General Announcement of Major News Regarding Corporal Punishment

It has become the custom of Thinking Man’s Zombie to treat the comments of Bill Schmalfeldt much like incoming produce or animals shipped from overseas. They go into moderation quarantine until we can determine they are free of infectious crap before releasing them on the general readership.

In a recent thread, he challenged the commenters here to identify anyone he has incorrectly doxed. Being an essentially fair-minded zombie, I asked how many examples it would take before he would concede the point that he is, in fact, a failure at his chosen art.

He took some umbrage at this and refused to answer, after being afforded multiple opportunities. He continues to deflect and refuse to participate in a debate that he perpetuated, until, as it always must do, it turned against him.

Therefore, we will be affecting a small change to our commenting policy regarding him: all of his comments will be held in moderation until he answers the question. At that time, existing comments will be reviewed for relevance and released or not at the discretion of the management. New comments will be returned to status quo ante and judged on merit relative to the topic.

In short, Bill is grounded until he answers the question. As he likes to say, the choice to comment here is entirely up to him.

Until he does, all his comments will amount to a whisper in a windstorm.

Not unlike his life.


To Win The Unwinnable Case

Time For “Sing Along With Mitch/Paul/Kyle/Chris/Sam/Dave or Whoever”

If you don’t know the tune, here’s a little bonus copyright infringement for you:

And some lyrics to follow along with:

To win the unwinnable case
To crush the un-self-aware foe
To feed his most infinite sorrow
To laugh for he is such a schmo!

To prove him perpetually wrong
To crush his Dox-Fu near and far
To mock when he’s tired and weary
To snark him so bad it leaves scars

This is my quest, to hound dear old Chubs,
Until he lies hopeless, his teeth ground to nubs
To be willing to seek peace orders for no reason
To dispense much butthurt so that honor and justice may live

And I know if I’ll only be true to this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man shamed and covered with Hellmann’s
Got what every man knew he deserved
And lost the un-lose-able case.


On the matter of Copyright…

“Fear pee.”

Nice. Simple. Catchy. Easy to remember later. Very convenient.

Now I need help. There’s got to be a better, shorter, simpler term for what just happened here at Casa Krendler than “Oh my God, I just fell out of my chair from laughing so hard I busted my hip and wet my pants out of sheer joyful bliss pee.”

A little help here?


Mocking Malodorous Monkeys Makes Me Merry

Here’s a little picture quiz. First to solve it in the comments gets a shiny new dime. But you must explain your solution for full credit.

Ready? Go!











This your one and only life line…that picture above is a space.













And there you have it.

P.S. There is no shiny new dime.


New Feature at Thinking Man's Zombie

Hi folks. Not much new to report at the moment that hasn’t already seen the sunshine over at Hogewash!

However, a friend of mine set up a PayPal account and made it available to me. Look over to the right and you’ll see a new donation widget.

So, if you would like to drop a buck or two in there because you’ve read something entertaining here, or because of some noisemaker with no sensayuma and too much time on his hands…

I say thankya.

And if you would like to share this button on your blog, as a passive means of helping me out, I can put you in touch, with gratitude.


Let's Try Something New

Over the last few weeks, I have been gratified to be on the receiving end of a great deal of praise and appreciation for my efforts here. Again, I thank you all for the kindness.

Among the praise, there have been suggestions that I make some effort at a more serious project. After some consideration, I have decided to make that effort. Unfortunately, as I am employed full time, I think it will be extremely difficult, not to say impossible, to pursue my profession plus two other hobby-level projects with excellence.

Something has to give, and this is it.

Mostly it will be the long-form parodies that get the short end; I’ll try to keep up posting funny pictures, videos and other short-form pieces that don’t take much work. And occasionally, when the mood strikes and the material is ripe…who knows?

In the meantime, here’s a laughing baby video:


In His Own Words

I didn’t write this. Bill Schmalfeldt did. I took it from his blog to demonstrate his true self-image, the true nature of his character. And here’s another example of Bill Schmalfeldt’s own words, also taken from the same post:

“Therefore, their use qualifies as ‘fair use’ for the purpose of demonstration and criticism.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Bill Schmalfeldt’s raging id:


He said it, not me.