise your child, that no particular family structure is better than any other, that to be cool you have to own the latest tech and have a maximum attention span of thirty-four seconds, that your friends matter more for their skin color than for their character, that you are unique and special and a winner JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE and somebody owes you a living just because you showed up.

This is the point where hysterics will start ticking off bullet points.

  • You’re a HATER!
  • Why do you hate children?
  • Why are you anti-progress?
  • You want to go back to slavery!
  • Why do you hate women in the workforce?
  • You want separate lunch counters!
  • Why do you defend pedophiles?
  • You’re anti-family!
  • You LUDDITE!

Of course, none of those things are true.

I am sure that others will rapidly reach those conclusions about me, consult the playbook and respond accordingly. In a moment you will encounter a quote that explains what I think of people like that, who have no particular purpose like I do for behaving the way I do toward some people…well, just one, really…someone has to be the Accurate Reflection.

All I am saying is things used to be one way. Now, things are different. As Stephen King might like to say, “The world has moved on.”  Some things are much, much better than they used to be. Other things are much, much worse.

There are unintended consequences to every social improvement.

Entertainers and journalists become politicized, and audiences become polarized.

Children are punished for acting like children, and they lose constructive and useful outlets for their God-given enthusiasms.

Entertainment shows us twenty years of sex criminals, thirteen years of serial killers, nothing but horror stories leading the local news, and people start to think there’s a criminal around every corner and one in five girls are raped at college.

Families break up. Single mothers are incentivized by government welfare systems NOT to work AND to have MORE children out of wedlock, and the family unit becomes even weaker.

We allow our kids to learn they are fine just the way they are, that there are no winners and no losers and no success and no failure, and they never become motivated to be better.

We decide that punishing children in certain forceful and immediate ways is inappropriate, and they learn there are no consequences for breaking rules.

Taken individually, each of these is a small thing. Unfortunately, we can’t take them individually.  They have a collective, force-multiplying effect.

Break the bonds between people and drive them apart. Manufacture a moral basis for making one side superior to the other.  Tell people they should be inordinately frightened. Emphasize conformity over excellence. Incentivize the breakup of the nuclear family, leaving emotional, hormonal teenagers without traditional support systems. Shame (and, ironically, punish) people who punish their children’s bad behavior, then wonder why you get more bad behavior and broken families.

That’s a broken culture.


There’s a science fiction novel by Robert A. Heinlein called Friday. It’s set in a future where space travel is the norm, the Moon is colonized, and the United States has broken up into Balkanized nation-states.  The plot is unimportant to this discussion (read the book anyway, I recommend it), but there is a moment in the second half of the book where one character asks the heroine,

“What are the marks of sick culture?”

“It is a bad sign when the people of a country stop identifying themselves with the country and start identifying with a group. A racial group. Or a religion. Or a language. Anything, as long as it isn’t the whole population.”

“A very bad sign. Particularism. It was once considered a Spanish vice but any country can fall sick with it. Dominance of males over females seems to be one of the symptoms.”

“Before a revolution can take place, the population must lose faith in both the police and the courts.”

“High taxation is important and so is inflation of the currency and the ratio of the productive to those on the public payroll. But that’s old hat; everybody knows that a country is on the skids when its income and outgo get out of balance and stay that way – even though there are always endless attempts to wish it away by legislation. But I started looking for little signs and what some call silly-season symptoms.

I want to mention one of the obvious symptoms: Violence. Muggings. Sniping. Arson. Bombing. Terrorism of any sort. Riots of course – but I suspect that little incidents of violence, pecking away at people day after day, damage a culture even more than riots that flare up and then die down. Oh, conscription and slavery and arbitrary compulsion of all sorts and imprisonment without bail and without speedy trial – but those things are obvious; all the histories list them.”

“I think you have missed the most alarming symptom of all. This one I shall tell you. But go back and search for it. Examine it. Sick cultures show a complex of symptoms as you have named… But a dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot.

“This symptom is especially serious in that an individual displaying it never thinks of it as a sign of ill health but as proof of his/her strength. Look for it. Study it. It is too late to save this culture – this worldwide culture, not just the freak show here in California. Therefore we must now prepare the monasteries for the coming Dark Age. Electronic records are too fragile; we must again have books, of stable inks and resistant paper.”

That passage has stuck with me since I read the book over thirty years ago. Not all of the symptoms mentioned above are present today. Many are. In my opinion, there are enough matches to the list Heinlein outlines here to conclude that ours is a dying culture.

