So when a DUMBFUCK talks about “threats to put me in jail,” does he mean like when he threatens people with jail for sending biohazardous material?

Or is he talking about his bogus charges for the “Forged Letter Caper” that he continuously accuses John Hoge of masterminding?

Or maybe the hundreds – thousands?  – of times he has promised that somebody was going to jail for perjury?

Perhaps he means the nine times he determined that someone was LYING!!!!!!!! in court to get a restraining order against him.

You know, that always goes so much better when you actually SLITHER OUT FROM UNDER YOUR SLIMY FUCKING ROCK and go to court. Take a note.

What interests me more is the fact that he calls that piece of crap a STORY and not an ARTICLE.

You see, articles appear in reputable publications and contain facts.

Stories, on the other hand, show up in disreputable rags like CabinBoy Unread, and contain nothing but unconfirmed bullshit.

And as our pal DUMBFUCK is so very fond of reminding us:

Sounds like the burden falls on the writer to prove, not on the subject to disprove. But I guess that rule only applies to other people.  You know, if a rule only applies for some people, sometimes, when it’s convenient, then it’s more of a suggestion than a rule, isn’t it?

And not even situationally ethical journalists like that soulless turdrolling, shitsniffing Cub Scout rapist (I have documentation, you know…just as authentic as yours, but I don’t even PRETEND to be a journalist…or ethical) we call DUMBFUCK have to follow suggestions, right?

Ahh…it’s okay, though.  All we have to do is write about…well, whatever we feel like writing about, whoever we feel like writing about.  Just follow the example set by our betters at SaveBrett’sBaconWhateverTheCost.com. If someone gives you a STORY…just assume it’s true. It’s a time-honored journalistic tradition, you know.

Sabrina Rubin Erdley will tell you how great it turns out…make ya famous.

Or just make it up, cuz that works too!

Ask Pulitzer Prize winner Janet Cooke.

Ask Stephen Glass.

Mike Barnicle.

Jayson Blair.


Oh, just one more thing…I don’t sound panicked, do I?  Because I sure don’t feel panicked.


Well, Wasn’t That Just Lovely?

Dance Munko!

Of course you didn’t visit.  Everyone knows you didn’t visit.

Since you are so obviously convinced that I must be Patrick Grady, it would be a  prima facie violation of an active Stalking No Contact Order if you were to visit this site.

Dance Munko!

Especially if your IP is blocked and you were paying for some service to allow you to get around that block.

CAREFUL, HORDE!!! There’s a live link to a shithole blog in this tweet:

CyberGhost PREMIUM?

Boy, do I feel special!

Though I must admit, being told I’m a bad liar by Mr. I-Never-Delete-Tweets is kind of rich.

Being called a bad liar by Mr. She-Blew-Her-Last-Semen-Saturated-Breath-As-I-Cradled-Her-In-My-Arms-And-Deleted-Emails-From-Whoever-I-Decide-It-Was-Today is a little bit funny.

Seeing Mr. I-Have-PD-Dementia-Judge-Grimm-No-I-Don’t-Yes-I-Do-No-I-Don’t-Oh-Fuck-It-Whatever’s-Most-Convenient-Today tell me I’m a bad liar makes me laugh.

Maybe I am a bad liar  It’s certainly possible. Is a good or bad liar defined by how often they lie, regardless of whether they get caught?  Or are they defined by how well they lie, regardless of how often?

My purpose yesterday was not to lie, because in the DMs where a DUMBFUCK can’t see, this was planned and executed to perfection.

Because it’s not about lying.  It’s about targeted deception.

And this:


Dance, Munko! DAAAAANCE!!

Dance Munko!

Wind him up and watch him go!


I Suppose This Was Inevitable

I mean, Mister Sterling Reputation has been figuratively showing his ass all over the internet for a decade or more.

It was only a matter of time before he took the…uh…logical? (WTF?) next step.


