The Most Awesome Thing I Learned Today

The official Twitter account for Kentucky Fried Chicken, @KFC, has over 1.2 Million followers, but follows only 11 accounts.

Specifically…

  • @GeriHalliwell fka Ginger Spice
  • @OfficialMelB fka Scary Spice
  • @EmmaBunton fka Baby Spice
  • @MelanieCmusic fka Sporty Spice
  • @victoriabeckham fka Posh Spice
  • @HerbScribner
  • @HerbJWesson
  • @herbwaters6
  • @HerbDeanMMA
  • @HerbSendek
  • @HerbAlpert

KFC’s social media expert is underpaid.

Like(9)Dislike(0)

Humorous & Frightening

To say my sense of humor is inappropriate is an understatement.  So it should come as no surprise to anyone that the Hipster Nativity Set tickles my funnybone to no end.

Joseph taking a selfie of the snow white Baby Jesus while the BVM makes a duckface for the camera phone in a solar-paneled barn? Three wise men on Segways bearing gifts from Amazon Prime? Shepherds on Instagram?

Riot!

No joke, I think it’s really funny.

But why isn’t Our Holy Savior a MOC (Messiah of Color)?  Why does he have a Mommy and Daddy instead of a Daddy and Daddy (or Mommy and Mommy – mustn’t discriminate!)?

Because I find this all funny (truly, I do!), I expect to find myself at the gates of Hell, right behind the team of jokers who came up with the thing in the first place.

But first, Orlando!

Like(4)Dislike(0)

Phobias

  • Arachnophobia – the fear of spiders.  People who suffer from this will retreat and hide from spiders.
  • Ohidiophobia – the fear of snakes.  People who suffer from this will avoid places where snakes can be found.
  • Acrophobia – the fear of heights.  People with acrophobia avoid not just tall buildings, but some suffer so badly they will not live in a two story house.
  • Agoraphobia – the fear of open spaces.  These people often refuse to leave their homes for years on end.
  • Glossophobia – the fear of public speaking.  Jerry Seinfeld once said this fear is more common that thanatophobia, the fear of death, suggesting that given a choice at a funeral, most people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.
  • Claustrophobia – fear of small or enclosed spaces.  No elevators for you. Great excuse for walk-in closets. christopher-walken-closet-kia-mainOr Walken closets.
  • Aerophobia – fear of flying.  You won’t find these people on any airplanes, but if you do, pray the sedatives last.

In common terms, these phobias share one trait: when triggered by the object of their fear, the patient will run for safety, often screaming and in tears until the perceived threat passes.

Is it reasonable to assume, then, that someone who runs screaming in terror for safety, to a place where counselors wait with soothing words, herbal tea, cookies, crayons and Kumbayas is suffering from a phobia?

What if that someone retreats for that safe space after being triggered by some other person they irrationally believe suffers from racism, bigotry, sexism, patriotism, jingoism, Islamophobia, homophobia, xenophobia or unchecked white privilege, whether they have proof of their belief or not?

What if the patient needs the safe space simply because they are triggered by people nearby who simply do not behave or believe as the patient believes they ought to believe and behave, for example, a black conservative, a woman who refuses to vote for Hillary Clinton, or a FABULOUS AND DANGEROUS gay writer at Breitbart.com?

Shouldn’t THAT phobia have a name?

Alloideophobia seems like it might fit.

The fear of different ideas.

Like(7)Dislike(0)

Good Night Democrats. I’m Laughing At What You Have Become

It’s 1:21 am on Wednesday, November 9, 2016. There are six states that all of the networks say are too close to call. But the handwriting is on the wall.

MENE MENE TEKEL PARSIN

It seems there is no path to victory for Hillary Clinton.

And the days of her power are at an end.

At the moment, Donald Trump has 248 electoral votes by the MSNBC count. He needs 22 more to be elected. By all appearances, he will get the votes he needs. In the states that have yet to be called, Trump leads Clinton in Arizona by 4.2%. in Wisconsin by 1.6%, in Michigan by 1.3% and in Pennsylvania by 1.2%. At this late hour, Clinton is running out of Democratic-leaning precincts in those four states and will likely lose their combined 57 electoral votes to Trump.

And you probably need another diaper change.

If this holds true, and the counting may not be finished by the morning hours, Trump will have 303 electoral votes.

And a fresh bottle of Johnnie Walker. Red for you, Blue for the Donald.

A man who has never held elective office.

But is older than 35 years of age and has lived in the United States for at least 14 years..

A man who has never done a lick of public service.

But is a natural born citizen of the United States.

A man with no governing expertise will be the leader of the free world.

Because the folks with all the expertise have just been doing a bang-up job lately.

It’s now 1:36 am.

Fifteen minutes? That’s a new personal record for wiping out a fifth of whiskey.

