You Can Have My Answer Now, If You Like

7-27-2015 10-16-14 AM


UPDATE – Recall this from a recent TMZ post:

There are two ways to end a war.

  1. Completely eliminate the enemy by wiping him from the battlefield eternally.
  2. So thoroughly decimate the enemy that he
    • loses his will to fight; or
    • realizes that he risks the first outcome.

Remember that DUMBFUCK has pretended to lose the will to fight only about 327,000 times in the last several years.  He is a liar and a bully.  He is not to be trusted.  He must be wiped from the battlefield eternally.

No quarter.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Do you fine readers think it had a nice, restful hiatus?

In your opinion, what is it about the following post that is so offensive as to bring a dog back to its vomit? 

There’s no name, so it couldn’t have triggered a DUMBFUCK Google Alert…I think some obsessed, sociopathic narcissist came looking for a reason to be offended because it can’t stand to be ignored.

I wonder if a DUMBFUCK has any <del>insight, thought, reasonable opinion</del> emotional, instinct-driven, poo-flinging lies it might like to share on the subject (subject to moderation, of course)?


Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!


Children, hunker down for some good advice from you old Uncle Paul.  As you can see from the example, self-hatred can be a very ugly thing.  It can rot your soul away faster than a kidney ripening in the summer sunshine.

But you know what’s worse? Self-enforced lack of self-awareness.  In simpler terms , more understandable to children, this is also known as “Mommy! Make Sarah Stop Hitting Me Back!” Syndrome.

If you don’t want to see it out there…  

…don’t put it out there.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

That’s not a threat, DUMBFUCK.  As you so casually put it, in apophasic terms you can understand, that is a promise. 

Now, for the meat of this post, I offer a bit of heartfelt genius from a commenter who I just know a DUMBFUCK would LOVE to add to his LOLsuit, if he hadn’t been so FUCKING DUMB as to lose his freebie and file too late.  I would expose his talents here, but not his identity.  If he wants to claim credit, I’m confident he will step up and do so.

ThIngs to consider when you’re feeling a little down:

  1. At least you haven’t pissed yourself, especially in front of a cop.
  2. At least you haven’t pooped in your pants when sitting on your mother’s padded chair.
  3. At least your mother and father loved you, and not in the “bad touch” way.
  4. At least your children still love and respect you.
  5. At least you have real friends who want to visit you.
  6. At least you know for sure that your children are your real issue.
  7. At least you are smart and creative enough not to have to plagiarize other people’s material. [And like I said, if the author wants to claim credit for this fine work, all he need do is say so here. – PK]
  8. At least you don’t have to create sock puppets as evidence that a relative somewhere still cares about you.
  9. At least you don’t pick your own feces out of the toilet, roll it into a ball and sniff it.
  10. At least you are smart enough to be able to discern enablers and know how to deflect them.
  11. At least you are smart enough to know how to brew a smaller pot of coffee.
  12. At least you have enough self-esteem that you don’t need to stroke your ego by putting down everyone else in the world. As Dirty Harry once said, “A man’s got to know his limitations!”
  13. At least you worship God in all His glory, rather than living a life of filth and blasphemy.
  14. At least you can forego the Internet when a loved one is in crisis.
  15. At least you can engage your problems directly without having to resort to anonymous torture and persecution.
  16. At least you can resolve your personal problems and issues without having to resort to bullying, intimidation, harassment, stalking, threats, slander, libel, extortion and other forms of criminal behavior.
  17. At least you can love and find good in your fellow man.
  18. At least, when you get into an Internet flame war, you don’t cry like a baby when people play by your rules and kick your ass.

You see, DUMBFUCK, you have to take responsibility for yourself and for the things you do.  You made a FAT FUCKING MISTAKE, assuming that I don’t know anybody in Carroll County. MD law enforcement, or Middlesex County, MA law enforcement.  The wreck you have made of your “sterling reputation” and your non-existent credibility as a criminal victim are not as narrowly defined as you might hope.  It’s not just Brett Kimberlin who snickers up his sleeve at your investigative, journalistic and legal prowess.  The people who know your name and reputation are LEGION, and their numbers grow daily.  And six degrees of separation are not a wide gulf to cross for LULZ.

Oh, almost forgot… 

Vinnie was too busy to say hey today, but someone else asked how to un-send an email.  They didn’t leave a name.


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Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!


  1. How many parts of speech are there?
  2. What are the capitals of all the states bordered by the Mississippi River?
  3. How much money would you have if you invested $6500 for 4 years, 8 months and 12 days at 8 per cent interest?
  4. The United States exists in how many time zones?
  5. In the recognized canonical James Bond films, how many actors have portrayed M?
  6. What is the gravitational constant on planet Earth?  What speed is recognized as “escape velocity?”
  7. In the case of an Electoral College  tie, how many votes are required in the Senate to elect a President? 
  8. Who sang “I Fought The Law (And The Law Won)?”
  9. How many listeners makes a podcast “successful?”
  10. How many marathons must a person finish to be considered “successful?”

UPDATE – No answers having been forthcoming during the last 5 hours, I declare this test over, and I rule that DUMBFUCK has been tested, and found wanting.



Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!



DUMBFUCK must have thought these were smart; he must have thought there was some kind of wisdom in posting them. 
I don’t see it.

Can anybody explain DUMBFUCK’S reasoning here?  Other than the obvious “INSANE DUMBFUCK IS FUCKING INSANELY FUCKING DUMB,” what is the point he’s trying to make here, regardless of whether he can prove it or not?

Help me out here…

Oh, almost forgot…

Vinnie says hey.  He still wants to know how you un-send an email, but now he wants to know how you un-send an email with a truly gruesome picture attached. I blew it up poster-sized, put it in a very tasteful frame, and hung it on my Zombie Wall of Fame, right next to my autographed photo of George Romero.

It’s okay that I sent Vinnie a copy, right? I didn’t post it, so I figured nobody would mind.

You know who else might like copies?

  • David Edgren
  • Agiledog
  • Roy Schmalfeldt
  • Grace
  • Ashterah
  • Howard Earl – I think he might like it the most!

Maybe you folks should shoot me an email if you want one.  Or maybe I should just email it out to every email address of every commenter here.

Sounds like FUN.


Easy Mistake

Friends, don’t make the error of thinking Bill Schmalfeldt is a stupid man, person, organism.

He’s not stupid.

He’s got a long, long way to go to get as far as stupid.

They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and Bill?

He’s comfy right where he is.

And he’s FUN to watch, too.

Howard will tell him…we’re not laughing with him.  But we are laughing.

If only we could sue for causing broken LULZ muscles.  Unfortunately LULZHURT is no more a tort than BUTTHURT.

Oh, almost forgot…

Vinnie says “Are you even going to apologize for trying to fuck with my career?”

He also wants to know how to un-send an email.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!


I wonder what it’s like to be so stupid that you think a) you can sue a lawyer (who made a CAREER of being a lawyer, but must have been really shitty at it because you found EIGHT WHOLE NEGATIVE REVIEWS on a website that wants money to delete negative reviews) pro se, and b) that would work out well for you.

Oh, almost forgot…

Faildox Vinnie says hey.  And he asks, “HOW THE FUCK DO YOU UN-SEND AN EMAIL?


Oh, Yes, We're All Sooooo Evil

Of all the things DUMBFUCK says he doesn’t remembers saying or doing (because NOT DEMENTED), I’d lay good money that he doesn’t remember this the most:


Oh, almost forgot… 

Vinnie says “Hey.”

UPDATE – I don’t know why the audio play did not embed in the previous version.  But it’s there now, and everything makes much more sense.