Less Than Twelve Hours This Time!

9:20 PM PST…

…to 9:01 AM PST.

Apparently “withdraw[ing] from public view” suits him about as well as does “self awareness,” “telling the truth,” “being a real journalist,” “not stalking and harassing people” and “having Parkinson’s disease.”

He just can’t make it stick.

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Self Awareness Fail, Part ∞

Shot:

Chaser:

Poopypants Pundit, heal thyself.

 

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Insane By His Own Admission

…but don’t you dare call him a “deranged cyberstalker,” because that’s DEFAMATION!!

Oh, wait.

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Turns Out, It’s An Actual Thing

I encountered this very interesting exchange on Twitter last night.  It started with a real, working, stand-up  comedienne named Jen Kirkland:

I don’t particularly agree with that statement.  I have said before that I think all humor is subjective.  Not everyone loves the Three Stooges. Not everyone loves to be preached at.  Everyone’s wheelhouse is different. It’s a matter of individual taste.

What really interested me was THIS reply:

What DUMBFUCK is saying is “You’re making a hasty generalization in response to a hasty generalization.”

And that’s actually a fair criticism. It’s not a criticism that feminists want to hear in this case, but it’s fair.

But then he goes on to set up and fight a strawman of his own: the “racist patriarchy.”

Big with the buzzwords, no so much with logic, our DUMBFUCK.  Also, REALLY BAD MEMORY.

Perhaps he’s forgotten how he got kicked off that virulent rightwing website, DailyKos.  He was responsible for the now-famous ANAL RAPE SATIRE that was so poorly received that it took a day of calling his readers idiots plus ANOTHER DIARY specifically to call those readers idiots some more and to invite everyone too stupid to appreciate his satirical brilliance just to stop reading his diaries, kthxbai – to get him permabanned by Markos himself, that rightwing fuckhead.

So to recap the action so far: we have Jen Kirkland calling out men – #YesAllMen – for not understanding her jokes, followed by Bill Schmalfeldt – he of the “you’re all too stupid to understand my brilliant satire about ASS RAPE” – responding with

Already I can see this is going to go swimmingly for DUMBFUCK.

Cat West calls him out for his tone deaf response:

And then the fun really starts. Bill responds to this dim girl:

Here’s my written impression of Bill Schmalfeldt:

“People say I’m condescending…that means I talk down to people.”

(rimshot)

If you get the joke, terrific! Glad I made you laugh.  If you don’t, I don’t care. No one is paying me for this, so I only have to amuse myself.  Anyhoo…

Taking zero shit from Mr. Butt Stuff, Cat bangs back:

What are the odds that Cat West checked out Bill Schmalfeldt on the Google Machine (the first hit is the first hit) before responding to his attempt to impart his perceived wisdom into that conversation?

“Smash teh pay-tree-ark-ee!!”


Pro-tip: it’s not

“I’m just a dumb old man with a pesky “y” chromosome and all”

that causes no one to take you seriously…

It’s simply:

“I’m just a dumb old man with a pesky “y” chromosome and all

…and everyone knows it.

And when you drop into a serious (or even an unserious) conversation and your contribution amounts to “I put on my shoes today without falling off the bed,” well…the pool of everyone just gets that much larger.

And we point.
And we laugh.
And we mock.

Because it’s FUN.

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Yes, DUMBFUCK, There Is Ample Proof

  1. You have not denied that you moved, only demanded proof that is not required.
  2. Perhaps you missed the posted clock running on your deadline to disprove t what our anonymous sources told us before we simply assumed it was true, but that has never made a difference to you when you were the one demanding answers and making unfounded assumptions.

There was a clock, and you missed your deadline.  Our assumptions are therefore proved correct and accurate.

#YourGame
#YourRules
#KickingYourAss

#FuckYou

P.S. When you do file your change of address notification with the court, your lie of omission will be laid bare for the world.  Just like all the rest.

 

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Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?

Of course DUMBFUCK wants to argue that the PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of Al Franken feeling up a sleeping woman (she consented, though, I’m sure) isn’t REALLY what it looks like.

But then there’s also this:

"On the day of the show Franken and I were alone backstage going over our lines one last time. He said to me, 'We need to rehearse the kiss.' I laughed and ignored him. Then he said it again. I said something like, 'Relax Al, this isn’t 'SNL' ... we don't need to rehearse the kiss.' He continued to insist, and I was beginning to get uncomfortable," she wrote in her KABC piece.

She said that she acquiesced "so that he would stop badgering me" and that when he kissed her, he "put his hand on the back of my head, mashed his lips against mine and aggressively stuck his tongue in my mouth."

So you have, in the last week, a whole armload of forty year old accusations against a former federal judge now running for Senate, based entirely on “press conference” testimony  that can be neither confirmed nor refuted after all this time.

Now, if I know my DUMBFUCK as well as I think I do, the next words out of his chomp hole about soon to be ex-Senator Franken will be along the lines of “Prove it,” “There’s no proof,” “It’s his word against his,” or “until I hear different, she’s lying.”