Looks like you forgot something…


Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

Someone has shown recently that he had no idea how to properly execute a fisking.

School is in.


Absolutely. Observe:

Social Security is a DOLE?

Is it “1. a portion or allotment of money, food, etc., especially as given at regular intervals by a charity or for maintenance?”

It is?

Then YES.

It’s a DOLE.

Vets benefits a DOLE?

Is it “1. a portion or allotment of money, food, etc., especially as given at regular intervals by a charity or for maintenance?”

It is?

Then YES.

It’s a DOLE.

Disability retirement a DOLE?

Is it “4. any similar payment by a government to an unemployed person?”

It is?

Then YES.

It’s a DOLE.

Face it, DUMBFUCK: you are a prime sucker of government tit, and a complete waste of tax dollars.  In the utopian society your pal Bernie Sanders imagines, you would long ago have been taken off to the farm to play all day with all the other happy animals. (It’s a euphemism.)

Oh, @paulzkrendler. I make more than YOU do.

I can only assume that you’re referring to what you make in your didies.  Otherwise it ain’t true.  Because you wouldn’t have filed LOLSuit V as a pauper, now would ya? Not unless you’re a lying shitbag who got caught out by a retired Alaska lawyer and fled the state like a fucking pussy to avoid that fallout.

Nah.  Couldn’t be.  Because you make more than I do.

An admission I’m sure WJJ Hoge III is going to enjoy using against you.


Where do you think I am, DUMBFUCK?  Right here, in my office. At my job. Which I have. Despite your very best efforts.

Because “Google Bill Schmalfeldt” works wonders.

Dance, monkey.



OHNOEZ! Mah Photoshopz Iz Week!

But at least everyone who sees them know what the message is.

If only a DUMBFUCK writer-editor with 30 years of experience could write-edit so well even half the time.


The Composting of the Blogs

So that all whining about rebranding might end,

and not at all because I am being sued

I have redirected every blog I currently operate to this blog.

Which is registered in Wisconsin, where I have lived since August 2015, and not Maryland, where I don’t live any more. Just forget about all those other blogs I used to have that were registered in Maryland when I was violating the settlement agreement between John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt and myself. They’ve all been deleted and actually they never even existed and you are all just crazy. #shithouserat

This one master blog.

BillParvocampus.net – the only blog I have ever, ever had. 

This blog.

Because I don’t have any other blogs. Especially not with a registration in Maryland, where the settlement agreement between John Schmidt and me is enforceable.

Every link to any other blog should bring you straight away to this blog.

But I don’t have any other blogs where any violations of the settlement agreement never happened. Because those blogs never existed. So why would there be any other links to bring you to this blog? What are you, an idiot?

This one.

Not Patriotic-Ombudsman. Not Liberally Grouchy. Not Turdsniffers’R’Us. Not Zombie Andrew Breitbart. Not The Gimpy Weeper. Not Apocalypse Gazette. Not Cub Scout Parody Records. Not Toddlerstalker Today. That was some other Bill Parvocampus. Not me.

Right here. This one.

BillParvocampus.net – registered right here in the good ol’ Badger State of Wisconsin for nearly two whole days!

OK? Thanks.

Oopsie Poopsie (hence the title).


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

And weren’t you up into the wee hours howling at the unfairness of it all?!?
image Oh, I’m sorry…I think I must have forgotten to mention the poisoned, barbed corkscrew.image Yeah, you really want to get an idiot like that disqualified and replaced with a competent cutthroat attorney who will yank your heart out of your chest and use it parboil his bratwurst.  Good call, DUMBFUCK.  Especially since you, me and the whole world know you don’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting it done anyway, and the Worst Lawyer in the World is giving you the legal beatdown of your about-to-end pro se career.
image Yup, poor little Sarah Palmer, YET ANOTHER weak little icky, female type GIRL who has kicked your pathetic ass around a courtroom.
image What a damn shame you weren’t there to contradict her at the appropriate time set by the court to do so.  You really woulda showed her, right?image Dude – what happened?  You had a nice shouty flow working there with your ALL CAPS style, and that lower case ‘t’ slipped in and ruined the whole thing!