And, politics being downstream of it…there is no way to “wish it away by legislation.”

Imperfect systems are imperfect. Even the processes we have in place today failed to stop the latest shooting.  The FBI received two separate reports about this shooter in the last six months and failed to do anything.  The Broward County Sheriff’s Department was called to his house 39 times in the 7 years prior to the shooting.

Guns are not the problem.

The problem is much larger than that.  The problem is much larger than I have gotten around to describing in these thirty-two hundred words. Taking away every gun from every civilian in America, and melting them into a modern art masterpiece won’t solve the problem.

In my next post on this topic, I’m going to try to cover some of the deep political obstacles that must be overcome prior to looking at solutions to whatever we want to call this problem.

Because it’s not a gun problem.


And Who Better To Recognize A Toothless Threat Than DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt?

0 for VIII, anyone?

Let me guess…some of your best friends are Jews, too!  Just like anti-Semite racist woman-hater (thank God you’re just a pecker wrecker sockpuppet!) Bill Schmalfeldt?


Drawing A Straight Line From Bill Schmalfeldt to Pedophilia, Racism, Misogyny, Anti-Semitism, Drugs & Terrorism



It’s a simple matter of “unnecessary air-quote” connecting the dots “unnecessary air-unquote:” Drawing a straight line from transient left wing idiot, Stolen Valor veteran, welfare whore and cyberstalking harasser Bill Schmalfeldt to brass knuckles reputation management lawfare aficionado Brett Kimberlin, the convicted Speedway Bomber, domestic terrorist, drug dealer and forger, one-time wannabe rockstar and champion of the movement to, um… “romance” underage girls in the name of pedophilia, a philosophy that is the direct opposite of normal, though not for lack of effort on the part of the enlightened, progressive Left. (It emphasizes that romantic and sexual relationships between adults and children who are legally and emotionally incapable of consent is perfectly fine.

A recent piece in BuzzFeed (which we aren’t going to link because we’re assholes like that here at Cabin Boy Unread) had absolutely nothing to do with the relationship between welfare whore Bill Schmalfeldt and adjudicated pedophile Brett Kimberlin, but you can find plenty of information here.

Schmalfeldt is currently in his second stint as the editor of Breitbart Unmasked (no, I won’t link to it – malware warnings), a website connected to Kimberlin and given to publishing multiple fawning profiles about him while ignoring his criminal history and epic failures at shutting up his critics via lawfare. Schmalfeldt, who tries to portray himself as a glib, sarcastic satirical genius and investigative journalist on this website as well as hundreds of other failed blogs, podcast channels and Twitter accounts he has created, then abandoned or had yanked from public view over the last decade, has also authored many self-published masturbatory fantasies disguised as “exposés” of people he has continuously tried and failed to sue for defamation and other false claims. Many of these books have also been pulled from online bookshelves due to copyright violations.

There’s not much about Schmalfeldt’s public rantings to love.

  • He has written, performed and offered for sale audio skits featuring Cub Scouts discussing and engaging in homosexual acts with one another in pornographic detail;
  • He has written, performed and offered for sale audio skits referring to African American characters as “boy” and referring to them as house servants;
  • He has written, produced and performed audio skits in which he imagines himself disinterring dead babies and eating them;
  • He has published photos of himself eating live kittens;
  • He has referred to Ali Akbar, an African American, as “boy;”
  • After a confederate suggested that the wife of one of the targets of his harassment should be raped, Schmalfeldt helpfully provided the street address on Twitter, while not in any way agreeing with the whole rape thing (wink, wink);
  • He has additionally said, dozens if not hundreds of times, that this same target of his harassment pimped out his wife, while not in any way suggesting that the wife herself was a whore (nudge, nudge);
  • He has insulted the Filipino spouse of a Virginia attorney by suggesting that she was a mail order bride, and that the lawyer might “send her packing back to Asia where he purchased her;” (say no more, say no more)
  • Even though he himself barely graduated high school, and may in fact have been graduated just to get him out of the local educational system, he often refers to women who offer opinions he cannot understand as “dim twats,” “stupid cunts,” “cum-gargling fuckwits” or any of the multiple possible combinations thereof;
  • He has made anti-Semitic statements referring to slaving away like Israelites for Pharoah;
  • He and his insipid balloon animal of a girlfriend regularly insult their perceived adversaries – and believe me, do they ever have to punch up – with homosexual slurs such as gays, fags and faggots;
  • He has published gleeful Twitter rants apophatically referring to one columnist as a “closeted repressed homosexual,” a “simpering, limp-wristed glory-hole queen,” an “angry, self-hating homosexual” and a “pillow-biting studded leather collar-wearing bukkake boy,” as if such sexual orientations were off the normal scales and somehow worthy of scorn;
  • On at least one occasion, he has photoshopped his perceived enemies into homosexual pornographic photographs, as if being homosexual were something to be ashamed of.

