I’m sure some fresh, lawsuit-worthy outrage will be manufactured out of nothing before the IFP-breaking coffeemaker finishes brewing.
Wait, what? Oh. Well, should have seen that coming…
I hear a DUMBFUCK has been misinterpreting FRCP 15(c) today, and it was epically hilarious. I’m sure it didn’t mean to be hilarious though. In much the same way that DUMBFUCK is hilarious when trying to be smart, stupid when trying to be hilarious and it sounds as smart as it ever does when attempting to sound stupid. It’s a vicious cycle.
Aside from DUMBFUCK’S FUCKING DUMB argument regarding the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure, it seems awfully silent on the notion of jurisdiction. Before anything gets to the merits, DUMBFUCK has to establish that.
It would be fair to say he’s having trouble doing that, except that, as Grady said in his Motion to Strike, “doing so suggests that he actually tried.”
Note: The following is a PARODY of a blog post that purported to be a news-like article (but was probably just SATIRE! CAN’T YOU PEOPLE TELL A JOKE WHEN YOU READ ONE??? FOCUS! Which reminds me – anybody need a used car? I’m lawyering up.). The original, actionable, defamatory blog post will soon be deleted in a steaming yellow cloud of fear pee by the cowardly author, but no matter; it has been archived forever here.
THIS is a constitutionally protected PARODY. A funny, funny PARODY. And if you don’t like it, go eat a bag of dicks.
So if you want to laugh at a DUMBFUCK, click that link. Then come back here and laugh even harder.
This is a disturbing story about a disturbed man that is disturbing on so many disturbing levels. Sick, political liberal author, satirist, blog icon, multimedia mogul, noted private citizen, adjudicated cyberstalking harasser extraordinaire and Sadistic Boy Scout Butt-Rape aficionado Bill Schmalfeldt has taken what some see as a strange interest in a convicted forger, perjurer, drug dealer, bombsetter and likely murderer and pedophile. Schmalfeldt, who has a podcast on just about every possible internet outlet all at once now that his wife (God rest her soul) no longer controls the family purse strings or impacts the food budget, seemingly invents death threats, convoluted forgery schemes and extortion plots against himself because he is nothing but an average guy who apparently stopped killing cats after he joined the Navy, according to childhood neighbors who remember being told “not to play with that weirdo.” Current citizens cursed to live near him – they visibly bristle at being called “neighbors” – indicate he “never said or wrote nothin’ mean about nobody never and just you try and prove it by looking at the scores of blogs and Twitter accounts that he neither deletes nor deletes from.”
As it turns out, this everyday boy-next-door anal enthusiast has something in common with another public icon: like former Subway spokesnerd Jared Fogle, Bill Schmalfeldt is being actively investigated for potential sex-related criminal activities. Authorities in multiple jurisdictions declined comment about possible rape accusations made against Schmalfeldt, but sources speaking on condition of anonymity have said that recent advances in forensic science and DNA identification have led to many cold cases being re-opened and solved. Some even suspect that Schmalfeldt and Fogle have exchanged passwords for dark net accounts, but no such evidence has yet surfaced.
What else do Creepy Stalker Schmalfeldt and his young pal Fogle have in common, other than race, a love of creamy vanilla Jell-O pudding, watching I-Spy reruns and…
wait for it…
footlongs with mayo?
What have they been exchanging in the secluded, dank corners of the dark web? We may never know for sure. But Matt Osborne at BunnyBoy Unread (<— not really a link) has the details. Remember, we’re not making any accusations. Talk to that guy.
When your relatives say you’ve been up to something stinky with a minor child–that may have gotten your whole family run out of town to some godforsaken hole in North Dakota or something–and call you out on it, can the heinous and vile Browneye Lover Bill Schmalfeldt be far from a lifetime stay at the Grey Bar Hotel, learning to love midnight snacks from Bubba’s Darkmeat Whistle Stop Cafe?
Remember – the preceding is a PARODY. If it makes you uncomfortable, please…stop reading. I can’t help it if you feel guilty.
Or this fella? Can I use him?
Here’s my point:
I especially like that 10%/1000 maximum word limit on text…
What I learned from this complete idiot is that standards (especially his) are tremendously flexible, even from minute to minute, depending on what he wants to steal or what he wants to protect. Plus everything’s gotta be registered and approved with the right forms and shit like that.
And I have a whole collection of pictures of hospitalized women that aren’t registered either. Might make a nice collage out of those someday.
Like, for instance, this one:
Put it on Twitter, give up control.
Also, those laws DUMBFUCK likes to toss about like a fart in a hurricane? One would think that by this point in its illustrious legal career it would have learned that the law doesn’t mean what it says it means just because it says it does. There are a couple of reasons I generally refer to DUMBFUCK as a DUMBFUCK: first, it simply fits; second it’s just a lot easier than typing adjudicated cyberstalker, adjudicated cyberharasser, subject of multiple peace orders in multiple states, proven liar, whining, humorless dickbag.
…it can always dial WHINE-1-1 for a
I think a DUMBFUCK wouldn’t mind if I rephrase his Tweet a bit more accurately:
This is called “mockery.” R.S. McCain has phrased it “The best way to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.” This practice gives me “butthurt.” I wish it was against the law in Maryland. And the coffee I spilled is evidence that I need to buy a new suit.