Well, the proof you seek, oh intrepid investigamative journimalist, is out there if you could just get up off your well-fed hiney and stop waiting for the source to come to you.  Get out there, Scoop (of poop) Schmalfeldt, and do some real reporting for once.

In fact, let me point you in the right direction – the proof of truth of Ms. Tweeden’s accusations exists in two places: the photograph you tweeted, and in the hidden drawer right next to the verified evidence of truth spoken by the women that the **** Party paid to level the accusations at Judge Moore in the first place.

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Lies and Consequences

A little over three years ago, cowardly pussy DUMBFUCK Bill Schmalfeldt wrote:

I am going to let this blog stand until the weekend. Then it, and everything I can find with my name on it, will come off the Internet.

You can’t have me. I don’t want to play with the stupid kids any more. I have a short time left, and I want to use it for productive purposes.

Mock me. Whatever. Make fun of me. I give a shit. All the funny “footlong and mayo” jokes that you repeat to each other like 3-year olds who got a rise out of mommy and daddy when they said “poopy!” Go right on ahead.

For you, as of this moment, Bill Schmalfeldt ceases to exist. I am not going to let you run my life. I am going to create. I will come up with a pen name and use it exclusively. You may find it entertaining to hunt me down. But you won’t find me.

He originally posted that in the context of a larger post at http://schmalfeldt.org/2014/11/time-to-end-it-all/. You can click that link all you want; you won’t find anything, because that blog is among the dozens, perhaps hundreds, that Badass Bill has started and then a) lost, b) abandoned, c) memory-holed, or d) had suspended by his hosting provider in the years since his first failed efforts to get this blog taken down because it hurts his wide ass.

Fortunately, that post has been safely archived here.

Why do I bring it up? A couple of reasons. First, I want to repeat that quote above:

I am going to let this blog stand until the weekend. Then it, and everything I can find with my name on it, will come off the Internet.

You can’t have me. I don’t want to play with the stupid kids any more. I have a short time left, and I want to use it for productive purposes.

Mock me. Whatever. Make fun of me. I give a shit. All the funny “footlong and mayo” jokes that you repeat to each other like 3-year olds who got a rise out of mommy and daddy when they said “poopy!” Go right on ahead.

For you, as of this moment, Bill Schmalfeldt ceases to exist. I am not going to let you run my life. I am going to create. I will come up with a pen name and use it exclusively. You may find it entertaining to hunt me down. But you won’t find me.

Everything in this quote is false.

And because EVERYTHING in that quote is false, it logically follows that an objective mind can draw certain conclusions about the truth of this Tweet:

And that conclusion is, “THIS TOO IS FALSE.”

Bill Schmalfeldt is a lying racist, misogynist, bigoted, anti-Semitic douchebag.

Plus, it was a mere 9 hours and 37 minutes between “NOTHING I EVER DO AGAIN IN MY LIFE will have ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!”

…to this:

Bill Schmalfeldt would gain most of his reputation back (and I know that’s not saying much) if he could just learn to shut his piehole.

That would make me sad. Not as sad as his entire existence, but still…

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Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

How queer.

DUMBFUCK regularly posits that I am yanking the levers behind the curtains of every lickspittle commenter, even as he steadfastly maintains that he actually has a real, live fiancee (and not the skanky balloon animal we all know he pretends with instead) and PLANS TO MARRY HER SOMEDAY!!!

No, really!

Then again, he’s a proven liar, so…

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“Final Warning,” You Say?

Oh, no. Not again…

Are we up to a hundred “final” warnings yet from the Mendacious Manatee of Myrtle Beach?

Tiresome little twat.

On a related note…for as vociferously as he contests the notion that he does not have PD, in spite of all his self-contradictory statements, I don’t think I’m the only one who has noticed that he hasn’t posted a single mention of the Shrine of the Holy Resting Place of the Ashtray Soulmate, the Blessed Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn. In point of fact, I don’t think he has ever denied the allegations that he left her behind in the Midwest (and the capricious currents of the Mississippi River) when he went chasing strange down in Dixieland.

How queer.

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The Leading Cause of Loveless Marriages in the U.S.?

OBAMACARE.

It looks like there’s a balloon animal in South Carolina that can’t afford health insurance under Obamacare anymore.

Actually, it reads very much like xhe couldn’t afford it in the first place. “Thank you for making it impossible for me to afford to get insurance by cutting off the subsidies.”

Guess what?

If you can’t afford something without someone else’s help to pay for it, YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT!

I guess xhe will have to find some other way to afford the insurance to fix that vandalized cemetery of a pecker wrecker xhe calls a mouth, and whatever other maladies might plague xer.

I know!  Maybe xhe could find some sap and convince him to marry xer to get on xis health insurance. It would take a real idiot to fall for such an obvious scam, though.

But even if xe did marry xer, the scam would only work if xe wasn’t a pauper and a cheapskate who would rather burn xis money on cheapjack scootypuffs than take care of xis plasticene playmate.

So remember – make good choices!

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