The things he says in private are far worse, far more insidious and despicable.

An anonymous but trusted source has provided Thinking Man’s Zombie with communications with Schmalfeldt, in which Schmalfeldt shares his glee over bashing peoples’ skulls with rocks, glorifying over the imagery of kicking people out of their homes, taking away their children’s inheritances, getting them fired from their jobs after doxing them, and shoving lit M-80s up the rectums of their pets just like when he was a kid.

Schmalfeldt is far less glib and urbane when discussing his violent dreams out of sight of the public. He brags about an in situ plot to overthrow the government of the United States, saying that a large number of generals and admirals are on board and ready to move if Donald Trump goes a step too far.  He is either delusional or a liar, but at times like this there is nothing like the power of AND.  Schmalfeldt now has the time to work on funding his latest projects…fleecing the left-wing idiots of America to fund a 48 state “bucket list” road trip along with about $2500 of new toys to “document” the journey, grifting for a brand new mobility scooter that Medicare would pay for if only he could find a competent doctor to prescribe for him, and pro se prosecuting yet another Federal LOLSUIT that has less than a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting to trial.

Is Schmalfeldt just thumping his concave chest? Preening like a peacock, trying to impress the reader with his illusory power and might?

Well, obviously!

And if it isn’t all just talk, where is the funding coming from?

That question takes us back to the beginning.

Brett Kimberlin is a convicted bomber who was found civilly liable for the death of one of his victims but hid all his assets to avoid paying the judgment. He is a convicted forger, drug dealer and perjurer who has spent years along with thousands of dollars engaging in lawfare against many with whom he shares common hatred along with Bill Schmalfeldt. Also, he blew $9000 to buy a fake Russian dossier on Donald Trump.

No, really!

Bill Schmalfeldt is a friend of Brett Kimberlin, by his own admission:

Who’s to say that Kimberlin is not funding Schmalfeldt’s dreams of almost-beachside month-to-month rental retirement in a Myrtle Beach motel-gone-cheap-condo? How do we know Kimberlin is not laughing up his sleeve behind the scenes at Schmalfeldt’s impotent fist shaking dreams of crushing his enemies THIS TIME, AT LONG LAST!!! in a South Carolina court with a case far more flimsy than he has ever had before, even more flimsy than the case that caused a court-conscripted welfare lawyer in Chicago to fire him and run him out of town, shaking with derisive pointage, laughery and mockification?

We don’t know.

Maybe it’s time to start asking questions?


Hey, While We’re Giving Out Free Advice…

I’m not telling anyone what to do. But it seems to me that if I had

  • lost a lawsuit by voluntarily dismissing it because THE STRESS IS GOING TO KILL ME!!! (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a counterclaim lawsuit because I couldn’t find or serve the counterclaim defendants prior to dismissal with prejudice (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a third lawsuit because I don’t understand personal jurisdiction (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a fourth lawsuit because I couldn’t figure out how to serve the defendants (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a fifth lawsuit because I voluntarily dismissed it – WITH PREJUDICE! – because I had to run away from my perjured IFP application and the sanctions sought by the retired lawyer I sued (after bragging about certain victory);
  • lost a sixth lawsuit because I STILL don’t understand personal jurisdiction as well as the “Worst Lawyer in the World”™ (after bragging about certain victory);
  • filed a seventh lawsuit that was so facially without merit that a court appointed lawyer dumped me as a client, had a nervous breakdown, quit the legal profession and now works in a car wash (after bragging about certain victory);
  • filed an eighth lawsuit that will also be dismissed because I STILL don’t understand personal jurisdiction (even as I continue bragging about certain victory)…