The Waaaaaaaaaah!shington Post just called the election for President-elect Donald Trump.

How is the world reacting?

Like something unexpectedly amazing and historic just happened.

The Dow Jones Industrial Futures fell by 750 points.

And completely recovered the next day.

The rest of the world is looking at the United States of America wondering just what the hell we are thinking.

But your liberal tears and outrage make GREAT coffee!

We just made Donald Trump the President-elect of the United States of America. This man will hold the office once occupied by George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin D. Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy.

What about Andrew Johnson? Woodrow Wilson? Warren Harding? Herbert Hoover? Richard Nixon? Jimmy Carter? Barack Obama?  There are just as many below average Presidents as there are above average.  And you never know, he may rise to the occasion.

This clown. This buffoon.

Who beat the snot out of this criminal, this unprincipled harridan, this secretive ME-FIRST harpy.

This man who is accused of sexually assaulting at least 12 women.

I forget – is that more than or fewer than the number that Bill Clinton was – well, never mind, that was different. It’s okay when you do it, and all Democrats are forgiven anyway.  Party before principle, you know.  Maybe if someone had accused him of being a child pornographer…

This man who mocks disabled people.

You mean like you and your excellent friends do?

This man who has called for the jailing of his opponent.

You mean like you and your excellent friends do?

This man who has promised to take away the gains made under the Obama administration.

What gains are those?

  • Getting to keep your doctor? LIE.
  • Getting to keep your plan? LIE.
  • Saving $2500 per year in premiums? LIE.
  • Closing Gitmo? FAIL.
  • Tripling the deficit? FAIL.
  • Record percentages of people out of the work force? FAIL.

This man who has promised to deport undocumented immigrants, including revoking the citizenship of children born on American soil.

He said that? Really? You have sources, of course…oh wait, this is Bill Schmalfeldt we’re talking about.  Of course not – JOURNIMALISM!

This man who has promised to start World War III if Iranian sailors flip the bird to American ships.

Well, at least he will respond to provocation. I know four guys who wish Hillary had done the same instead of cowering under the bed when her 3 AM phone call came in 2012.

This man who refused to release his income taxes.

How about college transcripts, did he ever release those?  What about all the articles he penned for the Harvard Law Review? Oh, wait…different guy.

This man who was endorsed and embraced by the worst of white racists, including David Duke and the KKK.

Like Senator Byrd, right? The Klukker who endorsed our sitting President?

This man who attacks first and thinks later when someone makes fun of him.

As opposed to carefully considering her options and then having people killed to advance her personal agenda?  Great choice!

The man who started the “Birther” movement.

And then repented of it.  Like you just wanted to say about Senator Byrd, am I right?

As opposed to the woman who started the “Obama is a secret Muslim” movement.  Great choice.

This man. This Donald Trump. President-elect Donald Trump.

Own it, bro.  You supported a woman who had eight fucking years to remake herself into a candidate that people would like; eight years to lay the groundwork to hamstring Bernie Sanders and every other candidate out of her way.  Eight years of preparation and she still couldn’t get beyond the one fatal flaw that she was powerless to change.

Now comes Plaintiff William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

You gave him a spineless Republican party to run the House and Senate.

Which is how Obama managed to achieve all those wonderful gains listed above!

You gave him the right to select an alt-right Supreme Court that will take away a woman’s right to making her own reproductive choices and to further strip away voting rights and other protections for the disenfranchised.

Waaaah!  Waaaaaah!  Waaaaaaaaah! To the victor go the spoils. I do kind of feel bad for the Notorious RBG, though.  She’s not going to be able to retire now, she’ll have to dig in and outlast Trump, poor girl.

You poor dopes who don’t have two nickels to rub together in your pockets.

After eight years of failed liberal policies, all you have is hope, because you sure ain’t got no change!

You gave your country to an insane megalomaniac who will use his power to line his pockets and those of his fellow rich guy pals.

Gosh, if only I could think of an example of someone else who has done this sort of thing, perhaps through a charitable foundation with which she shares a name, and which recently leaked emails have exposed as nothing more than a naked pay for play scheme.  Hmm…hmm…nope. Drawing a blank.  Damn.

You allowed your FBI to co-opt your ballot.

You mean “hopelessly corrupt, beholden to the Clintons and fearing a Vince Foster dénouement FBI” don’t you?  Please, be specific.

You have bowed to a Russian tyrant and his Wikileaks stooge who blatantly interfered in our most sacred democratic tradition.

Dead people registered to vote in California, Colorado, Virginia, and of course Chicago goes without saying, Black Panthers intimidating voters in Philadelphia, secret rooms where Democrats fill out blank absentee ballots in Broward County, machines flipping Trump votes to Clinton.

Sacred tradition. Uh-huh. Right. 

You sold us out. Your pockets will stay empty.

The same as the past 8 years under your guy.

Your families will still be paid substandard wages.

