How Would A Copy Editor React To This “News Article From A Trained Journalist?”

Well, after throwing up in his or her wastebasket and chewing on a few Altoids, probably a little something like this:

CaptureBut DUMBFUCK gotta DUMBFUCK, so just fucking give up, publish it and start sending out resumés.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

And no one forgets that better than you.

But you dance purty.

Dance, monkey! DAAAAAAAAANCE!!!

Some Things Do Require A Response

You know, I could do an epic takedown on DUMBFUCK’S entire post from this morning, but I’m a little busy right now.

I could say, yes, it’s fine that it acknowledges wrongdoing against MaryFrances Causey by photoshopping her onto a giant cock.  Shop1

And I could also say good for a DUMBFUCK for apologizing.  Except I have a feeling that DUMBFUCK remembers that apology about as accurately as it remembers its wife dying in its arms while it was glued to the internet battling evildoers and deleting comments, which is after all much more important.  Unfortunately I have too much to do right now.

I could also point out that the photo that DUMBFUCK sent to Scott Hinckley’s wife’s business email address where it was probably seen by six to ten people, none of whom at ever met or even heard of DUMBFUCK prior to that day, before being forwarded to God only knows whom, was an EXTRAORDINARILY STUPID THING TO DO.  But I’ve done that previously, so why bother?  I might also ask of a DUMBFUCK who says “but Mrs. Hinckley seemed like a nice lady who would understand,” HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW?  I could just as easily say that DUMBFUCK’S late wife seemed like an enabler for a narcissistic sociopath with an inferiority complex and deep-seated Oedipal issues, but HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW?  I would never say that.

I could suggest to a DUMBFUCK that now that its wife has passed away, it should just drop the pretense of having some noble motive for its abnormal attentions toward the Stranahan family.  I would tell it that there is not a single person on Earth who believes a word DUMBFUCK says about it.  There is only DUMBFUCK who believes, and I don’t think anyone would classify it as a human being, so we can’t count that. But like I said.  Too busy.

Me?  My motives are not noble.  I have never pretended they are.  I would not tell anyone they are.  My motives are exactly the same as DUMBFUCK’s motives, pointed in the opposite direction.  What was it he said?  “If I have hurt anyone unintentionally, my apologies. If I meant to hurt you, I hope it hurts like a mother fucker. Yes.”

But this:

Pontificator Post_4

Oh, really?

I don’t think DUMBFUCK wants to stand by that.  In fact, I am 100% sure it will soon be scrambling for a rationalization for that FUCKING BALDFACED LIE.

If you are not a fan of his voice, skip the audio and go direct to the transcript.  I have helpfully omitted all of the annoying verbal tics and crutches that so destroy his otherwise mellifluous baritone.  /sarcasm

Hi, this is a call for Michael William Palmer.  My name is Bill Schmalfeldt, I‘m calling from St. Francis, Wisconsin.  Interesting that you’ve still got Sarah on your answering machine there.  The reason I’m calling is, I need a bit of information.  Sarah Palmer is one of the people harassing me.  And I need to verify some information about her.  I’m not trying to get anybody in trouble, I‘m just trying to get the harassment to stop.  I see where she’s living in Reidsville, North Carolina now, she has three different personae, as Ashtera, as Sheeple Rage and now she’s a Dread Pirate Zombie or one thing or another.  She’s still a member of the SCA, only now it’s in the Atlantia Kingdom.  If you could give me a call back, sir, my phone number is 414-249-43xx.  And this’ll be the only time I bother you, if you’d rather not get involved in any of this I understand, but I’m just trying to get to the bottom of who this is that is harassing me.  Thank you very much.  Bye-bye.

So, you DUMBFUCK MONKEY:  While you’re doing this:

and trying to UNFUCK YOURSELF by finding some bullshit website that will reproduce that transcript WITH ALL THE VERBAL CRUTCHES…

…keep in mind I have the other message too.


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

I know, right?

Who photoshopped MaryFrances Causey onto a giant cock? Hoge? He just can’t help himself!

Who sent the deathbed photo of your wife to Scott Hinkley’s wife’s business?  Grady? Well we know he’s dumb!

Who published Lee Stranahan’s home address in the apophasic context of “Gee, wink-wink, I sure hope, nudge-nudge, that nobody goes over there and rapes his wife while he’s outta town ‘cuz that sure would be terrible, tee-hee-hee!” Scott Hinckley? He sure is obsessed!

Who called Sarah Palmer’s estranged husband?

Because families are off limits, right?

Please, DUMBFUCK.  Please…this is the ONLY TIME I WILL EVER SINCERELY BEG FOR ANYTHING FROM YOU…please don’t consider the idea that the retribution that has been rolling down on you all of your life is closer than you could possibly imagine.

Please.  Keep the scooty-puff (It’s red. Vroom, VROOM!) pointed exactly where it’s going.  Don’t let anyone convince you that you don’t have the upper hand, because you absolutely do.

Please.  Stay the course.

Here there be LULZ.



Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

JEEBUS CRIPES, YERONNER!! @hotcheeseshot “JezuzCripes, Yeronner, these non-parties are threatening not to do the same stuff THAT I ACTUALLY DO TO THEM! Make them quit not harassin’ me!”


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

So last night, DUMBFUCK published this post (safe link)

Visually, as I showed in this TMZ post, it looked like this:


Our DUMBFUCK seems quite concerned that Sarah Palmer might be deleting posts or engaging in evidence spoliation.

A linguistic note: “despoiling” is what happens to unwilling virgins, but I have been told that this is not new information to certain retired GS-13 DUMBFUCKS.

But it is worth noting the irony this morning…because if you go looking for the same post right now, this is what you get:



Probably just a coincidence.  Yeah.

Another note to the fine deputies of the Milwaukee County Sheriff’s Department: BOLO for another pair of restraining orders from North Carolina to be delivered to St. Francis in the coming days.  You’ll probably want to prepare stones for a lottery or straws to be drawn or whatever your chosen method for assigning unpleasant duties may happen to be.  Still, have a safe day no matter what happens.  God bless you all.


So, When I Called

…the Palatine Presbyterian Church this morning and was put through to Rev. Teri Peterson, I told her who I was and that I was checking out a personal reference. I asked her if she could tell me anything about the character of one of the parishioners by the name of Patrick Grady.

She told me that she had not been informed by Patrick Grady that he had listed her as a reference, and that the church by-laws, as well as her own personal code of conduct, prohibited her from discussing church members without the member’s prior consent.

She told me to have Mr. Grady reach out to her and give consent, and then took my number so she could call me back.

So you can understand why a wise man would be skeptical of Beelzebubill Schmalfeldt’s bullshit story.

Of course DUMBFUCK could publish the emails it claims to have sent.  It has not been shy about that when it has email to share in the past. Or it could call them back and get their consent to share everything they talked about.

That’s what a REAL reporter would lie and say it did, right, Beelzebubill?

So #transparent and so #fullofshit, how can #BeelzebubillBeSoWhite?



So yesterday, Bill Schmalfeldt helped to perpetrate a fraud/forgery/identity theft at  I thought I’d do a little amateur gumshoeing and see what that was all about.  I’m going to retrace the timeline of events below the jump:

Continue reading “Timeline”


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

Oh, let me guess…open a new TOS violation, like always?

Here’s a question that really deserves an honest answer: how many books must a DUMBFUCK sell to reach a cumulative career totals units sold that is greater than the number of Twitter accounts it has had suspended?

No…Team Free Speech just has better sources than Team DUMBFUCK. Ferguson snitched you out. (That might not be an incompletely fabricated half-truth.)