Category: BUTTHURT

MUH RIGHTS!!! AS AN INTERLLIGENCE-DERFICIENT MUHRCAN!

I am too stupid to think for a very long time. But I will exercise muh rights to avoid thinking and for the LULZ of other Muhrcans.

The Muhrcans with Intellectual Disabilities Act of 2017 makes one thing clear. Stupid people are stupid, and stupidity is an excuse and in fact a reason to violate published court rules as well as explicit court orders from a judge. One might think government entities must provide special accommodations for people with disabilities, but this is not even a little bit accurate. Government entities must provide reasonable (not SPECIAL) accommodations, so that actual disabled persons (not fear pee soaked Fakinson’s cowards) can PARTICIPATE in life rather than hide in the closet of the Myrtle Beach Roach Motel.

And the government tried that.  They let me attend hearings via Skype after I lied and told them I was unable to drive (except from Wisconsin to Chicago and back, and from Wisconsin to Iowa, and multiple round trips from Iowa to South Carolina (about 2000 miles of painful, EXHAUSTING DEBILITATING, EXACERBATING HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS OF SITTING ON MY LARDY BEETUSBUTT IN A RENTED CAR on America’s crumbling infrastructure). But I violated their stupid rules and recorded the proceedings as they came out of my computer.  You couldn’t even hear any voices but mine on the video I posted to YouTube unless you turn up the volume.

WJJ Hoge III chooses to deny my rights under the ADA by pointing out that I have violated the court rules, and it seems as if he might have the assistance of a Carroll County, MD, Circuit Court Judge in doing so. The judge ordered me to appear and show cause why I should not be held in contempt.

What does that mean? I’m glad you asked.

It means that the judge has found that there is cause to find me, an interlexulluy dersabled Muhrcan, in contempt of court. And I must be given a chance to show that I have not violated rules nor an order of the court.  Because I have allegedly (HA!) violated the rules WHILE USING SKYPE, the judge seems to think it might not be a grand idea to give me the opportunity to do it again. What an idiotic jackass that judge is.

In his feckless lawsuit against your host, Brett and Tetyana Kimberlin and several others – a suit which has been allowed at every juncture to move ever forward to a scheduled trial date in August- Hoge has chosen to create law where none exists point out how I violated the court’s rules. The judge in the case allows him to do so without sanction, because that is within the rules. For instance, on June 28 I am called to appear in person, 450 miles from here, to answer a ridiculous contempt of court charge for a crime that does not exist violation of the black-letter court rules and procedures. I no longer drive, because it’s not convenient for me to continue to drive, or else I would be expected to drive all the way to Maryland to get smacked in the mouth by a judge.

I’m gonna fight, by running and hiding to an abandoned bar where I can be the last man standing after a bar fight where I am the only participant.

A 14-hour bus or train ride would be incredibly painful, much more painful than the multiple16+ hour road trips I made in my own car from Iowa to South Carolina and back when I was able to drive two short months ago. As much as Hoge and his followers like to pretend, I actually do have and can PROVE I suffer from Parkinson’s disease, when it’s convenient to do so. Furthermore, THERE IS NOTHING IN MARYLAND LAW OR THE MARYLAND RULES STATING THAT A PERSON PROVIDING TESTIMONY OVER SKYPE OR THE TELEPHONE CANNOT RECORD HIS OR HER OWN TESTIMONY…unless you count rule 16-208, which I don’t because I am an interlectilly derpsmacked Muhrcan and I can’t even find that rule in the copy of the rules that the judge told me to get and figger out.

I am charged with recording my own face and voice (and by COMPLETE COINCIDENCE all the other voices in the room, but it’s ALL THEIR FAULT for talking loud enough to hear me) using an iPhone that should have been turned off for everyone but me, it says so right there in the rules. Hoge is calling it “wiretapping.” And the judge is playing right along because that dimwit doesn’t know the rules.

On June 9, I filed a motion asking the stupid goddam judge to either cancel the hearing or, in the alternative, drop the requirement that I appear in person to perform for Hoge’s dog and pony show so that I can secretly record it again, which has nothing to do with why there’s a show cause hearing in the first place.

SHUT UP, MOTHER!

AND YOU TOO, GAIL!

WHY WON’T YOU PEOPLE STAY DEAD!!

