Oh, Yes, We're All Sooooo Evil

Of all the things DUMBFUCK says he doesn’t remembers saying or doing (because NOT DEMENTED), I’d lay good money that he doesn’t remember this the most:

[audio http://stran-storage.s3.amazonaws.com/collette%202.mp3]

Oh, almost forgot… 

Vinnie says “Hey.”

UPDATE – I don’t know why the audio play did not embed in the previous version.  But it’s there now, and everything makes much more sense.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Oh, let’s not be hasty. DUMBFUCK needs to chill.

I’m sure some fresh, lawsuit-worthy outrage will be manufactured out of nothing before the IFP-breaking coffeemaker finishes brewing.

Wait, what? Oh. Well, should have seen that coming…

Never mind.


Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

I hear a DUMBFUCK has been misinterpreting FRCP 15(c) today, and it was epically hilarious.  I’m sure it didn’t mean to be hilarious though.  In much the same way that DUMBFUCK is hilarious when trying to be smart, stupid when trying to be hilarious and it sounds as smart as it ever does when attempting to sound stupid.  It’s a vicious cycle.

Aside from DUMBFUCK’S FUCKING DUMB argument regarding the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure, it seems awfully silent on the notion of jurisdiction.  Before anything gets to the merits, DUMBFUCK has to establish that.

It would be fair to say he’s having trouble doing that, except that, as Grady said in his Motion to Strike, “doing so suggests that he actually tried.”



So titled because morning is done in some places, and nearly so in others…

GMDF 7-13-15


Fixed that for ya.  DUMBFUCK.


Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

I know a guy who’s been asking you to do that for over two years.  Why don’t you go first?



Either way, this is how simple it is:



Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

When I saw this: 

I thought of the YouTube terms of Service, sections 6.C-E.

And then I was all like this:


Good Morning DUMBFUCK!

Note:  The following is a PARODY of a blog post that purported to be a news-like article (but was probably just SATIRE!  CAN’T YOU PEOPLE TELL A JOKE WHEN YOU READ ONE???  FOCUS!  Which reminds me – anybody need a used car?  I’m lawyering up.).  The original, actionable, defamatory blog post will soon be deleted in a steaming yellow cloud of fear pee by the cowardly author, but no matter; it has been archived forever here.

THIS is a constitutionally protected PARODY.  A funny, funny PARODY.  And if you don’t like it, go eat a bag of dicks.

So if you want to laugh at a DUMBFUCK, click that link.  Then come back here and laugh even harder.


This is a disturbing story about a disturbed man that is disturbing on so many disturbing levels. Sick, political liberal author, satirist, blog icon, multimedia mogul, noted private citizen, adjudicated cyberstalking harasser extraordinaire and Sadistic Boy Scout Butt-Rape aficionado Bill Schmalfeldt has taken what some see as a strange interest in a convicted forger, perjurer, drug dealer, bombsetter and likely murderer and pedophile.  Schmalfeldt, who has a podcast on just about every possible internet outlet all at once now that his wife (God rest her soul) no longer controls the family purse strings or impacts the food budget, seemingly invents death threats, convoluted forgery schemes and extortion plots against himself because he is nothing but an average guy who apparently stopped killing cats after he joined the Navy, according to childhood neighbors who remember being told “not to play with that weirdo.”  Current citizens cursed to live near him – they visibly bristle at being called “neighbors” – indicate he “never said or wrote nothin’ mean about nobody never and just you try and prove it by looking at the scores of blogs and Twitter accounts that he neither deletes nor deletes from.

As it turns out, this everyday boy-next-door anal enthusiast has something in common with another public icon:  like former Subway spokesnerd Jared Fogle, Bill Schmalfeldt is being actively investigated for potential sex-related criminal activities.  Authorities in multiple jurisdictions declined comment about possible rape accusations made against Schmalfeldt, but sources speaking on condition of anonymity have said that recent advances in forensic science and DNA identification have led to many cold cases being re-opened and solved. Some even suspect that Schmalfeldt and Fogle have exchanged passwords for dark net accounts, but no such evidence has yet surfaced.