The same as the past 8 years under your guy.

Pollution will run rampant,

The same as the past 8 years under your guy.

Climate Change will be ignored.

The same as the past 8 years under your guy. You know those oceans never did recede, nor did the planet cool. The Lightbringer just never had the juice.

You did this America. You did this.

And in four years, we may just do it again!  How about that? Woo hoo!

Good night, America. I loved what you used to be. I just don’t recognize you any more.

Maybe try cleaning those new contact lenses.

(Editors Note: I must admit that I really, REALLY love this.  All the crap the Left commentariat pulled on Bush 43 when he was in office, and then immediately condemned when the Right fired back in kind at their guy El Jefe Hopenchange the last eight years, and they don’t even wait until the next morning to reclaim their familiar place in the moral sewer. I wonder how soon it will be before it’s cool to call Trump a monkey? – PK)

Like(8)Dislike(0)

It Was Inevitable

And just 5 and a half hours later…BOOM!!

Great Again! That was simple.

This calls for REBRANDING!  Because Wednesday!

Like(3)Dislike(0)

And Then…

Watch this short yet awesome video (recommend headphones for language, also – hysterics):

https://twitter.com/PrisonPlanet/status/796359749352701952

And then…she presumably reviewed it, to make sure it was just right.

And then…she posted it on the internet.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the American Liberal in its natural habitat.

Like(4)Dislike(0)

Niemoller’s Final Draft

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me, and I did not speak out—
Because I had excellent cover, clear fields of fire, a booby-trapped approach vector and a cache of ammo to last six months.

Like(5)Dislike(0)

PROUD TO BE A HATEFUL, INTOLERANT, CHRISTIAN RIGHT WING NUT JOB

With a hat tip to Instapundit contributor Stephen Green –

Everyone who is anyone hates Chick-Fil-A. It only makes sense with their founder Truett Cathy’s hardline Christianity and his hateful endorsement of traditional marriage, and the corporate policy of closing on Sundays to allow their workers to spend time in worship and with family.

Which is why you aren’t going to hear much about this news:

In a shocking move, the Orlando location at University and Rouse Road fired up its grills on Sunday. The chain is notorious for not being open, ever, on the first day of the week. Employees cooked up hundreds of their famous chicken sandwiches. They brewed dozens of gallons of sweet tea.

Then, instead of making a single dime, they carted the product of their labor to the One Blood donation center. The food and drinks were handed out, free of charge, to all the people who had lined up to donate blood.

So far, the only mentions of the incident have been from individuals on Facebook. They have posted photos thanking the restaurant for their thoughtfulness and generosity.

Turns out, that while the founders definitely don’t approve of that choice of lifestyle, they believe in compassion. Who knew? A bunch of people claiming to be Christians care about others even when they don’t agree with them. This group took time out of their schedules to volunteer to help those who were also trying to do their part.

On the other hand, what do you get from the compassionate, tolerant, #LoveWins Left?

Oh, you’ll never guess:

COLONIAL HEIGHTS, Va. — A group of Trump supporters say they were mocked and discriminated against by employees of a popular southeastern barbecue chain Friday night.

Shannon Riggs and her cousins said they expected some push-back from protesters at Donald Trump’s rally in Richmond, Virginia, but they did not expect what happened when they stopped for dinner on the way home.

Dressed in Donald Trump shirts and hats, the family walked up to the window at the Cook Out on Boulevard in Colonial Heights to order burgers and milkshakes.

“As soon as we got to the window, someone inside said ‘Hell no! I’m not serving them,'”Riggs told WTVR.

After a few minutes of discussion behind the window, their orders were eventually taken.

“Everyone was laughing and giggling,” Riggs said about the uncomfortable situation.

At one point, she said, an employee yelled that an order was ready, but when her cousin went to the window to claim the food, she was told, “Oh not for you!”

“You should not be discriminated based on who you support, whether it be Bernie, Hillary or Mr. Trump,” Riggs said.

While the employees laughed, Riggs said, she canceled her order and asked for the number to corporate.

Wolfrey said she did not think the workers should be fired, just talked to and reminded about courtesy.

“They had this sense of anger,” she said. “They were just really rude to us.”

Of course they were.  It’s all they know how to be.

It’s worth noting that even after being baldly discriminated against, the customers hired no media consultants, called no press conferences, made no demands for apologies (though the chain did make one), nor did they demand that anyone lose their jobs.

I wonder if that has anything to do with being brought up without an infinite sense of entitlement and a hair-trigger for being triggered without a trigger warning.  They also did not appear to have access to a safe space with blankies and coloring books and popsicles where they could hide out until the meanies went away.

They just addressed the situation and moved on.  Most lefties I’m familiar with let that butthurt fester and burn instead of moving on like a healthy human being would.

Hmmm.

 

 

Like(5)Dislike(0)