That hearing is June 28, day after tomorrow. As of this evening, the judge has not responded one way or another to the motion. He has to respond before the hearing, it’s in the Pretendyland ACME Rules of Civil Procedure, which is the only set of rules an INTERSECTIONALLY DISTENDED MUHRCAN like me is required to use – they’re not written anywhere, but I have them memorized.  If he has not responded by COB tomorrow, I will be expected to appear at 8:45 am in Westminster, Maryland.

To be forced to do so is a clear violation of my rights under Title II of the Americans with Intellectual Disabilities Act.

The AIDA provides remedies in Federal Court for idiotic Americans who can’t understand the law and really should have HIRED A FUCKING LAWYER and tried to SETTLE before it was too late. Which it definitely is now.

If the judge continues to ignore my motion, I will avail myself of my uncivil rights as an uninteresting asexually fear-piss-abled American.

I will resist this usurpation of my rights from my ADA compliant jail cell.

I’ll tell you one thing though…ain’t gonna be no hunger strike!

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Uh…NOPE

Nobody is laughing at a disabled person.

We’re laughing at YOU.

Here’s Sonoran Conservative, specifically – laughing at YOU.

UPDATE – MOAR POINTAGE from MOAR-GANNA!

EVEN MOAR UPDATE – the mockification continues (SWIDT, Fifi?) at the Artisan Craft Blog.

When the rest of my Team Free Speech pals get around to joining in the pointage, laughery and mockification, I will link them too!

You see, appearing remotely via Skype is not a right. It is a privilege.

It is a privilege which you saw fit to abuse. Now that privilege has been withdrawn from you.

Too bad, so sad. Boo hoo hoo.

Now, you have been ordered to appear in person in a Maryland court to show cause why you should not be held in contempt for your abuse of the privilege of appearing via Skype and your alleged violation of court rules prohibiting the use of electronic devices in court and the recording of court proceedings.

Now you want to bitch about your rights “as a disabled person?”

Here’s what you want to do.

  • Make a reservation at an ADA compliant hotel near the ADA compliant courthouse in Carroll County, Maryland
  • Pack an ADA compliant suitcase (be sure to include an ADA compliant toothbrush);
  • Call an ADA compliant taxi (perhaps an ADA compliant forklift and an ADA compliant flatbed truck would be better)
  • Have the ADA compliant mode of transport take you to the ADA compliant train station
  • Buy a ticket for an ADA compliant train
  • Get on the ADA compliant train
  • Get off the ADA compliant train at the ADA compliant train station in Baltimore
  • Call another ADA compliant taxi
  • Have this ADA compliant taxi take you to the ADA compliant hotel in Carroll County
  • Sleep off the arduous effects of your ADA compliant journey
  • Call yet another ADA compliant conveyance to haul your greasy-moobed sack of flapping beetusflesh from the ADA compliant hotel to the ADA compliant courthouse in Carroll County
  • Don’t forget that toothbrush. And your checkbook
  • Make your way to the ADA compliant courtroom where your show cause hearing is scheduled in the ADA compliant courthouse
  • Make sure you leave your electronic devices in the ADA compliant hotel room
  • If you do bring a phone, make sure you POWER THAT MOTHERFUCKER DOWN before entering the ADA compliant courtroom where you have been ordered to appear
  • Make your best case that you are a simple unfrozen disabled caveman pro se, and all these court rules and procedures THAT YOU WERE TOLD TO FOLLOW are strange and confusing
  • Enjoy your ADA compliant holding cell.

You DUMBFUCK.

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Speaking of Stupid People…

Even stupid people know that LYING LARDASS DUMBFUCKS who lie about having Parkinson’s disease also lie about doing physical therapy with no shirts on so their fat tits can flap in the breeze, nor do they hold up in the middle of an exercise to take a fucking mirror selfie to post on Twitter.

Having seen and done actual physical therapy, I can tell you that PT hurts like a motherfucker, and there ain’t no time for taking pictures.

Goddamn, wouldn’t you think a guy who lies as often as Bill Schmalfeldt does would eventually improve at it?

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And What Have We Here?

A freshly active Team Free Speech Blog!  Right here at sonoranconservative.com!

Seven new posts just in the last three days, all dedicated to pointage, laughery and mockification of Moobflop McBeetusflesh!

I wonder what could have happened so recently to motivate the rapid creation of YET ANOTHER website dedicated to pointing out the MASSIVE LIFE FAILURES of Homo Simpson?