…and if I were also a sycophant and ass-licking nut sniffer of a convicted bomber, drug dealer and forger who also happens to be an adjudicated pedophile…
…and if I were also a retired GS-13 writer editor who can neither write nor edit as well as the average 13 year old boy who has never seen a pencil…
…and if I were also a self-styled “investigative journalist of over thirty years experience” only if being a truck driver and a podunk deejay for 18 months in a market count as investigative journalism…
…and if I were also a multimedia moron who can’t seem to keep a single blog or Twitter name for more than forty days before saying something so dumb and self-incriminating it makes more sense to blow it all up and start over than to explain my idiocy…
…and if I were also a self-styled sufferer of “Parkinson’s disease” merely because I was once in the control group of a clinical study that I got kicked out of and I’ve been trying to parlay a fake disability into Progressive political street cred even though I never seems to actually get any worse…
…and if I were also a serial liar who had been caught out not dozens but HUNDREDS of times in my lies…
…and if I were also an adjudicated cyberharasser and cyberstalker with over a dozen orders of restraint to my name in half a dozen states, even though in each and every single case I BRAGGED OF CERTAIN VICTORY…
…and if I were also a man who produces, performs, broadcasts and sells audio skits depicting minors in sexual activities with adults in pornographic detail…
…and if I were also a man who produces, performs, broadcasts and sells audio skits that are purely racist in nature…
…and if I were also a man who refers to African Americans as “boy” in my podcasts…
…and if I were also a man who refers to Asian woman as mail order brides…
…and if I were also a twice-cuckolded useless excuse for a husband whose children – some of whom are even the fruit of my loins, though I’m not sure which ones – want nothing to do with me…
…and if I were also a man who sets up online dating profiles in which I lie about the fact that I have children and that I smoke like a fucking chimney, even though it’s bad for my fake Parkinson’s disease…
…and if I were also a man who enjoys an occasional top-shelf bourbon because I’m truly desperate enough to pay for it after wiping out the entire stock of the generic label at the Piggly Wiggly, even though it’s bad for my fake Parkinson’s…
…and if I were also a man so desperate to set up my enemies that I would curb rub my tires until they blow just so I could file a police report accusing a man of slashing them…
…and if I were also a man who sets up a GoFundMe to finance a 14,000 mile road trip two months before declaring myself so disabled by fake Parkinson’s that I cannot drive…
…and if I were also a man who drove 3000 miles from Iowa to South Carolina to Iowa to South Carolina just to chase the withered **** of the ugliest inflat-a-skank on the eastern seaboard two months before declaring myself so disabled by fake Parkinson’s that I cannot drive…

…common sense would dictate that I have no leg to stand on if I want to argue that anyone else is responsible for destroying my “sterling reputation” other than myself.

Boy! Thank God I’m none of those things…just the accruate reflection of someone who is ALL THOSE THINGS!

Take the balloon animal’s advice, DUMBFUCK:

Everything will proceed as I have foreseen:

Dismissal for all defendants – lack of jurisdiction.


You Want To Talk Scoreboard? Okay, Let’s Talk Scoreboard

And remember, this is an accounting which is VERY GENEROUS to the gelatinous vermin Bill Schmalfeldt.  It does not account for individual counts filed against individual defendants in his LOLSUITS.  If it did, his humiliation would be even greater.


Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 10 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


Schmalfeldt filed 8 counts against 3 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 8


Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 4 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4

Let’s take a break and check the running total:

SCHMALFELDT, BIG FAT ZERO (in life as well as on the scoreboard) – 0

All Civil Defendants – 16

Back to the breakdown…


Schmalfeldt filed 3 counts against 4 defendants (including yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 3


Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 7 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4

The running total:

SCHMALFELDT, STILL A BIG FAT ZERO (in life as well as on the scoreboard) – 0

All Civil Defendants – 23

This concludes the Maryland portion of our show, as DUMBFUCK fled to Wisconsin to escape the consequences of his perjured IFP application and the legal wizardry of David Edgren (hope the bike ride is going well, David!).

Back to the breakdown…


Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 6 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


Schmalfeldt filed 6 counts against 2 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:

SCHMALFELDT – 0, Defendants – 4


Schmalfeldt filed 4 counts against 4 defendants (leaving out yours truly).

Scoreboard says:


Current running total:


Everyone he’s ever tried to sue – 33 (with 4 counts pending)

It’s hardly a surprise that he never wants to talk about THAT scoreboard, unless it’s to whine like a pussy about never having reached a point where his bullshit claims could be judged on lost on the merits.

To ask why is to answer the question, though.

Here’s an exit question: does government health insurance cover injuries sustained from sticking one’s tiny little penis into a wood chipper or the human equivalent? Asking for a friend…


A Better Get-Rich-Quick Scheme Than Suing for Defamation All Over America

1. Move to North Carolina;

2. Let your soulmate (or inflat-a-skank, as the case may be) get a job;

3. Sue truck drivers for alienation of affection (hell, you might even find a lawyer to TAKE that case!);