What else do Creepy Stalker Schmalfeldt and his young pal Fogle have in common, other than race, a love of creamy vanilla Jell-O pudding, watching I-Spy reruns and…

wait for it…

footlongs with mayo?   

What have they been exchanging in the secluded, dank corners of the dark web?  We may never know for sure. But Matt Osborne at BunnyBoy Unread (<— not really a link) has the details.  Remember, we’re not making any accusations.  Talk to that guy.

When your relatives say you’ve been up to something stinky with a minor child–that may have gotten your whole family run out of town to some godforsaken hole in North Dakota or something–and call you out on it, can the heinous and vile Browneye Lover Bill Schmalfeldt be far from a lifetime stay at the Grey Bar Hotel, learning to love midnight snacks from Bubba’s Darkmeat Whistle Stop Cafe?

Remember – the preceding is a PARODY.  If it makes you uncomfortable, please…stop reading.  I can’t help it if you feel guilty.  


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!


How about this one?

What about this little tyke?

This guy’s dead, so he’s ok.

Here’s an old favorite.

Oh, look! A goose!

How about him?

Or this fella? Can I use him?

Pretty sure you don’t hold any copyright on this one.

What about this young lovely?

What a handsome gander…

I have no idea who that lardassed kinky sex freak is…

Looks like the planet Jupiter. (Thank you, anonymous commenter that I stole that line from!)

Now this one I know I can use (isn’t he FRIENDLY?), because you leave it in my Spam folder every day. Did you ever get the railroad tie removed?

I get these two confused…

What’s my point? Good question!

Here’s my point:

…some time ago, a wise man (and when I say wise man I mean a complete idiot) taught me about a concept called Fair Use. He even had a handy chart:

I especially like that 10%/1000 maximum word limit on text…

What I learned from this complete idiot is that standards (especially his) are tremendously flexible, even from minute to minute, depending on what he wants to steal or what he wants to protect. Plus everything’s gotta be registered and approved with the right forms and shit like that.

And I have a whole collection of pictures of hospitalized women that aren’t registered either. Might make a nice collage out of those someday.

Until then….

And let me leave you with a heartfelt farewell from one of your favorite folks (and friend):

Now take this^^^^^

and stick it in this…  



Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Let’s get a few things straight. That picture up there?

By using it on Twitter, DUMBFUCK has granted any Twitter user access to it and license to re-use it.  The same is true of EVERY OTHER PICTURE IT HAS EVER POSTED TO TWITTER.

Like, for instance, this one:

This is really one of my very favorites.  I could give you a dozen other examples, but the point stands.

Put it on Twitter, give up control.

Also, those laws DUMBFUCK likes to toss about like a fart in a hurricane?  One would think that by this point in its illustrious legal career it would have learned that the law doesn’t mean what it says it means just because it says it does.  There are a couple of reasons I generally refer to DUMBFUCK as a DUMBFUCK: first, it simply fits; second it’s just a lot easier than typing adjudicated cyberstalker, adjudicated cyberharasser, subject of multiple peace orders in multiple states, proven liar, whining, humorless dickbag.

See, some crazy old fart-sniffer taught me a valuable lesson.  I have a First Amendment right to write ABOUT anybody I please.  And if an average, everyday DUMBFUCK doesn’t like its own cereal…  

…it can always dial WHINE-1-1 for a 

And just in case it forgot, I packed its new smartphone in its




Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!


I think a DUMBFUCK wouldn’t mind if I rephrase his Tweet a bit more accurately:

This is called “mockery.” R.S. McCain has phrased it “The best way to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.”  This practice gives me “butthurt.” I wish it was against the law in Maryland. And the coffee I spilled is evidence that I need to buy a new suit.