Surely it couldn’t have been in response to the DUMBFUCKERY of a DUMBFUCK!

Remember, people!  Don’t fuck with Moobflop McBeetusflesh or anyone he pre 10 ds to love while telling them he’s like to bend another man over a chair and rape them!  You’ll only wind up in his crosshairs, just like me – laughing at him every single day for the rest of his life.

 

 

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Yes, Marvin…

…take this shit seriously.

This is not a game, and if you aren’t careful, perhaps three and a half years from now you will suffer the wrath of Preston-Schmalfeldt (*snerk*) just as deeply as I have.

And let me tell you, having this much fun laughing at idiots every single day can be exhausting.

But someone has to.

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FAILDOX – A How-To Guide

When you commence to faildox someone, it’s always best to start with an assumption that can’t be proved.  A couple examples:

  • A commenter identifying himself by two letters must be using HIS OWN INITIALS, and not someone else’s.
  • A commenter identifying himself by two letters must be using his FIRST and LAST initials, and ONLY IN THAT ORDER. He cannot use a FIRST and MIDDLE initial, or a MIDDLE and LAST initial, and certainly not in reverse order.  That’s just simply against the rules.
  • Sonoran Conservative can only mean he’s from Sonora, California, and not
    • Sonora, Ohio
    • Sonora, North Dakota
    • Sonora, New York
    • Sonora, Missouri
    • Sonora Mississippi
    • Sonora, Kentucky
    • Sonora, Arkansas,
    • Sonora, Arizona
    • Sonora Texas
    • Sonora, Canada
    • Or any of the 5 Sonoras scattered across Mexico.
  • “I started high school at the end of the Carter administration” can only mean 1980. It surely can’t be 1979.
  • Even if 1980 is correct, it absolutely MUST follow that a student starting in 1980 CAN ONLY graduate in 1984. No high school student has ever been held back a year. Nor has any high school student ever been sick or injured and failed to graduate with his class. And even though I know several people from my college who whizzed through high school in just three years, that couldn’t possibly be the case here. Oh, and if I remember correctly, there were still three-year high schools that started with 10th grade in various parts of the country back in 1980. But none of these things could have happened.  That would require due diligence that hotshot investigative reporters just don’t have time for.
  • Here’s another fun thought…was Sonora Union High School the ONLY high school serving that community in 1980? What were the residency boundaries?  If an “MJ” did live in the Sonoma, CA area (again, a very large and unproven assumption), how does one prove that he or she was the only such “MJ” who did, much less prove that – even if there was only one – this person didn’t attend another nearby high school?

By the way, YOU LARDASS, BEETUSJUICE-DRIPPING DUMBFUCK – when you redact information from a document…REDACT IT EVERYWHERE.  Coulter. You are responsible for me knowing that.

Now, I have no doubt that there is a Michael David Jackson who pled guilty in Pierce County, Washington, to raping his stepdaughters.  The evidence is clear and compelling.  Nearly as compelling as the evidence that Brett Kimberlin is the Speedway Bomber, and that he slept with his wife when she was underage.

I also have no doubt that the commenter MJ is Sonoran Conservative.  Not only have I proven it for myself, Sonoran Conservative has admitted that he comments under both handles.

Here’s what’s missing:

Even one scintilla of proof that Michael David Jackson has ever commented on Hogewash!, Thinking Man’s Zombie or BillySez. 

To make that connection, you ASSUMED, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative was from Sonora California, rather than Arizona, Arkansas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, New York, North Dakota, Ohio, Canada or any of five towns in Mexico.

Then you doubled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative attended Sonora Union High School.

Then, you trebled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative started at this school in 1980.

Then, you quadrupled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative graduated from high school in 1984.

Then, you quintupled that error by further ASSUMING, COMPLETELY WITHOUT PROOF, that Sonoran Conservative aka MJ actually has a first name that starts with M and a last name that starts with J.

To summarize…

You can say that Sonoran Conservative = MJ
And you can say that David Michael Jackson = Child Rapist

But your conclusion that MJ = David Michael Jackson springs not from facts but from at least five separate proof-deficient assumptions.

  1. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative was ever from Sonora, California…you can only shout it.
  2. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative ever attended Sonora Union High School…you can only shout it.
  3. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative started high school ANYWHERE in 1980…you can only shout it.
  4. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative graduated high school ANYWHERE in 1984…you can only shout it.
  5. You can’t prove that Sonoran Conservative has a first name that starts with M and a last name that starts with J…you can only shout it.

