But not today, obviously.
For those of you viewing on devices that make this image too small to read, here’s what it says:
A lawsuit has been filed against you, or the entity you represent in this court under the number shown above. A copy of the complaint is attached.
This is not a summons, or an official notice from the court. It is a request that, to avoid expenses, you waive formal service of a summons by signing and returning the enclosed waiver. To avoid these expenses, you must return the signed waiver within 30 days (give at least 30 days, or at least 60 days if the defendant is outside any judicial district of the United States) from the date shown below, which is the day this notice was sent. Two copies of the waiver form are enclosed, along with a stamped, self-addressed envelope or other prepaid means for returning one copy. You may keep the other copy.
What happens next?
If you return the signed waiver, I will file it with the court. The action will then proceed as if you had been served on the date the waiver is filed, but no summons will be served on you and you will have 60 days from the date this notice is sent (see date below) to answer the complaint (or 90 days if this notice is sent to you outside any judicial district of the United States.
If you do not return the signed waiver within the time indicated, I will arrange to have the summons and complaint served on you. And I will ask the court to require you, or the entity you represent, to pay the expenses of making service.
Please read the enclosed statement about the duty to avoid unnecessary expenses.
I certify that this request is being sent to you on the date below.
This is what it DOES NOT SAY:
I WILL ASK THE COURT TO SERVE YOU.
I WILL ASK THE COURT TO SERVE YOU AT ITS EXPENSE.
I WILL FILE A MOTION TO HAVE THE COURT ORDER YOU TO SHOW CAUSE WHY YOU SHOULD NOT BE HELD IN CONTEMPT OF A COURT ORDER THAT NO ONE CAN PROVE YOU HAVE RECEIVED, MUCH LESS SEEN.
I WILL BEHAVE LIKE A COMPLETE DUMBFUCK WHO THINKS HE KNOWS EVERY STATUTE AND NUANCE OF THE LAW EVEN THOUGH I HAVE FILED HALF A DOZEN LAWSUITS, NOT ONE OF WHICH HAS EVEN SURVIVED A MOTION TO DISMISS.
I WILL CALL THE PARTIES WHOM I DISMISSED WITH PREJUDICE “COWARDS” WHEN IT WAS I WHO CURLED UP IN PUDDLES OF HOT FEAR PEE AT THE FIRST SIGN OF OPPOSITION.
But please, feel free to review the record of what the plaintiff has ACTUALLY done, versus what the above form says he is supposed to do.