I deduct 10 style points.image Now that’s better!  You have to make sure the CAPS LOCK stays LOCKED if you want that hateflow to really stand out.image And speaking of “LIAR! PERJURER!” you don’t even remember what it is you’re lying about right here, do you?  Of course you don’t.

Because you’re a DUMBFUCK.
image But you do threaten people, DUMBFUCK. And there are photos of YOU on the Internet – posted by YOU – pointing what looks like a loaded weapon through the paper thin walls of your former showplace tincasa at GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT on the other side of that wall. Your finger was ON THE TRIGGER.

Aren’t you the guy who took a photo of WJJ Hoge IV cleaning a disassembled pistol and stoked it up into a DEATH THREAT!1!1ELEVENTY!11!!?

And you seem just about as clinically insane as it is possible to get.

What is an ordinary, reasonable, sane person supposed to conclude?

Oh, wait…how would you know?

image Just because they never picked up the phone?  Weak.image Yes.  You did.  Are you trying to claim that placing before the public the medical details of a third party is somehow a fair, ethical and reasonable act, especially when it is in violation of a valid, documented cease and desist order?

And if so, why does it so upset you that Aaron Walker placed in evidence before the court YOUR OWN CONFESSION that you are indeed demented?

Rules for thee but not for me?

Sorry, but Bill Schmalfeldt’s Accurate Reflection don’t play that game.
image Yes, that’s exactly what you did, oh great unemployable GS-13 writer editor.  Can you say “probable provable admission against interest?”

I knew that you could.
image Ask your attorney Johnnie Walker, Esq. to explain the First Amendment to you, in really small words.  Then, Shut off the Internet and go home, DUMBFUCK.  You’re drunk.image That may be true, but grouped among stupid women you HAVE met, poor stupid Sarah Palmer would rank no higher than fourth.

You have been married three times, if I’m not mistaken?


“We’ll see how the lawsuit goes.”

DUMBFUCK to English translation: “Oh my God, when did that giant brick wall jump out in front the Scooty Puff of DOOM (It’s red. Vroom! VROOM!!)?

That’s right, DUMBFUCK! Your pathetic lawsuit is doomed.  As predicted on the day you filed it, fatal flaws exposed, its very lifeblood rushing away in torrents from the cuts opened by The Worst Lawyer in the World.

Theres nothing you can do to save it. You know it. I know it. SuperParaLegal John Hoge knows it. Sarah Palmer knows it. Eric Johnson knows it. Brett Kimberlin knows it.

This was an outstanding little rage-and-alcohol fueled Feldtdown.  Thank you so much!

You are an idiot, and your own actions expose you.

We are merely bystanders, here to point and laugh at the spectacle that you, in your infinite ignorance and hubris, continue to provide and refuse to acknowledge.

And the FUN continues…


Dreadful Pro Se Litigators Should Do Their Own Research

But here’s a paraphrased thread to pull on:

Amended complaints become, at the time of their submission, operative in the case; original filings no longer control litigation.

My friend John over at Hogewash! likes to share legal concepts from time to time.  In my opinion he provides more detail than is necessary, but it’s his blog and he makes the rules. I certainly do not feel the need to follow suit.

All I want to say here is that if a Dreadful Pro Se read that paraphrase, and tried to place it within the context of his own amended complaint, he would probably think he’s in great shape.

He would be very, very wrong.

John might share more information than that.  He might, for example, share why a Dreadful Pro Se is wrong, even going so far as to provide, however accidentally, a path toward correcting one or more of the monstrous errors that a DUMBFUCK has made.

I won’t.

I think that diminishes the FUN.

And all I have is FUN.

Dropping a metaphorical blind man in a metaphorical minefield, if it’s the right blind man, can be FUN.