Every fact that follows from those assumptions pertains to Michael David Jackson.  Not a single fact connects him to Sonoran Conservative. In legal parlance, the connections you have drawn from these false assumptions – and they are false – are “Fruit of the poisoned tree.”

Also – and you’re gonna love this – it’s defamation per se! You know…”Falsely accusing someone of a crime?” Yeah, you did that.

And the consequences of that failure will be GLORIOUS to see.

  • Blogs will vanish
  • Tweets will vanish
  • Accounts will go private, then be deleted and REBRANDED!!!
  • Tears will fall from sad cheeks
  • Butts will hurt

DOX?

FAIL.

P.S. Con Man 101 – when your mark wants to be told a particular lie (“my fax machine just rang!”), TELL HIM THAT LIE.

P.P.S.

And in case you wondered, EVERYTHING is already archived, so it’s a waste of time to memory-hole your defamation.

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I’M A PRIVATE CITIZEN!

AND I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

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Why Steal Tweets? Why Not?

Sometimes, with some people…extra precautions are necessary when documenting very dangerous levels of stupidity.

And by dangerous I mean “handling nitroglycerin” dangerous.  The kind of dangerous that fear pee-soaked, sandy vagina, nutshuffling penises will delete without warning in a sudden explosion of rank cowardice.

Take this guy, for instance: he might be a world record holder in Twitter cowardice, with the most lost, abandoned or suspended Twitter handles in history. But since he’s a SJW-pussy, Twitter just lets him keep on keepin’ on, as long as his impotent attacks are directed at acceptable targets, even if they are so far out of his intellectual class they might as well be orbiting a different star (and I think that’s everybody who isn’t made of latex and living in a hotel).

This particular DUMBFUCK recently peed himself in an effort to show how the lawsuit in which he is currently sinking fast as a defendant will hinge on HOW TWITTER WORKS rather than on HOW A CONTRACT WORKS.

The reason he wants to argue about Twitter and not about contracts is painfully obvious to anyone with a double digit IQ.

But that’s not the purpose of this post.

The purpose of this post is to explore the reasons why Zombies like myself take screen caps of people’s tweets.

In three simple words: “Because they’re cowards.”

The image you see above is a screencap of a tweet. It’s STOLEN.  (shhh! our little secret…)

I made an image file of it, and uploaded it to an image hosting site.

Why would I do that?

So I could EMBED the URL of the tweet underneath it when I included the image in this post.  You’ll notice that the cursor changes because the image is a link.  Click it, if you want to go to a DUMFUCK Twitter account.

So there must be some advantage to doing this, right?

Indeed there is!

If you were an enterprising zombie, and you chose to delve into the archives on this site, you would find no small number of posts that make somewhat less sense now than they did when they were first published. The reason for this is that I followed the Twitter terms of service and embedded a tweet in the post.

And then the owner of the tweet (GUESS WHO?!?) deleted the tweet, and often the entire account, because he figured out that he might get in trouble for it, and that if he deleted the whole thing the trouble would vanish. Kind of like the old “Family Circus” cartoons:

Y’all remember the name of the oldest kid, don’tcha? Of course you do!

What I have done – what is necessary to do with someone who refuses to produce documents in discovery – is retain an image of the original tweet, so that certain nutshuffling footlong lovers who enjoy watching men fellate other men

It’s true!

can’t delete the evidence of their perfidy and later deny it ever happened.

So you can call it theft if you like, but wouldn’t it just be easier to use the term that a certain DUMBFUCK himself favors:

EVIDENCE GATHERING.

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Good Evening, DUMBFUCK!

I foresee that this will NOT proceed as DUMBFUCK has foreseen.

In fact, I predict – nay, I ASSURE you, dear Zombies – that this is going to blow up in his face.

Off hand, I can think of eight reasons why LOLSUIT VII – The Fat and the Furryious won’t get to trial.

If it gets to trial (it won’t), there are five more reasons it will fail there.

The main reason is, of course, “Plaintiff William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr.”

As to the rest, we don’t educate the monkey when we can PLM instead.

And we will PLM.  A whole lot.

While we watch Know-It-All Barrister Bill take it up the tailpipe.

YET AGAIN.

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